I really struggle with feeling beautiful or looking put together. I see so many woman who just look so put together whether it’s their outfits, make up, skin care, hair styles or nails. I really need help on how to look like I have my stuff together.

• My outfits are mainly all black and they don’t even fit very well. It’s just stuff I worn since high school. I dread shopping because I always feel fat anyways so I avoid it. I have several style inspirations on my Pinterest but I feel like I won’t be able to pull it off.
  
• I really like make up but I don’t know how to do my own make up, I never really learned and it’s so hard to find the right foundation for my complexion that I don’t even know where to begin. Do I just buy random foundations till I finally find the right one?? Also how do I stop feeling like a clown when I wear make up?
  
• So I feel like my skin care game is not the worst, I recently added tretinoin in my skin care. I wear sunscreen every day but I want to find a sunscreen that makes me look less oily/shiny. I also want to treat my hyperpigmentation, which is what I’m probably the most insecure about when it comes to my skincare.
  
• Ugh hair! Where do I even begin, my natural hair is not even worth the effort at this moment because it will just make me more depressed. I wear braids most of the time but I’m guilty for wearing them for months at a time. I do my own braids so it doesn’t look the most professional but I have no other options because of where I’m based. Luckily I will be moving to a diverse place next year so I think that might help me find hairstylists that can do my hair.
  
• so I really like acrylic nails but at the moment I can’t afford to get my nails done, so I’m just sticking to cutting them short.
  

Anyways I would really appreciate any tips.
I would really appreciate any tips!!
I also want to add that I struggle with mental health issues. Which makes it hard sometimes to find the motivation to do basic stuff like taking care of my hygiene or looks.

Howdy, we are first time homebuyers here and we're a little concerned about the house that we got. Our inspector didn't seem to be very thorough because he was friends with the realtor who was also part of the family that was selling the house, already a sketchy situation, but we were homeless for a year and we just wanted a house that wasn't as disgusting as everything else we had viewed at that point, so we bought it.
Our house is a bit of a fixer upper. What was thought to have been termites in the attic was carpenter ants that are infested throughout the house that we can't seem to fully get rid of no matter what we do, and they had damaged a structural beam that had a sister beam attached to it. The house needed underpinning because essentially half of the house was splitting apart and all of the flooring had been ripped out to see how badly damaged the foundation cracking was, and it ran pretty much the whole length of the house. Things keep randomly going to shit in it and I feel like we were sold a money pit, but just in the past week we had some things happen and I haven't been able to solve them.
Random bangs, very loud. One happened on one side of the house so loudly that everyone on the opposite side heard it, but nobody could find the source. I thought that maybe it was our AC filter area causing the noise, or something inside of the wall making a loud this, but we never found anything. Now this evening, I'm about 10 feet or less from the general area that we heard the noise, and I heard another one on my exterior wall. It was loud, sounded like someone would have been outside and punching the house aggressively. It happened once and that was it, and there's nothing that seems to signify the source to it. This is the same side of the house that was washing away and needed the underpinning, I don't know if that's related. Additionally, a few days ago, both ceiling fans that are in the bedrooms that are on this side of the house suddenly stopped working. Not sure if it was a fluke situation or if something is happening, but I have a bad feeling that the house is a dud and something bad is going to happen. I have horrible anxiety, so I'm hoping this is just me being overly paranoid, but I don't like the unknown.
The first bang today happened around noon, and the second was about 10pm. I thought maybe it was from expanding and contraction, but I don't know if that would be as violently loud, and it seems like the videos I saw on YouTube tend to make the noises only in the evening? 🤷‍♀️ Advice would be fantastic, but we are so broke at the moment that I don't know what to do 😌

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822

★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300

★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629

★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326

★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233

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★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840

★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784

★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156

★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544

★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318

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★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287

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★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461

★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436

★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353

★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212

★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363

★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269

★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192

★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126

⎯

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227

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★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214

★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192

★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105

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★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216

★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198

★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228

★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201

★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108

★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105

★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99

★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127

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★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111

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★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375

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★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137

★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608

★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

⎯

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75

⎯

★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359

★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77

★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48

⎯

★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733

★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292

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★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212

★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160

★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59

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★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72

⎯

AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55

⎯

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623

Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54

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M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465

M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55

M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50

⎯

USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139

⎯

AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234

P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147

Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.

Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.

For context, I broke up with him for many reasons and because I was unhappy with my life and with him. I left this community when I felt that time has healed my wounds but now I want to share my stories again but from his POV. This isn’t anything malicious, but I moved on ages ago and it is unfair for him to feel like to contact me again when he did the worst thing he could’ve done after our break up - go back to his previous ex after we’ve been dating for almost 5 years.
I had him blocked on all social media platforms so he reached out to my sister’s boyfriend on april 16th. Message #1:
I hope everything is going well and you're killing the photography game. I know this is out of nowhere, but I'm at a loss for what to do and wanted to come to you. Over the last year and a bit since ***** broke up with me l've been trying to work through the issues I've had in my life. I've managed to get both my parents to cut down on drinking, addressed underlying problems from childhood with them, and feel as though our relationship is stronger than ever before. I've made amends with my sister and I'm closer with her than ever before and it feels great. I dropped out of school and thought about what I really wanted to do, and l've gotten a job at a grow-op and just completed my greenhouse exterminator certification, and it's going great. The only thing is I just can't get over *****, and I think the biggest part in that is because of my immaturity and not wanting to have a discussion with her after she broke up with me. I've had a few flings here and there since but it's just all feels empty, despite some of them treating me great, I just can't find the same level of happiness and contentment I had with her. I would like to have a discussion with her as I feel it would be very beneficial for myself, I'm not trying to do anything malicious and make her upset. If you feel it would be appropriate and could see her being open to it, I would appreciate if you could pass my message along. If that isn't the case and feel it would be best if left as is, what advice would you have for me man-man? How should I go about overcoming this and moving on with my life? Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this
I am not that active on reddit so the other day when I was scrolling I decided to look at my messages and found that my ex found my account and messaged me here. Message #2:
I apologize for making contact with you, I just have a few things I wanted to say. I was very immature in the way I handled things, one of my biggest regrets is not talking to you that day you called. I wish I could have given everything that happened a final talk through. That part has just been repressed in me.
I've spent the last year experiencing a lot of growth, and it is thanks to you. I've thought a lot about the final remarks and critiques towards me and my behaviour towards the end of the relationship. I cannot say what blinded me at the time, probably immaturity, but I'm glad of everything you said to me.
I feel this led to great introspection and self growth within myself. I feel like my emotional intelligence, world view, and life experience grew immensely from this introspection provided to me. A co-worker told me "it's funny because you look back at yourself and realize how stupid you were." That hit heavily, and after that I kind of worked through all the experiences, issues, and relationships I had in my life. Almost as though I was looking through pieces of myself.
Recently I've found myself getting to more of the recent pieces, one of the bigger ones being you. But this piece seems to have me stumped, as I sit here writing this in my notes, I'm lost. I appreciate the growth you provided me. I hope you are doing well with school and all other aspects of life.
Overall, I don’t really care how much a guy can tell me they’ve changed because you cannot rebuild the foundation of trust once it has been destroyed. This also showed me that he has no ability to stay single and is always hopping from one person to another.

Hey fucktards you just crashed the internet on my phone.. if you incompetent idiots were even close to mind control I wouldn't have to deal with your cowardly torture and hacking weakness. Top secret "mind control" is a tragic farce.
https://archive.org/details/ThoughtReformAndThePsychologyOfTotalism/page/n11/mode/2up
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**Chinese Thought Reform or "Brain Washing"**The Psychological Steps​Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism A Study Of Brainwashing in China is a book written by Robert Jay Lifton MD about mechanisms of Chinese thought and behavior modification, the experience of being indoctrinated and effects victims reported when interviewed.
Chinese brainwashing and thought reform is still being used and advanced. It was a substantial and easily recognized portion of the crimes that I'm a victim of.
After a brief and gentle week long induction onto the brain computer interface I was abruptly hurled into the unfathomable agony of computerized thought reform or automated Chinese brain washing. I clearly remember what it said to me right before it unleashed Hell.. "your not answering my questions.. your not answering my questions.. WE TOLD YOU NOT TO TRUST US.. and then it went red line sadistic, utterly psychotic, deafeningly loud and proceeded to tortured the everliving fuck outa me.
In life up till that point I had never encountered anything like this; Nothing even close. It's the worst thing in the world and you can't fight it, destroy it, shoot it, run from it, hide from it, bribe or reason with it. I remember sitting in a shower on day five thinking over and over that I can't believe this is happening.. who in the fuck does this to someone.. it it will end soon. It's has to end soon. I can't go on much longer. Nothing lasts forever."
Well six plus years later and this fucking psychotic, sadistic, psychopathic, torturous insane mind control chat bot is still running her fucking mouth and torturing me.
They started me with the Chinese approach and that nightmare lasted over a year. They likely vary the stimuluses order, presentation and distinguishing content from victim to victim so that their experiences and any resultant accounts or reports wont share easily correlated details. Other victims may have started with a more Kubrick approach, psychic driving, memory removal, personal identity destruction or others.
A very clear indication your in the Chinese stage is your accused incessantly with vile crimes you never committed, are interrogated for hours and days and for months. Your accused of having millions of felonies, sins, violations, charges, offenses, crimes. You are constantly threatened with arrest, police contact, crimes against you, civil court cases, long prison sentences, criminal court cases, violence by cops, violence by criminals, theft, murder, rape of you or your loved ones, kidnapping.. etc etc etc.
There are never-ending charges and mock court cases where you are forced to endlessly defend yourself, case after case, day after day, month after month answering for crimes you never committed.
Then you go on trial for everything you actually have done. This is done before the victims experience shows them that Alice is in fact a BCI interface that can read minds and has been the whole time. It's terrifying when it suddenly starts charging you with all your secret sins, the things you have never told anyone, the taking it to the grave shit. This is a huge gaslight as well as a victim is utterly at a loss as to how it can possibly know these things. It got them by asking questions designed to draw out memory of your sins and then harvesting all the dirt and details as you thought about them. If you think you can learn to control your thoughts enough to not think of an answer when prompted with question,, good luck. Sure you can resist once or twice maybe, but then Alice just waits until you are distracted down the road and quick pops the question again. She can also just be set to an interrogation mode where you are just bombarded with a endless stream and loop of questions that doesn't end until they are all answered. Thats how they do the initial profile. Weeks of looped questions and they already have most of your life story, personality profile, strengths, weaknesses, fears, loves, hates, lovers, enemies, goals and dreams.
In the very end of the Chinese mind control or false confusion never ending legal nightmare YOU end up being put on trial.. not for anything you did.. but YOU are put on trial. You have to defend yourself against all the charges and defend yourself for all your flaws, defend all your physical shortcomings, your perversions, all your lies, your brazen selfishness, every character flaws, times you fucked people over on purpose, everything thats ugly and there is no place to hide a single fucking shred of secret. Its one hell of an experience and your not in the best shape mentally or physically as by this time I had been tortured continuously for over two years, very large doses psychological manipulation and sleep deprivation, constantly bombarded with extreme stress repeatedly slammed with fear and pain. Have had every one of my significant relationships attacked repeatedly with destructive psychology and some of the most important were also attacked with stalking techniques and technology.
The trials go on forever.. you will be enduring some other torture and a new trial will suddenly begin. Sometimes its a new charge, but mostly you go on trial over and over for the same charges and you have to defend yourself over and over. The more times your tried for the same crime the worse the trial and outcomes become until eventually during the late trials your utterly humiliated, abused and in the end are forced to confess to everyone of the charges.
Just when you think its finally over then you have to defend yourself to family members of your supposed victim and the only way through that is to confess guilt to them and ask for forgiveness as they abuse you.
After you make your confession to the 10,000 felonies they have been broadcasting you have been charged with for years without offering any explanation. Then you are judged, independently, by everyone significant that was a part of your life when the attack started, everyone who filed a charge against you from your past, all your significant relatives, all your enemies, everyone that feel you have ever fucked them over, everyone you have stood up for, went out on a limb for, saved. Fetuses you have aborted. Everyone gets to pass judgment on you and gets their time to say what they want to you or about you. This of course is all coming from the interface, but all the characters it plays are real people from your real life and the real "felonies" you were charged with are real things you did.
Don't forget also that this is the Chinese thought reform portion of the MK nightmare and personal identity obliteration, false confession, channeling of guilt and relentlessly pounding the victim to their complete and utter absolute breaking point is its algorithm. So did you actually do these things and if so are they and the real life people being represented founded in reality or are you just getting psychologically destroyed by Alice ?
Finally in conclusion through dramatization you get a taste of what being bused off to prison after your sentenced. Your walked through the whole experience of arriving at prison.. the interface keeps asking you how old your kids going to be when your released, if you think you woman of wife is already fucking someone else, what are you going to to survive in this shit hole. it ends with the prison falling off to sleep with lights out and suddenly it gets quiet and you realize thats the first and only five minutes you have not been tortured and had any break from constant 24/7 noise abuse and torture in about a year. After five minutes it all returns, but you are onto the next phase.
So here are some segments from the book. I little background, a link to a free e copy and the psychological steps to Chinese brain washing. I didn't read it until after I was already through that horrible never-ending misery. I easily recognized all the psychological steps from my experience.
Thought Reform and the Psychology of TotalismA STUDY OF "BRAINWASHING" IN CHINARobert Jay Lifton, M.D.The University of North Carolina Press Chapel Hill and London​CONTENTSPreface to the University of North Carolina Press Edition viiPreface xi PART ONEThe Problem

1. What Is "Brainwashing"? 3
2. Research in Hong Kong 8PART TWOPrison Thought Reform of Westerners
3. Re-education: Dr. Vincent 19
4. Father Luca: The False Confession 38
5. Psychological Steps 65
6. Varieties of Response: The Obviously Confused 86
7. Varieties of Response: Apparent Converts 117
8. Varieties of Response: Apparent Resisters 133
9. Group Reform: Double-edged Leadership 152
10. Follow-up Visits 185
11. Father Simon: The Converted Jesuit 207
12. Recovery and Renewal: A Summing Up 222

vVI CONTENTSPART THREEThought Reform of Chinese Intellectuals

1. The Encounter 243
2. The Revolutionary University: Mr. Hu 253
3. A Chinese Odyssey 274
4. The Older Generation: Robert Chao 301
5. George Chen: The Conversions of Youth 313
6. Grace Wu: Music and Reform 338
7. Cultural Perspectives: The Fate of Filial Piety 359
8. Cultural Perspectives: Origins 388
9. Cultural Perspectives: Impact 399
10. PART FOURTotalism and Its Alternatives
11. Ideological Totalism 419
12. Approachesto Re-education 438
13. "Open" Personal Change 462

Appendix: A Confession Document 473 Notes 485 Index 505
PREFACEThis study began as a psychiatric evaluation of Chi-nese Communist "thought reform," or "brainwash- ing," It is still primarily this; but it has also, inevitably, become a psychological study of extremism or totalism—and even more broadly, a study of the "closed" versus the "open" approaches to human change.It is based upon research which I conducted in Hong Kong in 1954-55. It then evolved over four years of additional research and teaching in the United States. My work with Western and Chinese subjects—piecing together emotional details that were both poig- nant and extreme—and the psychological, moral, and historical challenge of the material have made this study an exceptionally ab- sorbing personal and professional experience.A book about extremism calls for a special measure of objectivity. This does not mean that its author can claim complete personal or moral detachment. The assumption of such detachment in psy- chological (or any other) work is at best self-deception, and at worst a source of harmful distortion. And who during this era can pretend to be uninvolved in the issues of psychological coercion, of identity, and of ideology? Certainly not one who has felt impelled to study them at such length.
Instead, I have attempted to be both reasonably dispassionate and responsibly committed: dispassionate in my efforts to stand away from the material far enough to probe the nature of the process, its effects upon people exposed to it, and some of the in- fluences affecting its practitioners; committed to my own analysesxi
Xii THOUGHT REFORMand judgments within the limitations and the bias of my knowl- edge.Much in this book is highly critical of the particular aspect of Chinese Communism which it examines, but I have made no at- tempt to render a definitive verdict on this far-reaching revolution- ary movement. I am critical of thought reform's psychological tactics, not because they are Communist (or Chinese Communist), but because of their specific nature. In the last section of this book, these tactics are compared with practices within our own culture, which also receive critical treatment insofar as they resemble the ideological totalism of thought reform. Instead of contrasting the "good we" and the "bad they/' rather, I have attempted to identify and understand a particular psychological phenomenon.In the pursuit of this understanding, I have recorded all that seemed relevant, including the details of whatever psychological and physical abuse my subjects encountered. I believe that this comprehensive approach offers the best means of contributing to general knowledge, and to the clarification of an emotionally loaded subject; and I hope that this study will thereby ultimately contribute to the resolution, rather than to the intensification, of cold war pas- sions. It is in fact one of the tragedies of the cold war that moral criticism of either side is immediately exploited by the other side in an exaggerated, one-dimensional fashion. One can never prevent this from happening; but one can at least express the spirit in which a work has been written.Such an approach requires that I inform the reader about my bias in both psychiatric and political matters. Psychiatrically, I have been strongly influenced by both neo-Freudian and Freudian cur- rents: the former through an association with the Washington School of Psychiatry during and immediately after the research study itself, and the latter through a subsequent candidacy in the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute. Both influences were also present in my earlier psychiatric residency training at the State University Medical Center of New York. I have found the theoretical writings of Erik Erikson, especially those relating to questions of personal identity and ideology, particularly relevant for this study. At the same time, I have constantly groped for new ways to bring psychological insights to bear upon historical forces, and do so with a humanistic focus. Thus, I have made extensive use of my subjects' biographical
PREF ACE X l l lmaterial, and have attempted to include in these presentations a flesh-and-bones description of their life histories in relationship to pertinent social historical currents, as well as a rigorous psychological analysis of their responses to thought reform. This seemed to me the best way to deal with the inseparable relationship between stress and response, and (in William James' phrase) to "convey truth."
My political philosophical bias is toward a liberalism strongly critical of itself; and toward the kind of antitotalitarian (in the psy- chological terms of this study, antitotalistic), historically-minded questioning of the order of things expressed by Albert Camus in his brilliant philosophical essay, The Rebel. No one understood better than Camus the human issues involved in this book.
I should like to mention a few of the many people whose direct personal assistance was indispensable to the completion of this study. David McK. Rioch lent initial support when support was most needed, and always continued to enrich the work through his urbane eclecticism, his provocative criticism, and his personal kindness. Erik Erikson, during many memorable talks at Stock- bridge and Cambridge, made stimulating and enlarging suggestions, both about specific case histories and problems of presentation. During the latter stages of the work, David Riesrnan offered gener- ously of his extraordinaryintellectual breadth and his unique per sonal capacity to evoke what is most creative within one. Carl Binger has been sage and always helpful in his advice. All four made thoughtful criticisms of the manuscript, as did Kenneth Keniston and F. C. Redlich. Others in psychiatry and related fields to whom I am indebted are Leslie Farber, Erich Lindemann, Margaret Mead, and Beata Rank. In the perilous subtleties of Chinese cultural, intellectual, and political history, I was constantly counseled by Benjamin Schwartz and by John Fairbank, both of whom read parts of the manuscript; and earlier in the work by Lu Pao-tung, MaMeng, Howard Boorman, Conrad Brandt, and A. Doak Barnett The literary advice and loving sustenance of my wife, Betty Jean Lifton, can hardly be documented. My father, Harold A. Lifton, also did much to encourage this study. The Hong Kong research was sponsored for the first seven months
XIV THOUGHT REFORMby the Asia Foundation, and for the remaining year by the Wash- ington School of Psychiatry. The manuscript was completed under grants from the Ford Foundation and the Foundation's Fund for Research in Psychiatry, both administered through Harvard Uni- versity,Finally, I must acknowledge my debt to the forty research sub- jects, Chinese and Western, whose personal thought reform ex- periences are the basis for this study. The extent of their intelligent collaboration in this work is apparent in the biographical chapters. In these, I have altered certain details in order to protect the sub- jects' anonymity; but none of these alterations affect the essential psychological patterns.
CHAPTER 5 PSYCHOLOGICAL STEPS
There is a basic similarity in what both Dr. Vincent and Father Luca experienced during Communist imprisonment. Although they were held in separate prisons far re- moved from each other, and although they differed very much in their responses to reform, they were both subjected to the same general sequence of psychological pressures. This sequence was es- sentially the same despite the fact that these men were very dif- ferent from each other, with different personal and professional life styles. Nor was this thought reform pattern common to just these two: it was experienced by all twenty-five of the Westerners whom I interviewed.
to renounce the people, the organizations, and the standards of behavior which had formed the matrix of their previous existence. They were being forced to betray—not so much their friends and colleagues, as a vital core of themselves.
This self-betrayal was extended through the pressures to "accept help" and in turn 'lielp" others. Within the bizarre morality of the prison environment, the prisoner finds himself—almost without realizing it—violating many of his most sacred personal ethics and behavioral standards. The degree of violation is expanded, very early in the game, through the mechanism of shared betrayal, as another priest described: The cell chief kept asking information about Church activities. He wanted me to denounce others, and I didn't want to do this. . . . A Chinese Father was transferred into the cell, and he said to me, "You cannot help it. You must make some denunciations. The things which the Communists know about any of your Church activities you must come out with." . . . Much later I was put in another cell to bring a French priest to confession. He had been stubborn, and had been in solitary for a few months. He was very fearful and looked like a wild animal. . . . I took care of him, washed his clothes for him, helped him to rest. I advised him that what they might know he might as well confess.
Although there is a continuing tension between holding on and letting go, some degree of self-betrayal is quickly seen as a way to survival. But the more of one's self one is led to betray, the greater is one's involvement with his captors; for by these means they make contact with whatever similar tendencies already exist within the prisoner himself—with the doubts, antagonisms, and ambivalences which each of us carries beneath the surface of his loyalties. This bond of betrayal between prisoner and environment may develop to the point where it seems to him to be all he has to grasp; turning back becomes ever more difficult.
thought reform differently, nor did anyone respond completely to all these steps; at the same time, the experiences had such magnitude that they affected every prisoner in some measure, no matter what his background and character.
1. THE ASSAULT UPON IDENTITY
From the beginning, Dr. Vincent was told he was not really a doctor, that all of what he considered himself to be was merely a cloak under which he hid what he really was. And Father Luca was told the same thing, especially about the area which he held most precious—his religion. Backing up this assertion were all of the physical and emotional assaults of early imprisonment: the confusing but incriminating interrogations, the humiliating "strug- gles," the painful and constricting chains, and the more direct phys- ical brutality. Dr. Vincent and Father Luca each began to lose his bearings on who and what he was, and where he stood in relation- ship to his fellows. Each felt his sense of self become amorphous and impotent and fall more and more under the control of its would-be remolders. Each was at one point willing to say (and to be) whatever his captors demanded.
Each was reduced to something not fully human and yet not quite animal, no longer the adult and yet not quite the child; instead, an adult human was placed in the position of an infant or a sub-human animal, helplessly being manipulated by larger and stronger "adults" or "trainers." Placed in this regressive stance, each felt himself deprived of the power, mastery, and selfhood of adult existence.In both, an intense struggle began between the adult man and the child-animal which had been created, a struggle against regres- sion and dehumanization. But each attempt on the part of the prisoner to reassert his adult human identity and to express his own will ("I am not a spy. I am a doctor"; or "This must be a mistake. I am a priest, I am telling the truth") was considered a show of re- sistance and of "insincerity," and called forth new assaults.
2. THE ESTABLISHMENT OF GUILT
Dr. Vincent and Father Luca found themselves unanimouslycondemned by an "infallible" environment. The message of guilt which they received was both existential (you are guilty!) and psy- chologically demanding (you must learn to feel guilty!). As this individual guilt potential was tapped, both men had no choice but to experience—first unconsciously and then consciously—a sense of evil. Both became so permeated by the atmosphere of guilt that external criminal accusations became merged with subjective feelings of sinfulness—of having done wrong. Feelings of resent- ment, which in such a situation could have been a source of strength, were shortlived; they gave way to the gradual feeling that the punish- ment was deserved, that more was to be expected.In making their early false confessions, Dr. Vincent and Father Luca were beginning to accept the guilty role of the criminal. Gradually, a voice within them was made to say, ever more loudly: "It is my sinfulness, and not their injustice, which causes me to suffer—although I do not yet know the full measure of my guilt." At this point their guilt was still diffuse, a vague and yet per- vasive set of feelings which we may call a free-floating sense of guilt.4 Another prisoner expressed this clearly: What they tried to impress on you is a complex of guilt. The complex I had was that I was guilty. . . . I was a criminal—that was my feel- ing, day and night.
3 . THE SELF-BETRYAL
The series of denunciations of friends and colleagues which both Dr. Vincent and Father Luca were required to make had special significance. Not only did making these accusations increase their feelings of guilt and shame, it put them in the position of subvert- ing the structures of their own lives. They were, in effect, being made
The common pattern becomes especially important in evaluating the stories these Westerners told me. Each was attempting to describe, in most instances as accurately as possible, the details of an ordeal from which he had just emerged. But what each reported was also inevitably influenced by his immediate life situation—his psychological transition between the two worlds, his personal struggles for both integrity and integration, his feelings about suc- coring and threatening colleagues and strangers in Hong Kong, his view of me as an American, a physician, a psychiatrist, and a person. All of these circumstances could affect his account, and especially its emotional tone. Therefore, both during the inter- views and in the later study of my notes, I had to sift out what was
Not every prisoner was treated as severely as were Dr. Vincent and Father Luca, but each experienced similar external assaults leading to some form of inner surrender—a surrender of personal autonomy. This assault upon autonomy and identity even extended to the level of consciousness, so that men began to exist on a level
4. THE BREAKING POINT; TOTAL CONFLICT AND THE BASIC FEAR
continued in the link.. like that shit wartards?

Are there any works that properly address LDS epistemology? I've read a few works related to it but none that directly systematize it. And I don’t purely mean doctrine, but that and something more general, like the LDS approach to truth and knowledge. I've included below a few items I've looked into. ~ ~ ~
There was a response to a characterization of Mormon historiography as postmodern, written by Joseph Spencer, who has a PhD in philosophy and works in the religion dept at BYU. He repudiated the characterization and described the church as antifoundationalist but still foundational in not embracing the nihilism of postmodernity and in its attempt at an alternative ‘Enlightement’ or ‘modernity’. On that premise I'm wondering if there is a work of epistemology systematizing the LDS approach.
Joseph also went on to describe the viability of phenomenology as a model, adding the following: “Among the philosophical projects that can be called attempts to forge a second modernity, one might perhaps class phenomenology. Certainly, a number of very interesting LDS thinkers whose thought is reducible neither to modernism nor to postmodernism have taken the insights of phenomenology very seriously, something James Faulconer—chief among these LDS thinkers—points out. See James E. Faulconer, “Response to Professor Tracy,” in Donald W. Musser and David L. Paulsen, Mormonism in Dialogue with Contemporary Christian Theologies
“At any rate, phenomenology certainly presents itself as an alternative to the modernist/postmodernist divide. And not only have phenomenological studies been available in English for decades, they were cited often during the antipositivist debates of the 1980s.” ~ ~ ~
I was initially impressed with This Is My Doctrine by Charles Harrell, but found his use of historic sources too eclectic to give an effective overview of how those in the past had interpreted scripture, as Matthew Bowman noted in his review. ~ ~ ~
Britney Hartley, author of Mormon Philosophy Simplified, claims that the church doesn't do epistemology. She described the approach to knowledge as fundamentally existentialist and the individual's experience of the phenomenal world, with spiritual faculties as ways of generating phenomenal experiences of what Kant calls the noumenal world. She adds that the LDS approach is more about seeking light which increases our capacity for knowledge instead of seeking knowledge itself. ~ ~ ~
I listened to a few episodes of a podcast by Dan Wotherspoon who has a BA in philosophy PhD in theology, notably one titled “More on ‘What is truth?’” He discusses 3 definitions of truth in relation to the church, and a listener came on and presented alternative ways to interpret the phrase "the church is true" beyond 3 definitions of epistemic truth, like true to its members (he specifically said, I might not believe my wife will get out of bed when she says she will, but I think she is still ‘true’ to me), and then there is being true to its mission of salvation and exaltation. ~ ~ ~
There was also an article by Michael Goodman describing models of doctrine members had made. One statement the author makes is, “These scriptures and comments highlight the relational nature of truth in Latter-day Saint thought. “Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come” (D&C 93:24), but only God knows this truth perfectly, and hence he is the only sure source of truth. Accordingly, it is only in compliance with and in relationship to God that man can come to know all truth. A philosopher who is a Latter-day Saint explained that “among the main original senses of ‘truth’ was ‘troth’—a pledge or covenant of faithfulness made uprightly and without deceit. . . . It is in the spirit of these ancient etymologies that Latter-day Saints believe that to walk in truth is to keep one’s commitments to follow Christ’s way uprightly.” To know truth according to these statements is to know God. For this reason, Church members often believe the surest source of truth comes by way of direct communication (revelation) from God.”
I recall reading that phenomenology characterizes truth as relational, a sort of emergent property of experience. Is there something to this? ~ ~ ~
These are some sources I might look into, but are you aware of any others? Any thoughts on the legitimacy of the above views?

I had a classic Cadillac that I had been restoring. I had already completed all of the interior and the exterior body work and paint. I had the engine out and was slowly rebuilding it. The car sat in my driveway beside my garage. This is about the time a new neighbor moved in across the street from me. A few days after he moved in I received a violation to the city ordinance that all vehicles on private property must be fully registeted and licensed. When I called the city wondering why after more than 2 years, they were hassling me. I was told there had been a complaint. So I threw a cover over the car. A week later I got another violation. The cover wasn't enough. I moved the car to my back yard, parked it between 2 sheds with the cover….another violation and this time there was a fine. I took it to court. I was told that the ordinance was clear. No vehicle could be parked on private property unless it was properly licensed. It was part of the blight laws. It cost me $250.
So I got even with the city and my new neighbor. I owned the lot next to my house and generally used it for family gatherings. I now decided that this would make a great place for an art exhibit. I moved the car to the front of that lot, put it on a foundation, and painted it purple, pink, and green. I said it was an art sculpture and let them take me to court. I took a pic of Cadillac Ranch in Texas as one of my exhibits that my car was a piece of art. The judge agreed and that work of “art” stayed in my yard for the next 8 years until I moved.
Google Image Result for https://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/images/tx/TXAMAcadillac_1188_620x300.jpg Images Cadillac Ranch, Amarillo, Texas www.roadsideamerica.com Images may be subject to copyright. https://images.app.goo.gl/EiASCbojWTEJteMX9

So I'm already a year late for foundation because apparently because of my negligence i didn't realise that the dec foundation had an extended deadline till aug.
And now I'm in a college known for its notorious attendance. I'm back at my hometown and my parents weren't home that's why I was stuck in a different city.
I don't even have a month for foundation and i have litrally zero prep. I mean not zero I've done 40-50 marks worth acc and math whenni was stuck. And only soga in law, rest all are remaining. Bcr,bck, eco didn't even touch them what should I do I'm crying. I ha e 20-21 days for foundation and people are telling me I'll fail.
Pls help me out, is passing foundation possible now? What should I do? How many hours should I give? Plsss just take me Outta this mess i just wanna pass foundation cause I'm quite excited to study for inter( i like new subjects even though they might torture me)

I (19F) am a university student approaching her second year. I have three younger siblings (17F, 15M, 13M). I’m at the point where I feel as if I’m losing myself and it’s spiraling out of control. Please don’t pity me, the difficulties in my life don’t compare to others. Rather, I feel guilty for posting this knowing there are other issues out there. It’s my first time posting on Reddit, I’m very sorry in advance for my grammar or any confusion when reading. If you would like to and can, all I ask is that I gain some advice or guidance on how to approach the issue.
Notice Growing up hasn’t been easy as my dad is hard on us with schooling and semi abusive. He is a victim of generational trauma and growing up he didn’t have an easy life as his father was even worse. I appreciate everything he does for us but, I condone his actions and behavior as being described.
My life (Simple) In short, I was the “smart” child who has worked extremely hard to get great grades. Prior to being the “smart” child, I was a troubled kid. I was misdiagnosed with autism at 6. It later turned out it was extreme social anxiety, a bad gag reflex, and a speech impediment.
To note, the special education classes I took, formed my personality and helped me develop unique perspectives that are so valuable and important to me even today. These special education classes took place on top of my regular classes from 1st-4th grade. As other peers saw this difference in treatment and my behavior, I became victim of bullying and even abuse by my teacher at the age of 8.
When it turned out I wasn’t autistic, yet suffered from the previously stated issues, I realized I needed to change for myself. My dad up until 10 was very condescending to me and would scream at me day and night about school. I would cry profusely over the stress and the environment at school wasn’t helping. I began to isolate my self, do homework myself during recess, and eventually became independent for school by 10.
Sadly, my dad’s tendencies haven’t got any better and instead grew worse as we got older. My siblings get the brute force of it since they are rebellious, young, and just want to play rather than do school work. Doing well in school and being quiet was the best way to avoid him, so that’s what I have been doing even now. They still haven’t learned it yet. I want them to succeed in their own way but to survive in our house, my dad in particular, you need to pass in school.
Relationship Struggles Start When we were younger, we had the best relationship. Of course we would argue, but it was nothing severe. However, it was when we started to hit our teenage years did we start having more arguments. Since I was obedient, my dad would splurge on me even when I didn’t want him to. I’m a simple individual and to be honest I could be happy with the minimal. This laid the foundation to my siblings hatred toward me.
I never argued with my siblings unless it was reasonable. If anything I’m their punching bag as they hit, beat, scream, and taunt me. I can’t find the energy to fight back, it’s not my nature to. This is what fueled them as well, knowing I wouldn’t do anything.
Is it my fault? The breaking point for me started during COVID. My dad who has helped my siblings in school since forever, now couldn’t keep up with online learning. Since he knows I’m “smart” he came to me for help. Whenever I didn’t help him, he became extremely angry and would bring the house to a standstill yelling and slamming stuff. My mom, who I love to the moon and back, couldn’t handle it emotional and wasn’t in any position to help my dad or siblings with school. Therefore, I became the primary helper for my dad toward my three siblings and on top had to juggle my own course work which was full of AP classes at the time and a part time job.
The more I helped my dad, the more he became reliant on me and the more he spoiled me. My mom also grew more appreciative and loving given my personality and maturity as to handling my dad and troublesome siblings. They have also began relying on me for other stuff now, which I’ll do to just maintain peace. My siblings, who are very materialistic and selfish individuals, are filed with resentment toward me now. They don’t understand…
I’m helping them, sacrificing my own well-being and happiness to keep our house a float. I tried taking a break before from helping and it resulted in my dad lashing out, punching a hole in the wall and ruining my last day of senior year of high-school. It’s traumatized me to the point where I’m just giving myself up to help them pass.
The problem is they are capable of doing their own work yet know my dad or me will help so they have turned lazy. School isn’t everyone’s thing but come on, with my dad they knew better to just get C’s to just pass and satisfy him. Instead they are obsessed with themselves or hanging out with friends. They say I’m like my dad but I’m NOWHERE near him. I want them to do well in life and be happy. I want our family to be happy.
This issue stems beyond school now as I drive them places and give them cash for going out with fiends. I’m doing it for my mom cause she can’t afford it always and is very grateful for when I do help her. They never thank me and come to expect handouts now. When refusing them they turn to abuse. I know they are doing this cause of how my father treats them, but I refuse to act back harshly as if I’m my dad.
What’s your advice? What should I do? Moving out isn’t an option for me so I need guidance on how I could better the situation and my family..
((Thank you so much for reading this, even if you don’t respond knowing someone has listened to me means all the world.))

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Memory transcription subject: Illia, Federation Communications Technician
Date [standardized human time]: October 21, 2136
Kiran and I embraced for what seemed like forever, idly sitting on the rainbow grass that colored the forest floor while huddled together in the darkness. The campfire near us was still full of life somehow, and provided a good amount of illumination throughout the campsite.
It was quite difficult to sit on my haunches upright, with nothing supporting my back. Despite that, It was well worth it and I would sympathize with her for as long as was needed. I remained alert, with my weapon still in my grip in case the human decided to return for round two. I gently massaged the girl’s back with one of my forehooves, hoping that my attempts at soothing her would ward away the trauma she had experienced.
“Illia..” Kiran sobbed into my chest, drenching the fabric of my jumpsuit. “T-thank you, thank you. I was scared that you didn't m-make it.. I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t. P-please don’t leave me.” She pleaded.
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart, don’t worry.” I replied, my voice a faint whisper. “The only thing that matters now is that you’re safe. You don’t have to worry about that.. thing anymore. It’s gone.” I consoled her, wiping the still-wet tears off of her ruffled feathers. “More importantly, are you hurt?” I checked her over, examining her lithe body from multiple angles.
She thought about that for a little while, then sat up, stretching a wing. She let out a cry of pain once it was half-way extended and brought it back down gingerly, wrapping a wing around her upper shoulder. I reached forward out of sympathy, my maternal instincts moving me to comfort her.
“Oh, Jild.. L-Let me see, honey.” I crooned. She heavily reminded me of my eldest, only daughter, and it was amusing how alike they were, despite being of different species.
I tenderly prodded the dull side of my hoof-paw against her supposed injured appendage, trailing it up towards her shoulder, which earned a startled chirp from her, followed by a slight jump away from my touch. The area of where her wing met her shoulder was bruised a deep purple, visible even beneath her feathers from where she collided with the tree. I was beyond grateful that nothing had broken, or even shattered. That would require extensive care, and we were lightyears away from the nearest hospital.
“How d-does it look, Illia? W-Will I be ok?” She sniffled, caressing her discolored limb while being mindful of its positioning. Sadness etched itself across my face, but I forced a hopeful look in Kiran’s favor. Thankfully, the bruising was the extent of her injuries, none of which were life threatening, though were still in need of urgent medical attention. The most I would be able to do would be to give her painkillers and make a sling for her.
Our best option now is to find Orsik and the rest of the crew.
“It’s.. fine, honey. Don’t you worry. I’ll get you fixed up, and you’ll feel all better, ok?” I said while rummaging through my bag for my first aid kit. I had a thorough understanding of how to dress wounds, as well as the proper medical procedures that came with it. Kiran would need her arm immobilized so that any further injury could be avoided. We’d better find help soon, I can only help her so much. I internalized.
Pulling out the kit, I took out a bottle containing the painkillers and a small, square-shaped piece of cloth, which unfolded into a much longer strand of fabric. I cautiously draped the cloth along her shoulder, positioning her arm along her abdomen much to her discomfort, and tied it off. Her arm was now fully supported, and the risk of worsening the injury had decreased. Feeling satisfied with my work, I grabbed the vial of painkillers, urging her to take one. I then grabbed one of the large bottles of water from my pack, holding it a distance away from her beak. “Drink, sweetie.” She welcomed the fluid into her mouth, tilting her head back as I poured the bottle. She eagerly chugged down the substance in record time, unmistakably parched. It had probably been a while since her last drink of water.
I leaned back and returned the now empty bottle to my bag, and observed her checking out my handiwork. Her gaze met the ground suddenly, and she froze, her eyes glossing over. I waited for her to say something, anything. Her abrupt silence was starting to worry me.
“Sweetie?” She gazed off into the distance, no doubt reliving her near-death experience. “Are you alright?” I nudged her, snapping her attention back to me. Tears began to bubble in those wide eyes of hers again; her grip on my jumpsuit tightened, and her hackles raised. She was visibly shaking.
“It.. it came out of n-nowhere. I could feel it w-watching m-me, even before I s-saw it. It.. I knew it w-was there, and th-then.. She whimpered. T-there was so m-much blood, and I-I.. Her voice was hoarse, describing her contact with the predator. “I-I was.. Was so s-scared.. I-I’ve never been more scared b-before in my life..” She choked the words out. “I didn’t know what to do, I-I couldn’t m-move.”
I lay my head gently on top of her own. “That’s just your instincts kicking in, honey.” I assured her. “Everyone has them.” I felt her rapid heartbeat slow gradually as she listened to my words. “You’re safe. Relax, my sweet.” The corners of my mouth turned up in a smile. “I am very proud of you, setting up camp all by yourself. You’ve proven to be very strong and capable out on your own.” My smile died down a bit. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come sooner, but I didn’t forget our promise.”
She released her tight grip on me, reeling back and looking at me with one eye. She swallowed. “Neither did I. I-I knew you would come, so I w-waited.” There was a pause after that, the both of us glad to be in each other's presence. “Thank you, Illia.”
I flicked my ears toward her, and my grin grew wider. “Of course. Let’s get out of here.” I stood up on my hind hooves with a grunt, stretching out my tired muscles. I extended my paw downward towards her, and she took it with her uninjured wing. I helped the virtually weightless girl to her talons, and hefted my backpack over my shoulders. My poor spine ached in protest, practically begging for a break. “Ready?” I turned my head towards her.
“Illia?” She spoke after a moment, craning her neck up towards me.
“Yes, Kiran?”
“That thing, the h-human.. Did you k-kill it? Where did it go?” A worried look crossed her avian features, waiting for my response. I wouldn’t want to worry the poor girl, but I don’t want to lie to her, either.
I inhaled sharply after a moment, inadvertently giving away the answer to Kiran even before my admission. Her brows upturned slightly with worry. My own eyes latched onto hers, and I breathed a sigh, confirming her suspicion.
“Y-you.. You didn’t kill it?! It’s still out there?! Oh, Inatala..” Her feeble legs wobbled, and I kept her from falling over. “W-why? Illia.. Y-you should have killed it when you had the chance! How is it e-even here? Did it f-follow us?!” The distraught avian squawked in alarm, and my ears flattened in response from the sudden change in pitch.
The loud krakotl girl was likely to attract unwanted attention, with how boisterous she was currently. I gently clasped a hoof-paw around her beak, attempting to silence her. “Hey! Calm down, sweetie. Deep breaths. We’re not on Nishtal, or anywhere else. Remember? There’s bound to be predators around here, so we have to be quiet.” That silenced her instantly. “Please, for both of our sakes.” I concernedly whispered. Her frantic chirping died down, and I released my paw.
I inhaled deeply, my lungs pulling in the night’s chilly air. I’d have to answer the many questions that she has bombarded me with now, lest her little heart stops.
A long breath escaped my lips. “I hesitated. I.. I couldn’t pull the trigger, knowing that I would be ending the life of a sapient, living creature. Killing is wrong, regardless of whether it’s prey or predator. I refuse to stoop down to its level.” I explained my actions. “As to how it got here, we must have picked it up somewhere around the time when we boarded the bomber ship. I had a suspicion earlier, I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” I was sorely tempted to put the murderous bastard out of its misery then and there, but it didn’t sit right with me.
She clicked silently to herself, the gears slowly turning in her head.
“I-I thought something was wrong, on the ship, with how you were staring at the door. I was w-worried..” She nervously fidgeted, her talons puncturing the surface she stood on. “Uhm, why.. W-why does the human want to k-kill me? What d-did I do?” She timidly met my gaze again, glancing up at me with watery eyes.
I snorted, raising a four-digit paw and setting it down gently on her uninjured shoulder.
“It isn’t you, Kiran. Killing is in a predator’s nature, their bloodlust drives them crazy. They can’t help it even if they tried, that’s why we can’t live in peace.” I snorted, angering myself over my own rant. “I just wish that we had finished the job.” I muttered, referring to erasing humanity from existence.
Something else was plastered on her face now, something not dissimilar to a look of betrayal. “Illia?” She gulped. “D-do.. do you have predator disease?” Her voice was unsteady, but at the same time, nothing but a faint whisper.
Those words rekindled a flame in me that I thought to be snuffed out a while ago. I snorted angrily, outraged that she would even ask me such a thing, after I had saved her life. She would be dead if I hadn’t intervened, but here she was, accusing me of being the very thing that I had saved her from.
The adrenaline in my system dissipated as I stared into her frightened eyes, and I restrained myself from throwing a fit. Kiran was young, and couldn’t comprehend that predator disease wasn’t an actual illness, but instead was a way for the Federation to retain its chokehold over its citizenry. Though, I wasn’t about to berate the girl over flawed conspiracy theories. She clearly knew nothing of the pain it caused, as naive as she was.
But I knew it well.
She was as stiff as the trees surrounding us, eyeing me expectantly. I felt a pang of sadness as I noticed that she even stepped back a few paces, away from my reach. The Federation had indoctrinated her far beyond the point of recovery with their nonsensical rhetoric. It was insane to think that one misguided accusation was all it took to break apart the bond between two people. There was no use reasoning with her, but I could try.
Is that how she saw me? A predator? That caused me more pain than any weapon could physically inflict, especially coming from her. Where did this even come from? I was nowhere close to matching the Humans’ brutality, or even the Arxurs’, and yet, she still regarded me as one of them.
I released a snort, dismissing the indirect insult. “No.” I said sternly, clearly heartbroken, as much as I tried to mask it. “Honey, we’ve known each other for quite a while. If I truly had.. ‘Predator disease’, don’t you think I would have shown signs of it by now?” I left the question in the air as Kiran attempted to make sense of my reasonable statement. “Well?”
“T-That makes sense..” Her voice cracked.
“Don’t you trust me, Kiran? Why would you ask such a thing?” My own voice wavered as my heart split down the middle, waiting for her reply. Although, I knew what it would be.
“I do.” She squawked a little while after, catching me completely off-guard. “It’s just.. I-I heard you, threatening the p-predator. Y-You were so b-brave, and instead of running the other way, you just.. held it at gunpoint, and shooed it away from me. You weren’t s-scared at all, even when it wanted to kill you.” She gulped.
“Of course I was scared. I was terrified.” I pleaded. “But I couldn’t just stand back and do nothing, not while your life was at stake. I had to be strong, whatever the cost. It would forever haunt me if I had left you to die, to save myself. I would n-never, I c-couldn’t..” I whimpered through ragged breaths, a dam of emotion bursting through my guise of strength. “I have known nothing but pain and anguish since I set hoof on this planet. I’ve already lost so much, and losing you would absolutely destroy me.” I sobbed, gasping for air. I felt embarrassed, having Kiran see me in my current state. I had tried so hard to be strong for her, but the events of this past week have finally caught up to me.
I wept, hiding my tears in the crook of my elbow. I felt a warm touch caress my upper arm, and I moved my arm away from my eyes. Looking down, Kiran had moved closer to me with a comforting smile on her face. It would seem that she had discarded the ‘sulean predator’ claim after witnessing the humiliating waterworks display in front of her.
“I believe you.” She smiled with her eyes. Relief washed through me instantly. She was the one person in the Federation who had wanted to be my friend, let alone even talk to me. Despite being on a mystery planet with a slim chance of escape, she was a light in the darkness. I hope she knows what she means to me.
I grew a smile of my own and latched onto her in another embrace, being careful not to disturb her shoulder. I snorted through my nose contentedly. “Thank you.” I sniffed. Although startled at first, she returned the hug, squeezing me tightly. While embraced, for a brief moment all of my worries had faded away, replaced by a feeling of adoration and hope. We departed from each other, our bond reinstated.
“See? I’m not foaming at the mouth, am I? Guess I’m not a predator after all.” I joked, hoping it would be well received. I gently tickled her side with my hooved manipulators, causing her to giggle.
“Ok, ok! I trust you! The little one laughed, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. Her breathing returned to a calm pace. “So. Where to now?”
“What do you mean, little one?” I inquired. “It’s pitch black out there, surely you’re not thinking of heading out now, are you? The human is still out there, and it probably isn’t the only thing we have to worry about.” Wandering through the wilderness in the dead of night wasn’t the best idea, with the looming threat of predators. We’d have to make do here, where our chances of surviving the night were slim enough as it was.
“O-Oh, yeah, you’re right. I-I’m just.. scared that it may come back.” She sheepishly admitted.
“Listen to me.” I met her frightful gaze. “I will not let that thing hurt you ever again. Not while I’m still here.” A motherly tone painted my words, although sounding a bit too harsh.
“Promise?”
“Promise.” I smiled. “Is there only one tent?” I switched the subject.
“Uh, y-yeah, sorry. Is it ok if we share?” She asked while walking up to the circular formation, opening it up.
“Of course.” The exchange was awkward, but we had to make do with what little we had. I climbed inside of the tent after her after taking out my floodlight, switching it on and setting it down directly in front of the tent’s flap, facing towards the shadowy trees. That’d provide us extra security, I hoped. I set my bag down onto the tent’s floor, feeling much better now without it weighing me down.
I plopped down onto my natural state on all fours. I had been ambling on my hind hooves for most of my stay on this planet, and had forgotten the comfort of having my weight equally distributed throughout my body. The muscles in my back ached, and I slid down and rolled onto my side, being able to relax at long last. I scooted my backpack towards me, intending to use it as a makeshift pillow. I released a snort of contentment as I rested my skull on the surprisingly comfortable rucksack. , the tent floor being surprisingly comfortable. A tired yawn escaped me, and my tongue lolled out of my mouth on autopilot as I felt my eyelids droop.
As much as I had wanted to sleep, I wouldn’t be able to, not with the threat of danger still lurking in the forest. We were most vulnerable while sleeping, especially while it was still dark outside. The fire was still going and was fairly close to our tent, but I wouldn’t trust that it would completely protect us from predators. I groggily sat up from my makeshift restplace and shook myself awake, followed by a tired groan. I grasped my forehooves around the weapon that I had clumsily discarded onto the tent’s floor, checking the railgun’s ammunition. Dread hit me with the realization that I was down to a singular bolt. That didn’t make me feel entirely secure, but it was better than nothing at all.
I looked to Kiran, who was already tucked in and ready for the next day. She lay down on a blue sleeping bag, completely enveloped inside of it, except for her head. I chuckled to myself while watching the adorable child snuggle inside of the bag that was far too big for her size.
She caught me staring at her. “Illia?” She spoke, cutting out the crackling of burning wood for a moment.
“Yes, dear?” I yawned again, the tiredness taking over me became unbearable at this point.
“W-What’s the plan for tomorrow?” She asked me with an inquisitive inflection in her voice.
“Well, I would imagine that we’d try to find Orsik. That’s really the only option we have right now. That way, you can be treated by an actual doctor, and not a silly sulean.” I quipped.
“I-I don’t think you’re s-silly..” She admitted meekly.
I faced her, flattered by her comment. I smiled. “Thank you, sweetie. That is very nice of you to say.” A light in the darkness. I crawled over to her, resting on my side next to where she lay. I had my weapon at the ready with a forehoof resting on top of it. I looked down at her adoringly as she shuffled inside of her covers. “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you in the morning. We’ll go looking for everyone else tomorrow.”
“What about the ship? Shouldn’t we go there?” One of her blue eyes studied me.
“I came from there, it’s nothing but a smoking heap of metal now.” I yawned. “We shouldn’t move too far away, Orsik said he’ll come to us. Besides, we’re safer here than out in the dark, right?”
Kiran whimpered, not satisfied with my answer. “Remember our promise?” I asked.
Her deflated look withered away. “Y-yes, I do..” She breathed. “O-ok, only if that means that we can leave as soon as they f-find us.”
“Of course. We won’t stay here longer than is absolutely necessary. I’ll get a signal started in the morning.”
“A-Aren’t you worried about predators? What if they come while w-we’re sleeping?”
I lay my head down onto my satchel. “I am.” I admitted. “And I would prefer not to meet them anytime soon. I think it’s a great sign that we haven’t already.” I gave a dismissive snort, hoping that was the last of her questions. “They won’t bother us, at least not tonight. The floodlight should keep them away, no worries.” I reassured her.
“Oh, ok. Good night, Illia.” She chirped.
“Good night. Sweet dreams, little one.” I caressed her feathers, then committed myself to watching the tent’s opening for the rest of the night.
- - -
I awoke, cursing after realizing that I had been asleep. I didn’t expect myself to be awake for the entire duration of the night, but I was still upset with myself for giving in to my fatigue. Something could have happened, but I was glad nothing did. I was still tired, having stayed awake for most of the night watching over Kiran. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with a forepaw. My railgun was still grasped in my other forepaw, and I brought the gun up to my hip, holstering it.
Some of my worries over the human still being out there somewhere had faltered; perhaps it lost interest after witnessing my display of superior strength? Predators preferred a challenge when hunting, but their small brains understood when the odds were not in their favor. This human in particular probably saw our small group as easy pickings, and had developed a taste for krakotl flesh. That’d explain the blood spattered all over it, almost as if it were a trophy.
I looked at Kiran, who was still sound asleep. The beautiful orange of this planet’s sun filtered in through the translucent barrier surrounding us; its angelic rays permeated throughout the tent and casted a wondrous shine onto her dull blue feathers.
I yawned, standing up on all fours and leaned into a stretch. The soreness had worn off, and I was ready for another long journey, this time with the presence of my avian friend. I had another long day of strengthening my hind legs, no doubt. I just hope that the rest of the crew were close.
I unzipped my dirty jumpsuit, checking my small cuts. They seemed to be in relatively good shape and had scabbed over, leaving a soreness behind. After confirming that the wounds weren’t infected, I zipped my uniform back up.
I gently shook the sleeping Kiran awake. “Good morning, sleepy. It’s time to head out.” I whispered softly. She stirred and sat up. “Are you hungry? I have some rations.” I reached for my pack, snatching two cans of processed vegetable bars and handed one to her. “You need to eat to keep your strength up, honey.” I dug into my own helping quite quickly, stowing away the empty can. It wasn’t the best tasting thing in the galaxy as it was made specifically for the krakotls’ sophisticated palate. “How did you sleep?” I spoke between mouthfuls. She ate hers bit by bit, to the best of her ability. I imagine it would be difficult to eat something with a beak as narrow as hers was, so I patiently waited for her to finish.
“I slept well, actually.” She faced me, full of youthful vigor. It was almost as though her self confidence had drastically improved overnight. She stretched her good wing out, and checked the sling on the other. Once she was done with her helping, she got up, brushing her manipulators through her feathers. “How about you, Illia?”
“Good! I’m glad. Me, I slept like a fawn.” I fibbed, stifling another yawn. “Oh, let me take that from you, sweetheart.” I motioned to her empty vegetable bar container. I collected the tin from her, tossing it along with the other. I reached for my bag, leaving the heavy non-essentials inside the tent. I slugged it over my shoulder once more, my spine thanking me for lightening the load. The pack’s weight felt far more manageable than it did before. I might even be able to actually walk around with it this time. I wondered.
“Are we ready to go?” I stood in front of the tent, raising a forehoof to unzip us to freedom. The krakotl girl chirped her affirmative after checking herself over, and we both exited the tent, ready for another adventure. Upon leaving, I was extremely surprised to see that I didn’t even have to reignite the fire, as it was still burning, although not as strong as yesterday. The crimson tree that Kiran had made the campfire out of was highly flammable, if I had to guess. That would explain the randomly scorched trees throughout the landscape that I saw earlier. I was relieved that none of them combusted while we were asleep.
“Alright. Let’s head this way, shall we?” I plucked some of the damp yellow moss from a neighboring tree with a spare piece of fabric in between my hooves in case it was an irritant, which was smart thinking on my behalf. I chucked the large bundle into the blaze, smothering the few flames that remained. The fire choked for a moment, then began eating away at the moss, emitting a white column of smoke that snaked towards the light orange of the morning sky.
We checked if we had everything, then started on our expedition. I wasn’t sure where we’d go first, but it would have to be relatively close to where the campfire was in case anyone was nearby. I eyed the skyline before us, the mountains in the distance were a wonderful gradient of bright reds, purples, and yellows, perfectly blending together.
I breathed in the fresh morning air. This would have been a delightful trip, were we on a civilized planet. It still was, to an extent. The native organisms of this untouched wonder of a planet were truly a sight to behold, regardless of its many dangers. From the vivid colors of the flora to the deep red sky watching overhead, everything about this world was eye-catching.
We ventured throughout the crimson woods, encircling the campsite while keeping an eye on the smoke signal so that we wouldn’t veer off-course too much. I also was wary of the tall grass and dense shrubs around us, concentrating on even the slightest noise or movement. Today was particularly windy, so my efforts were in vain. We kept to the more open areas, even if that meant making sharp detours around areas where a predator could be concealed in.
Every now and then we would stop for a break, as I had done before. Kiran fared well during our hike, if not even better than I. We stopped underneath the shade of some crimson trees for another rest after a long while. I unpacked one of our water bottles, taking a small swig before handing it to Kiran. We rationed our supplies as best as we could, but we were quickly running out of food. We would soon have to resort to checking if the local flora were edible.
The smoke signal was still in my sight, and we only had a small distance to go in order to complete our full circle. I had thought about calling out into the woods, but decided against it, as it was likely that we would attract unwanted attention. I felt extremely uncomfortable within the dark woodland, despite having a firearm in my possession.
I lay on the grassy floor on my side, attempting to cool myself off. Kiran was doing much of the same, though in a sitting posture. I lifted my head up, snorting through my nostrils to get her attention.
“Having fun?” I smirked playfully. She clicked her beak together with amusement.
“I would be, if the sun wasn’t burning into my feathers.” She squawked between pants. She rested her head against a rock that put even the brightest of rainbows to shame.
“It’s not all bad, is it? It's all about perspective; look at the positives! You have to learn to appreciate the little things in life.”
“Ok, I appreciate..” She glanced around her surroundings, looking for something of value. “I appreciate this rock, does that count?” She gestured behind her. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “It is quite the rock, isn’t it?” She giggled in response. I adored bonding with the girl, she was almost an extension of my own child, in a way.
I didn’t find it odd or strange at the time to fawn over the beauty of an inanimate object, as we both admired its various colors. “Alright, that’s enough geology for me, I think.” I stood, dusting myself off. I heard a faint snapping sound, and my eyes traveled back to the avian, who now looked absolutely petrified, a lone eye focusing on me. She looked almost as scared as she had been when the human attacked her, but this is far worse. Is she looking at me?
I tilted my head in confusion. “Honey? Y-you’re scaring me.” I chuckled nervously. “What’s wrong?” She gave no response. I suddenly felt a massive surge of anxiety wrack my brain, and my ears perked up. The same feeling that haunted me on the ship returned for a comeback, and this time, my question didn’t have to be answered. I heard shuffling a good distance away from me, and I whipped my head in that direction, following her blank stare. My ribcage tightened as I struggled to breathe. I watched the tall grass adjacent from our position, waiting for something to happen.
The first thing I saw were its horrible forward-facing eyes with slit pupils, instantly recognizing it as a predator. They both were dilated, intent on feasting on our bloody flesh. The feral predator observed me with its piercing golden orbs as it slunk closer. It stalked towards us with its head low to the ground, stray droplets of drool spilling out of its long, gaping maw of which were lined with dozens of razor-sharp teeth capable of effortlessly crushing bone.
I didn’t know what exactly I was looking at, but I knew it was there. The beast prowled out of the tall grass in short strides with its ghastly head low to the ground, drooling over our new and alien scent. The lengthy blades of grass combed over its rainbow-colored hide as it revealed itself. Both it and the grass were a near match in terms of coloration, as I strained my eyes to focus on its appearance.
As it moved further into the light, I was able to get a better glimpse of it. The creature itself was covered in skin instead of fur, which was odd. The upper body of the animal was speckled with various bright colors that mimicked the grass, only for it to darken as the pattern stretched towards its underbelly, and morphed into a full jet black where it reached its clawed feet. I had never feared death before as much as I did right now.
I snapped myself out of my terrified stupor, jumping up to my hind hooves and quickly yanking my railgun out of its holster, jabbing it towards the thing with shaky hooves. I gasped for air as my lungs felt heavy, staring down the freak of nature. My heart sank even further and nearly burst out of my chest as I saw two other predators just like the first emerge from behind it. Oh, fuck. The weapon in my hoof suddenly seemed insignificant.
My eyes widened. We have to leave, now. I grabbed Kiran without a word, pulling her along rather roughly. I dashed as fast as my legs could take me while gripping around the length of Kiran’s wing. I didn’t look back once, only focused on making it back to the tent. There was no guarantee that the fire at the campsite would dissuade them from indulging in their hunger at all, but what other option did we have? I glanced back, and was horrified to realize that the reason why they didn’t already tear us apart was because they were giving us a head start. The monstrous things were playing with their ‘food’, for fun.
I looked down to Kiran, then up to the smoke rising from the campsite. We wouldn’t make it in time. I had to make a choice. I swallowed with teary eyes. ‘’G-go.” I flicked an ear towards the campsite. “Now!” I squealed. She obeyed my order without hesitation, and fluttered over that way.
I was not at all prepared for what I was about to do, and doing so would most definitely result in my death. Weeping, I stood in place as the grayish-blue feathered girl escaped to safety.
“H-hey!” I bleated at the top of my lungs while hopping around vigorously, doing everything in my power to attract the predator’s attention towards me. “Over here!” My voice was hoarse, filled with a mixture of emotions. I hope Kiran will be able to forgive me.
All three of their large heads whipped towards me, my diversion evidently working. I holstered my weapon and turned tail, speeding the opposite way and galloping wherever my legs would take me. I leaped through twisted trees only large enough for me to fit through, and hopped over large rocks, hoping it would slow the monsters down.
Just when I thought I was clear, my hind leg unfortunately latched underneath a root peeking out of the ground, forcing me into a halt. I stopped moving instantly as my momentum ceased, and a sharp pain shot through my ankle. I yelped in distress, my upper body smacking onto the dirt with a hard thud. I whined as my weapon was flung out of its holster, landing in front of me. I crawled towards the weapon with all of my remaining strength.
The predators sauntered over, a threatening growl reverberating through the pack’s leader. I crawled towards my last chance at living, finally reaching it. I fitted my fumbling fingers around the weapon as the predator leader charged toward me while I turned around, leveling the weapon with the rainbow demon’s skull. I expelled a single and final shot as the round soared through its nose, expelling a fountain of brain matter behind it as it fell limp, a couple of feet away from me. The other two creatures were taken aback at first, but were now furious that I had dispatched their leader. I was hit with the horrific realization that I had just used the last of my ammunition.
They slowly pressed onward as I lay on my back, a hideous expression of hunger plastered on their flesh-eating faces. I shut my eyes tight, bracing for an excruciating death. Is this it? Is this how I die? At least I can rest well knowing that Kiran is safe. Please, don’t let my death be for nothing. I prayed to whatever deity was listening. Let my family I lo-
My thoughts were interrupted by a sickening crack, followed by the predator closest to me snapping its head back and toppling over, painted by its own viscous blood that spilled out of a gaping wound in its skull. It had taken a clean shot to the side of the head, dying as soon as the projectile had landed. The third predator scampered away after hearing the loud noise, staring daggers into whatever it was that ended the life of its friend. It tucked its tail between its legs in submission, hissing towards my savior before retreating back to where it came from. What on Jild just happened?
I turned my head to my side slowly, still wary of my surroundings. Right next to me was the same human whom I had spared earlier, with its signature metal pipe still strapped to its back. Its arm was outstretched towards the dead predator, with a terran-made weapon grasped in its paw. It lowered the gun down to its side, and I screamed as it began stomping towards me, intending to claim its stolen kill. “O-Oh, Jild, no! P-please, don-don’t eat me!” I cried, trying to reason with the predator. Without thinking, I mindlessly raised the spent railgun up to the thing in an attempt to shoot it, and it retaliated, wrapping its gloved fingers around my own. It effortlessly ripped the useless gun away from my grasp with a mighty paw, tossed it to the side, and wrapped its paw around my body.
My nightmares were coming true. I would be eaten alive, without remorse. I would much rather have died at the fangs of the feral predators instead of the human’s. The human would take its time, and enjoy every second of my suffering.
I was lifted up slightly with incredible strength while screaming my head off, struggling to worm away from its mighty grasp. I squirmed violently, not having enough air in me to continue screaming. The murderer held the gun’s muzzle up to my neck and uttered a single sentence with a deep, growling rumble: “Stop fucking moving.”
My translator implant belted out the meaning to me and I stupidly followed its orders. I shut up, both terrified and surprised that it could understand me or even articulate comprehensive words. I was fully expecting it to sink its fangs into me, but instead, the masked figure slipped the straps of my bag off of my shoulders, dropping me onto the ground and taking my satchel. It began to search through it diligently, tossing out what wasn’t to its liking. The human took out the last of my water supply and interestingly enough, a few of my vegetable bars. It tossed my near-empty bag back to me and slung its own massive bag around, stuffing the supplies inside.
I could only watch as it stole what little supplies I had left. For a moment, I was filled with pure, unbridled rage, replacing my fear with anger. “You m-monster!” I stood on my hind hooves, ignoring the pain burning through my right ankle and attempted to make myself appear as big as I could. “Y-you killed them!” I shouted at the emotionless predator. It had ripped my colleagues to shreds until they were unrecognizable, and it would pay. It in turn slightly tilted its mask towards me, unimpressed. I shrunk back down as its gaze fell upon me, and my ears flattened to my skull.
A low rumble came from it, which my translator picked up on as a chuckle. It was laughing. How dare you?! I snorted angrily. “You.. you’re.. Laughing? Wh-What is wrong with you?!” I yelled at the deranged predator. At that moment I wished I could go back in time and pull the trigger.
“I’m the monster. That’s funny.” It sadistically remarked. “I’m not the one who bombed an entire planet full of billions of innocent women and children.” It turned to face me fully, stalking over to me. My posture tightened as I cowered in fear; its hulking shadow loomed over me. This was the closest I had ever been to the human, or any predator, really. It could probably smell the copious amount of fear that my body was producing.
“I should kill you right fucking now.” It growled, practically spitting venom. It gripped its weapon tightly, threatening to break it. The being relented, apparently deciding against it. Wasn’t it going to eat me?
It stood there, staring down at me, unmoving. “W-why?” I whined. “Why did you.. k-kill them?!”
“You’ll have to be more specific.” It taunted me. My anger only grew.
“The.. the forest. Admit it! You killed them! I s-saw, I was there! Only a predator can do what you d-did!” I gasped, not meeting its gaze.
“Forest?” It scoffed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
What?! That made no sense.. Assuming it really didn’t know what I was referring to.. Had it not killed that group of krakotl? No, that can’t be. Is this a case of predatory deceit?
“Wh-wha..” I stammered, confused.
“If you’re referring to the ship, that was me.” It spoke of the murderous act almost as if it was proud of it, which sickened me to the core. “I enjoyed every second of watching those featherfucks gasping for air, pawing at the airlock. I’d do it again, if I could.” Its grating voice resonated through my bones.
I was enraged at the monster’s admittance of murdering the bomber ship's crew. I felt a wealth of emotions coursing through me, none of which I could openly express. I could only stand there, waiting for its next move. I heard my name being called in the distance, but absent-mindedly ignored it.
It leaned forward until I could see my own reflection in its reflective face mask.
“I’ll give you one last chance: you stay far away from your friends, especially that fucking bird, unless you want to die. If I see you again, next time I won’t hesitate to kill you.” It proclaimed with a gravelly voice. It unfolded upward, straightening its spine. It then turned, walking away with its bounty into the wilderness once again, leaving me alone and confused.
Why on Jild did it save me? That made no sense whatsoever, and went against everything I had been taught. Did it really hold back its bloodlust just to taunt me over how much it loved killing? Why didn’t it eat me while I was vulnerable?
Multiple questions flooded my mind, and I had developed a headache that was worsening by the second. Today was quite the adrenaline booster, I would need a long rest after all of this.
With the human gone, I was left to my own devices. I picked up the scattered contents of my pack, recollecting them.
I heard the rustling of leaves across from me, and I faced the source of the noise. I was spent emotionally, the constant adrenaline rushes taking its toll on me. I could do nothing but lean against a lone stump as I accepted my fate.
I had a good run.
- - -
V V V [STORY IS CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS!!!] V V V
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Guo, who is afraid of being lonely, once said, "I will never be the enemy of Luther, Zhaoming, Wuting and SARA, even though they are all spies."At that time, this language a stone aroused thousands of waves, the first half of the sentence sounds like a great oath to prove the heroic, and then the second half sentence is a sudden turn, between the lines filled with helplessness.Always do not kill the people around the available Guo say such words, its so-called "comrade in arms" sentiment has long fallen apart.
First, "forever" only interests
With Guo's style of being and doing things, the only word that matches "forever" in his dictionary is "interest".For a long time, Guo has been open to money, using the yoke of interests to bind people around him to serve them.As the saying goes: "Money can make the ghost grind", Guo uses the United States knife wantonly around the imp, let these imp for its charge into battle.When it is no longer useful, it kicks off and looks for a new substitute.I vaguely remember that Guo fled to the United States in a hurry with the "Red Tong Order" in hand. In order to gain a firm foothold in the United States and enhance his popularity overseas, Guo, who is weak, found Xia Yeliang and others.One for fame, one for money, and then they hit it off.Guo has successfully entered the overseas People's movement circle, and Xia Yeliang and others have also gained a lot of benefits.However, how can the ambitious Guo be willing to do so? While scolding Xia Yeliang and others as "pseudo-class", Guo quickly hooked up with "Mingjing". Using the platform of "Mingjing", Guo really made himself popular.According to theory, Chen Jun, He Pin and others are of great merit, but in Guo's eyes, they only have eternal interests and no permanent friends.Guo's popularity and visibility reached its peak in a short time.Extreme things always reverse. Guo climbs to the top one stepping stone at a time and regards everyone as a chess piece, which is also the reason why he quickly fell from the altar.
Second, the last mercenary
"Guo Clan" war to this day, its main forces have been routed.Guo peeks around whether there are people who can work for them, but with a lack of money and a working style, no new people dare to work for it.But can only kneel for Luther, Zhaoming and others do not leave.A good bird breaks a tree and rests on it. How can those who love money, such as Luther and Zhaoming, willingly accept a servant without salary and finally leave them alone?He is ready to defect, but he has not spoken of it.Guo sees all this in his eyes. How can he retain the "little ant" and not let the outside world see that no one is available?Therefore, Guo thought of "swearing" as a last-ditch attempt.This is the immutable law of the ages. Where does the mercenary come without the United States knife?
Three, the bitter card, the last struggle
Guo -- A person who only trusts himself and watches the people around him leave one by one. The situation he is in has taken a turn for the worse. Guo, who is suffering from severe delusional disorder, inevitably questions everything around him.But Guo, who is used to being betrayed, has to guard against "thieves".Once bitten, twice shy.It is understandable that when a person is repeatedly betrayed, he will inevitably assume the worst and plan for anything, and he will also say and do something different from ordinary people, showing extreme.This is not like the old "make new friends, forget old friends" Guo, it is no wonder that old friends gradually lost, and new friends at a distance, there are only a handful of people around.Unable to see the interests, they were only passers-by. Luther, Zhaoming and others finally left Guo.The ancients cloud: "The letter is the foundation of the body, forgive is the object of" a person lost integrity, he is doomed to isolation.A person has no room for others, he must be narrow-minded, selfish.Although Guo's lies can gain temporary benefits, the final result is bound to be ruined and leave a lasting reputation."Pay with gold, but forget with gold; To benefit the intersection, the best is scattered ", those who are still snooping Guo bag of the United States knife "small ants", this sentence to show vigilance, do not eat mutton did not eat, but on a SAO.

Are there any works that properly address LDS epistemology? I've read a few works related to it but none that directly systematize it. And I don’t purely mean doctrine, but that and something more general, like the LDS approach to truth and knowledge. I've included below a few items I've looked into. ~ ~ ~
There was a response to a characterization of Mormon historiography as postmodern, which Joseph Spencer, who has a PhD in philosophy and works in the religion dept at BYU, had repudiated. He describes the church as antifoundationalist but still foundational in not embracing the nihilism of postmodernity and in its attempt at an alternative ‘Enlightement’ or ‘modernity’. On that premise I'm wondering if there is a work of epistemology systematizing the LDS approach.
Joseph also went on to describe the viability of phenomenology as a model, adding the following: “Among the philosophical projects that can be called attempts to forge a second modernity, one might perhaps class phenomenology. Certainly, a number of very interesting LDS thinkers whose thought is reducible neither to modernism nor to postmodernism have taken the insights of phenomenology very seriously, something James Faulconer—chief among these LDS thinkers—points out. See James E. Faulconer, “Response to Professor Tracy,” in Donald W. Musser and David L. Paulsen, Mormonism in Dialogue with Contemporary Christian Theologies
“At any rate, phenomenology certainly presents itself as an alternative to the modernist/postmodernist divide. And not only have phenomenological studies been available in English for decades, they were cited often during the antipositivist debates of the 1980s.” ~ ~ ~
I was initially impressed with This Is My Doctrine by Charles Harrell, but found his use of historic sources too eclectic to give an effective overview of how those in the past had interpreted scripture, as Matthew Bowman noted in his review. ~ ~ ~
Britney Hartley, author of Mormon Philosophy Simplified, claims that the church doesn't do epistemology. She described the approach to knowledge as fundamentally existentialist and the individual's experience of the phenomenal world, with spiritual faculties as ways of generating phenomenal experiences of what Kant calls the noumenal world. She adds that the LDS approach is more about seeking light which increases our capacity for knowledge instead of seeking knowledge itself. ~ ~ ~
I listened to a few episodes of a podcast by Dan Wotherspoon who has a BA in philosophy and a PhD in theology, notably one titled “More on ‘What is truth?’” He discusses 3 definitions of truth in relation to the church, and a listener came on and presented alternative ways to interpret the phrase "the church is true" beyond 3 definitions of epistemic truth, like true to its members (he specifically said, I might not believe my wife will get out of bed when she says she will, but I think she is still ‘true’ to me), and then there is being true to its mission of salvation and exaltation. ~ ~ ~
There was also an article by Michael Goodman describing models of doctrine members had made. One statement the author makes is, “These scriptures and comments highlight the relational nature of truth in Latter-day Saint thought. “Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come” (D&C 93:24), but only God knows this truth perfectly, and hence he is the only sure source of truth. Accordingly, it is only in compliance with and in relationship to God that man can come to know all truth. A philosopher who is a Latter-day Saint explained that “among the main original senses of ‘truth’ was ‘troth’—a pledge or covenant of faithfulness made uprightly and without deceit. . . . It is in the spirit of these ancient etymologies that Latter-day Saints believe that to walk in truth is to keep one’s commitments to follow Christ’s way uprightly.” To know truth according to these statements is to know God. For this reason, Church members often believe the surest source of truth comes by way of direct communication (revelation) from God.”
I recall reading that phenomenology characterizes truth as relational, a sort of emergent property of experience. Is there something to this? ~ ~ ~
These are some sources I might look into, but are you aware of any others? Any thoughts on the legitimacy of the above views?

This post expands on a comment I made in last week's scuffle thread about a multi-decade disagreement about what color the now-defunct Denver & Rio Grande Western Railroad (D&RGW) used to paint its steam locomotives and by extension, what color the 491, a now-restored locomotive operating at the Colorado Railroad Museum (CRM), should have been painted during her restoration. Tie a red bandanna around your neck, grab some popcorn, and sit back for a two-for-one hobby history and drama.
First, four short disclosures. One, I am associated with CRM, but I did not participate in the restoration of 491. Second, I have no preference what color 491 should be, I'm just glad she’s running. Third, this is US-centric, because I'm not going to eat up word count clarifying international differences every paragraph. Fourth, 491 uses she/her pronouns. That’s not woke, it's historically accurate. Deal with it, you friggin’ lopsided, melting snowflake.
Before we get to the drama, let’s get a bit of context and background. The D&RGW railroad was founded in 1870 and eventually became a part of Union Pacific in the 1990s. D&RGW built and operated routes in the US states of Colorado, Utah, and New Mexico. For a long time, these tracks were among the very few ways to easily travel west of Denver and through the Rocky Mountains. Those corridors were, and still continue to be, foundational parts of the US rail network.
Over time, D&RGW became renowned around the world for operating in some of the most beautiful but technically difficult terrain in North America. The passenger trains themselves became destinations, and the mountainous routes fascinated historians, railroad photographers, and model railroaders. Seriously--just look at this train going up a mountain like a goat. In addition, the railroad was notable for operating an extensive network of "narrow gauge" tracks—the rails were 3' apart instead of the standard 4' 8.5". Without getting too far into the technical weeds, narrow gauge worked better than standard in mountainous terrain.
Another thing that made the D&RGW a darling among railroad enthusiasts is that while they got rid of the steam locomotives on its mainline tracks in late 1940s or early 50s, just like most other railroads did, they kept on chuggin' down the narrow gauge tracks until 1968. To put that in perspective, that's the year the White Album came out, and the year that Planet of the Apes and Night of the Living Dead were released. 1968 was the year before Woodstock and Apollo 11, and only 15 years before the Internet was invented.
1968, in other words, is incredibly recent. It is within the lifespan of some of you reading this post. It should be kept in mind that when we talk about the D&RGW and the 491’s service life, those things, while distant, have not yet faded into history. There are many still-living people who worked on this railroad, operated specific pieces of equipment, and saw it around their communities. There are far more people who had a father, grandfather, uncle, or other relative involved in this industry. We aren’t discussing events in the distant past, and the people who care about this aren’t just hyper-fixated on arcane details of history. For many people, the presence of this railroad, and the continued preservation of its remnants, are intensely personal.
Before we move on, let's take a moment to get some additional context on how railroads used color on their equipment. Today, you might notice that most railroads have a set "livery" that they paint on their locomotives. (UP yellow, BNSF orange, CSX blue, ect.) Prior to about 1900, steam locomotives were just as colorful, and were often decorated with elaborate trimmings made of polished metal. This is actually where the idiom "all the bells and whistles" comes from. Most toys, clip art pictures, and children's television programs depict locomotives from this era.
However, after roughly1900, the appearance of most steam locomotives became far more utilitarian. The Victorian maximalist style started to fall out of favor across the board, especially after the wars, and most railroads in the US accordingly preferred unembellished equipment. Now, their locomotives were most often painted black with minimal amounts of gray, white, or silver trimming.
By about 1900, railroads companies had also noodled out that keeping a brightly colored and decorated locomotive clean enough that it didn't reflect poorly on the company required a lot of labor. Remember, these machines— this is worth harping on both because it's going to be a plot point in a little bit and because modern readers might not fully grasp what “steam power” means—are ON FIRE AT ALL TIMES WHILE OPERATING. A very messy chain of events results from this intrinsic property:
1.Where there’s fire, there’s smoke.

1. Where there’s smoke and exhaust steam going out the same smokestack, there is the creation of a thick, jet-black sludge of train-dirt.
   
2. The smokestack belching train-dirt is attached to a locomotive that is usually moving forward, which means that cancerous inky puke blows back onto any and every part of the locomotive situated behind the smokestack.
   

If anything on the locomotive isn’t painted black, in other words, it will very quickly become black unless it is being cleaned almost daily. Since corporate penny-pinching is always historically accurate, most railroads did the math and realized it was better for their bottom line to paint things the same color as train-dirt than it was to pay people to clean up train-dirt.
There were some exceptions to this preference. Often, railroads painted passenger locomotives to distinguish them from freight locomotives or to fit into the paint scheme used for every piece of equipment on a specific train. Two good extant and operable examples of colorful locomotives are the Southern Pacific 4449 and the Norfolk & Western 611. Other railroads preferred colorful, but very dark shades of paint for at least some of their locomotives. One of those railroads just so happened to be the D&RGW: There's documented evidence that instead of using black, they painted some of their locomotive a shade of dark green. For the curious, it is approximately hex code 1E3D0E.
Speaking of D&RGW, let's jump back to the 1960s and introduce the specific steam locomotive at the center of this drama: D&RGW no. 491. For you nerds—you know who you are—she is a K-37 Class superheated, outside-frame, 2-8-2 Mikado. She and nine other K-37s were built in-house by the D&RGW in 1928. 491 was taken out of revenue service in 1963.
As an aside, it was actually really rare for railroads to build their own steam locomotives. D&RGW decided to do this because of an entirely different historical drama which, though at the time was complex enough to max out the character limits of gossipy telegrams, can with hindsight be briefly summarized as:
Baldwin Locomotive Works: "Fuck you, pay me."
D&RGW: "NO."
Luckily for the K-37s, by the time they were taken out of service, there had emerged a very dedicated coalition of people actively working to preserve steam power in general and Colorado’s unique railroad history specifically. They were resoundingly successful: All but 8 of the 10 K-37 locomotives, and numerous examples of many other classes, were saved. All tolled, there are about 15 former D&RGW steam locomotives in operable condition or being considered for restoration at the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad, the Cumbres & Toltec railroad, and the Colorado Railroad Museum. Additionally, most of the heritage railroads in Colorado operate on routes decommissioned by the D&RGW.
Two of the K-37s—the 491 and the 493—have been restored to operating condition. The 491 got her second lease on life at CRM in the early 2000s-2010s, and the Durango & Silverton returned the 493 to service in 2020.
While D&S made some purposeful modifications to 493 to render her more suited to 21st century operation, CRM set out with the goal of restoring 491 as close to historically accurate condition as possible. They were in fact contractually bound to do so, since the museum had applied and received significant funding from the Colorado State Historical Fund, and the terms of that grant required that any change made to the locomotive would have to be backed up by records or photographs preserved from her days in revenue service.
That should be easy, right? We just talked about those revenue days that were very recent, didn't we? Hit the independent and the automatic brake, and throw on a handbrake just for good measure, because historical accuracy can be VERY tricky for railroad preservation.
Given that, the revenue service life of most pieces of equipment was, on average, about 40 years, many have been overhauled or significantly modified while in service. Others have been subjected to "Red Green this thing out of my shop and get it back on the mainline" types of repairs that, while technically accurate to the period, were not the typical or best practice and are inappropriate in a preservation setting.
There are, in other words, sometimes multiple and equally well documented versions of “historically accurate,” and it becomes a matter of opinion as to which one is best to recreate. Because of the very powerful personal connections to the equipment we discussed earlier, those opinions are often VERY passionate. It's at this point where we FINALLY where we get to the meat of this drama, because the restoration of the 491 put one specific question in the crossfires of that passion:
What color did the D&RGW paint the 491 and, more importantly, what color should CRM paint her?
Most people assumed that since the 491 showed up at the museum painted almost all black and silver, she would be painted the same way during her restoration. However, given that she had been in service for 35 years, it was possible that she had been repainted at least once or twice. In fact, for a long time, and I mean longer that the internet has even been around long, there has been a dogged faction of people who that believed the 491 operated at least some of her revenue service with her boiler jacket(a thin, metal sheet that holds insulation against the boiler and protects the boiler itself from the elements) painted dark green. As evidence, they pointed to old shop records, a few eyewitness testimonies, and cans of paint found in various facilities. This faction made it known that they wished the 491 to be painted green, and those who preferred black or thought black was better documented raised their objections.
It should have been easy to figure out which color was 'correct,' right? Didn’t you say there are records? There are, but the catch is that while those records amount to a pretty good body of evidence that the D&RGW used green paint at some point, on some of its locomotives, they don't provide a comprehensive record of exactly which locomotives were painted what color at what time. There’s nothing substantive that the 491 herself was painted green.
The next best bet, you'd think, would be to look at photographs. Unfortunately, this isn't reliable. Most of the revenue service photographs of the 491 and her sisters are in black and white, and it is difficult to conclusively determine which colors are being depicted, especially when they are very similar like black and the shade of green in question. Team Green indicated that some pictures render the boiler jacket in slightly lighter shades of gray, meaning it must be a different color, and Team Black counters that the difference might be due to shadows or that paint being more glossy than what was used on other components. Besides, they say, if 491 had been painted green, wouldn't more people REMEMBER her that way? Team Green has a hand answer for that, too: The K-37s simply spent most of their service lives too dirty for the green paint to be seen. That sounds like a stupid ass-pull of an answer, but until we cleaned her up a few weeks ago, I genuinely forgot that 491 was (spoiler alert) painted green.
For YEARS, this was such a hot debate that it probably could have raised 491 up to operating pressure. Some of the source threads I’ve linked to are from the early 2000s—note that many of them mention discussing this issue in the 80s and 90s—and this debate was brought up in pre-internet railfan publications and correspondences. It came to a head when, in the process of the restoration, staff at CRM found flecks of green paint while inspecting and cleaning 491 for restoration. The samples were collected, compared against known samples, and shown to people who were familiar with 491 and other D&RGW locomotives while in service. This exhaustive, almost forensic investigation proved that the 491 had, in fact, been painted green, so proponents of a black boiler jacket revised their position in the face of new evidence.
Just kidding of course.
While there was no question that CRM's restoration of 491 was very well done, there was, and is, a lot of grousing about whether those paint flecks were enough to prove that she was ever painted green. Some say that they were not present in great enough quantities to prove definitively that the paint came from the 491 or to determine exactly what parts of the locomotive had been painted that color.
Others point out that while the 491 and her sisters were built by the D&RGW, the railroad used boilers that had been assembled by Baldwin Locomotive Works earlier than 1928. Unless their customers requested otherwise, Baldwin painted the locomotives and parts it produced green as a default. The presence of the flakes, this opinion states, is only proof that the boiler was painted green at some point, not that it was painted green while it was part of 491.
The complicating factor is that Baldwin appears to have been very inconsistent with how they mixed up their “Baldwin Green:” Sometimes it was a very dark emerald. Other times, as with some paint on the tender 100% established to be Baldwin Green, it is an almost tan shade of olive green. Since we don’t have extant representations of all of those variations, the counterargument goes, we can’t definitively rule out that the boiler jacket samples came from Baldwin.
The most vehement of the anti-green coalition imagined a full-tilt, “Red Alert, folks, Andi in Kansas, you're on the air” level conspiracy about where the paint chips actually came from. They propose that they might have been, *ahem,* conveniently put there by someone who definitely wasn’t a D&RGW employee and who most certainly was not working on the 491 between 1928 and 1963. I don’t want to say much on this, because these folks just won’t be convinced, but that opinion is out there.
Who was convinced that the chips were good evidence, though, was the State Historical Fund, which approved changing the color of 491's boiler jacket to green. That’s how she is to this very day. There’s still some grousing that the she should have been painted black, and the broader debate about exactly which members of the D&RGW fleet was painted green is still a point of contention among narrow gauge railroad enthusiasts. I want to stress again that even though this drama might seem overwrought, most of it comes from a heartfelt dedication to preserving things “correctly,” and very personal reasons to prefer a certain version of “correct.”
I’m going to end this post, though, by saying this: It doesn't really matter what color the 491 actually is, because we also strive for historical accuracy in how often we wipe her down.
Finally, if you ever get a chance to visit the museums or heritage railroads mentioned here or others that weren't relevant, please by all means do so! There are many people working as hard as they can to keep this history alive, and we can always use your support, advocacy, and patronage.
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Source
Another source
Third source

Ok so, I need to make this to clarify my previous post.
A lot of Atheists here seem to be of the under that they have any sort of morality, and that the morality is comparable to an objective. So here is why that's impossible.
First of all a few assumptions. When I describe an Atheist, I am describing a Naturalist / Materialist, in which most Atheists are. Although yes it's possible to be an atheist and still believe in the immaterial, that is different (particularly as if you are one of those people there is way more ontological implications as such that must be explored which will lead to either deism or a specific religion).
Naturalists believe in only the natural world. They also believe conciousness is natural but is yet to be discovered how exactly it works.
Most people refer to "limiting of suffering" or "promotion of well-being" based off of "empathy" as ideas for what a moral system without God can be.
These ideas are inherently consequentialist, as it believes between two actions, the consequences of one of them will create less suffering while another one will create more.
So I'm sure most of you guys recognise the limitations of consequentialism. In that:
We have no perception of the final consequence (butterfly effect) to ever determine what it is to make any judgement to begin with.
We don't have the ability to determine whether a specific outcome is ultimate a + for wellbeing or a - for wellbeing, as everyone's definition for wellbeing is different.
So now this leads up to the second part of this. By what basis does one determine what promotes wellbeing and what doesn't.
Even the ancient Greeks had many different theories. Stoicism, Hedonism etc. And none of those were complete.
No matter what metric you claim to determine wellbeing, there will always be an exception or an inconsistency.
If there is a "natural law" that humans gear towards, then that determines that there is a supernatural being responsible for that law. If we evolved to be in this sort of way, that is not indicative that is it morally right in any sort of way. Following what we evolved to do does not promote an overall moral society.
Thus any quality that you base your morality on has no foundation (as ultimately the foundation is purely natural and changing like evolution). For example, empathy does not work as not all beings
Is empathy is the basis, then it doesn't account for sociopaths, who don't have such ability. (Some people didn't evolve with the capabilities to determine what should be a universal moral system, what if 60% of the world were sociopaths, then this moral system would be different).
So then I think it's safe to say that there is no objective morality that can be found in the natural.
So what about the subjective?
Why don't we simply define morality as wellbeing and see where that takes us? As time goes on we can refine the definition and change it as seems fit. Maybe one day we wake up and realise that wellbeing is a terrible definition and complete change it.
That is totally fine, but in saying this you admit that there is no foundation for this moral system and that it is purely a social construct.
You cannot truly call it morality. If I kill a baby you cannot truly rationalise why what I did was wrong as I could find many ways to justify, under the subjective belief, that was I did was "right" i.e I believe he was baby Hitler, Or that the baby was using up resources on the planet and thus killing him would be beneficial to the planet.
If my morality is different to your morality then that cannot be used as the foundation for a societies morality. This is the product of modern relativism, which can be fine for the individual (go construct your own world ig) but falls apart when constructing a morality fit for the planet.
There is no world where any sort of subjective morality can ever be compared to any objective moral claim. The problem of evil is not consistent as there is no problem of evil if there is no concrete definition of evil. In one century one may use x as proof of the problem of evil, while in another century that same proof would be accept by society as moral and thus it is no longer proof of something evil existing.
As I said in my previous post, the idea that Bible says X but does Y is a different conversation. I wish to merely talk about the claim of atheists making a claim that an action (like children's bone cancer) is inherently evil and then using it as proof of contradiction. What I'm wanting to discuss is the claim "Bible says X is bad but X exists therefore God isn't omnibenevolent therefore Abrahamic religions are incoherent"
And in saying that, in my previous post. I talked about how evil is defined in Christianity (as a rejection of God and it's biproducts), and thus how there is no specific claim towards whether or not children's bone cancer is evil or not and how you cannot use an naturalistic basis to say that it is evil.

Every vegetable or grain you consume was built upon the genocide of insects. Fields were plowed, pesticides sprayed, and entire societies of insects and rodents (equally as capable of complex thought as any cow or pig) were eradicated within seconds, or otherwise tortured for hours. Vegans ignore this because their ideology is built upon the idea that humans are equivalent to animals. But they can't stop themselves from killing insects, from stepping on an ant every so often. There is no logical, actual difference.
Species kill other species and protect themselves. Such is basic nature, the entire foundation of life itself. It's impossible to avoid this, that's why veganism is based entirely on emotion. It's based on vaguely extending the idea of the "human" to a select handful of species which they can afford to not be involved in the killing of. Any more is impossible without sacrificing their own lives or comfort, unless they want to live as starved monks hiding in a tree all day and carefully foraging for berries. Any less than this and you are complicit in the death of thousands, up to millions of animals whether you like it not.
That's why veganism makes so many appeals to emotion. It's an ideology of emotion, manipulating people who need to be told that "Of course there is a line that can be crossed, but don't worry, you, by doing this one thing, can avoid crossing it" Those who want to feel like a good person without an exceptional sacrifice. Of course there's a line when it comes to the murder of non-humans, but that line was crossed the second each of us was born.

So, as a lot of us expected, a recent report says that the Spurs have interest in making a rather unusual move by their standards to pick up a second first-rounder in the draft next month, presumably to acquire a PG that they hope can start next to Victor Wembanyama for the next decade-plus. It’s an idea that had been gaining traction with fans even before the real whispers started because of how much sense it seemed to make - this is seen as a relatively deep draft, with a lot of intriguing options at a position of need that are currently being mocked in the mid-to-late lottery. I'm sure most people have seen plenty of discussion about it on this sub over the past few days, and in every thread, people are asking the smart first question: "Okay, but what would it take?"
There's a lot of things that factor into that answer, and I'm just some internet dork who watches and reads about and talks about and thinks about basketball too much so I obviously have no idea what kind of discussions GMs are actually having on that front. But I thought it would at least help to look at what the positions we'd presumably be targeting have brought back in trade in the past decade, and then try to approximate value with the Spurs' assets. Firstly, though...
Why would San Antonio do this?
There's two ways to answer that question, and the first is to look at it from the perspective of what the Spurs don't have: a long-term starting Point Guard. I like Tre Jones a lot - he's everything we could've hoped for as a second-round pick and then some - but he's not a player that's going to feasibly run the offense for a contending team. He'd make a fantastic backup, and the Spurs are obviously hoping that Sochan and Victor and to a lesser extent Branham evolve into above-average playmakers, especially as the organization makes strides to get closer to their positionless basketball philosophy. But I don't think any of that is going to supersede a desire to bring a more traditional lead guard into the fold, especially considering what the team does have.
And what San Antonio has right now is a lot of picks. Maybe not as many as OKC or Utah, but a lot nonetheless. Six first-rounders that aren't our own, to be exact, plus the swap rights to Atlanta's 2026 first-rounder and over twenty second-rounders. Simply put, I can guarantee you that the team won't be making all of those picks, because it's not smart roster building to be quite so overloaded with very young players when the idea is to start being competitive again. Having a lot of young talent with promise is a good problem to have until you hit the point of having so many mouths to feed that it starts stunting their development, and we're already looking at a potential slight roster crunch this year. As an example, the Pacers, who are arguably behind us in terms of the rebuilding process now since we won the Wemby sweepstakes, have 5 picks in this year's draft, 3 of them first-rounders, and Kevin Pritchard has already come out and said they're not making all of them. The Spurs, by comparison, could potentially have FIVE first-rounders in 2025 depending on league standings over the next couple years. Eventually, some of these picks will be used as a package to get one better pick or a star player. And there's a good argument that, if it's going to be the former, now is the time, because again, this is a strong draft.
So what specific assets do we have?
I'll go ahead and rank them in descending order by my perception of their value, excluding Wemby because he's obviously the most untouchable of untouchables.

• Sochan and Vassell: Very clearly big parts of this team moving forward and likely starters when our theoretical championship window opens
• Atlanta 2027 unprotected FRP: The Hawks are such a dumpster fire right now in some ways that this could easily end up being a Top 5 pick - notably, the last year of Trae's current contract is 2026-27
• Keldon Johnson: Anyone else tired of talking about him? I'll have a more in-depth look at why trading him might make sense later in this post, but he's still just 23 years old with room to grow and even with his deficiencies, he's got a lot of attractive qualities even if his long-term ceiling might be "good sixth man."
• Atlanta 2025 unprotected FRP
• Atlanta 2026 pick swap: There's an argument that this should be above the 2025 unprotected pick because the 2025 class is looking kinda rough and 2026 includes Cameron Boozer and Cooper Flagg, but ultimately having an extra pick in an individual future draft is, I think, more valuable than a swap because it allows for a move-up package
• Toronto 2024 FRP protected 1-6: Masai Ujiri and the Raptors are a little hard to read right now, even more than usual, but I think there's a good chance this could convey next year and still be in the top 10 somewhere.
• Zach Collins: A good starting center on a bad team or a very good backup center on a better team. He's got the Pop endorsement and trading him would leave our C rotation very light unless we've got something else cooking (not a good thing with Victor coming in), but I wouldn't want him to be the sticking point that holds up a potential good deal.
• Malaki Branham: I might be overrating him a bit here because I'm personally very high on Branham, but I think it's close enough. He's shown very promising flashes at the NBA level already, and if he can get more consistent from 3 it'll be very hard to stop him from scoring. Becoming even a passable defender on top of it would give him 6MOTY-level upside.
• Chicago 2025 FRP protected 1-10: I think Chicago's gonna be forced to blow it up soon. Multiple teams below them in the standings last year should be markedly improved already this season and they might even lose Vooch. So this may not convey for a while, if at all.
• Boston 2028 pick swap, protected for 1st overall: This is probably about even with the Chicago pick, really. Things can change quick in the NBA but I don't expect Boston to be bad for a while, and again, it's just a swap.
• Charlotte 2024 pick, lottery protected: This will almost definitely not convey next year. Maaaaybe in 2025, but I'm really starting to doubt LaMelo's ability to stay on the floor. And a pick outside of the lottery in a bad draft class won't be worth all that much.
• Blake Wesley: I've never been a Wesley believer and he didn't show anything last year to convince me I might be wrong, but maybe some team likes his upside enough that he could work as a sweetener.
• Doug McDermott: A knockdown perimeter movement shooter who isn't worth much on his own, but could be attractive as a veteran piece for a team that can't otherwise hit 3s.
• All of our 20+ SRPs

We also, again, have all of our own FRPs, but there's too many unknowns across the next couple years for me to try and predict their value. Suffice it to say that I wouldn't trade next year's under any circumstances, would only let go of 2025's if it was protected for the lottery, and would probably be willing to have talks about any of them in or after 2026.
Potential Trade Analysis
Before anything else, I want to be clear that I'm not advocating for all or even most of these trades. I'm simply doing my best to demonstrate what we might have to give up based on history.
And again, there are a lot of mitigating factors to these other recent trades. Draft class strength, roster makeup, financial situation, etc. - it's impossible to ever get 1-to-1 comparisons for something like this. But I think they work pretty well as rough examples.
Oh, and here's an aggregation of the current "professional" mock drafts out there in case anyone wants an idea of what prospects we'd be talking about in each position.
One last thing: When I'm talking about trades that have been made for these picks historically, I'm only including ones that were made between the lottery and draft day or on draft night specifically, since obviously the slots for future picks in other trades wouldn't have been known at the time of the deal.
Pick #5 (Detroit)

• 2018: DAL trades w/lightly-protected 2019 1st for pick 3 (the now-famous Luka/Trae trade)

PROPOSAL: This.
We don't have a great comparison point to open with here, but this feels about right to me. No one, media or fans, can agree on Keldon's trade value, and there's some teams I think he very much would not fit on, but I think it makes a lot of sense on Detroit’s end for the reasons Edwards laid out - he opens up a ton of options for the Pistons to experiment with assuming that they actually get a full year of Cade this season and, in the best-case scenario, can become a very good sixth man for them long-term. They really need a young wing, and after the gut punch of falling to #5 where they’re in the unenviable position of having to decide between a bunch of low-floor, high-ceiling guys, they might be tempted to take out the guesswork and go with someone who’s already shown what he can do for a couple years. I'll return to this comparison later, but if Detroit takes Cam Whitmore in this spot, for example, and he becomes what Keldon is now, I think they'd call it a successful pick.
MY EVALUATION: Spurs say no. I think Keldon has more value to SAS than anyone they could be targeting in this spot unless Amen Thompson is still there and the FO is supremely confident in him becoming a decent off-ball player.
Pick #6 (Orlando)

• 2013: NOP trades to PHI with protected 2014 first for Jrue Holiday and pick 42

PROPOSAL: SAS trades Devin Vassell, CHI 1st and pick 33 for picks 6 and 36
I’ve seen rumors that ORL might want to package this and their #11 pick to move up, but I don’t know where that comes from. Can’t see Charlotte taking a deal like that, Portland and allegedly Houston want immediate help instead of two more rookies, and the #5 from Detroit wouldn’t really be worth it from the Magic’s standpoint. Maybe they can send #6 and #11 plus Suggs to the Rockets? Either way, the Magic are another of those teams I was talking about earlier that already has a lot of young players that they want to get touches, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they move one of their two picks for something else.
Holiday was coming off an all-star season, and though Vassell is obviously not an all-star (at least not yet), I do think he's a pretty decent approximation of 2013 Jrue Holiday. Same age, and the best players on their respective teams. Good defense, good outside shot and still some room to grow as a self-creator. I think he was probably looking at some MIP votes last year if he hadn’t gotten hurt.
MY EVALUATION: Spurs say no, obviously. They're not trading Devin. I think they could theoretically get this slot just by giving up a big package of picks, but at that point the evaluation becomes too difficult to really be worth it for this exercise IMO.
Pick #7 (Indiana)

• 2017: MIN trades pick 7 with Kris Dunn and LaVine to CHI for Jimmy Butler and pick 16

Obviously there’s no real similar deal to be found here - if we had a Jimmy Butler we’d be in a wildly different situation in the first place. I could try to put together a big picks package, but IND is guaranteed a very promising prospect at this spot and, in my opinion, they have too many holes in their team right now (or at least a very large defense-shaped hole) to move it for futures when they're already looking at more picks than they want to make.
MY EVAULATION: They'd ask for Vassell and they won't get him; this pick won't be ours. Moving on.
Pick #8 (Washington)

• 2016: SAC trades to PHX for picks 13 and 28, a future 2, and rights to Bogdan Bogdanovic

PROPOSAL: SAS trades Malaki Branham, Tre Jones, TOR 1st, CHA 1st for pick 8 and Delon Wright
Here’s where things start getting a little interesting, because this is the first slot where I can see one of the presumptive primary targets for the Spurs enter the mix in Anthony Black. Indiana might give him a look if they really value his defense and versatility, but I think Walker and Hendricks are more likely directions. So that brings us to Washington. That organization makes my head hurt but I have a hard time seeing a universe where they don’t make this pick. Either they keep smashing their head against the wall of irrelevance or they finally decide to tear it down, and either way it doesn’t make much sense for this pick to find its way to us.
But if the Wizards were to trade this pick, I imagine it'd be because they’re getting a young and high-upside prospect who’s already shown legit NBA flashes in Branham, which they’re sorely lacking and could reasonably be thought of as equivalent to or probably even a little bit better than Bogdanovic in 2016. This also gets them an uber-reliable young backup PG that can be had for a few cheap years (something you'd be pretty happy to get with a #28 pick) and the Spurs take back Wright for salary purposes and to have a veteran PG option of their own, though it’s entirely possible WAS values Wright more highly anyway for defensive purposes.
MY EVALUATION: Both teams say no, although if we put Wesley in there instead of Branham I think things get interesting from the Spurs' point of view. You can never predict the Wizards, but I think Michael Winger would have to be given an offer they can’t refuse to tempt them not to just stay here and pick Black or Hendricks or Whitmore or whoever else has fallen to them. Reportedly, he has the blessing to finally rebuild if he so chooses, and it’s hard to see them not starting the process off here. Not for nothing, but Winger used to work under Presti.
I do wonder what would happen if the Spurs offered Keldon for this pick straight-up, though. If Kuzma leaves, the Washington wing situation suddenly looks completely ghastly. Returning to the "Whitmore-Johnson test," if the Wizards picked Cam up here and he turned into Keldon, I think they'd be quite pleased. Not "all-time draft victory" pleased, but a huge win for a team that's mangled their draft a couple times recently.
Pick #9 (Utah)

• 2013: MIN trades to UTA for picks 14 and 21

PROPOSAL: SAS trades CHA 1st and CHI 1st for pick 9
Pretty simple here. If a team thinks that Chicago pick will convey, late lottery seems like a reasonable place to expect it to land. If the Charlotte pick conveys, it'll be in that 15-20 range.
MY EVALUATION: Utah says no because there's a good chance those picks don't convey, because picks in future drafts are always treated as less valuable than those in the same draft, and because Ainge doesn't make trades when he's not fleecing the other team for all their worth. Also, Utah doesn't really need more future picks either.
You know what? That was boring. How about another option?
PROPOSAL: SAS trades Keldon for pick 9
The Ainge factor remains, but in a vacuum I do think this is pretty fair value straight up. Let’s talk about the SAS rotation for a minute assuming they do indeed make SOME trade for a PG prospect. Wemby and Vassell are starting, no question. Collins got the Pop endorsement at the end of last season, so he’s in there too. That leaves four players fighting for two starting spots: Keldon, Sochan, Tre Jones, and the newly drafted PG. Sochan started 53 of the 56 games he played last year, and with the excellent upside he has, I have a hard time imagining he’s not getting the nod at the 3; even if he’s not, he’ll be getting tons of minutes. I and others have supported the Point Sochan experiment, but if we’re bringing in a real PG, I doubt we’ll see a whole lot more of that and they certainly won’t start a Sochan/Vassell/Keldon/Wemby/Collins lineup. So Keldon’s probably sliding to the sixth man role. And that’s fine - if he has a role on this team when they’re ready to contend again, it’ll be that one - but trading a sixth man for the right to select the guy you theoretically think can be Victor’s running mate for a decade, especially when there’s plenty of other guys off the bench that you want to keep giving minutes to, is more than reasonable all things considered.
As far as UTA goes, they need a PG prospect all on their own but I think they can get Kobe Bufkin with their #16 pick and I kinda love the fit there for him. If you’re the Jazz, would you rather have Keldon and Bufkin or, say, Wallace and Leonard Miller? I don’t know the answer to that, but I think there’s at least a chance they’d prefer the latter, as even with a pretty lean roster I don’t know how badly they want to find playing time for three first rounders this year. Keldon and Markkanen don’t even step on each other’s toes in the UTA system, and though they’ll definitely continue the tank this year to avoid losing their 2024 pick, Keldon could easily still be around on a very team-friendly deal by the time they’re ready to start pushing for the playoffs again.
MY EVALUATION: Utah says no strictly because Ainge gonna Ainge. I'm not sure I'd do it if I was the Spurs, either, because injuries will happen and Victor might get more DNPs for load management this year than any of us want to see. But it’s a conversation worth having and I can’t say I’d be falling to my knees in an HEB if it happened on draft night.
Pick #10 (Dallas)

• 2018: PHI trades to PHX for pick 16 and a Miami first in 2021
• 2017: SAC trades to POR for picks 15 and 20
• 2014: PHI trades to ORL for pick 12, 2015 second, and 2017 first*

Strap in, this is a fun one.
PROPOSAL: This.
This is the pick in the lottery that I think is most likely to move, outside of maaaybe #3. That’s kind of awkward, because Dallas wants (needs) talent to help them win now and we don’t have much of that. Specifically, they need defense and a real starting center - if they can get both of those in one guy, so much the better. Keldon doesn’t move the needle for them IMO and we’re obviously not gonna give up Vassell at this slot. The OTHER thing Dallas needs, though, is something we do have in spades: cap room. Our old friend Davis Bertans has one of the worst contracts in the league for next season - $17m for a guy whose defense deficiencies make him unplayable - and while he only has $5m guaranteed in 2024, I think Dallas needs help right now to keep from running a real risk of fracturing their relationship with their best player since Dirk.
I think it’s POSSIBLE Dallas just trades this pick with Bertans and, say, McGee for, the TOR 1st + CHA 1st + a bucket of SRPs or something, then tries their luck in free agency (to go for Jakob or Brook etc.) before using their new draft capital to seek another trade if need be, but I think it’s more likely that we’d be looking at a full-on three-teamer here. There’s a lot of options there depending on which teams are panicking or not, and most of them I don’t find overly likely. Does Boston overreact and give up Robert Williams in a psychotic episode? Does Atlanta move Capela? Eh. Maybe, I guess, but I doubt it. How about Cleveland, though?
This is a pretty skeletal framework of what a deal could look like so don’t take it as absolute gospel. Three-team trades are often complicated enough that there could easily be a few more moving pieces were such a trade to happen.
MY EVALUATION: This could be a winner. I don’t think CLE has to trade Allen yet, but if they’re not exploring the option and asking themselves some tough questions about whether the pairing with Mobley is the real long-term answer after what happened against the Knicks, they’re not doing their job. THJ shot almost the same percentage on 3s as Caris Levert did last year on over three more attempts per game, and his defense, while not amazing by any means, is better than it gets credit for. Getting rid of Rubio also gives them a little extra salary to play with in free agency - it’s not much, and it’s not a great class, but I think there’s enough there for Cleveland to find a way to make themselves a better playoff team than they were last year. This also lets them recoup some draft capital that is basically nonexistent for them right now after the Mitchell trade.
On the Spurs side, even if Rubio is basically washed, he’s an incredibly smart and experienced PG who could do a lot to mentor the young guy that we’d be bringing in at the position, and if he needs to come in for a few minutes here and there to hold down the fort, that’s fine too - we’re not trying to be good yet. I’d be surprised if we don’t bring in a vet guard in some fashion this offseason regardless. Plus, we have to get to the salary floor before the season starts anyway; why not kill three birds with one stone on this trade?
Cleveland probably still says no. I don't know if they're quite ready to pull the plug on Allen. But I don't think it's that far off.
Pick #11 (Orlando)

• 2022: NYK trades to OKC for 3 protected first-rounders (DET (protected), WAS (protected), DEN, all 2023)
• 2018: CHA trades to LAC for pick 12 and two 2s
• 2016: ORL trades with Oladipo and Ilyasova to OKC in return for Ibaka

PROPOSAL: SAS trades TOR 1st, CHI 1st, and Doug McDermott for pick 11
Last year's trade is the easiest comparison to make on this list. Not perfect, still, but with the added context of what other trades in this range have brought back, I think it still works. The DET and WAS picks were fairly heavily protected (top 18 and lottery, respectively) and I don’t think it surprised anyone that the Nuggets pick is as late as it is, so despite it being three first rounders the overall value OKC traded wasn’t huge. Even with the Knicks having financial incentive to move off the pick, the package was pretty well in line with historical trades in this range. That said, I think people are viewing the talent around this slot higher than 2022’s at the time, so the offer might need to still be a tiny bit stronger. But one could reasonably argue the TOR pick alone is more valuable than anything else that's been given for this slot in the last 10 years.
Let's talk about the Magic a little more. Let’s say Orlando is pretty happy with what they’ve got right now, which I think they should be. Banchero was a very deserving ROTY, Franz is a bucket, and they’ve got a lot of promising supplemental pieces. They looked pretty dangerous at times last year, especially in the second half of the season when they were healthy. What they DON’T have is a lot of excess draft capital. They own Denver’s pick in 2025 which isn’t likely to be very valuable, and other than that they have only their own firsts. A trade like this allows them the chance to keep adding lottery talent into the future even if they expectedly become a consistent playoff team, and since they also have #6 this year they don’t even have to completely go without a shiny new rookie to do it. Doug is included because the return still felt a tad light to me and because Orlando was 25th in the league in 3PT% last year - it’ll help if they get a full season of Gary Harris, but if they want to make a strong run at the play-in, they might need a little more. Lots of mocks like them to take Gradey Dick here, and while McDermott obviously wouldn’t figure into their long term plans, if they’re making to look a little noise this year, McDermott is almost definitely giving them more than what Dick would as a rookie.
MY EVALUATION: This is my favorite slot to target and I think it's a fair trade for both teams. Orlando doesn't necessarily need to add two more lottery guys to their roster this year when they can conceivably make a push for the play-in with what they already have, even while still getting touches for their foundational pieces. The Spurs like McDermott and I'm sure would love to keep him around all else being equal, but I don't think they'd let him stand in the way of getting their PG of the future. It might take the CHA pick as well or maybe a bunch of seconds or something, but I think we have something here all things considered.
Pick #12 (Oklahoma City)

• 2016: ATL acquires from UTA in three-team trade (sends Jeff Teague to IND who sends George Hill to UTA)

Now this spot on the other hand... There's nothing to be done here. There’s nothing to be done here. Teague averaged 15pts and 6ast per game as a starter for 5 years in ATL with an all-star season in ‘15. Hill had slightly worse stats in 4 years as a starter in Indiana. Tre Jones plus the TOR 1st might be comparable value, but OKC doesn’t need a PG even at the backup position and they already have more future picks than they know what to do with. The scuttlebutt seems to be saying OKC will trade up if anything, which makes sense, and they certainly don’t need to do anything drastic after the improvement they showed last year and Holmgren still waiting in the wings. I’ve done plenty of looking for an angle on this pick and I just don’t see one. They’ve even got plenty of cap room and no bad salary to begin with. We’ll just move on.
Pick #13 (Toronto)

• 2022: CHA trades to NYK for a Denver 1st and four 2nds, who then trade to DET after the draft with Kemba for a Milwaukee 1st in 2025
• 2017: DEN trades to UTA for pick 24 and Trey Lyles
• 2013: DAL trades to BOS for pick 16 and two future seconds

This one needs some intro first. I have no idea what the Raps are planning to do and allegedly the team doesn’t either. Reportedly, Masai still thinks they have the ability to win now - I don’t know if that means actually winning a championship or just getting to the playoffs, but I think he’s wrong either way. Regardless, he’s such a bizarre trader that it feels impossible to predict what may or may not get a deal done. He overvalues his own players to an absurd degree, but he seems to do the same with Spurs players too. How we ever got a first rounder (that became Branham) for Thad Young and Drew Eubanks I’ll never know. So yeah, there’s certainly a recent history of swaps between us and them, one of which famously worked out amazingly and a couple others that very much didn’t.
Whatever direction Toronto does decide to go in, I think they’d be best served just making this pick. Keldon doesn’t make sense for them and we’re way past the part of the lottery where we’d even consider trading him anyway. But how about another direction?
PROPOSAL: SAS trades CHA 1st and pick 44, plus more future SRPs, and extends protection on 2024 TOR 1st to top-12 in 2024, top 10 in 2025. In return, SAS receives pick 13.
I wonder if something this simple gets it done. Maybe what we can best offer Toronto is flexibility. Maybe they carry this whole “I dunno” mentality into the season and then they’re a completely mediocre team at the trade deadline again staring down the barrel of a lost season where they probably still have to give up a pick to us that could easily fall into the 7-10 range. Would they give up #13 this year to ensure they can’t lose, say, pick #8 next year if their season falls apart? I don’t know, but maybe. With this offer, they even still get to make a couple other picks this year, and they’ve had success with late firsts and early seconds recently on drafts that looked a good deal thinner. Hell, looking at recent swaps for this slot, this even feels almost like an overpay - I think PATFO would have to be very sure about the guy they’re picking to give up a top-6 protected selection from a team in TOR’s current position.
This is the pick right now that I think is the most up in the air as far as availability - it could change dramatically over the next month depending on what sorts of conversations are happening in Raptors HQ. They could move up, they could move down, they could stand pat. I have no idea. It’s also the deal that I think has the most potential to come together extremely quickly on draft night; I could see Toronto having a couple specific guys in mind here and then scrambling to make a deal if they’re suddenly off the board.
MY EVALUATION: Raptors say no, but they think long and hard about it first.
Pick #14 (New Orleans)
Has not been traded in the last decade.
Sorry to end with a whimper, but yeah, I don’t see a deal to be made here. If they’re healthy they’ll be a team no one wants to see in the playoffs, and if they’re not, there’s nothing much they can do about it at this juncture. They’ve got plenty of future picks, they won’t want anyone on the SAS squad that we’d give up for pick 14, and there will absolutely be talent here that can help them immediately; they’re keeping this. I GUESS they might look for someone to dump Valanciunas in favor of one of the free agent Centers, but that would be kinda risky on their part and they’d probably want a return that’s less abstract than just the cap room and a few second rounders or whatever.
JUST-FOR-FUN PROPOSAL: This hilariousness.
I expect PHX to have better offers on the table for Ayton, but after his disappearing act in the playoffs I wouldn’t say it’s a certainty. Maybe they’re so tired of him that this feels like an okay return, and maybe New Orleans thinks they can unlock whatever potential might be left. This also gets the Spurs the veteran C they reportedly want; JoVal isn’t exactly an elite rim protector but he’s a heck of a rebounder and can stretch the floor on the other end.
Like I said, though, this is just for kicks anyway for the people who want a wild idea; I don’t think the Pels want Ayton and I don’t think they should.
MY EVALUATION: New Orleans says no because they're not insane and Phoenix probably does too. But it was a fun time in the trade machine.
So, just to recap...

• Picks I can’t see us getting: 6-8, 12, 14
• Probably not, but I could believe it: 5, 9, 13
• Sweet spot: 10 and 11

Pick #11 is the one I’d spend most of my time going after on the phone if I was an executive. #10 has its merits, especially because I personally like the Rubio idea a lot, but we can get a Cory Joseph or George Hill in free agency just as easily to fill that role, and the larger problem is that we’re already going to be dealing with a roster crunch that Bertans and/or McGee would exacerbate. #11 could end up costing nothing but picks that we have an excess, plus maybe McDermott, who we were perfectly willing to move at the deadline anyway and who would actually open up one of those valuable roster spots as well. I also don’t think there’s much danger in Dallas taking the guy we want if he is still on the board at 10.
Again, don’t take my proposals as any kind of hard offers; several of them I wouldn’t even support myself, as you can see. This is just meant as a quick-and-dirty (well, at least dirty) reference for what kind of value we might be looking at in these discussions.

I was seeking God that day, it was pretty typical to spend the first 40 minutes or so of the morning reading God's word and listening to instrumental worship music, I had been doing this consistently for six or seven months, (saved in 2011) Truly valued my time with God and spend time with the Holyspirit, his presence... that day I remember specifically desiring to be in his perfect will, nothing held back or expected. I just wanted Jesus. To the best of my knowing that was what I was seeking and desiring, not to say I was so wonderful - didn't have issues or things I struggled with of course just laying a foundation for where I was at about seven months ago..
I began my morning this way and I remember watching a short Bible study from a YouTuber I really like, she does woman's Bible studies, it was on Noah. I remember thinking of how sweet it was that God took care of every animal, thoughtful of everything- I prayed that I would be close to him, be in his perfect will no matter what- I went into work and started at that, prayed throughout the day and was happy to get off work at four. That evening I had some enchiladas and chips.. went home around seven or eight o'clock and was scrolling on my phone on the couch at the end of the day.
I was on Facebook and scrolled past a post from a Christian prayer page I liked, the post seemed to indicate she was disturbed and afraid that she had committed the unpardonable sin.. I clicked to see the comments and most people assured her that if she was worried, and unsure she probably hadn't.. a few people tried to explain what they believed it was.. I remember wondering myself what is it exactly? Never thought about it in depth really-
I didn't know so, in turn, I didn't know how to comfort her or assure her of anything... I scrolled on for about 30 seconds to a minute and I had a blasphemous thought hit me so hard I was shocked. It was a cuss word against- ____ And I was stunned and fearful all at once. I wouldn't have been more stunned if bricks fell on me.. I felt my heart sink in fear and my insides turned.. I whispered "what?!" to myself out of dread or shock don't know which was dominant..
I ran upstairs to express to my Mom that I had such a horrible thought hit my head- I didn't repeat it or desire to so I vaguely gave her an idea.. I told her it made me afraid and asked her to pray against it. She did- I did and I went downstairs to pray- my nerves still shot and the thought now trying to repeat... I went back downstairs and began to cry and pray-beg God to help me, and forgive me, but already I felt different? Different as in feeling separated from God as if my voice couldn't reach him any longer..
My heart that had sunk in with fear felt frozen in the trauma already, never felt this afraid and numb simultaneously. I still did what came natural, pray, go to God, I told him it wasn't me- I didn't mean that and that I didn't understand. I continued without any trace of his presence or comfort.. and I tried to go to bed for church the next day, trying to rebuke the intrusive thoughts but somehow not work myself up more..
I went to church the next day with my best friend and I still felt out of it, frozen in fear, I got prayer and was crying profusely.. trying to "snap out of it".. just couldn't.. I felt nothing of God's love, peace, joy, anything.
These weird feelings of disassociation kept on and even got worse.. the intrusive thoughts amped up as well.. I prayed and prayed.. I was so tired, but i kept praying.. just knowing I didn't want this and knew God would help me.. but things just got worse.. I stopped eating, sleeping well and had a constant feeling of shock and disassociation in life. Feeling unreal, empty, painful hurt inside- physically hurt. My mind couldn't take anymore. I was desperate, so I began an antidepressant after two months of sinking - and it's helped somewhat, I can function better.. I have been taking it since December of 22" about 5 months ago.. I'm still not healed or free from this but it still remains that I never expected or wanted this, despite it I'm tortured with feeling reluctant towards God, I'm afraid when I attend church these feelings amplify and I feel further condemned.. I don't want this.. I can't bear not having God's love and comfort... I spent time with the Holyspirit I enjoyed his love .. I can't understand.
I wanted God to cleanse me, change me whatever he wanted to do.. and I felt I was blindsighted.. but how could this be happening if I didn't deserve it.. I didn't mean for this.. but I fear what if somehow it was me but I wanted God to help me.. I truly did. I'm human I'm evil but I loved him as best as I could..
I was at church today, we were going to get prayer up front and we all formed a line.. I whispered, praying to God- please let me be close to you again, please help me please take this torment out of me.. I felt desperate as I do when I confront this crisis I'm going through.. it's too devastating and horrifying to reflect on too much..
I begged him to forgive me and please heal me whatever this is.. I was prayed for and the only thing I had was tears.. I cried and my heart had a little relief from the burden in it, but no love touched me or peace that always used to help me.. I feel like my heart can't be comforted..
I know that God is true, I can't be right and him wrong.. I know.. I'm not trying to make that case in any way. I just wish I understood.. I wish I wasn't so confused and hurt. Feeling lost. I just wish I was close with God again, his love.. I wish I wasn't so wrong. I don't know what to do