I have been diagnosed with OCD for about 6 years now, I went through a ton of therapy and thought I dealt with it- BUT about a year ago I developed a feaobsession about chlamydia. I’ve also never had a contamination based obsession before.
I got chlamydia over a year ago, and I ended up being unresponsive to the normal medication used for treatment, so I had to try a different antibiotic which ultimately cleared it- which I think in part has fueled my fear. Since then I have been tested again 4 times (all negative) but I still somehow end up convincing myself I have chlamydia, and for some reason that it’s antibiotic-resistant.
I feel dirty all the time, especially after I use the bathroom. I’ve started excessively scrubbing myself when I shower, and I check myself all the time for physical signs of chlamydia. I’ve also developed a severe compulsion to urinate frequently, which is just straight up physically painful and only makes me more anxious when I feel like I have to pee all the time. No amount of medical research I do in my free time is able to convince me I don’t have it. I’m fully aware when I think logically that I don’t have a chlamydia, but I can’t help and experience these thoughts- contamination based obsession is totally new to me.
For context, I’ve only had one sexual parter since I cleared the infection whom I trust and knew did not have chlamydia, we never had unprotected sex, and we recently broke up anyways so I’m currently not sexually active at all.
I am getting back into therapy by the end of the month to deal with this, but if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom on easing the anxiety that comes with it all, it’s more than welcome!

Other fun dating podcasts I enjoy listening to, such as U Up and Cocktales, along with other more general informal podcasts tend to have the hosts catch up at the beginning of the pod.
The good thing about this is they love completely seperate lives and they catch up about their seperate lives to each other and when they catch up it feels like you’re in on a conversation with your besties.
With GGE their lives are so co-dependant and intertwined that their stories are being told at you rather than to each other, every story is about them traveling to live shows, going out together, traveling together, going to each others houses.
Could you imagine sitting at brunch with friends and two of the friends just sat there describing their time together? It would be genuinely insufferable.
I feel like as listeners were not getting any genuine interactions between these two anymore because any story they tell on here they make clear that the other person has already witnessed or be told about it.
I think if Ashley had started Vibes Only and Rayna went on to do her own side project with food or something like that and they had seperate interactions outside of this show or each other the podcast could really still have legs.
I feel like these girls live are all about this show, creating the show, going to shows, filming shows, and they’re living sun a bubble and it’s not very fun to listen to as a viewer.
A secondary problem I have that is seperate to this so that they treat the live shows like other podcasters treat Pateron or other similar premium platforms.
I’m fine with them having premium content, and charging for that. I just wish it didn’t take up 20 minutes of every normal episode and everytime they go to tell a story they don’t want to share details or “waste a joke” on the Main show.
If you don’t have enough material to fill the normal show without describing how much material you’re wasting, then you don’t have enough material.
I feel like other platforms have premium content that is a good income source for them with out taking so much of the hosts time both inside and outside of the podcast.
Imagine how much free time they would have to do other projects and live more interesting lives if they didn’t have to to spend every waking moment preparing, advertising, organising, traveling and putting on live shows all the time.
Anyway rant over.

Ok you can call me stupid or tasteless. I know the series is HIGHLY surreal and many supernatural aspects are there to symbolize something and all, I KNOW that and I have a gist of some of it but it is still highly confusing when the show has so much seeming supernatural from people pulling swords out of their chests, people getting semi mind controlled by Mikage and the black rose and then forgetting all of it, Mikage not aging at all and the later implication that he might have be dead all along and his building being burned like it was in his backstory after he disappeared even though MULTIPLE people visited him there and stuff only for the show to never give ANY explanation what is the source of all of that and even kinda act like none of it is real with Akio revealing that the castle was an illusion from his device in his own freakin room (so somehow no one realized they were going to the chairman's room for dueling all this time ?)
Like again I KNOW that almost all of it are a part of the show's surrealism and its themes that is about the characters and their growths, insecurities and such but I think the show still leaned a bit too hard on its supernatural only to never to reveal how much of it is real or If NONE of it is real how did many things even happen or how right it is to make the show center around it so much only for most of the events on screen to not actually be happening as it makes so many things unclear.
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So I need to ask. How many supernatural aspects of this show are real ? How do they happen, what is the source of it ? And If It is not real then Why is Akio trying to have these duels to get the ''power of Dios'' when it is nothing but his own past self there ? Is there an ACTUAL power he wants to achieve because otherwise If it just an idea or metaphor for him trying to take back who he was before and his princely qualities or something how does someone else reaching all the way there gonna make that happen ? So I ask again
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Please explain the REAL plot and events to me as clear as possible (like what exactly are the ideas behind things and how do they work) ?
Are any of the supernatural elements real, If yes how do they exist ? If they don't how can we explain things like Mikage ? Like even for surrealism you can't have a whole ass building that was supposed to be burned down to be there, said to have be rebuilt and is visited by a lot of characters only to later show that it was never rebuilt and is still burned down after Mikage left and act like it is just a message or theme.
What exactly is the Power of Dios ? And why does Akio want it and how can his duels make him achieve it ? Because even in the end after Utena made it all the way there he couldn't actually open it. AND It was Anthy there in the tomb not Dios so doesn't that whole thing means that the tomb is supposed to be Anthy's heart ? And Utena opening it was representing Utena finally freeing Anthy's heart and from Akio, that was what I got from that scene, Did I misunderstood it ? If I did what did it actually mean ? and If I didn't get it wrong how does opening Anthy's heart any use to Akio when she was obeying him to that point ? Please explain things to me so I can understand.

I'm sorry if this post won't be too uniform, I have CPTSD due to both my parents abuse(emotional, physical,neglect,CSA) and talking about my mum gets me quite scrambled. I'll try and be to the point as much as I can anyways
I'm 23 and Trans. I've decided that this is the year I want to book my top surgery, I've been on testosterone for a year and this feels like the last step so I can finally start living my life. In the UK the wait list for surgery is looking like 5 years for me. I'm already getting hormones privately so I decided to pay out of pocket for surgery.
When I was 17 my dad died. I had been no contact for a few years (I don't remember because amnesia) and the whole ordeal was hugely triggering and traumatic. My mum had been reaching the peak of her emotional abuse at home and turned my siblings against me, and I was entering such a bad mental health episode that I couldn't find the words to explain to my teachers at school how bad things were. No matter how much I cried in front of them and wasn't able to do my work for hours sat in front of a computer, none of my teachers did anything. After my dad died my mum only got worse. Guilt tripping me for not being legally able to do the paperwork or arranging the funeral. Annoyed that I couldn't stand going into his flat to clear it out because it triggered my PTSD too much to even touch his things (she knew how abusive he was but really invalidated and gaslit me for it during this time) Her response to this was integrating his household things into ours, forcing me to face and touch them everywhere I went. Even filling out cutlery drawer with his. It made me feel nauseous. She had made such a toxic atmosphere with the outer circle family that none of them knew me well enough to know how to offer support at my dad's funeral. I remember awkwardly sitting alone as his only child and barely anyone who claimed to know him trying to talk to me. (My siblings had a different dad and they were much older, so I was left alone in this)
My dad dying was also incredibly freeing. I wasn't scared of being murdered anymore. He had been paying life insurance, that was for me to claim as his next of kin. I plan to use this money for my surgery.
In 2021 I was given the paperwork to finally claim the life insurance after arguing back and forth with my mum about how I didn't know what to do with it and I needed support. She didn't want anything to do with it, but at the same time she didn't want to organise the paperwork and hand it over to me. It took until then for her to just dump it with me. I came out to her in the same meeting and it went badly, she doesn't believe I'm trans, hates it, the usual.
I'm not going to go into it but I've had a lot happening in my life that were big enough things stopping me from being able to claim my dad's life insurance (which was triggering, and I'd also have to navigate it legally as his daughter) so I'm just getting into it now. But I'm determined, I need my surgery and it's my main motivation in this. I called offices and multiple organisations and support services for 2 weeks trying to figure out how to fill out the forms. Eventually I came to the conclusion, I need to have the information for inheritance tax regardless of if I have any to pay. This paperwork is separate to getting a probate, which in the UK just gives you the legal right to Handel the deceaseds estate (the life insurance policy) which is what I have to apply for next before I can claim the insurance.
When my mum gave me the paperwork for the insurance, there was 0 information about his bank accounts, estate value, debt, funeral costs, all of which I need to know the value to submit for tax checks. (I know I don't need to pay anything but there's no way I can progress without) I already pleaded with my mum for information before I had this conclusion and she didn't have anything to give, just went on a guilt tripping rant about everything she did and how hard it was. That took a week because of her slow replies.
I went back to her again, detailing specifically what I needed, even sending her a link that asks all the questions I need the figures for. And she wouldn't stop deflecting with questions about my personal life because we've been on minimal contact. She tried to brush it off saying she'd contact her solicitor, but how can I trust her to do that when it takes her years to hand off paperwork? It's really not hard but when I ask for specific things she always acts like I'm demanding something huge from her just because she'll have to make time for it to get done. She mentioned I have another small savings account that I should've taken out since I was 18 and she still hasn't given me the details for it. When I talk to her I feel like I'm going crazy because of how delusional she is, the tangents she goes off on. The intense lack of boundaries she has. It's so intensely enraging and it's so hard to not blow up and stick to the point.
I'm moving house soon (hopefully, I still can't find a place) and I need her to be my gaurantor, and then after that and I get my legal documents from her I'm dreaming of cutting her off forever. So I can't go off on her now, it's too fragile since I don't know the next time I'm going to have to ask her to sign onto my new lease. But I'm frozen with nothing to do while she takes days to reply to me and I have no idea of she's making progress. Is there any way I can make her move faster on this? I'll resort to anything at this point. She's a horrible human being and I just want my surgery. (I haven't told her what I'm using the money for. I'm disabled and mentioned I could maybe use it for better treatment because the wait lists are all so long, hoping she'd move faster by taking pity which she did. But it didn't specifically result in her doing anything)
Since this is pretty specific to my situation I don't know how long I'll keep this post up, but anything at all would be appreciated. I feel so depressed and I'm tired of her taking my control away

Like the title says; I love it when I have free time to myself where I can be as drunk as I want to to. To be clear, I have plenty of friends and love ones (including a wife whom i enjoy spending time with) but I just love getting drunk all by by lonesome. When I'm drinking alone in my apartment, everything just slows down, you know? I can focus on things that make me happy and I don't feel any guilt about it. I mean, I feel 'some' guilt. I know drinking like this is usually a red flag, so I try to keep it to a minimum. But still, I can't help feel enamored with the sensation of inebriated isolation. Anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk

I think about this a lot, concerning Western life. I'm a millennial and I feel that I was born right at the end of the last era. My parents and grandparents were born into a time when the stresses of life forced them to have an obligatory closeness for family, and they never really questioned existence or their place in the world. Meanwhile I work for a megacorporation that fucks me, I have little to no meaning in life, and most of my free time is spent mulling through ideas of existence and meaning, and physically recovering from the obligatory social interaction of my work. I don't have to do hard labor, therefore I'm not fit, despite working constantly.
We've gotten fat, we've become so disconnected from each other, and we're glued to screens constantly. We have felt depressed and anxious and burnt out. But many of us don't have very physically taxing jobs. Our problem is stress and lack of belonging. Life has become meaningless, except for the connections with people that we do have, and the hobbies we have (circling back around to screens.) A revolving door of stress makes us no longer struggle to eat, but to scrounge enough together enough to afford our places in the world. Work is meaningless now, just a transaction.
To be fair, I think many of the mental health issues that are common today have always existed. They were undiagnosed, and society taught people to stuff it down and ignore it, which is clearly unhealthy. The world has become better at actually recognizing issues and admitting that they are real, but the issues themselves are so much more amplified in the population than they used to be, I think. We are so much more alone than we ever have been before. We live in our own little bubbles, isolated from any real community working together for common good.
This doesn't bode well for the future of our species. We have access to so much knowledge that 200,000 years of human history did not. But we are degrading at the core. We are losing what it means to be human. We have retreated inward and it isn't healthy for us. Technology is a great help, but it makes us lazy, and keeps us from our mental and physical health. If only we could find a balance. Strengthen our communities, and look out for each other. Actually meet people again. Actually be physically healthy again.
I don't know how to achieve this, but I hope someone solves it one day. But I think what I've mentioned is most of the problem of modern life. Sorry for the stoned rant.

Picture & Timestamp
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BNIB Shirogorov F95 Blade Show Edition. T Pattern Gen 4 - Grey and Yellow anodized titanium handle with M390 blade.
Video of Shiro F95
From media release - "Shirogorov Knives has built a special F95 T designated for the upcoming 2023 Blade Show! This knife features a striking Grey/Yellow anodized Titanium handle that designates the colors of the Blade Show logo and includes a special matching lanyard bead. Other features include an M390 Blade, and MRBS (multi row bearing system)."
These were offered at the 2023 Blade Show and the remaining examples were sold via a lottery. I won the lottery, but after receiving the knife have found the size of the knife doesn't suit me and I don't need another piece to just sit in my safe. I much prefer the size of the Shiro Neon.
This is BNIB, I took it out, flipped it open and put it back in the box for a day. The only other action it has seen is exactly what you see in the video. It's back in the box and will stay that way until it arrives to you!
Asking $1400 shipped to your door. Will entertain trades, especially for a Shiro Hatian or newest generation Quantum.
Feel free to throw something at me, the worst I can say is No Thanks! Please be clear with what your trade offer is relative to the overall deal. What are you offering - straight across or plus/minus X cash
Thank You!

I love analyzing people and I study psychology very often in my free time, and I’ve also worked with survivors of domestic violence, etc.
I’m really like concerned by the dynamic of their relationship. Even though I think they’re both awful I do have like long standing theories about them as people.
I read Jenna’s book and I’ve been very interested ever since. She doesn’t really read to me as a bad person, just someone really traumatized and afraid, that’s why she runs.
I think she has always been attracted to abusive people (based on her book especially). Her relationships have always been extremely chaotic. I think the abandonment by her mom really affected her. She talks about being fearless a lot and I suspect it’s partially because she is really afraid of being left or abandoned again. She is almost NEVER vulnerable, not truly, which is why she can’t really heal or process her trauma… or w en genuinely discuss what’s happened/happening in her life. I think most people would like her a lot more if she was just honest… but she doesn’t have that ability now. I think she had to lock away that part of herself to survive the things that happened, and that becomes inaccessible after a while. I think dominating personalities like Jessi are attractive because it seems like they won’t abandon her - they’re so obsessive that it feels safe until it’s not.
She obviously self medicates her gnarly trauma with substances - probably because being truly close to other people feels unsafe. Hence abandoning her children - those relationships feel vulnerable and probably force her to access part of herself she doesn’t want to be in touch with, the little girl who lost her mom and had to take care of herself ever since. I have some sympathy for her, even after how she has been. She’s an addict and she’s stuck in runaway mode.
It’s kinda that thing of using makes you do things that you have to use to distract yourself from.
I don’t hate her for abandoning her kids and I was abandoned by my mom. I understand being an addict. I’m not defending her either. She has a lot to answer for and she obviously doesn’t have the integrity or personal strength to do it. That’s also why she relies on dominating personalities - she lacks a lot of backbone. All bark, no bite. I mean even her super filtered everything is her hiding and running away.
She never had a mom, she has no idea how to do it, she doesn’t want to face that. She doesn’t want to face anything with her kids either. She just wants to run.
She knows how to manipulate people and she’s good at it. She started when she was young with men and she’s been doing it her whole life. Her manipulation is also, in a way, her hiding. She doesn’t want to be honest and vulnerable, so she uses ploys and tricks and lies I can only guess with other people.
The problem comes when the jig is up - so to speak. Once people see through all the smoke and mirrors is probably when the relationships end. Because she hasn’t really developed herself, she is mostly smoke and mirrors. People find her attractive if they think they can rescue her or if she constantly validates them or whatever, but eventually they can see through her and they do what she is most afraid of and leave, reinforcing the idea in her head that she is just smoke and mirrors, so she keeps smoke and mirrors-Inc.
She’s also deeply insecure which is why abusive people are attractive, they are obsessive and prop her up. She reeks of insecurity and I probably don’t even have to explain that at all.
Jessi, however, I know a lot less about. She seems to have been bullied a lot as a kid for being gay (she mentions this in one of her Tik toks). I imagine for her not being accepted that way probably created a lot of shame that she bottles up and doesn’t deal with, instead she is super disconnected from herself. She’s also an abuser, and I have zero sympathy for that, tbh. She just seems like she hates herself but can’t access it, so she has to constantly prove herself and she is shameless about it because she NEEDS to be successful to make up for whatever happened to her. She can’t really seem to do anything that well, so she needs fame to feel better about her life, in some ways she probably feels she deserves it because she thinks she’s better than other people; but underneath, she really truly hates herself and any vulnerable part of who she is. Her really obvious spite and rage and abusive tendencies are her self loathing actualized. She needs fame and money and prowess. If she were to be rejected, invalidated, or insulted, she has a massive reaction and causes pain because deep deep down it reminds her of some situation she was powerless in. She’ll reminisce about it like she didn’t care or she learned something, but she’s obviously done zero processing and probably lost that ability long ago. She IMO is more hatable, emotionless, manipulative, and scary than Jenna is.
She really reeks of toxic masculinity, which is possibly why the military was attractive - she wants to seem tough. But she has a real hard time sustaining things (I’m guessing this is why she’s been single) and little patience; she wants the results but she doesn’t really feel like she should have to earn them.
Possibly had a really dominating and abusive parent, or just internalized ideas about being a tough strong men because being a gay woman makes you very vulnerable. Jenna is all bark. Jessi is both bark and bite. Between the two, I’d be a lot more afraid of Jessi - and it sounds like for good reason.
The thing they have in common is that they’re both manipulative and they both LOVE money. U can see this in Jenna’s early days as a stripper. She will gladly exploit herself and other people so she can make cash (she writes about all her ploys and schemes she came up with while stripping). I know the book probably isn’t that accurate, but she clearly has a mind for making money and in the past she wasn’t bad at it. A lot of it is probably lost to drugs now, but I don’t doubt that at some point, she had something.
They’re also both super shameless about how they make money. Jessi will literally beg, Jenna will usually resort to her looks or sex because that’s what has worked.
And, in a lot of ways, they’re both in denial and probably support each others fake realities. Jessi gets an endless source of love and validation (ever heard of narcissistic supply) and maybe even fame from Jenna. Even if she cheats or doesn’t like her, the relationship is attractive. And Jenna feels safe (gun in the waistband etc.) with Jessi.
The problem will come when either of them says or does something that messes with the others delusions. That’s when the Big Fights will start, and the relationship will come to its demise.
Finally, I do really think Jenna has something - that’s why she was famous. Her work ethic is strong, she has actually tried to earn her money, and she did do something.
You can argue that she’s a shitty person or her fame wasn’t deserved or whatever, but she did get it. She has SOMETHING.
Jessi has… nothing. That’s why she’s clinging to Jenna.

ALL IMAGES WITH TIME STAMPS HERE: https://imgur.com/a/Xq0oajf I am male 23y/o 6'1
backstory skip if u dont care:
(i had gyno since 12 years old i used to be a very fat kid stayed with me till today gyno stayed the same, on ralox for about 4months praying it fucks off i think it might have shrunk but could just be lower fat and more muscle) (also don't say i dont because i can take a unflattering pic and it looks tragic) I started lifting at 14 doing pushups and basic shit even before working out i was the strongest mofo in my year group (tested via arm wrestling xd) then i continued on and off till 16, at 16to17 got fat as fuck and depressed to shit because going to school felt like i was setting myself up to becoming a depressed fat wage slave for the rest of my life so instead i quit school and started to transform -fasting for weight loss (longest ive done was 3.5days) and intermit fasting every day - it really worked wonders. dropped to 68kg from 95kg from 17 to 18 and then i started hitting the weights again, at 19 i was benching 70 for about 8 reps skipping legs and deadlifting 100kg for like 5 i dont remember i'm also a smoker since 15 but i quit when i was 19 for 6months during my gym journey then picked it up again because fuck it. Depression kicked back in wanted to kill myself but nothing too serious and quit gym from demotivation (had horrible sleep and was playing video games all the time with no sunlight) then i met someone through a friend and we started a business he quit a few months in but i kept it running from 2020 to 2022 (age20-22) which i then lost passion for and sold it. no idea why he quit to this day dumb mofo i made a half decent amount from it. I've always had my eyes on steroids since i was 15 and it seemed like this was juice of the gods to me and with more research i realised wait it really fucking is the juice of the gods. Anyway depression kicks back in this time from fucked sleep again but also the fact that i spent about 500usd a month on weed. Would spend all the money i made on weed and gambling and ive had some fucking insane wins on gambling, i was on a 50/50 chance to win 46k or 5k - OFC i won the 5k but i was still over the moon, gambled it all away after and the addiction stayed so i ran my business to the ground but with some loans managed to keep it afloat untill i paid my debts backs and as you can see no money to buy weed and a crippling gambling addiction that im using every last inch of will power to not throw money away thats not mine put me into a pretty serious depression. I would spend hours just staring at a wall thinking of ways to kill myself i even looked up how many paracetamol to take to OD but i found out i would probably survive be in pain and then be the biggest burden to the people around me (no-one knows this but me, and you guys now i guess) so one day i went for a walk and saw a random rope hanging from a tree (its still there to this day) i thought this is where i'll do it. But something inside me ticked and i managed to insult myself out of it, i think the walking alone was enough to bring my mental back a little bit. Drastic situations brings drastic solutions, and as you can probably guess this is where i put my foot down and decided to change my life around. I spent next few months researching the fuck outta steroids, quit smoking and found MPMD around this time while also hitting the gym 6-7 times a week with cardio 5-6 times a week (all natty baby!!!) and im not talking about trash 1 hour sessions of sitting on machines either, full body every day 2hours MINIMUM. bought my first cycle from australia so it took like 1.5 months to get to me (most shady website ive ever been on) so now ive been training for about 3 months and im about to hop on my first cycle. (update on my life at the end)
Started cycle 1 at 82kg ended at 95kg (and leaner) Test e 500mg week 1-16 anavar 40mg ED week 9-16 Started cycle 2 at 100kg peaked at 109kg now 98kg Test e 400mg week 1-20 primo 400mg week used var a few times but it started giving acne so i stopped
It is 09JUL as im writing this and i will be doing another 5 weeks of primo and test then finish with another 4 weeks of 150mg test hoping to negate some hormone fluctuations will be using hcg for 4 weeks of trt + extra 2weeks or however much hcg i got left untill pct.
***I ALSO AIM FOR 10K STEPS A DAY EVER SINCE I STARTED TRAINING AGAIN - WOULD USUALLY GO OVER THAT AMOUNT***
Cycle 1 rundown:
started eating at 2.8k calories (increased later to about 4.5k) while training 6-7 times a day with cardio 5-6 times a week (when i took rest days i blew up in strengh next training session) was hungry as fuck all the time so by week 4-5 i upped my calories and i started getting shin splints so i switched to biking, with such a heavy deficit i was craving food like crazy so with time i gave in and had some nasty cheat days (record was 18k in one day) my Bench started at 70kg for 10 by week 6 i was already benching 90 for 10 one day i couldnt find another 15kg plate so i threw on a 20 and repped 100kg for 10 - was very shocked no idea i had it in me, around this time i started anavar and strrengh climbed faster then ever near the end of the cycle i was benching 110 for 7 and 135 for 1 with a 140kg squat and 190kg deadlift. I fucking love anavar but this shit gave me acne after starting it but i didnt care because it didnt look bad and i felt like a fucking monster i noticed when im out i would find many people looking at me and had grannies ask if a 'big strong man' can help them to put groceries in their car. smaller humans would look almost petrified when im walking past them eventually i started smiling at people and shit so they dont think im gonna kill em. Took bloods mid cycle to find my estrogen was double the max range but my test was x10 the max range started AI around week. around week 6-8 i was suffering from high as fuck e2, felt shit, demotivated and no longer a monster also was bloated and craving sugar 24/7. First ai dose i instantly felt back to normal so i continued and even upped mmy dose based off how i was feeling. When the cycle ended i stopped taking ai too which was a poor idea because my e2 fluctated so hard i got the nastiest acne ( as seen on pics) during pct i aalso started cardarine to help with 50 miles bike rides + full body gym sessions (unlimited energy hack i swear to god) i lowered my training and cardio frequency around mid cycle. Training on anavar felt like i was moving feathers and then suddenly my armms just are not able to lift the weight further up anymore, training on pct felt like i had to use my entire will strengh on each set just to each 1 rep from failure (even natty training i would usuallyu have no problem hitting failure) took bloods 8 weeks after cycle - 6 weeks into pct. My test was just below the range but i fucked the test up because day before i had 2.5k calories with 40 mile bike and gym sesh also 15k steps, my ketone (the thing that puts muscle tissue in your blood from over training) levels in my blood were x6 the max range. during cycle my ballsack stayed the same only side i got was acne. also after cycle i upped the fuck outta my training back to 6-7 times a week but this time even more cardio. Ended cycle at 95kg benching 135 for 1 110for 7, ended pct at 88kg benching 125kg for 1 100 for 6.
Edit: i got a pretty bad inury during deadlift with my lat where i couldnt sleep for the first 3 days at all from how much it hurt, couldnt even walk fuck free healthcare shit idiots told me to wait 2 weeks for an apointment so i just decided to firm it instead, i still didnt miss gym days instead i just worked around the injury but i couldnt do like 80% of the stuff i used to. had a hamstring injury from deadlift too so i decided to not train it every other day :3 hehe
Cycle 2 rundown:
PRIMO BABBBYYy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i wasn't so broke right now i would have upped the dose already with how it makes me look/feel. started cycle at about 107kg was a bit demotivated so i ate more, training stayed the same. bench was at 130 for 1, i don't even recall much from this cycle to be honest just the normal training and biking, i noticed biking and training both felt so much easier and more fun, around week 6 of primo i started feeling like a god, insane confidence mood is amazing and i feel like a monster, primo a pussy magnet for sure everytime i would speak to a girl she would give me these eyes with a spark almost saying 'breed me daddy' but we must stay focused brothers. Heavy deficit now and lifts are 150kg bench 180kg squat 230kg deadlift god forbid what happens if i break cut and eat more then 2k calories, for some reason im not feeling hungry at all would go through a huge sesh and dread eating my meal (and i fucking love food) shredding fat day by day insanly quick and strengh is going nowhere just feel like my workouts are harder to give it my all if i can maintain this by end of cycle i will be expecting to look like the classic fake natty influencer. Acne is clearing up nicely and one more month of accutane should do the trick. Primo test giving me only 1 side and that's ive been nutting about 4-5 times a day which then resorted me into fucking anything with a pair of tits, even milfs are getting it and ive made moves on fat girls which i then would come to a conclusion that its NOT WORTH IT. Dick got bigger too pretty cool. Can keep you guys updated if this post blows up i've probably missed some stuff. (not taking any AI) Also i havent done bloods for this cycle at all as i cant afford it, but going off feeling alone i think im just fine :)
Current story: found better supplier that ships next day with all kinds of goodies, browsing their website i'm like a kid in a candy store, but just like a kid i'm broke as fuck. Working on 2 business' currently and picked smoking back up after about 1year break - i know i know the cycle repeats it self i am fully aware, but i think i've come too far to drop back into such a shitty place. For some reason i can feel depression creeping back for an hour or two in a day but i just dismiss it as ive been through much worse, i'm pinning this on the lack of income at the moment and the 2 business' are put on hold due to a lack of funds + i'm in debt, currently implimenting some unorthodox money making strats to hopefully guide me out of this. (I refuse to take a job i've tried i just cant fucking do it, born to be a leader not to listen to a double digit iq moron trying to back seat me with their aoura of im better then you because i can memorize questions on a piece of paper better, also that would give me no time + energy to focus on myself) A job will be my last resort and most people in the world today are living on cloud 9 so i really believe i would climb ranks up fast. Humble brag :)
TLDR:
PROS: bigger dick bigger muscle less fat better mood better mental better confidence
CONS: beat my dick too much the e2 problem in cycle 1 acne People are sus of me Thought of commiting crimes for finacial gain seems rational to me

Hello everyone, me (25) and my man (24) have been together for 6 years I love him he's my best friend and at one point the only person I had by my side. Also he's my first serious bf and the guy who I lost my vCard to. So I am very attached. He's never been a super hard working or motivated man. That is the biggest turn off for me. I went to college I graduated I now have my career and saving money for a home since I'm living with my parents for free. And in the meantime he's unemployed for the past 2 months, he quit his last job bc his boss was being "bitch" towards him so he just left without a notice. Apparently he's trying to be a cop but I don't see that happening until he clears his criminal record. Long story short he has a charge bc 3 years ago we were fighting and I had a bruise on my head so the cops charged him with battery. Anyways currently he doesn't wanna work he keeps lying that he's applying to regular jobs I don't believe him I'm feeling really depressed I see people getting engaged moving in together starting families! Meanwhile I'm thinking day and night what's gonna happen with him, how are we gonna accomplish things together. Wtf am I gonna tell my family and friends about him I can never show him off like he shows me off.l've been very very sad over this issue we constantly have arguments over it I'm so sick of it. I wanna be with him but I feel like I'm constantly on him to qet his shit together and I'm tired of pushing him. At the same time I wanna see what's it's like to be with someone else for once I wanna experience different quys! Please all help me figure this out should I wait for him to get his shit together or should I run for the hills!

I was the kid that parents had to keep away from fire. I had a bad habit of getting too close and almost falling in. I couldn’t help myself. My eyes were lured to the collapsing spires of flame that poked and pried into my skin. I’d danced like an idiot atop the bricks of the fireplace; a jester dancing over the guillotine. I ate too much chocolate, I drank too much apple juice. Every action I ever took repeated, and nothing I did ever mattered. The time I wasted.
I was a smart kid but never a prodigy. I was too scared to snowboard on the big hill and too aloof to ever attempt improvement. I could’ve been a boy genius; I could've done everything right. But every day on the slopes I’d huddle by the fire pit or the hotel radiator and have a shallow laugh with my fill of food and drink while the mountain behind me sat unconquered.
Boarded-up windows sprinkled with shattered glass; draped arms of fabric extend reaching for rumpled still skin between a hotel comforter. The wall is starting to cave in. Gold woven from red string lines the walls tied to fickle thumbtacks. Fingers longer than life tug tight across each other to tighten a blanket as a thick black forms on the tips. Snow pelts my body and every breath begins to feel like a fight against the wind. My time is running out.
An unmistakable chime of assorted keys echoed through a husk of a hotel room. A monochrome filter sapped the life from the walls; lit by sunlight muffled by the incoming snow packing itself tightly against the windows. The bed was once alive with the bouncing of its spring but now sits stationary like an embalmed corpse. Paintings’ insouciant frames drooled over the bed on walls that felt like the inside of a broken guitar, as any resonant melody had already echoed for the last time. But all of the melancholy is a shallow distraction. I am not here to reminisce. I am here to work.
I pulled out the chair that seemed so much lighter than I remember and set up my laptop on the desk. A forgettable speech about “stoichiometry” clouded my mind. My neck instinctually twitched away from the thought to the rest of a spruce desk. As I typed, the voice melded into the hum of the radiator when I turned my view to an open book that slid into my hands like woolen gloves, the words came to life in my thoughts. Every word read filled the hotel room with thick yellow smoke. Its warmth grazed my skin in a quick flurry lingering on each hair follicle. The warm themes pulsed life into all of the furniture; the room’s ribcage compressed and exhaled, illuminating everything with the glow of a spattering fireplace that maintained for the next few hours. The book’s words kept me occupied, the dense story nourished me like a hearty holiday turkey that thawed me from the cold.
A sudden shock of bedsprings interrupts birds chirping. Sunlight still bled through the snow but somehow by a miracle one ray found its way directly into my fucking retina. Goddamn it. That was a mistake. I forgot to study. If I were better, I would’ve studied.
The sharp edge of a thick book releases and unsticks from the inside of my palm. Thick paper and words weighed on my lap as I fell in view of a sheet of glass that revealed a person whom I didn't recognize. An unfamiliar reflection; I felt as if I had caught a monster, a peculiar cryptid revealed upon an unsuspecting bystander. Piked bones jutted inside the skin too thin. Urchined hair crept upon a spine arched like a predator. The blood on my face fled to escape straight to my throat; the blockade flooded guilt into my body as each heartbeat felt like it was literally killing me. But it just watched me, its eyes beamed with anger and fear; it froze my insides solid. A sharp wind cut my ears and interrupted my gaze to the window. I rushed to close the gaping hole, spilling cold air, which was followed by the crunch of glass against my shoe. The room began to spin. A brief clear revealed two asynchronous drops of water hitting the ground. This isn't acceptable—none of it.
I can fix all of it. It’s possible I promise, my red thread pulls on the cheap wallpaper but the connection is clear. Graphs, Stats, Tables, and Schedules paint a self-assured plan for success. A spider spinning a red web carves its message into the walls. My many fingers scatter to fix all of my problems. Consistency is key. Every minute accounted for, red letters keep me accountable. I watch as the red second hand on the clock stares at me like the sharp edge of a knife.
The walls are getting thinner. The windows keep breaking. Every time I fix them as best as I can but a villainous cold seems to follow me. But it will all be over soon, my temporary stay here will be complete and I will be ready to face the world smart, stronger, and better. They will know my name. I’ll go somewhere warmer.
I feel so refined, so free of fatigue. Day by day, Night by night. Pride in every step. My skin dawns chrome. Every choice is good. Every choice makes sense. What makes sense must be good. My skin shines in premium efficiency. I lost my taste. I don’t know what I like. It doesn’t matter. My dog died recently. I can’t remember when. My fingers are getting colder. I can’t really feel them anymore. They still work. I will too.
WindSpeed: 72 km/h Visibility: <0.4 km H: 6° L: -20° FuelReserves: low
I spun gold but hay shines dim in the dark. Gilded twine keeps me moving but wherever that may be has lost its meaning. Every thumbtack stays so firm on the wall they paint red in my eye. They itch, but I am too cold to waste my energy scratching them. Breaths draw shorter. The wind gets stronger. Blackened hands, sift through snowed sands; Icarus to the sun. The wool, hay, and gold, torn apart, melt in my hands. Maybe I should spend some time by the fire.
Every choice I make cannot be a means to an end, my hands will never be frozen again.

I have not yet listened to Radio Free Mormon #283, though it is on my to-do list. I have read the resources that came with it, including Elder Kyle McKay's short letter. In this letter, McKay makes a claim that's hugely damaging to all of the LDS church's truth claims. In a single paragraph, he casts a shadow of doubt onto the church from which the church cannot escape.
I quote from the letter:

I have learned by experience and observation that we do two things that make ourselves easy prey for the adversary. First, we say that Satan cannot duplicate or create peace. Lucifer cannot duplicate anything God does or has but he can "come nigh unto" duplicating pretty much everything God does or has. He is a master mimic. I have worked with people who have had profound revelations that align with their understanding of revelation because of how they felt, but they have been deceived. Lucifer can prompt. He can reveal.

I'll get to the rest of that paragraph in a minute, but first, let's look at what McKay has just said here.
The implication here is that every personal revelation is suspect. Have you had an experience that gave you great peace? It might be from Satan. Have you received revealed truth that you could not otherwise have known? It might be from Satan. How can you judge between God's spirit and Satan's spirit? As far as I can tell, you can't, because Satan is a master mimic. This means that personal revelation, which the church places so much emphasis on, is essentially worthless.
So what are we to do? Well, McKay has some good news for us:

The great safety net in this process is the word of God as revealed in the scriptures and by the living prophets. I recently listened to a sermon preached by a Protestant minister about hearing God's voice. Among other things, He said, "The voice of God will never contradict the word of God." Sound advice.

So, we at least have the written word of God, by which we can judge any personal revelation we receive. All good, right?
Wrong. Here's the problem: we don't know what the written word of God is.
Consider the Book of Mormon. Is it the word of God? That Protestant minister certainly wouldn't think so. He might even say that the Book of Mormon contradicts the Bible, which would rule it out from being the word of God. So how can we trust it? There is Moroni's promise, which says that we know by the Holy Ghost that the Book of Mormon is true scripture... but that might be Satan telling us so.
Consider the living prophets. How can we know that they're actual prophets of God? There are other people claiming to be prophets, like Ellen White. We could ask God to reveal to us which prophets are actually God's mouthpieces... but Satan might come in and give us the wrong answer.
Consider the Bible itself. Is it the word of God? There are other scriptures out there, such as the Qur'an, and lots of people say that it has a compelling claim to be the word of God. We could pray to know which of these volumes contains God's true words... but we might be deceived by Satan and pick the wrong one.
So what do we have left? Nothing! We have no yardstick by which to measure revelation, because every proposed standard of truth might be a trick of Satan, and every test we can perform might be thwarted by the master mimic. If McKay is right, then God has essentially abandoned us, because God has given us no sure foundation.
Did you mean to destroy the truth claims of the church, Elder Kyle McKay? I don't think you meant to do that, but that's what you certainly did. That sure and certain foundation you promised us is looking pretty sandy right about now.
P.S. I actually agree with McKay here, at least partially. I don't know if it's Satan deceiving us or our own brains deceiving us, but I do agree that fake spiritual experiences are plentiful, and when you listen to them, they're pretty convincing. All revelations are therefore suspect, and we haven't got a clear example of God's written word to judge them by, since there are plenty of competing candidates to be God's true word. (Also, even if we had one volume to agree on, we'd still have the question of how to interpret it - remember that Joseph Smith said "the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible".) In short, uncertainty is the rule, and God has offered us no escape, and we just have to accept that.

Chapter 6: Two Girls, One Cuck
Me: Is he always like this during gaming weekends, or is this all my fault?
Athena: He’s always ranting and raving about his crusade of the week. And he usually gets into a screaming match with Mori over something dumb. But this is some next-level rage.
Sage (to Athena): You ummm... told...
Athena: She knows, babe. She already knew.
Sage: Okay. So sorry about that, by the way.
Me: It’s fine. It’s nothing new.
Sage: He usually has some nasty chick come over on Friday or Saturday. They go... do whatever they do, and then he comes back either completely chill or completely enraged. And fucking RANK.
Me: Maybe I should have packed his fleshlight for him.
Axton: Why the hell does he need a fleshlight when he’s got you?
Me: Oh, he hardly ever tries to do anything with me. And the last few times he tried; he was too plastered.
Snorlax: Whisky wang?
Me: Bingo.
Axton: That’s criminally negligent. Do you need a hug?
I smiled. “It’s fine. The whisky wang lets me off the hook. But I’m not gonna turn down a hug.”
I crawled over to him and let his arms envelop me. As I had been starved for affection for nearly a year, this was better than sex. Underneath the general aura of cigarette smoke and whiskey that permeated the room, I could smell his skin. It was intoxicating. So I nestled into that rare, delicate balance of euphoria and tranquility until we heard the back door open and close. Axton and I scrambled to opposite sides of the room. But it was just Mori.
Mori (grinning mischievously): What did I walk in on?
Athena: Nothing that would excite you, Mori.
Mori approached me and sat down. “I think he’s chilled out. Right now, he just needs to know that you’re not mad at him. Are you up for going to talk to him.”
I blinked. “I am mad at him. I’m embarrassed. And anything I say to him is just gonna piss him off.” Plus, I was high as a fucking kite on Adderall and affection. “Let me think about it for a minute?”
I considered a novel approach. After the puke-inducing fight that he’d had with Mori last night, they had made peace. I decided I would mimic Mori’s actions and try call a truce with as few words as possible, which would ideally prevent FPB wasting hours playing the victim and assassinating my character.
Me: I’ll let him know that it’s chill. That’s all I can do.
Mori nodded.
I headed for the back door and stepped onto the porch.
Me: FPB?
He grunted. He was sitting slumped in a chair on the porch, smoking a cigarette. I moved around so that I was standing in front of him and I offered my hand.
Me: Peace?
FPB: From now on, you only talk to Athena and Sage. No talking to ANY of the single dudes.
He was pointing his cigarette at me and punctuating each phrase with a little jab of the cherry in my direction.
Me: That’s not reasonable. Would you prefer it if I just left? How am I supposed to play if I’m not allowed to talk to half the people on the team? Or the GM?
FPB: Then you only talk about game-related stuff. Mori’s junk doesn’t go anywhere near you, you don’t share beer with Snorlax, and you don’t so much as look at pretty boy, Axton.
Me: If it’s game-related stuff, Axton’s the one I need to be talking to the most. You talk to Snorlax when we’re planning an attack.
FPB: That’s different.
Me: HOW?
FPB: Because Snorlax isn’t trying to get in my PANTS.
So much for a succinct truce. I decided to try and steer the conversation in a different direction.
Me: I’m being serious. I tagged along this weekend so that I could try to have FUN learning to play this game you love so much. (I extended my hand more fervently.) Peace?
FPB: Swear to me that you won’t so much as look at that jizz-mopping pretty boy.
Me: Only if you swear to me that some girl didn’t come over here to hook up with you last night.
FPB went white.
Me: It is what it is. But if you get to receive booty calls here, I’m allowed to interact with your friends. ALL of them.
FPB grunted dismissively.
I wanted to say, “If you’re allowed to LICK, I’m allowed to LOOK.” Again, I refrained from deliberately angering FPB out of respect for the other people whose time was being disrupted by his rage. And he was no longer snarling and shouting. That was as about as good as it was gonna get. I went back inside and took my seat. Everyone looked at me, appearing anxious to hear what had happened.
Me: Well, he had some unreasonable demands... I refused them. But I think he’s calm enough to play again. No promises.
FPB slammed the back door and trudged back to his assigned seat.
Mori: Axton and Sage, please trade places.
FPB: Why? Do you think I’m gonna...
Mori held up his magic Funky-silencing hand. “My run, my rules.”
It was FPB’s roll. It wound up being successful. Very successful. As he entered the media station, a swarm of heavily armed guards surrounded him, but he managed to obliterate all of them, wielding a sword in one hand and an SMG with homing bullets in the other hand. This might have been just the thing we all needed to calm his ass down!
Mori: Show of hands for all who consider this an epic success!
We all voted affirmatively.
Mori: Then my Assistant GM shall prepare the finest tincture in the land for our supreme Street Samurai, Funky P. Beard.
Sage soon returned with a shot of Johnny Walker Blue. FPB sniffed it deeply, toasted to the team, and slugged it back in one gulp. I think I even saw a small smile on his face, although it was hard to tell underneath that behemoth of a beard.
I exhaled and felt myself relax as much as I could with Adderall fueling my wakefulness. I planned a super sick (albeit risky) complex action, rolled, and... got hit with Tar Baby. That was a giga-glitch.
FPB looked over at me with menacing eyes. But I had an idea.
Mori: OP, come accept a staff punishment!
Me: Game Master... Sir? FPB, our epically successful Samurai, suggested to me that I should kiss Athena instead of kissing your staff.
I glanced nervously at Athena. She was giggling. Good. I hadn’t offended her. I also glanced nervously at Sage. He was grinning from ear to ear. Good. I hadn’t offended him, either.
Mori pretended to ponder...
Mori: ACCEPTABLE! You shall kiss for 15 seconds. Assistant GM, you keep time.
Sage: No way, dude. I’m watching.
Snorlax: I’ll do it. No promises that I’ll keep my eyes on the timer.
FPB growled at him.
Athena and I turned to each other, trying to keep from laughing. This was nothing new to me. I had kissed girls onstage, at theatre parties, during games of truth or dare... And I was confident that this wouldn’t anger FPB in the slightest. If anything, it might put him in a better mood.
Snorlax: 3... 2... KISS!
Everything was fine at first. Athena was giggling, which made me giggle, but we kept our lips locked. Then, after only a few seconds... she seemed to vanish. I opened my eyes and saw that FPB had grabbed her, pulled her away, and was now dragging her to the corner of the War Room near the staircase.
FPB: YOU WICKED THUNDER-SEE-YOU-NEXT-TUESDAY! HOW DARE YOU KISS MY GIRLFRIEND?!?!
With an almost feline stride, Sage crossed the room and put FPB in a chokehold. FPB was screeching and furiously thrashing about, but Sage seemed to be trained in martial arts (couldn’t tell you which one, specifically).
FPB: OP, YOU’RE A DEMENTED SLUT. I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN HOOKING UP WITH AXTON. I KNOW YOU AND MORI HAVE BEEN SNORTING COKE OFF EACH OTHER’S ASSES. NOW YOU’RE KISSING GIRLS, TOO! I SHOULD MA...nhjsnjvB...SVJLjvvvvvv... And then he passed out.
Silence fell over the War Room.
Mori: So... You wanna go snort coke off my ass?
I laughed. “I’m good with the Addy, Mori. But thank you.”
I glanced over at Axton, and he raised his eyebrows, silently making the follow-up to Mori’s joke. I felt the corners of my mouth involuntarily turn upwards and I raised my eyebrows in return.
But the beard stirred. Sage was still in full attack mode and Athena stood by at a safe distance. I crossed the War Room and asked if FPB had hurt her. She shook her head.
Athena: No, I’m fine. I just don’t want another fight to break out.
Me: I’m so sorry. I had no idea he’d get mad about THAT.
Athena: Right?! What’s wrong with him? I thought all guys liked to watch girls kiss.
Mori made his way over to a defeated FPB and an enraged Sage.
Mori: Gentlemen... Shall we take a break from the planning phase and settle this score with some PVP?
Sage: NO. We’re not settling this in game. Funky P. Beard called my girlfriend a horrible name, he physically attacked her...
Athena: I’m fine, babe. Can we just play without FPB for a while?
Sage: Okay, maybe he didn’t hurt her. But he definitely crossed a line.
Mori: I agree. There should be consequences.
Sage: No dick slaps or looking at your butthole or sitting in your lap as “punishments” this time. Actions have natural consequences. The natural consequences are that he scared my girlfriend, he embarrassed his girlfriend, and he pissed me off. He also disrupted our game, so I assume the rest of you are pissed off?
Before anyone could answer, FPB played the victim and pretended to cry over Sage choking him out after he grabbed Athena and called her that awful name. Nobody cared. Once he realized that he wasn’t getting any sympathy, he began to rage about being forced to watch his girlfriend “cuckold” him and how he was being made to feel like he wasn’t manly since he was offended by the sight of two girls kissing. Mori used the magic Funky-silencing hand and invited the rest of us to express our grievances. He also challenged Funky to take it all in without verbally (or physically) attacking anyone.
Snorlax offered FPB some weed to help him calm down, and FPB launched into an irrational tirade about how much he hated drugs. He also mocked Snorlax for his weight, which isn’t cool. If your personality sucks, your physical appearance is fair game for mockery. Otherwise, it’s just rude. Plus, Snorlax is a cute chubby guy. They do exist.
Axton basically told him he needed to take the stick out of his ass, and FPB barked out some more accusations of lust. In the midst of these accusations, he referred to me as “his property,” and declared that I was too “shallow and FEMALE” to make my own decisions. Axton clenched his fists and took a few steps towards FPB, but Mori intervened and gave a very flowery speech about going outside and letting the fresh air carry away the aggression.
Snorlax followed Axton outside, merrily carrying a bong. The whole thing wrapped up when I said, “I’m not your property. I agreed to be your partner once upon a time, but this isn’t a healthy partnership. I’m out. I’m done trying to be a girlfriend to someone who thinks so little of me.”
This was far from the first time I’d delivered this speech to FPB, so I had it memorized. Of course, it never “hit” the way I hoped it would. FPB wasn’t contrite. He didn’t seem sad to lose me. He seemed, as always, righteously angry over having a possession confiscated. So I went to join Axton and Snorlax on the porch. Athena whispered, “Good for you, girl!” as she followed me out, leaving the principal and the vice principal to deal with the delinquent.
A lot of commotion ensued in the corner of the War Room after FPB muttered a very offensive term for “lesbian” at Athena as she exited. Mori had to physically restrain Sage from beating the tar out of FPB. Mori also apparently got a little excited whist restraining his Assistant GM, and they traded some colorful words. Athena closed the door on the hullabaloo.
The bong was bubbling away and the sweet, skunky scent of gonja filled the air.
Snorlax: Want a hit?
Me: Nah. I feel like I might have to dash any minute now if FPB keeps raging, so I need to keep my head clear.
Axton: You’re not leaving with him, are you?
Me: Hell no! I’ve got my car here, and he’s NOT coming with me if I feel like it’s time for me to ghost.
Axton: Is there any way we can vote his ass off the island and convince you to stay?
I cautiously approached the bench where Axton and Snorlax were sharing the bong. They shifted a little to make room for me, and I sat down next to a still shirtless Axton. Athena pulled up a chair next to the bench and took a tiny flask from the pocket of her PJs and slugged back a few sips of liquid tranquility.
Me: For the sake of the other people on the road, I wouldn’t let his drunk ass get behind the wheel. Does Sage have a soundproof basement where we can lock him up?
Athena: I WISH.
Axton unapologetically threw his arm around my shoulder, and I brazenly laced my fingers through his.
Athena: OP, why did you start dating FPB? That might be too personal...
Me: No, it’s fine. Believe it or not, he was incredibly nice to me at first. He thinks I keep pulling away from him because he’s too nice, but... Let’s just say that he and I have very different definitions of “nice.”
Snorlax: Maybe I’m just high, but I think he was pretty chill when we first formed the team.
Axton: I didn’t join until last year, so I’ve only known him as a raging psycho.
Me: You’re both right. That’s his M.O. He’s nice and normal until he’s secured his place.
Before I had the chance to fully explain my perception of FPB’s uncanny ability to simulate sanity, Sage and Mori stepped onto the porch, with FPB trailing dejectedly behind them.
Mori: We’ve decided to wrap it up for the night. Feel free to get drunk as hell, smoke weed, snort coke off each other’s asses, party like rockstars! We’ll reconvene at noon tomorrow.
But fucking Funky lifted his head and roared, “You’re cheating on me AGAIN???”
Me: I told you, Funky. I’m out. I quit. We’re done. And you hate my living guts, so what the hell do you care???
FPB: I didn’t agree to that. So we’re still together.
Sage: That’s not how breakups work, FPB. And what exactly is your definition of cheating?
FPB: She’s cheated on me with EVERYONE. Except you, Sage. You’re actually the only one I still trust. OP’s a SLUT.
Me: WHEN have I cheated on you?
FPB: You let Mori put his dick on your face...
Me: So did literally EVERYONE here...
Mori: Hell, I’d put it on my own face if I were flexible enough!
FPB: I’m still talking. You also stuck your hand in Mori’s butt crack. You shared a beer with Snorlax. You kissed Athena. And now you’re sitting there canoodling with Pretty Boy in front of everyone. CHEATER.
Mori threw his arm around FPB. “This? Is this a good canoodle, or is your noodle still limp?”
FPB shrugged him off. “Barf me a river, Mori. It’s the intention.”
Mori (hugging FPB around the waist): Okay, suppose I’m imagining going to Pound Town with you right now. (He added a few demonstrative pelvic thrusts.) Does that mean we’ve hooked up?
FPB flailed about until Mori let go of him, bellowed some barely intelligible insults towards everyone, made some random animal noises, and stomped back into the house. As much as I hated to see my new friends on the receiving end of his wrath, I don’t think I would have ever been able to effectively stand up to him without five witnesses to his bizarre behavior who miraculously had my back, despite having a long history of friendship with FPB.
I had tried to discuss our problems with close friends in the past, but FPB would always be on his best behavior in front of them, so I always wound up looking like the asshole. It took the presence of people with whom he felt comfortable enough to stomp around (sans mask) in order to gather witnesses to the insanity. And gather them, I had. I was FREE.

TL;DR at the bottom in bold

Hey y’all. It’s the summer and 2 weeks after graduation, so the sub is in a bit of a lull right now. Even so, I thought it was important for the mod team of Cornell to reach out regarding some of Reddit’s pending changes. I'm a proud 3rd-party app and old.reddit.com user, but this will affect everyone.
If you missed all the buzz (and don’t know what an API or a 3rd-party app is), here are helpful links to get you started, as well as a graphic that hopefully makes things clear. From mod u/0reoperson: Basically, Reddit is trying to get rid of third-party apps, which are essential for moderators, subreddits, and users like you.
ELI5: link
Graphic: link
Post from Save3rdPartyApps (image alt text is in the pinned comment below this post): link
Apollo App Dev’s announcement and documentation of admin mischief: link
Reddit’s most recent announcement: link
Reddit CEO's AMA: link
Additionally, I stumbled across this post (link) from NeverHaveIEverShow that I think gets at the heart of the issues for smaller subs like ours. Some key quotes from mod u/clarkkentshair:

So, a well-designed third-party app is a "force multipler" (please excuse the militaristic nature of the term) that helps make supportive online spaces for smaller communities possible. Reddit's proposed "API" change maybe won't directly cause the downfall of smaller subreddit communities, but the experience of those (moderators) that try to create and cultivate such spaces, and the redditors that want to participate in them, will be negatively affected... and this would contribute to declining interaction, lower sense of connectivity/belonging, and probably eventual abandonment and shut down. And, all this precludes that access to reddit for some, e.g. the subreddit community /blind (which coincidentally is around the same exact size as /NeverHaveIEverShow) will literally shut down, because those that need third-party apps to be 'screen-readers' for accessibility will be cut-off; this is unjust.
...
In the face of imbalanced and disproportionate power -- which is what Reddit (corporation) / "Admins" have over subreddit communities and moderators -- mass-mobilization and collective action is how change happens. Change and success is not guaranteed, but the more the better, and this is a necessary effort to defend our right to exist, thrive, and have control when those rights are threatened, and also importantly to stand up in solidarity with others even beyond our own self-interest, because we see and are committed to others around us. These are values from the raison d'être of "Never Have I Ever", illustrated in the journeys and plotlines of multiple characters in the show, and also a pillar in the legacy and banner for community organizing and collective strength for South Asian diaspora:
Four Levels of Solidarity

1. Symbolic Solidarity: Verbally expressing solidarity, putting out/signing onto statements, wearing symbols/logos of solidarity.
2. Transactional Solidarity: Often done between organizations/groups, an even exchange.
3. Embodied Solidarity: Individuals literally embodying and living their visions/beliefs in the world.
4. Transformative Solidarity: When masses of oppressed communities choose to forego something that would benefit them, and do not take it because it comes at the expense of other oppressed communities.

from Desis Rising Up and Moving (DRUM)

TL;DR - What is Cornell doing?

On June 12th? Nothing, currently. The mod team is still unsure what we as a subreddit can or should do (and we would have polled you all a bit earlier to see how you felt about potentially going dark). But there are nearly 50,000 of us at the time of writing, and with the end of the academic year already behind us, new mods will be coming in soon. This affects all of us, so we had to say something.
If you’d like to participate in the blackout yourself, you could do a few things:

• At the very least, if you feel strongly about what’s happening here, don’t use Reddit at all from June 12th-13th. Don’t use the official app, don’t log in on your computer, don’t view, comment, or post any content.
• Using the links I’ve provided, you can directly contact the admins to make your voice heard. I doubt they’ll respond, but you can try it. Stranger things have happened.
• If you have a parent/sibling/cousin/cushy internship at a media company, more coverage is needed for this issue. Probably a pipe dream, but I thought I’d mention it.
• Delete your account. This is drastic, but it’s probably the most effective tactic when employed in large numbers. Simply put, we are Reddit’s product. If we do not produce content or engage with other user-submitted content (which is the foundation of the site), they have nothing to sell. And since Reddit is gunning for an IPO in the next few months (link 1) (link 2), the almighty dollar is the only thing they will respond to.

That’s pretty much all I and the mods have to say. Feel free to ask questions or share your thoughts in the comments. If the subreddit overwhelmingly wants to participate, we can definitely reevaluate our current position. And of course, we’ll take no action without finding out what you want first.
Fin.

Looks like it might be time for a cast list refresher! So let me reintroduce the chummers!!!!
OP (c’est moi!)
Female, late 20s
Grad student
Perky emo girl with purple hair
Likes crass humor
Nerdy, petite, beard bait
Decker
​
Funky P. Beard (FPB)
Male, early 30s
Bona fide psycho piece of shit
Street Samurai
​
Mori
The GM
Male, early/mid 30s
Hypersexual kinky bastard
Likes exhibitionism, vomit, and illegal substances
Charismatic, cult-leader vibes
Very amusing, always nice to OP
The only person who seemed capable of getting FPB to behave
​
Axton
Male, late 20s
Grad student
Sexy, pleasant to be around
Has a sense of humor that meshes well with OP’s
Usually able to ignore FPB’s psycho behavior
The primary target of FPB’s jealousy
Rigger
​
Sage
Male, early/mis 30s
Assistant GM
Host of the gaming weekends
Typically level-headed, but losing patience with FPB
Skilled in martial arts
Mage
​
Athena
Female, early 30s
Sage’s girlfriend
Co-host of the gaming weekends
Increasingly intolerant of FPB
Petite, pretty, friendly... probably also beard bait
Shaman
​
Snorlax
Male, early 30s
The funny fat guy (NOT a neckbeard)
Easy-going, friendly, rarely directly involved in the weekend’s drama
Stoner
Adept
​
Chapter 5: The Lap of Luxury
We had been moving back and forth between the garage and the living room (it wasn’t the “War Room” until the gaming began) for the past hour or so. This was actually my favorite part of the weekend. I wasn’t exhausted yet, nobody was plastered yet, and I was genuinely getting to know FPB’s buddies. Snorlax told me about his former career as a semi-pro wrestler, and how an injury had forced him to start working as a mall cop. Athena and Sage were both pharmacy techs, and they were considering opening their own gaming shop. Mori was a paralegal for an LGBT law firm and ran a fairly lucrative fetish website on the side. Axton was going to grad school for social work and was the bass player for a classic rock cover band. Damn it, we had genuine common interests. Why couldn’t he have been a parolee or a gong farmer?
And I was able to chat comfortably with all the team members because FPB had taken to the master bathroom upstairs to get “re-ready.” Not only did he desperately need to change his “dew-covered” underpants, but he also needed to take a full shower (using Athena’s bathing products, of course). He would then spend nearly a full hour blow-drying, flat-ironing, and spiking his jet-black hair so that he emerged looking like some bizarre mash-up of Hagrid and Discount Tom Sandoval.
I’m also assuming that he manscaped, and I sincerely hoped he’d brought his own pink razors for this task. But as for his bushy behemoth of a beard? He took absolutely NO care of it. I never understood the statement he was trying to make by being fastidious AF with every aspect of personal grooming, save his defining feature. No matter. He was absent, and I was finally having fun! Alas, the fun wouldn’t last. The time for pre-game was approaching, so Sage and Athena went to the kitchen to arrange the shots.
Athena: How many do you want, OP?
Me: I think I’d better stick with two since I’ve already had a beer.
A freshly showered and finally dressed FPB turned to me, “Yeah, you need to stay sober.”
Oh, now that bullshit made me want to drink...
Me: Athena, make it three for me.
FPB shot me a menacing look.
Me: What? I’m not gonna get wasted off one extra shot.
FPB: I’m saving you from yourself. You could at least TRY to appreciate my chivalry.
Me: Right...
But then I had second thoughts about angering the already rage-prone beast. I didn’t want to ruin the evening for the other team members. And FPB’s temper tantrums definitely had the potential to ruin the evening for everyone in attendance.
Me: I’ll shoot two and just sip on the third one. Does that sound reasonable?
FPB shrugged.
Me: Come on! I feel like such a sissy compared to the rest of you.
FPB: Whose fault is that? You didn’t take advantage of your years and years and years of being a “student” to practice handling your liquor?
Me: No, mostly I studied. And when we partied, we did drugs. We didn’t drink. Not like this, anyway.
I was getting pretty mad, and I did NOT want to have a full-blown screaming match with FPB in front of everyone.
Me: Do you mind if I take five? This isn’t something we need to argue over. I really am trying to learn how to play, and to play the way YOUR TEAM plays. The guide books were no help at all.
FPB: If I catch you asking Mori for coke, so help me...
Me: I just need some air. That’s not code for anything untoward. I just want to go outside.
FPB: I’m coming with you.
Snorlax stepped in.
Snorlax: Bro. Just let her go outside. I’ll stand by the door and make sure Mori doesn’t follow her.
FPB: I don’t care about Mori! You make sure that dick-wipe Axton doesn’t follow her. I *know* he’s trying to bang her.
I could hear all this rancor on my way to the back door.
Me: Dude!!! Chill! I’m not going outside to get drugs. I’m not going outside to shag anybody. I just want five fucking minutes of peace!
Mori stood up. He was shirtless that night, wearing nothing but ultra-sheer light pink boxers that complemented the pink streaks in his bedazzled beard. But despite his wispy attire, the group still kowtowed to him.
Mori: I hereby grant OP *TEN* minutes of solitude on the back porch. FPB, you will use this time to meditate. Think about what it means to be kind to your significant other. Think about what it means to show empathy and acceptance. Think about what it means to enjoy the company of your fellow chummers.
I slipped outside and inhaled the pleasant dusk that was beginning to fill the air. And I found myself feeling indebted to Mori and wondering if this was some sort of cult indoctrination malarkey... or if he’d just known FPB longer than any of the rest of us and had learned how to effectively handle him. And then I decided that it didn’t matter. I finally had the peace and quiet I so desperately needed.
But how *did* FPB know that Axton was flirting with me? I thought we’d both been pretty covert about it. Uhhh... In front of FPB, at least. I decided that he didn’t actually know. He was constantly accusing male friends of “trying to bang me” when there was not even the slightest hint of attraction on anyone’s part. It was a numbers game. If you throw out hundreds of accusations, one might happen to stick. And then you can say, “I TOLD YOU SO.”
I often felt like an alternate universe version of Anne Boleyn, imprisoned by a skinny and even madder version of the famous king. FPB certainly fancied himself a regal figure, worthy of everyone’s fealty. Wait... was Henry VIII the OG neckbeard??? (note... I thought I had made an original observation here, but I came across a year-old post on ReddXReads from u/Raidan1084, so props to you for beating me to this observation!!!)
My unfocused mind ran amuck for a bit longer, and the ten minutes were almost up when I heard a quiet voice calling my name from around the side of the house.
I rounded the corner to answer.
It was Athena.
Athena: OP, I know it’s none of my business, but FPB is a douchebag. That girl who came to the door last night? She’s one of his hook-ups.
I laughed a little. “I know. He’s got loads of them... Hey, do you mind if I ask you a stupid question that I ask myself all the time?”
Athena: Sure.
Me: Why do you guys put up with his shit?
Athena: He and Mori have been best friends since before the team formed. He’s kind of a “package deal.” If we want to keep Mori as our GM, we have to accept FPB. And Mori does run a really fun campaign.
Me: So if he ever crosses a line with Mori, he’s out?
Athena: That’s what we’ve all been hoping for! But Mori’s insanely patient with FPB.
We sighed and returned inside.
FPB was sitting in sulky silence, staring at his polished Chelsea boots. I took a seat on the other side of the room, next to Mori.
Mori: You good?
I nodded.
Mori whispered, “You want some coke?”
Me: Shhhhhh!!! No, I don’t do that!
Mori mouthed, “Adderall?”
I smiled and mouthed, “Later.”
Mori stood. “Tonight, we are making a seating chart. There are six numbers on the floor. You will each draw a number from my underwear, and you will sit on the corresponding number. Is that clear?”
Everyone bellowed in unison, “YES, GAME MASTER.”
This was exciting! I had a decent chance of not having to sit by FPB that night! I was completely fed up with his constant criticism of my character sheets and his suggestions for future moves. He was messing me up more than he was helping.
Mori took a seat on a throw pillow, shoved 6 folded pieces of paper down the back of his boxers and called us up, one by one, to draw our numbers from his drawers.
Being the newbie, I was the last to draw.
Mori: Get all the way up in dat crack, OP.
I laughed and fished the paper out of Mori’s boxers.
FPB took a loud breath and fumed, “MORI, YOU FU...”
Sage put a hand on FPB’s chest, and said very sternly, “Take it down a notch.”
Mori: Tonight, we will find peace amongst ourselves and rain fire and terror on the mega-corporations! Are you with me???”
“WE’RE WITH YOU, GAME MASTER.”
Mori: Then inspect your numbers and take your seats. You should also feel free to sniff the papers.
No one did that.
I got #3. Motherfucker. FPB was sitting to my right. But at least Athena was sitting to my left. I felt like I could trust her, and I felt like she would call him out if he pulled any more of his rage crap. Tragically, Axton was sitting to FPB’s right. That wasn’t going to go well. Snorlax was sitting to Athena’s left, and Sage was in his usual spot, as Mori’s right hand. So it went: tech, muscle, tech, magic, muscle, magic. Not ideal.
Mori surveyed the room. “Not at all how I had hoped,” he muttered. “But nevertheless! The team has been assembled. The time has come...”
“PRE-GAME!!!!!!”
I actually knew what to shout this time. I remembered to pound on my chest, and I looked to Athena in an attempt to learn the tribal dance. I got close enough.
We charged into the fuel station. I stood by the non-threatening triad of shots, while all the other team members stood before their seven shots.
Mori: Fireball. Each tincture shall light a fire in our bellies, improve out spell-casting, and lead us to victory. Chummers... DRINK!!!
I slammed two shots and picked up the third to nurse during the game. Just like the night before, all the other players downed their seven shots with astounding ease.
We returned to the War Room and took our assigned seats.
Mori: The Rules!
Everyone groaned, just as they had previously. Apparently, this was customary.
Mori: If you glitch, you must take a shot of Fireball to boost your skills. OP, you may take a SIP of an alcoholic beverage. You may also do a bump of coke.
FPB clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, and growled. This was delighting me to no end!!! Not only might I get a little taste of my former favorite drug for the first time in YEARS, but Mori also seemed to be actively antagonizing FPB. It was delicious.
And here’s one for the philosophers: AITA... If you’re antagonizing the asshole, doesn’t that kind of make you the hero?
Mori: The second time you glitch, you must kiss my staff or endure a smack in the face from my staff. FPB, you must suffer The Lap of Luxury upon your second glitch... Or if you misbehave.
FPB: Explain that.
Mori: It will become clear in good time, my sweet little Samurai.
FPB shifted uncomfortably. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
Mori: All subsequent glitches will result in escalating staff punishments, the anal gaze, removal of armor, or a spanking. Anything the team deems an epic success shall be rewarded with a shot of Johnny Walker Blue. And my trusted Assistant GM has a few new rules to add, just for the time being. Sage the Mage, the floor is yours.
Sage: We can’t afford to pay for another round of professional cleaning for... the time being. We are now asking that ALL team members please use the restroom if you must pee, poop, or puke. Gentlemen, feel free to pee in the backyard, but please refrain from peeing on the porch. Thank you. Back to you, Game Master.
Mori: Place your hand on your chest and pledge your loyalty if you agree to this; and take off your pants if you object.
FPB put his hands near the button of his trousers. Everyone watched him with bated breath. But then he placed his hand on his chest.
Mori: Then we continue planning the station takeover... NOW!
We had barely gotten through two combat turns when Mori decided it was time for leftover Taco Bell, more liquor, and pornography. Tonight, Snorlax rolled for Bat Pussy, an older film that is widely considered to be the Plan 9 from Outer Space of porn. It was definitely on the “softcore” side since no one ever actually banged. It’s a spoof on Batman, and the main character gets a little “twitch” DOWN THERE whenever she needs to go fight crime. I found it wildly entertaining!
In fact, I laughed hysterically throughout the entire movie. Most of us did. FPB even snorted once or twice. As the main character was bouncing on a hippity hop alongside the highway, wearing a cheap costume, I was howling with laughter. Possibly because everyone was a little drunk and the drunken laughter was contagious, possibly because it really was absurdly funny. Or both.
FPB: It’s not THAT funny.
Me (gasping): I can’t help it! This is bat-shit crazy!
Mori: We gotta get OP a Batgirl costume and a hippity hop!
Me: You’re ON! I will absolutely do that! When can we film it???
FPB: You’re gonna recreate a scene from a PORNO??? With MORI???
Sage: Dude! WHAT is sexual about this scene? It’s ridiculous. That’s why we’re all cracking up!
FPB: You have to understand. I’m an intellectual...
I was painfully familiar with the insufferable tripe that typically followed this statement. Apparently, so was the Shadowrun crew. Everyone groaned dismissively. And then something vaguely resembling a sex scene started up, and Mori shushed us all.
Mori: Shhhh! It might finally get good!
It didn’t. Not in the way Mori meant.
The movie ended, most of us lit a ciggy, and we all returned to our assigned seats.
Mori: Shall we refuel before we resume?
A chorus of “HELL YEAH” rang out. I wasn’t in the mood for booze. I was once again beginning to fade around this time, and I needed to find a way to get some Adderall from Mori without FPB noticing. It had already been an incredibly long day for me, even though I had been having fun (aside from having to tend to FPB’s nonsense). Maybe the beardo boyfriend was the reason I was getting exhausted at these gatherings.
Constantly having to talk him down from a temper tantrum, having him constantly looking over my shoulder and scrutinizing my every move, suffering through his ceaseless (and useless) suggestions for my next move, having to defend myself for not drinking enough, then having to turn around and defend myself when I decided to have an extra shot, enduring his seething wrath every time I so much as spoke to Mori or Axton... It was exhausting.
As everyone was refueling, FPB had managed to trap Sage and Athena and was lecturing them about why it was disrespectful to FEMALES to combine humor with sex.
FPB: To make a mockery of the female anatomy, and then to depict sexual acts so crudely is offensive to me as a feminist.
Athena: YOU’RE a feminist?
FPB: Obviously. I would lay down my life to defend the sacred honor of the feminine spirit.
Sage: I’m pretty sure it was just a bad movie. Plus, the superhero was a woman, so...
FPB: But they had to make her superpowers connected to her genitals. That’s objectification. It’s not funny, even if it’s meant to be “so bad, it’s funny.” I’m offended.
I wasn’t part of the discussion, but I interjected, “I feel like humor can be sexy. Being able to laugh during sexual experiences can create a bond. And if both partners are deliberately goofing off, what’s offensive about that?”
Axton raised his glass in approval. I couldn’t help smiling at him.
FPB: Oh, Miss Sex Therapist knows everything.
Me: I don’t know anything. Clearly. It’s just an opinion. Based on research. That I learned in graduate school.
FPB: Some idiots actually researched LAUGHING during sex? That can’t be a real thing.
Me: I’ll print out the articles.
FPB: From where? Hustler?
I didn’t have the energy to argue with him.
Me: Yes. I cite Hustler in all my papers.
Axton: I’ve read the same thing. Laughing releases endorphins. Sex releases endorphins. Plus, why do you think adult novelty stores are always so funny? The elephant trunk underwear?
Mori: I have a pair of those.
Of course he did.
FPB: You want a bottle smashed over your head, Axton? STOP TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT YOUR DICK.
Me: FPB, he literally said nothing about his dick.
FPB: WRONG. He was *agreeing* with you. He’s trying to ingratiate himself. Because he’s thinking with his DICK.
I rolled my eyes.
Mori saved us by clapping his hands. “Back to the War Room, chummers!”
We headed back, and Mori was following close behind me. He tugged on one of my pigtails. I turned around to see him holding an Adderall in the palm of his hand. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure FPB wasn’t watching. He was too busy staring daggers at Axton. I snatched the pill, thanked Mori, and slipped it in my mouth.
When my turn came around, my sleaze failed, and the security subnet sent my coordinates to the mainframe. It was my first glitch of the evening, and I didn’t want to pile cocaine on top of Adderall. So I had to take a sip of an alcoholic beverage. Since I didn’t have one of my own, FPB offered me his Jack & Pepper (Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper... 90% Jack, 10% Pepper).
Me: Is anybody drinking a beer? Or something a little less potent?
Snorlax offered me a sip of his beer.
Me: You’re sure you don’t mind?
Snorlax: It’s all good. Have a sip.
FPB was fuming again.
Snorlax handed me his beer and I took a sip.
Me: Thank you.
FPB: You’re drinking after another man??? You didn’t even wipe off the mouth of the bottle first? UGH! It’s like you’re kissing him!
Snorlax started making kissy sounds at me. I made them back. Everyone laughed. Everyone but FPB, of course.
Please remember that this was in the Before Times...
I sat back down. FPB pulled me into his lap and growled, “Snorlax now? Really?”
I twisted to look him in the face and said through clenched teeth, “It was a sip of beer.”
FBP kept one long arm tightly wound around me and used his free hand to slug back loud gulps of Jack & Pepper. I dared to glance over at Axton. We locked eyes for a few seconds, but Axton abruptly whipped his head around to face Mori.
FPB roared, “WERE YOU JUST LOOKING AT MY GIRLFRIEND, FUCK-WALLET???”
Sweet Athena spoke up.
Athena: Funky. Seriously. We’re supposed to be a team. We can’t even look at each other? Mori, can we outlaw the outbursts? We’re never even gonna get past the planning phase if FPB keeps screaming at every single person who interacts with OP.”
Mori: I’m inclined to agree with you, Athena. FPB, why did you invite your girlfriend here if you didn’t want her to play our game and get to know us?
I felt FPB take a deep breath in preparation to react inappropriately to Mori’s innocuous question.
Mori was able to effectively silence him by simply lifting his hand. Dude, he was gonna have to teach me his tricks!
Mori: We’d like to be able to get to know her in peace. OP, would you like to get to know us in peace?
Me: Yes. I really would.
Mori: FPB, these outbursts have earned you a new punishment... The Lap of Luxury. Get on over here, Tall Boy.
Mori patted his lap.
FPB: Are you serious?
Mori: I am. You sit right here until I say you may rise.
FPB didn’t move.
Mori: Should you refuse, OP can come sit in my lap. (Better Mori’s lap than FPB’s.)
FPB scrambled up, sending me flying out of his lap. I gleefully lit a cigarette and made googlie eyes at Axton that were sure to go unnoticed by the incredibly incensed FPB.
FPB awkwardly folded himself into Mori’s lap, grunting and grumbling the entire time. The rest of the team was desperately trying not to laugh (which of course, made it even funnier).
Once he had settled in (as much as he could), we continued the planning phase. Athena was successful, so was Snorlax, so was Sage. But Axton glitched. This was sure to be a problem. Mori was stuck under FPB, so he was unable to “whip it out” and administer the customary punishment.
Mori: Axton, remove a piece of your armor.
Axton reached around with one hand and pulled his t-shirt off in a single fluid motion. I’m quite certain that my pupils noticeably dilated. The rest of the room “whooped” like we were at a Chip ‘n Dales show.
FPB looked like some sort of cartoon villain who had just been foiled. As he sat indignantly upon the Mori Throne, he twitched and shifted, snarling curses, teeth gritted. And then he froze. His eyes widened. He started to stand, but Mori wrapped his arms around him tightly, trapping him in the Lap of Luxury.
FPB: YOU HAVE A HARD-ON, BRO. LET ME THE FUCK GO.
I squealed with laughter. And it seemed that I had been right about Mori letting people off the hook when they were legitimately uncomfortable with the “gross-out” punishments, because Mori loosened his grip, allowing FPB stomp off to the back porch.
“OP! OP! OOOOOOOO PPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!,” FPB screamed from the porch.
Mori: OP, you’re free to go tend to his meltdown if you want to. But I’m happy to handle him if you need a break.
Me: I definitely need a break.
Mori got up to tend to the bearded ball of rage.
I heard a bit of unintelligible yelling, then the door slammed. We all looked at each other with something across between nervousness and bemusement, waiting for someone to speak. I decided to break the silence...