Park village apartments conroe tx

I am just venting into the void of cyberspace. I have already started seeing a therapist and I have a few very dear friends that I lean on when I need them.
I (34m) have been married to my wife (34m) just shy of 10 years. We started dating in collage but have know each other since before high school. Looking back on things now I realize that I just wasn't mature enouph to get married when I did. Our relationship has foundered on our lack of communication and perpetual neglect.
Backstory
We met in grade school but, later attended the same 2 year university. My wife aggressively perused me after we reconnected in collage and I was in love. I can remember that I have always had a burning desire to be in a fulfilling and passionate relationship with a partner and equal. I was raised in a very conservative family and so I rarely if ever perused a girl/woman frivolously even during my teenage years. Naturally, when we married I had only ever been intimate with a single long term girlfriend in high school before my wife. My wife's mission in life was to have me and thus is where my immaturity first lead me astray, I had not learned how to be cold and hard when needed and, I was terrified of dying alone. Our dating relationship was rocky, my wife has been extremely manipulative and abusive from the very beginning but, I could not see it. My wife used every asset at her disposal to keep me and we had a very passionate and intimate relationship full of physical and emotional ups and downs. Everyone in my life that knew the two of use could already see the writing on the wall but, I would not listen. I was clinging to my one, and only chance from my perspective, at having a life long loving partner and friend. After a time I proposed and then things started to change, even though she did not have the ring I had effectively become hers and she no longer needed to peruse and conquer me. The intimacy stopped and the passion faded and my burning desire to be with her was left unrequited. I thought that it was just a phase before we married but, alas after only sharing our wedding night together our physical relationship ended.
Marriage
A few months before we married I took my first job after collage and moved a few hours away to start working. We married a few months later and moved in together in a 2 bedroom apartment about 1 hours commute from my first job. The first year of our marriage was very hard. My new wife would not reciprocate my advances and she also started to loose interest in me romantically. She would accuse me of only wanting sex which cut so deep, to this day I do not think I could be intimate with her again even if she tried to initiate, we have slept in separate beds, except for rare occasions, ever since. My wife had attained her prize and now she was looking for something else to do with her life and I was left on the shelf. I was never violent and I did my best to be mindful of her needs and the few times we have had real conversations about our relationship over the years I have attempted to incorporate the feed back to better meet her needs. I am not a perfect person, far from it and I have neglected stuff around our homes over the years the biggest one being the cleaning and our pets. I pay for everything, and put in most of the mental and emotional work of our marriage, she has been attending collage to get advance degrees so someday she can start a career and contribute to our family, this is the challenge she chose for her life after a year or two of me saying we could not afford stuff that she wanted. She demands many material things where as I can get by with very little and so over the years we have almost always been broke as I try to keep up with her demands and I have spent very little of all the money I have made in this life on myself, I have always and continue to saving for my retirement though.
Today
I have finally come to understand that my wife will never want me the way I wish she did and will never attempt to meet my needs no matter how many times I attempt to tell her what those needs are. I have been a fool, thinking that if I was only good enouph she would desire me. I know that she does care about me in her own way but, it is not enouph for me. I am unwilling to just dump her and walk out the door, she should be finishing collage soon and starting a career. Once she has a full time job and a means to support herself, I am done and gone.
Sometimes I sit on a bench in a park looking at the big city we live outside of and burn with a desire to rip the world into oblivion down to its very atoms. The pain of being lonely in marriage is so terrible, I have no words to adequately describe it. I am still terrified of dying alone but, I now know that I would be better off single and able to look for a person that could truly be my partner than I am spending energy attempting to breath life back into this dead relationship.
I am willing to share more of my story, I have glossed over many many details in this very short summary but, I didn't want to try and write a book in a single post. Thank you all, who read this to the end, it means more to me that I could ever possibly convey to you with words or actions.

We are moving to NYC from Texas on 7/1. We have hired movers to help us unload but are driving a uhaul into the city. Does anyone have any advice/know of any standard rules about parking on the street? Our apartment is on Sullivan St which is a one way, if that’s helpful. Appreciate any help/tips!

My house was built in 1910. The dining room has just two windows, one on a long west wall and one in the northwest corner that looks into a tiny porch that is not used. except for storage. In the summer there's too much sun/heat coming in, in the winter cold drafts, and the view is worthless either way--basically view is of the back of a 4 plex next door and a glimpse of their parking lot, a bit f a glimpse of a big brick apartment house (bakery a century ago) across the alley. For years I've just had heavy curtains covering the window, besides which I've put rigid styrofoam insulation on the outside of the window to keep out the drafts.
Ideas that I've heard about or pondered: someone turned such a window into a mini hutch keeping the original window trim, I thought a bookcase (same idea) perhaps, but have thought about turning into a place for plants using grow lights instead of natural lights. No luck finding examples since all I get is making greenhouses out of old windows or adding glass shelves to windows that have a nice view and putting plants on the shelves. I'm not a great planner or visualizer, I can come up with cool things improvisationally but this would require some thought and planning.

I signed a 6 month lease for a basement apartment while waiting for my house construction to complete (its over 3 years late thanks covid) in Ontario. My lease states I have one parking spot. Yesterday morning I went out and found a parking ticket on my car from local by-law for parking in an unauthorized area. The parking spot is a clearly marked and gravelled portion of the front lawn. After contacting the town I've been informed that under no circumstances is that a legal parking spot and I will continue to be ticketed. What the heck am I supposed to do? The landlord is offering no solution.

Is there a shuttle that runs from either Lake Louise Village or the Lake Louise Summer Gondola to the Fairmont Chateau/Lake Louise Lakeshore and back? The Roam Lake Louise express seems to only drop off at Lake Louise Village and doesn't do pickups.
Are uberideshare or paying for parking at Fairmont Chateau (not a guest) options?
​

I've heard the advice to get to the valley early in the day and stay parked, but it also seems common for people to take day trips to hetch hetchy, mariposa, etc. We're going next week (M-Th), so at least not a weekend, but how big of a risk is it to try to get re-parked in the valley after returning from one of these? (Staying at curry village).

This one is tricky because in general I'm never a fan of those in authority telling others what they can and cannot do with what is their own private property but as it stands I feel this is an issue of those private property owners affecting others.
I love our city, I love to crack jokes about our city. What I don't love is the pang of guilt and embarrassment I feel when these shuttles/packs/herds of tourists are shuffling through downtown looking to spend their money and the area is littered with missed opportunities that end up bringing the overall experience down.
The little shop at the very nexus of the downtown core that's stood empty for far too long, right between NV and Milktease. What a fucking eyesore that is, with Dino Meneis face leering into the street from his election posters he couldn't be bothered to remove. Yeah Dino, you give a shit about Thunder Bay alright, dick. This location being left to rot by Azzolini is a crime.
The Lyceum, another problematic property with huge potential, allegedly going to be developed but that's been a song sung so many times now that the tune has gone flat.
ex-BMO, corner of Court and Red River, still siting empty and from what I've heard it's due to the price tag, another absolute waste of potential especially with the downtown revitalization That building looks like amazing potential. When your storefront could be angled to engage two intersecting corridors with very high travel, at a damned intersection no less you've got so much engagement that your advertising budget could be enough to buy a hotdog and you would still do well.
Apple Chipotles, something something dude may or may not be a woman beater so whatever makes things difficult makes me happy. Lot 66 and Tony & Adams pack the house with people and instead of having a little venue for people to pop over to for a little lowkey downtempo ambience with live entertainment they get to see a shuttered business. Shove a piano in there and play the blues, it would work.
77 Court Street, the solar powered derelict distillery that never happened, or whatever. This place and the lots around it being left to decay or worse really gets my ass in a tuba. The parking lot next to it is no-mans land where the asphalt is being replaced by our two native grass species, switchgrass and 3cc syringe. I don't know if the owner is the guy who owns the lot in the back but given that the parking lot has large scrap metal pieces that may at one point in time have been something useful makes me think so. That machinery has been sitting there rotting away since at least 2009 according to google streetview. what insanity is this? It's no wonder nobody wants to develop the lot next to it right next to those new apartment buildings. The same owner has a large greenspace in a back lot full of rotting vehicles. Various states of decay, lots fit for the crusher but some not out of the realm of restoring. Just sitting there smack fuck doing nothing but looking like shit. What's more is this shitheap of a property brings down the entire neighbourhood and that's really saying something when it's on fuckin Manitou.
17 Cumberland Street South, I don't even know anymore. Nothing on this stretch should be sitting empty because everything is booming on this street more or less thanks to Tomlin Sub, Lakehead, Water, Prospector, In Common, etc. Yet this old fashion store is dead weight doing nothing but holding up the apartments above it, or the law office I can't remember. Literally looks like the 1970's inside.
So the taxpayers and such want a return on the investment of their money being sunk into the downtown revamp, that's fully understandable and our city needs this. So if these and others are for whatever reasons just leaving properties as dead weight actively working against the best interests of the city and the taxpayers in it what pressure is being put on them, what pressure could be put on them. Wasn't it said here recently that residential taxpayers pay insane amounts because the CoC did some fuckoboingo thing that kept taxes dead dead low for commercial property owners?
That's something to be mad about, I love my city and I want it to prosper. I love when we get tourists on this subreddit coming to Thunder Bay and asking what to do, I love how so many people engage with those posts. So I feel that some of you may also feel a mutual sense of embarrassment at the presentation we are giving our guests, so there's another reason the city should be putting pressure on these dorks.
Sorry about the rant, I'm so sick of seeing Dino Meneis face, so very sick of it.
People might be upset about this focusing on downtown PA and ignoring downtown FW, I feel you but the problems are two very different degrees of difficulty. Compared to FW this PA problem is the lowest of the hanging fruits but if we can't even tackle this then there is no chance to remedy the FW area. FW could be many beautiful things but that undertaking is astronomical, valid? Completely and FW should be attended to instead of abandoned.
I support no action that displaces anybody. Housing is another big concern and that's where my goat gets got with things like 77 Court Street south. Corner of Manitou and Johnson is a very modern newly constructed MDU building, right behind it on the corner of Manitou and Court is a lot zoned for the same but completely untouched, I blame 77 Court.
​

This is a response to https://doorcountypulse.com/the-importance-of-pronouns/, and it also reflects on https://doorcountypulse.com/hello-peninsula-pulse/.
Dear Emma,
Supreme Court cases do not operate the way the Independent article suggests. Small details in a decision, tangential to the issue being decided, do not turn it into a landmark case, or even establish precedent. Rather, it is a decision's holding which determines whether a case is a landmark or not. The Independent is foreign owned and operated, but being a large outlet, they should know better than to put out an article like the one you linked to.
In the court system, pronoun policy is currently split at the appellate level, with the Sixth Circuit and the Seventh Circuit taking opposing sides. The Supreme Court has not weighed in on this yet, but the split makes it more likely they will choose to rule about it.
Besides this, Jonathon Turley writes at https://jonathanturley.org/2023/04/25/seventh-circuit-upholds-termination-of-high-school-teacher-who-objected-to-pronoun-policy/ that a currently pending religious accommodations case, Groff v. DeJoy, could "gut the underlying standard used by the Seventh Circuit in its ruling for the school district".
Links:
Sixth Circuit https://www.opn.ca6.uscourts.gov/opinions.pdf/21a0071p-06.pdf
Seventh Circuit https://adfmedialegalfiles.blob.core.windows.net/files/KlugeSeventhCircuitOpinion.pdf
Oral argument for Groff v. DeJoy https://www.oyez.org/cases/2022/22-174
The results of a 2021 survey imply that the purpose of pronoun requirements are especially in order to get rid of conservative employees and civil servants. https://legermarketing.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Leger-The-Atlantic-Survey-Wokeness.pdf#page=10 found that Biden voters backed woke pronouns by a nearly 3 to 1 ratio over Trump voters. The table on page 4 shows that most people surveyed disagreed with woke pronouns: https://legermarketing.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Leger-The-Atlantic-Survey-Wokeness.pdf#page=4. It follows from this that you should not expect your article to be supported by most readers. If people aren't responding negatively to you, it may indicate that they stay quiet because they don't want to be targeted, rather than that they agree. The 14,202 Door Countyites which voted yes on Wisconsin Referendum 1 not that many years ago didn't just disappear when 5 Supreme Court justices ruled against them between eight and nine years afterwards: https://web.archive.org/web/20081127174554/http://elections.state.wi.us/docview.asp?docid=10049&locid=47.
Both Champaign and Indianapolis are large cities, which can draw on outlying areas to get workers, making up for having below-replacement fertility. Door County also relies on importing workers, but because it is not a large city with lots of political power, this is less reliable. In 2020, for example, the supply of foreign J-1 workers was abruptly cut off. Door County manages to get a consider number of immigrants from outside the county, but most who relocate for longer than a season are wealthier than people residing in Door County. They also tend to be older and not looking to start new families.
Instead, as larger-scale governing bodies destabilize Door County and break down its social fabric and economy, they can use former Door Countyites to solve the worker shortages in large metro areas. Support for transgenderism is a shibboleth for the economic interests of large metro areas. This manifests itself locally as a lower quality of life and an economic leakage to outside the county. An example of this is in the letter by Janet Wilmoth about having to drive to Green Bay to see a veterinarian: https://doorcountypulse.com/letter-to-the-editor-emergency-veterinary-service-needed/.
Because it isn't a big city, Door County is especially dependent on its birth rate for its future. Its total fertility rate in 2020 was 1.533 lifetime births, well below replacement of 2.1 lifetime births. At this rate, each generation, without factoring for immigration or emigration, will be 27% smaller than the one before. However, since something like 30% to 40% of young adults leave the county, the effect is even stronger than 27%.
Transgenderism's concomitant drugs and surgeries tend towards sterilization, and towards making its subjects less attractive to the opposite sex. Assisted reproductive technologies are too expensive to be implemented on a broad scale. Transgenderism is a risk to Door County's future, because it could help push that 1.533 figure even lower. In this way, transgenderism is a demographic factor in the overall gentrification, just as unaffordable housing is an economic factor. Just as it is unwise to encourage unaffordable housing, it is unwise to encourage transgenderism.
Or even if you think replacement fertility is unrealistic and unachievable, consider that when the age structure of a population gets too unbalanced, it is harder to take care of the elderly. The struggles at Scandia Village are an example of this: https://doorcountypulse.com/scandia-village-up-for-sale/. Or should elderly people just be relocated far away, or as some think, even euthanized? Every transgender sterilization is a step in the wrong direction.
It follows then, that someone who refuses to use preferred pronouns might not be a horrible bigot who gets perverse satisfaction from it, but rather, someone who loves his or her community and wants it to have a future. Such people may even be willing to personally be on the losing side of a litmus test for the collective good.
The sponsors for Open Door Pride are listed at https://opendoorpride.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/THANK-YOU-TO-OUR-2023-SPONSORS-2-1024x576.jpg.
Some of them, such as the Miller Art Museum, Door County Community Auditorium, Peninsula Music Festival, Northern Sky Theater, have benefited from, and can expect to consider benefiting from, public, tax-funded support. Because taxpayers come from all sorts of political backgrounds, these organizations should have avoided all political activities, aside from lobbying for particular things directly related to their organization.
An example of the political trust vested in the Door County Community Auditorium is described in https://doorcountypulse.com/struggle-for-a-stage-door-community-auditorium/. But like Disney in Florida, they are engaging in partisan activity, betraying that trust. Institutions which benefit from public funding should be non-partisan and impartial. Public money should not be spent on group-think.
Most of the sponsors are local, but Carrie Busse Shorewest Realtors and Napalese are from Green Bay, the Avenue Art & Company is from Appleton, and Marketini Media is from Madison. They get to influence Door County while their cities benefit from Door County's emigrating young-adult population.
I'm not sure if this has been covered in your classes so far, or privately by your boss. If so, bear with me as I restate it. The Pulse has a different political makeup among its advertisers versus its readers. That it is a free paper tends to result in a readership which is inherently less educated than the readership of a subscription newspaper. I used to know a man who had once ran a free paper, but sold it. He was a conservative. It had a lot of general-interest content, nothing political, and especially featured ads for alcohol. Free papers tend to be read by people who read occasionally rather than regularly.
Occasional readers are less educated than regular readers, and the level of education corresponds to the political alignment. This means that natural readership of the Pulse is more conservative than the overall population of Door County. For people with a regular reading habit, the Pulse competes with a number of subscription outlets, while for occasional readers the Pulse has less competition.
Yet the Pulse isn't dominated by gas station and liquor store ads. Unlike many other free papers, its advertisers run more towards the left. This makes sense, because presently Door County has a disproportionately left-wing visitorship. One factor in the loss of right-leaning tourists may be in marketing decisions over recent decades has shifted. Right-wingers from the Chicago metro area are probably drawn more towards state parks in Indiana and other Door County alternatives. Local businesses geared toward tourists, or even seasonal residents, will probably be well-served by advertising in the Pulse.
This leaves the Pulse in the situation where it is to the left of its readership, but still financially sustainable. Its leadership must be aware of this vulnerability, as the Pulse's podcast tends to be to the left of the paper. That it sometimes leaves its readership behind is exemplified how, in the recent midterm election, Ron Johnson did not return any answers to the Pulse's questionnaire, while his Democratic opponent did. Door Countyites voted for him anyway, by a margin of only 75 votes. During the 2022 election it seems that a number of Republicans intentionally spurned media outlets over left-wing bias. To the extent that they did so, and won office anyway, this served to send a message to their base that they were unwilling to be manipulated by left-wing media. It could even be seen as a plea for fair treatment in the future.
Instead of pronouns, there are other topics out there. Recently, a large firm was paid a lot of state money to write a report which claimed that "Potawatomi was chosen in honor of the tribe that had lived in the area before ceding its land to the US government in the 1830’s."
Link: https://widnr.widen.net/view/pdf/infpwyoyy2/GRAEF-Potawatomi-Tower-Concept-Report.pdf#page=9
You could write an article debunking this, and explain what really happened. I think it would be well-received locally, though maybe not by the DNR. Had you written an article about how pronouns should always be biologically honest, that would have hurt your chances of getting a job someday as a journalist in a large metro area, but I don't think debunking Graef would hurt you. With some effort, you should be able to find other topics which are win-win for both your future career and for Door County. Although this is a social relationship, were it a biological relationship instead, this would be "mutualism" rather than "parasitism" or "predation".

I live in apartment building in Dublin 7 but it comes with only one parking spot. Since we temporary own second car, we need to park it somewhere. There are a lot of side streets 200-300m from the building with ton of space in front of the houses where residents usually park their cars. There are no Pay-and-Display or any other parking related signs.
Am I allowed to park there?

Hi!
I am looking for someone to take over my lease at Wexler for July. I am fully asynchronous for summer so I decided to move back home. I have a B1 apartment at Wexler. I have one roommate and we both have our own private bedroom and bathroom. My apartment is at a super convenient location. It is in the same building as the leasing office and mail room. My apartment is the closest one to the parking garage where my car is. I pay $1400 a month. The apartment is perfectly fine, I am just willing to help someone get in there because if not, it will just be sitting for an entire month and I might as well be throwing the money away. Renters insurance wifi and parking is included.
Please shoot me a DM if interested!

For some context, due to the demands of our individual degrees, challenges, and busy lives, my best friend and I haven't been able to spend as much time together as we used to. Personally, I've been feeling quite unsettled due to various life issues, and as a result, I haven't been going out much. On the rare occasions that I did venture out, it was usually just for a solitary walk or to grab a coffee.
Last week, we had a phone conversation during which we agreed to meet on Thursday. However, we didn't solidify any specific plans beyond that. I assumed that our meeting would proceed as usual. It's worth mentioning that my friend resides about an hour outside the city, where there are limited options for activities. She doesn't have her own place where she can comfortably host guests; instead, she lives with her boyfriend's family, who have expressed reservations about inviting others over. Consequently, she typically either commutes to the city by subway or her boyfriend drives her, and we usually meet in a café (if finances permit) or in a specific outdoor location such as a park, my place, or our other friend's apartment.
On Wednesday, she texted me asking where we should meet. I responded by suggesting the usual options and presented two plans: if the weather permitted, we could have a picnic in the park with homemade food; alternatively, if it rained, she could come to my place. However, she expressed reluctance to take the subway just because and proposed meeting at a shopping mall located outside the city near her residence, or at a café near her residence as well. I would've been open to the idea if I weren't facing financial constraints this month, as I would have taken the subway to meet her. Regrettably, that was not the case, so I politely declined her suggestions and explained my circumstances. This is when the argument ensued.
She reasonably voiced her concerns about always being the one traveling to the city, suggesting that if I couldn't afford the subway fare, I could simply walk. I found her response to be unjust. Frankly, I couldn't imagine walking for an hour to reach the shopping mall, which is typically crowded and tends to give me headaches, only to walk back home for another hour late at night on an unsafe road. In the heat of the moment, I made an ill-advised remark, mentioning that it wasn't my fault she lived so far from the city and that she didn't have a place of her own where we could meet. I accused her of being unreasonable and unfair. As a result, she abruptly ended our conversation, stating that she didn't want to engage in such an argument, and naturally, we didn't meet the following day.
In light of this situation, am I the asshole for not acquiescing to her preferred meeting location? Should I have simply gone along with her wishes despite the unfavorable circumstances?

The obsessions. The crazy. I wish I could make it all go away. I don’t enjoy it. Everyone thinks I enjoy it. I don’t. I’m more aware. I just. I’m more aware on this medication if it and able to stop the obsessions before they happen and stay on you John at least. At least if I’m gunna be obsessed with someone let it be the safe person to be obsessed with. Apart of me wishes you would just get this fucking over with. Whatever your going to do with me as a result of this. I wish you would get it over with quickly. My mental illness prevents so many friendships. I can’t have friendships because of my borderline. It fucking sucks. It’s better to have few friends and less people to become obsessed with. I almost latched onto someone new but I stopped myself. Dead in my tracks. I prevented it. We’re not going to that theme park anymore it’s unhealthy. I don’t understand why or where this even came from. It came out of absolutely nowhere. I have to figure that piece out. Not go out so much. Form attachments to people. Making friends can be dangerous for me. I had to do what I did there. For my own mental sanitys sake so I’m sorry about that. You know what I’m referring to. My illness couldn’t take it fucking anymore. It’s bad enough my friend passed away. I’m having a rough time as is. It’s easy for me right now in my state to latch onto someone new. I have to be careful. You are my current safety net. Your forgiving and you just get it. I almost wish you would tell me to stop but then I’d be forced to find a new victim. I just want it all to stop. I want the fucking borderline to stop. How do I make it stop? I wish. Fuck. This is so complicated. Just take my fucking problems from me! Mark asshole causing problems day one of my hire. I can’t sleep. Friend passed away. I broke down at dinner today and walked the fuck out. Couldn’t focus. I can’t go back there. It’s all I look forward to right now and all that keeps me from literal death. I hate my life. I’m trying to get back into comedy. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I need to get laid for one thing I haven’t been laid since mark. I need some fucking luck. I can’t take this. Shit. I’m so stressed out. I need you. Where are you? You just don’t care! I just want you to give a tiny shit.

Hello all. I am moving to nyc next month for work and am currently apartment hunting, and all I have to say about that is.. Holy fuckin shit, it's crazy. Anyway, my question is regarding street parking. I'm looking in the Forest Hills area. I have asked the brokers/agents how far away from where they live do they typically park, and they say within a block or two. I've done a lot of walking around the neighborhood in the afternoon/early evenings, and I feel like there are very few open spaces available.
Just curious what y'alls experience is with street parking in Queens is (particularly Forest Hills area). How long does it take to find a spot after work in the evenings? How far away do you typically park from where you live?
And yes, unfortunately I will need a car.

Years back I tried FT8, made a few contacts with the IC-7200, but grew apart from the hobby for a bit.
I'm back in it, and I cannot make a contact on FT8 using WSJT-X(same as before) with the IC-7200 nor TS-890S.
What should I be looking at first? I can successfully get CAT to light up green and test TX. I'm following instructions for the settings on each radio.
I can hear traffic and CQs all day, but I can't make a contact with anyone. I don't understand how to use a beacon to check if you're getting out, is that a thing?
Any help would be great.

So my car was parked in my apartment complex and the lawn company hit it with a rock with their equipment, shattering my rear glass. My question is will my insurance go up if I file a claim, but the lawn company ends up paying me privately and I don’t go tru with the claim and cancel it? Because they are denying liability as I doubt the company even has insurance it’s a very mom-and-pop type company but the person operating the equipment does in fact, feel bad and wants to help me out if he can but my question is I want to have this claim already going just in case they don’t end up helping me but I don’t want them helping me and then me still having a claim that I never went through with, but it raised my premium. Obviously if the company pays me, I would not take money from insurance as that would be stealing, but I just wanna know if it’ll make my insurance go up if I filed a claim and don’t go through with it in that scenario.

My husband and I live in Vegas we found a fancy apartment that had luxury studios, we were trying to save money, unfortunately it was 1500 to live behind Fremont street, and homeless were all over, and their secure parking was a giant lot for 50 extra a month.
The owner called to see why I hadn’t done the application and I said “it wasn’t for us.” She did the “can I ask why?” I explained the price and the neighborhood, so many homeless. She said that in her opinion homeless are harmless and that there was a mission around the block. I told her that we felt bad renting a 1500 month place while walking outside everyday to starving down and out people across the street on the side walk.
She said “Oh, okay. Then.” She sounded so dejected, but I hate price gouging and as it used to be the old Alpine motel that burnt down and the neighborhood was bad. It shouldn’t have been so much.
Am I the AH? Or was it good to be honest??

I’m 18+ and all characters and participants must be 18+
"Oide Yo! My name is Honoka~! And it is my great pleasure to welcome you all to Mizuryuu Kei Land U.S.A's Grand opening~!!" A very busty, pink haired woman appeared on the screen at the front of the transportation bus. The only thing she was red heart shaped pasties over her nipples and pussy, a red armband that read "cast", and matching elbow length gloves and thigh high stockings.
"As Mizuryuu Kei Land U.S.A's first ever guests, we have many great surprises in store for you all~! Unfortunately I can't talk about them, you all will just have to see them for yourself~. But what I can talk about is all of the amazing "worlds" that Mizuryuu Kei Land has!
Starting with the Beginner Area, this part of the park is the first thing you see once you leave the gear area. In Mizuryuu Kei Lands original location in Japan. This is the area where our shy guests spend their time. Mizuryuu Kei Land is all about sexual freedom, and sometimes that can be very scary. For guests that aren't as open with their sexuality as others. But that's OK! For most guest all it takes is one ride on the "Meet N Fuck FerrisWheel" to break them out of their shell. Apart from the Ferris wheel, the Beginner Area also has other attractions for both men and women. The Dildo Carousel, and Glory Mystery Wall are both very popular attractions.
The Urban Jungle is a place where our guest can live their exhibitionist fantasies. Built to look like New York City. Guests here can live out their wildest public sex fantasies. Sure fucking in public is what the park is all about. But there is something special about fucking in a city environment. And in the Urban Jungle there is a place for every fantasy. From bars and clubs, to all types of store recreations, and of course all types of dirty alleys and public restrooms. It is a guarantee that you will never have the same experience when you visit the Urban Jungle.
From Urban Jungle to actual Jungle. Where the Wild Whores Are, is the ultimate pet play experience. Men and women alike can live out their most depraved fantasies of living as fuck pets. The area is divided into several "habitats". A tropical jungle, a pet walking park, and "the zoo". So if you want to let out your wild side, or want to know what it feels like to own your own fuckpet come on down to to Where the Wild Whores Are.
There are many more areas inside of Mizuryuu Kei Land. So many that I am unable to inform you about all of them in such short amount of time. Unfortunately due to legal reasons I am also unable to discuss what goes on inside of areas like our Raceplay World, and Land of Beasts. You will just have to experience those places for yourself hehe~.
Now I'll leave you all by letting you know that as our lucky week long guests. You all have the ability to switch hotels at any point during your stay for free. There are many themed hotels inside of the parks areas. And we want you all to be able to experience as many of our facilities as you can~!
Other than please enjoy all the amazing attractions, restaurants, facilities, events, and both staff and guest contest. Your ride is now at its end. Welcome to Mizuryuu Kei Land U.S.A!
////////////////////
Hello dear pervs :3. And thank you for reading my Mizuryuu Kei Land roleplay idea. Based off of the original doujinshi, I want to create a story that severely expands on the world that wonderfully depraved doujinshi created.
So I did not emphasize a "main character" during the prompt. That is because there are many different characters that we can choose from for this rp.
There is Honoka, the current peppy mascot of Mizuryuu Kei Land U.S.A. Who gets to live in the park and do all sorts of fun events for the guest. Unfortunately she did not read her contract to well. And now she has to fight for the right to keep her job as the parks mascot. Or be replaced by another slut.
There is also Natalia, a college student who's friend was somehow able to score 3 tickets fo the theme parks grand opening week. As a closet pervert Natalia was basically dragged along by her friends. In an attempt to get her to loosen up. Oh if only they knew the bitch in heat they unleashed in the park.
Another option is Stephanie, a 30 year old single mother who was given a ticket by her best friend as a birthday present. She didn't really want to come, as she felt the idea of the park was disgusting. But accepted to go anyway as it was a gift from her friend. The question is will Stephanie be able to come out of the park as the same woman she was when she got there? Or will the depravity of the park turn her into a shameless slutty milf?
And finally there is Evelyn, a recently graduated journalism major and self proclaimed artist. Who infiltrated the park by getting a job as a staff member. As she is trying to launch her career as a real journalist. By exposing Mizuryuu Kei Land as a corrupt cesspool of depravity, and misogyny. Created by the "Patriarchy" to force a narrative that women are nothing but sex objects. Will Evelyn be able to find enough evidence to prove this? Or will the parks influence and its "secret board of directors" turn her into the thing she hates the most, a whore?
The park is basically a sandbox, where we can create anything we want. The only limit for what story we can create is literally our imaginations! So as my GM you will have a lot of creative freedom for what ever lewd attraction, event, store,etc. You want to add to the park.
As for what I am looking for in a partner? I'm looking for someone literate, creative, who can match my writing. Be it multiple paragraphs if the need arises, or just short replies. Really just someone as excited as I am for this prompt. So if my prompt interested you, then please message me at Demondork on Kik. Chat will be ignored, and long detailed replies will get my attention first.
Kinks and limits list:
Kinks: cum, cum eating, cum food, cum play,bukkake,cream pie,bdsm, bondage, forced, body writing, spanking, cuddling, degradation, rough partners, sizeplay, dominant partners, toys, multiple partners, spit roasting, mating press, full Nelson,frenching,rimming,body oil,bestiality,water sports,wax play,sex machines,being filmed,cosplay,NTR,petplay,exhibitionism,biting and pretty much anything that isn’t my limits
Limits:
Scat,gore,vore,hyper sizes,necro and vomit

I pulled her card from my lockbox today. I couldn’t bring myself to remove it from its wrapping though. I’ll explain the card in a little while. Even in just that briefest of moments though, the tears became too thick. I so wanted to see her name. Instead I decided to only go back to the memories. They bring enough tears. So I put the card back but need to tell my story of that memory. So thank you for your time in letting me indulge dear Reader. I know your time is precious and I am loquacious of a sort.
The place I used to work at a long, long time ago, Croc’s, was an odd duck. It was a Transformer of sorts. During the day and early evening it was a damn good Mexican restaurant. One of the best in town. Lunch was insane. Dinner was a respite. But on Friday, Saturdays, some Thursdays, and almost every holiday eve, it was… I don’t even have words. Nothing like what went on in those walls had been seen in Denver at the time. We had lines around blocks. The plural is not a mistake. On those nights, Croc’s was THE place to be in Denver. The owners got there before everyone else and had hit a jackpot with the place. The Rockies were starting over at Mile High and moving to LoDo soon. LoDo was booming and we were in the middle of it partying like no tomorrow every night.
But this isn’t about that amazing place, that’s for another day. Nope. This is about her, her son and I. Or rather, about loss and memories. But it all started at Croc’s and you needed to know what a breath of a moment in time we shared there. Not on one of those crazy nights but one lazy Sunday when we were pretty slow.
I mentioned the restaurant was an odd duck. See, it was designed so that from breakfast through dinner and into very early evening, it was a purposeful, full-fledged, extremely popular, and well reviewed dining establishment. But after that, it was designed so we could remove every table, chair, stool and booth. We essentially turned the whole restaurant into a giant dance floor with a bar that spanned half the distance of the long wall topped with massive tequila and booze pyramids. The wells were at either end with a plant potter behind them for storage. It was split level(ish) with a few VIP areas squirreled away. State of the art DJ booth on the south end of the bar. Oh and did I mention we had a 28 foot replica of a Nile croc suspended from the roof named “Hal”.
The owners were a group of friends who had grown up in the business. One of them was from the family that started Senior Frogs and the like down in Mexico. They had all met and worked at some of the hottest places in the state and been to some of the craziest places around the Americas. So when I say no one had seen anything like it, they hadn’t. We had a person that would blow tequila from a custom bong into a partier's mouth from 30 feet away. Our DJ’s were the best in town. We poached the absolute best in talent from every bar in a 4000 mile radius. That movie “Cocktail”? Yeah, that was this place on steroids. Hell, beside myself and 1 or 2 other guys, our security eventually turned into off duty SWAT cops. All these places around Denver and, hell, around the country you see now? Yeah these guys started it right there in LoDo.
It was the paper and crayons we would put on every table though where my memory begins.
There had been other places that had done what we did with the butcher block paper. It went on every table with crayons. It wasn’t the most innovative thing there but it was fun and the patrons enjoyed it. Many great artists out there! And of course the kids loved it. A lot of the folks who lived around there would bring their kids with them for lunch or dinner. I worked a lot of Sunday day shifts because a) everyone was hung over and never wanted to work and b) it was usually a nice bit of quiet after two nights that would make Caligula jealous. Plus the people who did come in were usually pretty cool and just out for a good meal. It was pretty chill after all that joyous chaos.
My section was usually the front lifted area just in front of the potters and a few tables in the middle. I was splitting with the other server that day since it was more dead than usual. A beautiful Colorado day back then. Blue sky with puffy clouds. Perfect temperature with no wind so the front doors to the small little patio were open. You could smell the flowers from across the street. The other server let me know she had sat a couple of people at one of my four tops. Sounded good so I headed out to say hello.
It was customary for us to write our name on the paper when we showed up. It was hokie but everyone loved it. It was our way of saying welcome and have fun! Some servers could do it upside down but I could never get the hang of that.
I headed down the bar toward the front, preoccupied with getting my marker out for the intro. I remember coming around the corner of the potter and just kind of coming to a juddering stop at the top step, tripping and almost falling on my face. Luckily she was a little preoccupied with her son and getting him situated so she missed seeing me make a gobsmacked fool out of myself.
I luckily regained what little balance I could alongside some composure quick enough to walk up and say hi. She said hi and then kind of waited. “Oh yeah dumbass” I said to myself as I told her, or rather flubbed, my name as I wrote it in the corner so they could read it right side up. She giggled a little bit as most people did with my nickname at the time. I hadn’t noticed but her son had been waiting the whole time for that moment. He grabbed his crayon and wrote his name and her name in front of them. “That’s a good name isn’t it?” I asked him. I told him it was the same as mine but the longer version. He was a little surprised by this as I went by “Scooter” back then. It took a second but he quickly realized it was a nickname. He had signed the long version of our name and said that’s what he liked. Right on man, you got it. Damn smart kid. You can tell, ya know?
After that briefest of moments, I shook myself a little and introduced myself for, I think the fourth time now. She tells me her name but it is instantly gone. Not only because of the effect this moment is having on me, but just because I am bad with names on the first go around. I don’t think we heard what either was saying anyway. Our eyes were locked and in that moment, it was all that mattered somehow. I can remember how deeply they shined. Her hair was a little damp and unkempt like someone in a hurry but has that respect for herself. Dark like her eyes but shining from the light outside. A simple blue/light purple and white striped shirt. Slightly damp around the shoulders. Worn jeans. Not the designer type but jeans aged with a good strong life. Blue canvas deck shoes with the white souls if I remember that part right. Maybe black canvas. I saw all this without ever breaking her gaze.
It was as if in the same moment we both realized we were in the same place together but not there alone. A moment later we both found ourselves apologizing for talking over the other. Sheepishly, like teens on their first date. Giggling a bit. Not knowing what was happening but knowing that something most definitely was. I apologized for the awkwardness and I think I cracked a joke or something but neither of us knew what to do. There was a calm panic and, I dare to say, a longing that was unknown?
It was her son who brought us both back to reality. He had asked if we had Coke or Pepsi. I shook myself internally again and told him we had Coke but could find some Pepsi if he really wanted it. Luckily he was not a Pepsi kid. I also told him that, yes, I would be happy to add a cherry to it. This time though when I met his eyes, I looked at myself when I was that age, as I answered that question. I hadn’t noticed it. Like a mirror as they say. Dark brown hair full of cowlicks. Round face with a big smile. Getting that cherry meant the world to him. I remembered that same feeling again through him. It was like looking at a version of myself I only saw in pictures.
At this very second in time I remember being terrified. Not “scared” terrified. It was more like, holy shite is this happening? What is going on? I wanted to turn and run and hide but somehow regained what little composure was left in that split second. I turned back to her and saw that she had just seen what I had seen. I could see wonder, joy, confusion, happiness, peace, thrill, fear and hope that I am sure were being reflected in my own eyes. We both needed a few minutes. We each could see it. It was overwhelming. Again, not a bad overwhelming but one of those moments where you need to put your hands on your knees and take some big, deep breaths.
The whole 3 or 4 minutes were surreal. And I will never forget them. I will fight as hard as I can to hold onto the others I have of both of them.
Somehow I managed to Charlie Chaplin myself away to get their drink order. I believe hers was a Sprite with a lemon. Normally I would go right around the corner of the plant potter and get the sodas from the guns there. Instead I went all the way to the back station. I needed to breathe. It seemed like an hour but I headed back. By this time the son was going to town. He had talent and it showed. It seemed like we had regained ourselves somewhat but the whole meal was kind of like an episode out of a teen comedy. We giggled, laughed, blushed, and did all the other things you would expect to see from two teenagers who discover they like each other. It wasn’t like I was trying to stay with them, or they tried to keep me there. It just kind of happened. I’d start to go away and she would ask me back for something simple. I would bring something I had forgotten in case they needed it. The whole meal went that way.
When they were done and ready to go, I was dreading it. Should I ask her out? She had mentioned she was single. It felt like I should ask her out. Like I said, the whole visit was surreal. There was no ring or even a suntan line of one (Don’t judge me, it was a different time). I wasn’t seeing anyone either. We seemed to get along amazingly, both her and her son. Even my fellow server noticed and was egging me on. It was obvious. Doing something like that with a client back then happened. Not usually in the first 30 seconds but you never know. I made up my mind to walk them out as I had no other tables and see what happened. I took the check to the table. She was packing her bag. I had gotten a refill for his togo cup and handed it to him. He said thank you and said he drew something for me. They had carefully torn it from the paper and he handed it to me. It was the three of us holding hands. How I held the tears then I do not know. I was a different person there at that precise point in time. At this moment those tears are here though.
I bent down to his level and thanked him sincerely. He said he was glad I liked it and he hugged me. I heard her try to stifle her gasp. Thank any or no gods or whoever for him. He let go, grabbed his Mom’s hand and said he was ready to go. As I stood up I could see tears welling in her eyes. He hadn’t done that to another man in, what she said, was a very long time she would tell me in a quiet voice as we started to walk toward the door. That was it. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even noticed that when we got to the big double doors, he had grabbed my hand. It just was there.
By this time I do not think either of us really knew what to do or what was going on. I mean, this was an impromptu outing to a place her son had liked because of the paper. It was a cheap and good lunch and then off to wherever for them and another table for me while I rolled silverware in the back or stocked the empty quicks from the previous night. But it seemed like it had been years together but only moments, if that makes sense? I certainly did not know what to do at this point. I think I mumbled what a delight it was to be able to spend time with them and I hoped they had enjoyed themselves or something like that. I honestly could not tell you. By this time she had regained herself somewhat. That girlishness turned into an elegance, beauty and strength that I had not seen before. But those same feelings exchanged in that momentary glance were still there. As was still a bit of moisture along the bottom of her eyes. We made a bit of small talk till he got a bit antsy and wanted to head off.
As we said our goodbyes that day, almost at the same time, we asked our questions. I asked if she would like to come by again soon with her son. His birthday was coming up I think and I could get the guys in back to make him something special. At least I think that was it. Her’s was if it would be ok if they came back soon. You know because the little guy liked drawing and the food. More childish giggling and laughing. And before she left she gave me her card and said to call if I was going to be working again on a Sunday or just whenever. As they walked together, hand in hand down and around the corner, I just stared at them and then the card over and over.
That very card I put back in a safe place tonight.
She was a designer as it turned out. I didn’t pry into her past as it sounded like it wasn’t all that great at times. She came by the restaurant a few more times after that. I then called once or twice to say hi and how they were doing and to let her know to come by. Eventually she asked me out. We spent some time together and it started to get a little more serious. She was a few years older but not by much. She was driven and forthright. Quick witted and compassionate. And such a good Mom with a massive heart. I was young then, somewhat good looking, fairly well paid and worked at the hottest spot in the state. And I had this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. Even my coworkers knew and could see what was going on whenever we were together. Either just the two of us or all three of us. Walking on clouds was an apt statement. At this point I want to point out that while I am no saint whatsoever, I do consider myself a decent person. At least I was back then and for the most part today. Things have changed as they always do but I digress.
Eventually the moment came. The serious date. She had a small but fantastic apartment downtown and wanted to make me dinner for once. I don’t think she was done asking before I said yes. We set a date for later that week. I remember it was a Saturday because me taking a night off from that place, with all its amazing moments each night to the amount of money you walked out with each night to leaving one of the other bouncers with one of the other guys he wasn’t used to, was a pretty big deal. Had to call in favors but everyone just said go. No one there batted an eye. They all seemed to know what a big deal this was somehow.
We set it for a little later in the evening so I could get things in proper working fashion up front of the house and then head over. Any of you who have worked in a restaurant know that smell you get. Kind of need to have worked in that environment to know I guess. So that night, I didn’t have time to head home then come back. So I had a change of clothes and a vanity bag so I could clean up in the back. Wouldn’t be the first time I got sprayed down by the dishwasher but probably a first for this reason. Cleaned up pretty well, freshly shaved and quaffed, walking so far above Cloud 9 I lost track of which one I was on. Headed out to put the work kit and bag in the truck. On the way out a few who knew what had been going on smiled or waved.
And off I went. I was a little late but she said she had expected it given the night of the week. Back then, downtown Denver was different. Colorado was different. I guess everywhere was different back then. But in this instance, I mean in an architectural way. You didn’t have the towers all around LoDo as you do now. From some rooftops you could still watch a sunset over the mountains. Say what you will, even I have to admit that a purple and orange sunset over the mountains is quite possibly the most beautiful natural thing I have seen. It is immense but oh so fleeting. Just like our lives I guess. You could still hear birds and bugs over cars at times. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful but it was at least calm?
She was lucky as her apartment, though smallish, came with a hidden bonus. Her window allowed her to access the roof on the next building. A part of it anyway. But this little slice of hidden wonder allowed a view down Market Street, across Spear, over Auraria and then the mountain view. It was stunning. Like the apartment, the space was just cozy enough for two to enjoy a little rooftop barbeque and dining. She gave me the quick tour and we poured some wine. She was going through the menu as we “headed outside”. The door was a small little window. I remember scratching my head and thinking I may not fit out there. She handled it with the grace of a ballerina and said I could do it. It took a minute or two but I contorted my clumsy self outside. And she was right. It was spectacular.
Not just the view but what she had done with her little corner of peace. She had talked with the building owner who agreed that she could use this space as he didn't even know about it. It was like something out of a commercial today. A nice little seating couch type niche. Well built trellis with some small Christmas lights for effect. A little brick grilling area with a hibachi going. I can still smell it. The table with candles and dinnerware. Decking. I was taken aback. The way it was situated insulated her from the sounds down below. You could hear them but it was almost like distant white noise. It was just peaceful. I remember remarking about this. She said she discovered it by accident when her son thought it might be a good play area.
Dinner was wonderful. The night went on. There wasn’t a sense of time. Just us there in that little part of the universe that was only hers. To this day I do not think I felt that safe before anywhere nor since. Someone was letting me into one of their most sacred spots. Literally and figuratively. I felt privileged. Almost as though I was treading somewhere I shouldn’t be. I think that thought was my downfall however. Don’t worry dear Reader, you will understand all that very soon. We watched that sunset. It was perfect. The right contrast of colors. Just the right amount of clouds to change those colors ever so slightly. A reminder of how something can change for the simplest of reasons.
As night grew darker it started to get cold. The goosebumps we were feeling on each other's skin holding hands and looking at the stars weren’t just from feelings. It was getting cool so we moved inside. After safely dousing the grill and making sure the coals were in their proper place, we cleaned up. Since it was easier, I stayed outside and handed them into the house to her. We figured it would be safer for the dishes. Giggled some more as we came to realize more and more things about each other at the same time. Finally the outside was clear. I stood outside for another minute to take in what was happening. I think that is then that little bit of fear weeded its way in without my realizing it. This was as close to perfect as I could ever dream I thought.
After squeezing back inside, assisted again but ok with that, we cleaned up the dishes and opened another bottle of wine. The inside was just as cozy. At some point she had lit some more candles and had some soft music going. Light jazz if I remember. Not loud at all. Again, there, just outside the periphery. Sitting on the couch I can feel her sitting next to me. We are close. Two people holding each other wanting to believe but not sure if this is real. There was almost a vibration. The constant goosebumps were not because of the cold anymore. Once we were both comfortable and we just talked. For hours and hours. There were the intimate moments but nothing scandalous. A tenuous kiss from one to the other.
We talked about what two people talk about who truly want to know the other. I believe we asked as many honest questions of ourselves as we did of the other. We really, truly, wholly wanted to know each other. And that is what we did. The more we talked the more comfortable we felt. Each of us had our scars that were not easily revealed. Nor did we reveal all of them that night and guarded them well. But we each wanted to know if the other was someone we could trust with those deepest places that we all hide in the darkest parts of our soul.
We talked a little about her son’s father but not in depth. It was easy to see that was one of the scars. We talked about her son. Why she was so astonished that first day. My heart wrenches this very moment dear Reader upon remembering that. Her hopes for him. His likes and his dislikes. Some of the stories parents tell others to embarrass their children later in life. We talked about what futures there could be not for us but for him and his world. He really was an amazing kid and I am sure has grown up to be someone she can be proud of. Time did not exist that night. Feelings and thoughts were exchanged that did not need to be said. We just knew each other that night.
We never did finish the second bottle if memory serves, we talked, laughed and sat together in peaceful comfort and gave no care about anything else. But tomorrow was coming as it always does and we had to leave each other. I remember the closeness as we held each other. The pressure of two bodies at that singular moment in time. That one instant that feels as though it could last through infinity. When two become one and feel the safety, love, compassion, trust and sameness that is rarely, if ever experienced.
Pardon me dear Reader but must ask a moment to compose myself. We are getting close to the end of my tale so also ask for just a bit more of your time. I know how so very precious it is. Thank you for allowing me to continue.
I do not know how long we held each other. To this day I wish it had been so much longer however. I do remember leaving. Working where I did, I was sadly but actively very familiar with many different levels and types of inebriation. That feeling that morning however was something that surpassed all that I had experienced in my life. I had never felt like this. I knew that the sun was starting to come up as I parked my car. I knew that I got through the door, downstairs and then fell asleep. I wasn’t drunk. It was pure. A pure love, happiness, joy and trust I had never felt from someone else. This feeling was so powerful it had knocked me for a loop that I just was not ready for.
I awoke later that day, thankful I didn’t have to work. It was late in the afternoon and I felt like I had been hit by a bus but didn’t care. I believe that the night before we both had excised many things that we had held inside for so long. I could (and can) still remember the whole night if not the words. I felt like one does after you give everything physically possible to something and have nothing left to give. But it felt right. Regardless of the ending, I do believe that, even though brief, that night, two people who had needed to find each other did. I think they needed to know that there was at least one person who understood, even if they hadn’t needed to actually say anything.
Now dear Reader I must ask you to remember that part about fear. Given my early life and life up to that point and to this day, I do find it very hard to trust. So this was something I had to confront. And so I started to. Instead of seeing what she saw in me, I saw the things I thought were ugly. I got scared that those scars would be peeled away and she would be repulsed. And these thoughts and fears grew. We still saw each other and talked for a while after that night. But my fear took over quickly. Before I knew it I had driven her away. There was no maliciousness about it. The thoughts that had ruled my life for so long before her and then after her, to this day, always got to the same thing. If you let her in, she will leave because of who you are. It was idiotic but it was ingrained at this point. I eventually told her I didn’t think it was going to work out. The truth was that I was scared. Scared to let her in. I hated myself for not being honest with her. She would have understood. Probably more than any other.
After that, I went on with my life as a young person does in that atmosphere. I saw her one time after that final talk. She waved as she and her son sat in a section away from mine. I waved back and remembered going out back and beating the hell out of our cooler there. I was so mad at myself then. While the anger passed as life threw one thing at me after another as it does until I find myself here today writing this, the pain of losing her has never healed. Nor do I want it to. That pain also brings memories that I so rarely experience anymore. I buried it for a long, long, long time but recently I find myself thinking about her and her son more and more. What would have been?
For you see dear Reader, that moment was my perfect chance. Not long ago in my life I was diagnosed with cancer. I eventually beat it but it has long since ruined my life. But that is not why I tell this tale. I ask for no sympathy. My life is where I am supposed to be. I have come to peace with that. To an extent I guess anyway. The reason it was my perfect chance is this. I was also diagnosed with a genetic defect which essentially makes me a cancer producer with no natural way to fight it. My mothers father died of colon and pancreatic cancer. My Mother has beaten 5 different bouts of cancer. I have been tested and confirmed. So if I had had a child, I would more than likely have passed that to them. After listening to what my mother watched her father go through. After watching my own Mother fight this monster 5 times and win each time. After all that I was horrified to learn that I could have passed this monster to someone I would have loved with all my heart.
I never married and never had a child. For most of my life I regretted that most of all to the point of shame. I am the last person in my familial lineage that will ever carry my name. My line dies with me. For the longest time that has been a great burden. However, after the geneticist confirmed me and a great deal of internal contemplation, with the aid of hindsight, part of me is glad that I never had a wife and child who would have to go through the horrors I have heard about, watched and gone through first hand and personally. That at least brings me a modicum of inner peace. Do not be fooled ever though. This monster is evil. It takes everything from all but the luckiest.
And I had my moment of perfect chance. Even though I did not know it at the time, I had an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with two someones who I truly believe to this day, loved me. Even if for so very briefly. I gave up the chance to be able to be a husband and care for someone I believe I loved and loved me. I had a chance to be the father I wanted to be without passing on my monster. To see a child grow into their best self. I get angry at times that I did this. Not necessarily my own selfish needs. I am also mad that this person trusted me and I couldn’t do the same in the end. That I let a child down who for his own reasons let me in when he shut others out. That we could have been the family we could have been. And I ran because I was scared. I can never forgive myself for doing that to them. This may sound selfish and perhaps it is but it is my history.
And now dear Reader we come to the end of my tale. Where it all began.
Her card.
I think you will understand why I put it away instead of taking it out after this. I mentioned that she was a designer. Her card is exquisite. I don’t need to see it to describe it. There is a silver cord ribbon wrapped around a waxed paper tied in a bow. It sparkles silver but is brittle after all the years. I can slide the card out carefully but don’t want to take a chance of damaging it. My hands aren’t the best anymore. The writing on the card is done with a most excellent penmanship in purple over white with black. The backing is white with the black used as border highlighting with purple as the border and main color. There is a bit of sparkle in one of the purples but not a garish amount. Just enough to catch the eye. The back is similar with details of her work at the time as well as some contact information. I don’t know if she did this on all of them, but there was a scent of her perfume that accompanied it for a while. It, like much else, has faded.
We all have a place to keep our most precious items. This one rarely leaves that place for me.
So in the really bad times dear Reader, I try to look at that card. I say try because it is very painful to try to do so. Today was one of those days and I wanted to share it. In the end I couldn’t get past the tears to look at it so returned it to its safety. Not really because of the pain. Believe me, the pain is there in vast amounts. But because of that first moment. I needed to remember what that feeling was like. I needed to remember what it is to look in another's eyes and see the whole universe and all its infinite possibilities. Some regrets, regardless of time, will always follow you. Be honest about that with yourself dear Reader. Today I needed to remember her and him. I needed that acceptance. That peace. That joy, That trust. That love.
This time however I needed to commit this to our history so that perhaps at least one other will read it and maybe it will impact somehow. This is not meant to be a moralistic tale. It is just a tale of love lost. A life that could have been different. I hope, dear Reader, that your life is filled with wonder and love. Do not miss a single chance in your life because of fear. Be cautious but be open. Your world is massive but also miniscule. The chances don’t happen often anymore so grab them and hold onto them when you can. Try to think of all possibilities and look through others' eyes. But most importantly. If you do find your perfect moment, do not let it go dear Reader. It may never come again.
That is the end of my tale. I thank you so much dear Reader. As I have said many times, your time is precious and I have taken enough. Safe journeys to you my friend.