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Currently living in JP and thinking of signing a lease in the Fairmount Hill neighborhood of Hyde Park for the next year. I wanted to ask for your thoughts and recommendations for the area. What good food spots are nearby? Any good grocery stores? What are some good parks to take a walk or run by? Any fun activities nearby to note of? Overall, wanted to get your thoughts on the Fairmount Hill living experience (would you recommend living there) if you’re there now or have lived there! Thanks in advance!

This is a response to https://doorcountypulse.com/the-importance-of-pronouns/, and it also reflects on https://doorcountypulse.com/hello-peninsula-pulse/.
Dear Emma,
Supreme Court cases do not operate the way the Independent article suggests. Small details in a decision, tangential to the issue being decided, do not turn it into a landmark case, or even establish precedent. Rather, it is a decision's holding which determines whether a case is a landmark or not. The Independent is foreign owned and operated, but being a large outlet, they should know better than to put out an article like the one you linked to.
In the court system, pronoun policy is currently split at the appellate level, with the Sixth Circuit and the Seventh Circuit taking opposing sides. The Supreme Court has not weighed in on this yet, but the split makes it more likely they will choose to rule about it.
Besides this, Jonathon Turley writes at https://jonathanturley.org/2023/04/25/seventh-circuit-upholds-termination-of-high-school-teacher-who-objected-to-pronoun-policy/ that a currently pending religious accommodations case, Groff v. DeJoy, could "gut the underlying standard used by the Seventh Circuit in its ruling for the school district".
Links:
Sixth Circuit https://www.opn.ca6.uscourts.gov/opinions.pdf/21a0071p-06.pdf
Seventh Circuit https://adfmedialegalfiles.blob.core.windows.net/files/KlugeSeventhCircuitOpinion.pdf
Oral argument for Groff v. DeJoy https://www.oyez.org/cases/2022/22-174
The results of a 2021 survey imply that the purpose of pronoun requirements are especially in order to get rid of conservative employees and civil servants. https://legermarketing.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Leger-The-Atlantic-Survey-Wokeness.pdf#page=10 found that Biden voters backed woke pronouns by a nearly 3 to 1 ratio over Trump voters. The table on page 4 shows that most people surveyed disagreed with woke pronouns: https://legermarketing.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Leger-The-Atlantic-Survey-Wokeness.pdf#page=4. It follows from this that you should not expect your article to be supported by most readers. If people aren't responding negatively to you, it may indicate that they stay quiet because they don't want to be targeted, rather than that they agree. The 14,202 Door Countyites which voted yes on Wisconsin Referendum 1 not that many years ago didn't just disappear when 5 Supreme Court justices ruled against them between eight and nine years afterwards: https://web.archive.org/web/20081127174554/http://elections.state.wi.us/docview.asp?docid=10049&locid=47.
Both Champaign and Indianapolis are large cities, which can draw on outlying areas to get workers, making up for having below-replacement fertility. Door County also relies on importing workers, but because it is not a large city with lots of political power, this is less reliable. In 2020, for example, the supply of foreign J-1 workers was abruptly cut off. Door County manages to get a consider number of immigrants from outside the county, but most who relocate for longer than a season are wealthier than people residing in Door County. They also tend to be older and not looking to start new families.
Instead, as larger-scale governing bodies destabilize Door County and break down its social fabric and economy, they can use former Door Countyites to solve the worker shortages in large metro areas. Support for transgenderism is a shibboleth for the economic interests of large metro areas. This manifests itself locally as a lower quality of life and an economic leakage to outside the county. An example of this is in the letter by Janet Wilmoth about having to drive to Green Bay to see a veterinarian: https://doorcountypulse.com/letter-to-the-editor-emergency-veterinary-service-needed/.
Because it isn't a big city, Door County is especially dependent on its birth rate for its future. Its total fertility rate in 2020 was 1.533 lifetime births, well below replacement of 2.1 lifetime births. At this rate, each generation, without factoring for immigration or emigration, will be 27% smaller than the one before. However, since something like 30% to 40% of young adults leave the county, the effect is even stronger than 27%.
Transgenderism's concomitant drugs and surgeries tend towards sterilization, and towards making its subjects less attractive to the opposite sex. Assisted reproductive technologies are too expensive to be implemented on a broad scale. Transgenderism is a risk to Door County's future, because it could help push that 1.533 figure even lower. In this way, transgenderism is a demographic factor in the overall gentrification, just as unaffordable housing is an economic factor. Just as it is unwise to encourage unaffordable housing, it is unwise to encourage transgenderism.
Or even if you think replacement fertility is unrealistic and unachievable, consider that when the age structure of a population gets too unbalanced, it is harder to take care of the elderly. The struggles at Scandia Village are an example of this: https://doorcountypulse.com/scandia-village-up-for-sale/. Or should elderly people just be relocated far away, or as some think, even euthanized? Every transgender sterilization is a step in the wrong direction.
It follows then, that someone who refuses to use preferred pronouns might not be a horrible bigot who gets perverse satisfaction from it, but rather, someone who loves his or her community and wants it to have a future. Such people may even be willing to personally be on the losing side of a litmus test for the collective good.
The sponsors for Open Door Pride are listed at https://opendoorpride.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/THANK-YOU-TO-OUR-2023-SPONSORS-2-1024x576.jpg.
Some of them, such as the Miller Art Museum, Door County Community Auditorium, Peninsula Music Festival, Northern Sky Theater, have benefited from, and can expect to consider benefiting from, public, tax-funded support. Because taxpayers come from all sorts of political backgrounds, these organizations should have avoided all political activities, aside from lobbying for particular things directly related to their organization.
An example of the political trust vested in the Door County Community Auditorium is described in https://doorcountypulse.com/struggle-for-a-stage-door-community-auditorium/. But like Disney in Florida, they are engaging in partisan activity, betraying that trust. Institutions which benefit from public funding should be non-partisan and impartial. Public money should not be spent on group-think.
Most of the sponsors are local, but Carrie Busse Shorewest Realtors and Napalese are from Green Bay, the Avenue Art & Company is from Appleton, and Marketini Media is from Madison. They get to influence Door County while their cities benefit from Door County's emigrating young-adult population.
I'm not sure if this has been covered in your classes so far, or privately by your boss. If so, bear with me as I restate it. The Pulse has a different political makeup among its advertisers versus its readers. That it is a free paper tends to result in a readership which is inherently less educated than the readership of a subscription newspaper. I used to know a man who had once ran a free paper, but sold it. He was a conservative. It had a lot of general-interest content, nothing political, and especially featured ads for alcohol. Free papers tend to be read by people who read occasionally rather than regularly.
Occasional readers are less educated than regular readers, and the level of education corresponds to the political alignment. This means that natural readership of the Pulse is more conservative than the overall population of Door County. For people with a regular reading habit, the Pulse competes with a number of subscription outlets, while for occasional readers the Pulse has less competition.
Yet the Pulse isn't dominated by gas station and liquor store ads. Unlike many other free papers, its advertisers run more towards the left. This makes sense, because presently Door County has a disproportionately left-wing visitorship. One factor in the loss of right-leaning tourists may be in marketing decisions over recent decades has shifted. Right-wingers from the Chicago metro area are probably drawn more towards state parks in Indiana and other Door County alternatives. Local businesses geared toward tourists, or even seasonal residents, will probably be well-served by advertising in the Pulse.
This leaves the Pulse in the situation where it is to the left of its readership, but still financially sustainable. Its leadership must be aware of this vulnerability, as the Pulse's podcast tends to be to the left of the paper. That it sometimes leaves its readership behind is exemplified how, in the recent midterm election, Ron Johnson did not return any answers to the Pulse's questionnaire, while his Democratic opponent did. Door Countyites voted for him anyway, by a margin of only 75 votes. During the 2022 election it seems that a number of Republicans intentionally spurned media outlets over left-wing bias. To the extent that they did so, and won office anyway, this served to send a message to their base that they were unwilling to be manipulated by left-wing media. It could even be seen as a plea for fair treatment in the future.
Instead of pronouns, there are other topics out there. Recently, a large firm was paid a lot of state money to write a report which claimed that "Potawatomi was chosen in honor of the tribe that had lived in the area before ceding its land to the US government in the 1830’s."
Link: https://widnr.widen.net/view/pdf/infpwyoyy2/GRAEF-Potawatomi-Tower-Concept-Report.pdf#page=9
You could write an article debunking this, and explain what really happened. I think it would be well-received locally, though maybe not by the DNR. Had you written an article about how pronouns should always be biologically honest, that would have hurt your chances of getting a job someday as a journalist in a large metro area, but I don't think debunking Graef would hurt you. With some effort, you should be able to find other topics which are win-win for both your future career and for Door County. Although this is a social relationship, were it a biological relationship instead, this would be "mutualism" rather than "parasitism" or "predation".

Currently living in JP and thinking of signing a lease in the Fairmount Hill neighborhood of Hyde Park for the next year. I wanted to ask for your thoughts and recommendations for the area. What good food spots are nearby? Any good grocery stores? What are some good parks to take a walk or run by? Any fun activities nearby to note of? Overall, wanted to get your thoughts on the Fairmount Hill living experience (would you recommend living there) if you’re there now or have lived there! Thanks in advance!

Looks like it might be time for a cast list refresher! So let me reintroduce the chummers!!!!
OP (c’est moi!)
Female, late 20s
Grad student
Perky emo girl with purple hair
Likes crass humor
Nerdy, petite, beard bait
Decker

Funky P. Beard (FPB)
Male, early 30s
Bona fide psycho piece of shit
Street Samurai

Mori
The GM
Male, early/mid 30s
Hypersexual kinky bastard
Likes exhibitionism, vomit, and illegal substances
Charismatic, cult-leader vibes
Very amusing, always nice to OP
The only person who seemed capable of getting FPB to behave

Axton
Male, late 20s
Grad student
Sexy, pleasant to be around
Has a sense of humor that meshes well with OP’s
Usually able to ignore FPB’s psycho behavior
The primary target of FPB’s jealousy
Rigger

Sage
Male, early/mis 30s
Assistant GM
Host of the gaming weekends
Typically level-headed, but losing patience with FPB
Skilled in martial arts
Mage

Athena
Female, early 30s
Sage’s girlfriend
Co-host of the gaming weekends
Increasingly intolerant of FPB
Petite, pretty, friendly... probably also beard bait
Shaman

Snorlax
Male, early 30s
The funny fat guy (NOT a neckbeard)
Easy-going, friendly, rarely directly involved in the weekend’s drama
Stoner
Adept

Chapter 5: The Lap of Luxury
We had been moving back and forth between the garage and the living room (it wasn’t the “War Room” until the gaming began) for the past hour or so. This was actually my favorite part of the weekend. I wasn’t exhausted yet, nobody was plastered yet, and I was genuinely getting to know FPB’s buddies. Snorlax told me about his former career as a semi-pro wrestler, and how an injury had forced him to start working as a mall cop. Athena and Sage were both pharmacy techs, and they were considering opening their own gaming shop. Mori was a paralegal for an LGBT law firm and ran a fairly lucrative fetish website on the side. Axton was going to grad school for social work and was the bass player for a classic rock cover band. Damn it, we had genuine common interests. Why couldn’t he have been a parolee or a gong farmer?
And I was able to chat comfortably with all the team members because FPB had taken to the master bathroom upstairs to get “re-ready.” Not only did he desperately need to change his “dew-covered” underpants, but he also needed to take a full shower (using Athena’s bathing products, of course). He would then spend nearly a full hour blow-drying, flat-ironing, and spiking his jet-black hair so that he emerged looking like some bizarre mash-up of Hagrid and Discount Tom Sandoval.
I’m also assuming that he manscaped, and I sincerely hoped he’d brought his own pink razors for this task. But as for his bushy behemoth of a beard? He took absolutely NO care of it. I never understood the statement he was trying to make by being fastidious AF with every aspect of personal grooming, save his defining feature. No matter. He was absent, and I was finally having fun! Alas, the fun wouldn’t last. The time for pre-game was approaching, so Sage and Athena went to the kitchen to arrange the shots.
Athena: How many do you want, OP?
Me: I think I’d better stick with two since I’ve already had a beer.
A freshly showered and finally dressed FPB turned to me, “Yeah, you need to stay sober.”
Oh, now that bullshit made me want to drink...
Me: Athena, make it three for me.
FPB shot me a menacing look.
Me: What? I’m not gonna get wasted off one extra shot.
FPB: I’m saving you from yourself. You could at least TRY to appreciate my chivalry.
Me: Right...
But then I had second thoughts about angering the already rage-prone beast. I didn’t want to ruin the evening for the other team members. And FPB’s temper tantrums definitely had the potential to ruin the evening for everyone in attendance.
Me: I’ll shoot two and just sip on the third one. Does that sound reasonable?
FPB shrugged.
Me: Come on! I feel like such a sissy compared to the rest of you.
FPB: Whose fault is that? You didn’t take advantage of your years and years and years of being a “student” to practice handling your liquor?
Me: No, mostly I studied. And when we partied, we did drugs. We didn’t drink. Not like this, anyway.
I was getting pretty mad, and I did NOT want to have a full-blown screaming match with FPB in front of everyone.
Me: Do you mind if I take five? This isn’t something we need to argue over. I really am trying to learn how to play, and to play the way YOUR TEAM plays. The guide books were no help at all.
FPB: If I catch you asking Mori for coke, so help me...
Me: I just need some air. That’s not code for anything untoward. I just want to go outside.
FPB: I’m coming with you.
Snorlax stepped in.
Snorlax: Bro. Just let her go outside. I’ll stand by the door and make sure Mori doesn’t follow her.
FPB: I don’t care about Mori! You make sure that dick-wipe Axton doesn’t follow her. I *know* he’s trying to bang her.
I could hear all this rancor on my way to the back door.
Me: Dude!!! Chill! I’m not going outside to get drugs. I’m not going outside to shag anybody. I just want five fucking minutes of peace!
Mori stood up. He was shirtless that night, wearing nothing but ultra-sheer light pink boxers that complemented the pink streaks in his bedazzled beard. But despite his wispy attire, the group still kowtowed to him.
Mori: I hereby grant OP *TEN* minutes of solitude on the back porch. FPB, you will use this time to meditate. Think about what it means to be kind to your significant other. Think about what it means to show empathy and acceptance. Think about what it means to enjoy the company of your fellow chummers.
I slipped outside and inhaled the pleasant dusk that was beginning to fill the air. And I found myself feeling indebted to Mori and wondering if this was some sort of cult indoctrination malarkey... or if he’d just known FPB longer than any of the rest of us and had learned how to effectively handle him. And then I decided that it didn’t matter. I finally had the peace and quiet I so desperately needed.
But how *did* FPB know that Axton was flirting with me? I thought we’d both been pretty covert about it. Uhhh... In front of FPB, at least. I decided that he didn’t actually know. He was constantly accusing male friends of “trying to bang me” when there was not even the slightest hint of attraction on anyone’s part. It was a numbers game. If you throw out hundreds of accusations, one might happen to stick. And then you can say, “I TOLD YOU SO.”
I often felt like an alternate universe version of Anne Boleyn, imprisoned by a skinny and even madder version of the famous king. FPB certainly fancied himself a regal figure, worthy of everyone’s fealty. Wait... was Henry VIII the OG neckbeard??? (note... I thought I had made an original observation here, but I came across a year-old post on ReddXReads from u/Raidan1084, so props to you for beating me to this observation!!!)
My unfocused mind ran amuck for a bit longer, and the ten minutes were almost up when I heard a quiet voice calling my name from around the side of the house.
I rounded the corner to answer.
It was Athena.
Athena: OP, I know it’s none of my business, but FPB is a douchebag. That girl who came to the door last night? She’s one of his hook-ups.
I laughed a little. “I know. He’s got loads of them... Hey, do you mind if I ask you a stupid question that I ask myself all the time?”
Athena: Sure.
Me: Why do you guys put up with his shit?
Athena: He and Mori have been best friends since before the team formed. He’s kind of a “package deal.” If we want to keep Mori as our GM, we have to accept FPB. And Mori does run a really fun campaign.
Me: So if he ever crosses a line with Mori, he’s out?
Athena: That’s what we’ve all been hoping for! But Mori’s insanely patient with FPB.
We sighed and returned inside.
FPB was sitting in sulky silence, staring at his polished Chelsea boots. I took a seat on the other side of the room, next to Mori.
Mori: You good?
I nodded.
Mori whispered, “You want some coke?”
Me: Shhhhhh!!! No, I don’t do that!
Mori mouthed, “Adderall?”
I smiled and mouthed, “Later.”
Mori stood. “Tonight, we are making a seating chart. There are six numbers on the floor. You will each draw a number from my underwear, and you will sit on the corresponding number. Is that clear?”
Everyone bellowed in unison, “YES, GAME MASTER.”
This was exciting! I had a decent chance of not having to sit by FPB that night! I was completely fed up with his constant criticism of my character sheets and his suggestions for future moves. He was messing me up more than he was helping.
Mori took a seat on a throw pillow, shoved 6 folded pieces of paper down the back of his boxers and called us up, one by one, to draw our numbers from his drawers.
Being the newbie, I was the last to draw.
Mori: Get all the way up in dat crack, OP.
I laughed and fished the paper out of Mori’s boxers.
FPB took a loud breath and fumed, “MORI, YOU FU...”
Sage put a hand on FPB’s chest, and said very sternly, “Take it down a notch.”
Mori: Tonight, we will find peace amongst ourselves and rain fire and terror on the mega-corporations! Are you with me???”
“WE’RE WITH YOU, GAME MASTER.”
Mori: Then inspect your numbers and take your seats. You should also feel free to sniff the papers.
No one did that.
I got #3. Motherfucker. FPB was sitting to my right. But at least Athena was sitting to my left. I felt like I could trust her, and I felt like she would call him out if he pulled any more of his rage crap. Tragically, Axton was sitting to FPB’s right. That wasn’t going to go well. Snorlax was sitting to Athena’s left, and Sage was in his usual spot, as Mori’s right hand. So it went: tech, muscle, tech, magic, muscle, magic. Not ideal.
Mori surveyed the room. “Not at all how I had hoped,” he muttered. “But nevertheless! The team has been assembled. The time has come...”
“PRE-GAME!!!!!!”
I actually knew what to shout this time. I remembered to pound on my chest, and I looked to Athena in an attempt to learn the tribal dance. I got close enough.
We charged into the fuel station. I stood by the non-threatening triad of shots, while all the other team members stood before their seven shots.
Mori: Fireball. Each tincture shall light a fire in our bellies, improve out spell-casting, and lead us to victory. Chummers... DRINK!!!
I slammed two shots and picked up the third to nurse during the game. Just like the night before, all the other players downed their seven shots with astounding ease.
We returned to the War Room and took our assigned seats.
Mori: The Rules!
Everyone groaned, just as they had previously. Apparently, this was customary.
Mori: If you glitch, you must take a shot of Fireball to boost your skills. OP, you may take a SIP of an alcoholic beverage. You may also do a bump of coke.
FPB clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, and growled. This was delighting me to no end!!! Not only might I get a little taste of my former favorite drug for the first time in YEARS, but Mori also seemed to be actively antagonizing FPB. It was delicious.
And here’s one for the philosophers: AITA... If you’re antagonizing the asshole, doesn’t that kind of make you the hero?
Mori: The second time you glitch, you must kiss my staff or endure a smack in the face from my staff. FPB, you must suffer The Lap of Luxury upon your second glitch... Or if you misbehave.
FPB: Explain that.
Mori: It will become clear in good time, my sweet little Samurai.
FPB shifted uncomfortably. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
Mori: All subsequent glitches will result in escalating staff punishments, the anal gaze, removal of armor, or a spanking. Anything the team deems an epic success shall be rewarded with a shot of Johnny Walker Blue. And my trusted Assistant GM has a few new rules to add, just for the time being. Sage the Mage, the floor is yours.
Sage: We can’t afford to pay for another round of professional cleaning for... the time being. We are now asking that ALL team members please use the restroom if you must pee, poop, or puke. Gentlemen, feel free to pee in the backyard, but please refrain from peeing on the porch. Thank you. Back to you, Game Master.
Mori: Place your hand on your chest and pledge your loyalty if you agree to this; and take off your pants if you object.
FPB put his hands near the button of his trousers. Everyone watched him with bated breath. But then he placed his hand on his chest.
Mori: Then we continue planning the station takeover... NOW!
We had barely gotten through two combat turns when Mori decided it was time for leftover Taco Bell, more liquor, and pornography. Tonight, Snorlax rolled for Bat Pussy, an older film that is widely considered to be the Plan 9 from Outer Space of porn. It was definitely on the “softcore” side since no one ever actually banged. It’s a spoof on Batman, and the main character gets a little “twitch” DOWN THERE whenever she needs to go fight crime. I found it wildly entertaining!
In fact, I laughed hysterically throughout the entire movie. Most of us did. FPB even snorted once or twice. As the main character was bouncing on a hippity hop alongside the highway, wearing a cheap costume, I was howling with laughter. Possibly because everyone was a little drunk and the drunken laughter was contagious, possibly because it really was absurdly funny. Or both.
FPB: It’s not THAT funny.
Me (gasping): I can’t help it! This is bat-shit crazy!
Mori: We gotta get OP a Batgirl costume and a hippity hop!
Me: You’re ON! I will absolutely do that! When can we film it???
FPB: You’re gonna recreate a scene from a PORNO??? With MORI???
Sage: Dude! WHAT is sexual about this scene? It’s ridiculous. That’s why we’re all cracking up!
FPB: You have to understand. I’m an intellectual...
I was painfully familiar with the insufferable tripe that typically followed this statement. Apparently, so was the Shadowrun crew. Everyone groaned dismissively. And then something vaguely resembling a sex scene started up, and Mori shushed us all.
Mori: Shhhh! It might finally get good!
It didn’t. Not in the way Mori meant.
The movie ended, most of us lit a ciggy, and we all returned to our assigned seats.
Mori: Shall we refuel before we resume?
A chorus of “HELL YEAH” rang out. I wasn’t in the mood for booze. I was once again beginning to fade around this time, and I needed to find a way to get some Adderall from Mori without FPB noticing. It had already been an incredibly long day for me, even though I had been having fun (aside from having to tend to FPB’s nonsense). Maybe the beardo boyfriend was the reason I was getting exhausted at these gatherings.
Constantly having to talk him down from a temper tantrum, having him constantly looking over my shoulder and scrutinizing my every move, suffering through his ceaseless (and useless) suggestions for my next move, having to defend myself for not drinking enough, then having to turn around and defend myself when I decided to have an extra shot, enduring his seething wrath every time I so much as spoke to Mori or Axton... It was exhausting.
As everyone was refueling, FPB had managed to trap Sage and Athena and was lecturing them about why it was disrespectful to FEMALES to combine humor with sex.
FPB: To make a mockery of the female anatomy, and then to depict sexual acts so crudely is offensive to me as a feminist.
Athena: YOU’RE a feminist?
FPB: Obviously. I would lay down my life to defend the sacred honor of the feminine spirit.
Sage: I’m pretty sure it was just a bad movie. Plus, the superhero was a woman, so...
FPB: But they had to make her superpowers connected to her genitals. That’s objectification. It’s not funny, even if it’s meant to be “so bad, it’s funny.” I’m offended.
I wasn’t part of the discussion, but I interjected, “I feel like humor can be sexy. Being able to laugh during sexual experiences can create a bond. And if both partners are deliberately goofing off, what’s offensive about that?”
Axton raised his glass in approval. I couldn’t help smiling at him.
FPB: Oh, Miss Sex Therapist knows everything.
Me: I don’t know anything. Clearly. It’s just an opinion. Based on research. That I learned in graduate school.
FPB: Some idiots actually researched LAUGHING during sex? That can’t be a real thing.
Me: I’ll print out the articles.
FPB: From where? Hustler?
I didn’t have the energy to argue with him.
Me: Yes. I cite Hustler in all my papers.
Axton: I’ve read the same thing. Laughing releases endorphins. Sex releases endorphins. Plus, why do you think adult novelty stores are always so funny? The elephant trunk underwear?
Mori: I have a pair of those.
Of course he did.
FPB: You want a bottle smashed over your head, Axton? STOP TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT YOUR DICK.
Me: FPB, he literally said nothing about his dick.
FPB: WRONG. He was *agreeing* with you. He’s trying to ingratiate himself. Because he’s thinking with his DICK.
I rolled my eyes.
Mori saved us by clapping his hands. “Back to the War Room, chummers!”
We headed back, and Mori was following close behind me. He tugged on one of my pigtails. I turned around to see him holding an Adderall in the palm of his hand. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure FPB wasn’t watching. He was too busy staring daggers at Axton. I snatched the pill, thanked Mori, and slipped it in my mouth.
When my turn came around, my sleaze failed, and the security subnet sent my coordinates to the mainframe. It was my first glitch of the evening, and I didn’t want to pile cocaine on top of Adderall. So I had to take a sip of an alcoholic beverage. Since I didn’t have one of my own, FPB offered me his Jack & Pepper (Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper... 90% Jack, 10% Pepper).
Me: Is anybody drinking a beer? Or something a little less potent?
Snorlax offered me a sip of his beer.
Me: You’re sure you don’t mind?
Snorlax: It’s all good. Have a sip.
FPB was fuming again.
Snorlax handed me his beer and I took a sip.
Me: Thank you.
FPB: You’re drinking after another man??? You didn’t even wipe off the mouth of the bottle first? UGH! It’s like you’re kissing him!
Snorlax started making kissy sounds at me. I made them back. Everyone laughed. Everyone but FPB, of course.
Please remember that this was in the Before Times...
I sat back down. FPB pulled me into his lap and growled, “Snorlax now? Really?”
I twisted to look him in the face and said through clenched teeth, “It was a sip of beer.”
FBP kept one long arm tightly wound around me and used his free hand to slug back loud gulps of Jack & Pepper. I dared to glance over at Axton. We locked eyes for a few seconds, but Axton abruptly whipped his head around to face Mori.
FPB roared, “WERE YOU JUST LOOKING AT MY GIRLFRIEND, FUCK-WALLET???”
Sweet Athena spoke up.
Athena: Funky. Seriously. We’re supposed to be a team. We can’t even look at each other? Mori, can we outlaw the outbursts? We’re never even gonna get past the planning phase if FPB keeps screaming at every single person who interacts with OP.”
Mori: I’m inclined to agree with you, Athena. FPB, why did you invite your girlfriend here if you didn’t want her to play our game and get to know us?
I felt FPB take a deep breath in preparation to react inappropriately to Mori’s innocuous question.
Mori was able to effectively silence him by simply lifting his hand. Dude, he was gonna have to teach me his tricks!
Mori: We’d like to be able to get to know her in peace. OP, would you like to get to know us in peace?
Me: Yes. I really would.
Mori: FPB, these outbursts have earned you a new punishment... The Lap of Luxury. Get on over here, Tall Boy.
Mori patted his lap.
FPB: Are you serious?
Mori: I am. You sit right here until I say you may rise.
FPB didn’t move.
Mori: Should you refuse, OP can come sit in my lap. (Better Mori’s lap than FPB’s.)
FPB scrambled up, sending me flying out of his lap. I gleefully lit a cigarette and made googlie eyes at Axton that were sure to go unnoticed by the incredibly incensed FPB.
FPB awkwardly folded himself into Mori’s lap, grunting and grumbling the entire time. The rest of the team was desperately trying not to laugh (which of course, made it even funnier).
Once he had settled in (as much as he could), we continued the planning phase. Athena was successful, so was Snorlax, so was Sage. But Axton glitched. This was sure to be a problem. Mori was stuck under FPB, so he was unable to “whip it out” and administer the customary punishment.
Mori: Axton, remove a piece of your armor.
Axton reached around with one hand and pulled his t-shirt off in a single fluid motion. I’m quite certain that my pupils noticeably dilated. The rest of the room “whooped” like we were at a Chip ‘n Dales show.
FPB looked like some sort of cartoon villain who had just been foiled. As he sat indignantly upon the Mori Throne, he twitched and shifted, snarling curses, teeth gritted. And then he froze. His eyes widened. He started to stand, but Mori wrapped his arms around him tightly, trapping him in the Lap of Luxury.
FPB: YOU HAVE A HARD-ON, BRO. LET ME THE FUCK GO.
I squealed with laughter. And it seemed that I had been right about Mori letting people off the hook when they were legitimately uncomfortable with the “gross-out” punishments, because Mori loosened his grip, allowing FPB stomp off to the back porch.
“OP! OP! OOOOOOOO PPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!,” FPB screamed from the porch.
Mori: OP, you’re free to go tend to his meltdown if you want to. But I’m happy to handle him if you need a break.
Me: I definitely need a break.
Mori got up to tend to the bearded ball of rage.
I heard a bit of unintelligible yelling, then the door slammed. We all looked at each other with something across between nervousness and bemusement, waiting for someone to speak. I decided to break the silence...

Hi! I’ll be in Fresno for work next week and would love to grab some Pliny the Elder to sip on in my hotel room. (What can I say, I’m a tourist.) Will I find it at any liquor store or will I need to hunt?

There’s an article released about the game a couple of hours ago focusing on mostly the same things that we have already learnt. One takeaway is that the History Channel’s Vikings actor Peter Franzén will make his video game debut in the game probably in in-game Ahma Beer commercials. The article also raises the point about Remedy using the Finnish culture as a differentiating factor in their games. It also has a couple of interviews of Ilkka Villi for one and Molly Maloney for the other.
HS Article - Note: This is behind a paywall.
Ps. There might be a spoiler about the beginning of the game or a misinderstanding from the author of the article. Not sure which one it is and what they’ve actually seen, so this is tagged in the translation.
Translation:
”The camera angle descends straight down from the sky. Two cars have stopped amidst the glow of golden and rust-orange emitting forest. Saga Anderson, an FBI agent, emerges from one of the cars. She has arrived in the nearby small town to investigate a peculiar murder. Inside the deceased person, a page of a script has been found.
Saga separates from her colleague and ventures into the darkening wilderness. Soon, reality gradually molds into something strange and terrifying. The dreamlike forest occasionally takes on the hues of a bustling city, and the swollen face of a body flashes on the screen.
She is attacked, dodging and shooting, but pointing the flashlight at the horrifying, humanoid assailants feels equally effective.
After surviving the ordeal, Saga finds herself by the shore of a lake. In the sand lies a scruffy, trembling man wearing a worn-out jacket. When asked, he stammers his name:
Alan Wake.
Alan Wake?
Saga is astonished. "You've been missing for 13 years!"
The lights come on. The Espoo-based game studio Remedy has unveiled for the first time what the highly anticipated Alan Wake II looks like when played.
"This is Remedy's biggest and most ambitious game, the largest Finnish entertainment product ever," says Sami Järvi, the creative director and screenwriter of Alan Wake II.
The budget is not discussed, but the game has been in development for years and serves as a sequel to the action-adventure game Alan Wake, which was released in 2010 and remastered two years ago. Now, the genre shifts to a more intense one: survival horror. Perhaps the genre reflects the production itself, as the game has lingered in the twilight for 13 years, much like its protagonist.
"Sometimes things just don't fall into place, even if you put your heart into it. These are massive productions that consist of many elements," says Järvi.
Over the years, Remedy created several prototypes for the sequel before the project gained momentum. Now, Remedy owns the publishing rights, and the new installment is being funded by the American gaming giant, Epic Games, known for the Fortnite online game.
While sequels, remasters, and reboots abound these days, Sami Järvi does not feel overwhelmed. He finds his creativity flourishes within the framework of a sequel, much like 20 years ago with Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne.
"Sequels are often regarded from an artistic perspective as forced, but as a screenwriter, I think differently. When the melodies are familiar, I feel it's fantastic to delve deeper into everything," Järvi says.
According to Järvi, the bar for narrative-driven single-player games has risen significantly in recent years. He believes that Remedy's grand, cinematic experience will meet expectations.
The significance of Alan Wake in gaming history lies in how it integrated a complex story into the gameplay, focusing on a struggling writer and his battle with creativity. What made it particularly intriguing was its exploration of mental health.
Since then, the topic has been prominent in several games, and according to Järvi, there is now a deeper immersion into psychology to enhance the gaming experience.
Principal narrative designer Molly Maloney considers the balance of storytelling crucial in Alan Wake II. It should neither be too much nor too little.
"The story should feel like a reward for progress," says Maloney.
"I want Alan Wake II to leave parts of the story and its meanings open to interpretation, captivating players for a long time."
In a departure from its predecessor, ALAN WAKE II introduces two playable characters. As the game progresses to a certain point, players can freely switch between Saga Anderson and Alan Wake during their respective scenes.
Additionally, parts of the game take place within a mental state, where the narrative is pieced together.
"In addition, there's a difference in how combat is approached," Maloney says. "There are fewer fights, and players will feel a sense of survival rather than simply overcoming waves of enemies as in the previous game."
Actor Ilkka Villi has patiently awaited the opportunity to return to his "favorite character." "The filming days have been really enjoyable. Remedy provides guidance for the character, but I also get to put a lot of myself into it. Over the years, I have received fantastic feedback from the audience," Villi says.
While the industry has progressed immensely over the past 13 years, it hasn't changed Villi's approach to character development. "Perhaps what I know now is that everything I do translates flawlessly onto the screen," Villi concludes.
Remedy's technical prowess is evident in their attention to detail, such as precise facial animations and the expressive portrayal of a forest swaying in strong winds. The dense and turbulent terrain brings the dark beauty of the environment to life.
One of the underlying ideas behind the game revolves around the concept of being lost in the woods and the forest's mysterious shroud, drawing inspiration from old Finnish folklore and beliefs. Remedy has one more surprise in store.
Actor Peter Franzén makes his video game debut in Alan Wake II, and in a dual role no less. Franzén portrays Ilmo and Jaakko Koskela, a pair of brothers residing in a Finnish-American community nearby. They create commercials for Ahma beer on local television, and a humorous clip is seen featuring sauna, fishing, and casual drinking.
Remedy has always pushed to incorporate Finland's unique culture into their games. Describing this, Sami Järvi's eyes light up. "Now, we want to truly make an impact. I can say that something new and bold is on the horizon."
That's precisely where the strength of Alan Wake II lies as it aims for international success. Finnishness is a valuable asset, not something to be ashamed of. In an industry where competition is fierce, it's crucial to stand out. When genuine and respectful treatment of Finnish culture is combined with Remedy's extensive experience and expertise, the passion project that is Alan Wake II has the potential to reach great heights.

i made a post last week-ish? talking about an experience i had with my partner. it really affected me, and although we discussed it, this is becoming a regular thing.
my partner will ask what is wrong but then say something kind of…rude? idk the right word. for instance, we’re out camping today and on the trail back i was having difficulties breathing. my partner didn’t have an inhaler but it’s something else (kind of similar) that is supposed to help open your lungs (i can’t remember what it’s called.) anyway, it had a weird effect on me and made my throat hurt for some reason. i didn’t vocalize my pain but it was written on my face. he says, “is there anything that doesn’t bother you?,” and there was a pause, so i assumed that’s all he had to say. i kind of snap and he’s like, “get the fuck out of here with that shit man.”
i vocalize how he hurt my feelings with what he said, and he says, “i can’t just tip toe around your feelings” and while i understand that i just wanted simple acknowledgement that it hurt my feelings….
we get to a local store nearby to pick up some things and i’m just being quiet. he asks if i want to go inside for anything and i say no, i don’t think i would really need anything here…he seems upset and slams the car door.
i don’t know what to do. is this normal behavior? i know i’m pretty negative and complain-y, but idk :( i’m really sad.

I have some experience with this software working in IT, and I know some have a mode that simply verifies the age of the customer without collecting personal information. But I recently went to a liquor store that wanted to scan my license for grenadine. I refused and they told me their POS system wouldn't allow them to complete the transaction without it I left without buying anything. I'm fairly certain they're using customer data and not just verifying my age. Am I being paranoid?

RAW BUSINESS IDEAS 1.Rental houses 2.Transport vehicles 3.Motorbikes business 4.Bars and pubs business 5.Dairy farming 6.Cattle runch business 7.Poultry farming business 8.Videos and cinemas 9.PS halls 10.Salons and kinyozis business 11.Music industry 12.Entertainment industry 13.Private schools 14.M-Pesa shops 15.Airtel money shops 16.Gym and sauna business 17.Purchase of land for investment and resale business 18.Tree planting business 19.Fishpond and fisheries business 20.Butchery business 21.Poshomills business 22.Security service industry 23.Petrol station business 24.Car wash 25.Cyber business 26.Gas cylinders business 27.Hardware 28.Driving school 29.Computer packages school 30.Broadcasting industries/Media groups 31.Making of posters business 32.Pool 33.Phone shops business 34.Rental rooms for business 35.Pharmacy/Chemistry 36.Private hospitals 37.Welding sites business 38.Supermarket business 39.Writing books for sale/publishing 40.Small shops business 41.Tatoo buildings business 42.Movie shops 43.You Tube channels 44.Online jobs 45.Kungfu,martial arts,boxing,tai kuondo halls 46.Shoe repair Business 47.Digital marketing 48.Drug dealing 49.Tents and plastic chairs supply 50.Solar panels business 51.Betting companies business 52.Beautiful scenaries eg parks business 53.Photography 54.Videography 55.Electronics shop 56.Ice creams business 57.Smokies and eggs vending/Kahawa and mandazis/mtura/soup/nyama china business 58.Necklesses business 59.Sales person 60.Dealing in clothes (Ready made/Second hand-mtumba) 61.Green houses 62.Dancing crue and hall business 63.Putting money in fixed deposit accounts 64.Saccos and chamas 65.Buying of shares in unlisted companies 66.Treasury bills and Treasury bonds 67.Develop an app 68.Shares in listed companies 69.DJ 70.Chauffer 71.Body(ear,nose etc) piercing business 72.Insurance and reinsurance company 73.Boutique 74.Cosmetics 75.Fighting equipments(guns,bullets,bombs etc)shop 76.Ships and boats 77.Furnitures shop 78.Agrovet business 79.Livestock farming (goats,ships,rabbits,pigs etc) business 80.Acting on trends 81.Agricultural factories 82.Warehouses business 83.Barkery 84.Restaurants business 85.School requirements shop 86.Garage 87.Private toilets/bathrooms 88.Giving out credits at an interest rate 89.Guide(business, education etc)books/PDFs business 90.Supplying industry/supplier 91.Flowers for export business 92.Daycare business 93.Airtime(Safaricom, Airtel, Telcom etc) Business 94.Bookshop 95.Gift services overview 96.Laundry business 97.Nails making business 98.Forex trading 99.Bitcoin 100.Fruit and juice parlour 101.Podcasting 102.Yoga studio 103.Catering services 104.Computer repair business/shop 105.Modeling 106.Purchasing existing website 107.Organic vending business 108.Virtual assistant business 109.Translation service 110.Online tutoring business 111.Content writer business 112.Web design 113.Career coach business 114.Start a blog 115.Amazon reselling 116.Coffee shop 117.Home food delivery 118.Currency trading 119.Event planning business 120.Interior design business 121.Selling of phone case and other accessories business 122.Property management business eg Chakra company 123.Drive for Uber or Lyft 124.Water supply services 125.Personal fitness traineInstructor 126.Tour guide business 127.Accounting and bookkeeping business 128.Caregiving business 129.Transcription 130.Data analysis 131.Fast food restaurant 132.Yoghurt business 133.Nail and eye brows parlour 134.Screen printing 135.Real estate 136.Human billboard 137.Affiliate marketing 138.Pool cleaning business 139.Designing and selling print-on-demand t-shirts 140.Junk removal service 141.Printing services 142.Custodian 143.Dropshipping business 144.Craft business 145.Landscaping business 146.Bicycle rentals/Bicycle repairs 147.Painting business 148.Flower shop 149.House cleaning 150.Grocery delivery 151.Resale store 152.Subscription box business 153.Import/export business 154.Laundromat business 155.Party bus 156.Staffing services 157.Antique dealer 158.Construction business 159.Used car rentals 160.Cafe/Sandwich shop 161.Logo design business 162.Shoe business 163.Marine electronics/waterproof electronics 164.Publicity business 165.Drone business 166.Gutter cleaning business 167.Garden center 168.Kitchen store business 169.Cookie business 170.Framing business 171.Mushroom farming 172.Vending machine for fruits 173.Laundry services 174.Agribusiness 175.Business in waste management 176.Urban transportation business 177.Fin-tech business 178.Urban logistics 179.Automobiles 180.Bee keeping (Honey,wax etc) 181.Study platforms for Students 182.Financial consultancy firm 183.Stationery shop 184.Appliance repair shop 185.Party decoration services 186.Sewing business 187.Handcraft business 188.Online travel agency 189.Samosa business 190.Pancake and Chapati business 191.Wrap up 192.Milk bashop 193.Mobile money agent 194.Farming 195.Cake baking business 196.Selling snacks 197.Selling computers and accessories 198.Internet connection to the customers living nearby 199.Selling fruits and vegetables 200.Brick making 201.Selling handbags 202.Cereal shop 203.Paxful's affiliate program and peer program 204.Invest in mutual funds or ETFs 205.Data entry 206.Popcorn business 207.Bead making and wire wax 208.Sell perfumes 209.Designing book covers 210.Dog walking 211.Tailoring 212.Sale of hair extension 213.Dry cleaning services 214.Stadiums 215.Candle making 216.Mobile repair shop 217.Tuition 218.Hauling service 219.Home staging business 220.Window treatment business 221.Dreadlock business 222.Fashion house 223.Oil business 224.Music sounds for hire 225.Start a football club 226.Blended education programs 227.Wholesale business 228.Ironing services 229.Swimming pool 230.Mandazis and donuts business 231.Seedlings for sale 232.Soap making 233.Selling soft drinks,fresh juice and snacks 234.Stationery supply to rural areas 235.Tuk tuk business 236.Selling baby diapers 237.Start a video game lounge 238.Manicure, pedicure and facial scrubbing business 239.Landscaping and gardening services 240.Land brokerage 241.Eggs wholesale 242.Spare parts(motorcycle, bicycle, vehicles etc)shop 243.Pork meet business 244.Charcoal and coal business 245.Gambling business 246.Agricultural value addition business 247.Camels 248.Facebook 249.Instagram 250.Chicken spare parts business 251.Shopify 252.Hawking business 253.Amazon FBA 254.Flipping collectibles 255.Tik Tok 256.Carpets 257.Curtains 258.Mutual funds investment 259.Precious metals business (eg gold, silver and bronze) 260.Sport shoes/jazies/balls etc business 261.Grow profitable vegetables and fruits 262.Invest in the capital market via Nairobi Stock Exchange (NSE) 263.Dealing in second hand goods eg furnitures, electronics etc 264.Candle production 265.Plantain chips and bhajia business 266.Errands 267.Lawn care 268.Miti shamba/Dawa za kienyeji/Herbals 269.Beddings eg Mattresses 270.Homemade gourmet foods 271.Flea market vending 272.Music Instructor 273.Making custom furniture 274.Banking services 275.Own a tap/boreholes 276.Flight services eg Air hostess 277.Clothing lines 278.Book publishing/ebooks 279.Start charitable business 280.Pet training and grooming services 281.Data entry provider 282.Start a pop-up shop 283.Rent your car on Turo 284.College admissions essay tutor and editor 285.Travel consultant 286.Tax preparation 287.Commision-only sales 288.Ebay sales 289.Fiverr Gigs 290.Airbnb 291.Patreon 292.Alteration Services 293.Professional organizing services 294.Aquarium maintenance 295.Home inspector 296.Review website 297.Home Appraisal 298.Sell Jericans from certain suppliers 299.Referral services 300.Recycled goods seller

America/Africa/Asia/Oceania: Remember kids, there is another country nearby, do not cross the border, you will get arrested.
Europe: Remember kids, there is another country nearby, they've got a nice store, get some food.

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Chapter 27 - I Guess a Bathhouse Episode was Inevitable
Last Time: Having attained at least some measure or personal safety, the party recovered from their wounds in a forest clearing. Aiden awoke from his nightmare-troubled sleep to see everyone waiting. They had found a fortuitous ally in the form of Alex, a teamster who had happened upon them during their flight from Tripit, though they were away retrieving the party’s belongings. The day passed peacefully enough, and good news was had when Oxcard awoke from his sleep. In the relative quiet, plans were made for what the party would do going forward. Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn would follow Arcadia and Oxcard as they made their way to Diareen, a distant trade city. In addition to following them, Aiden made Arcadia and Oxcard the offer to join their party. The two siblings deferred their answer but acquiesced to the party joining them on their trip, and thus it was that they set travel that night at a much more leisurely pace than they had been forced to take the night before.
We had been traveling for about three days. During the first, all of us had been jumpy. Many small clumps of people lined the roads that led from Tripit, little communities that arose in order to be near Tripit or which persisted despite the meteoric growth of their larger neighbor. Any time someone glanced over at us, I felt like they were going to report our whereabouts to Daisy and we would need to flee into the darkness. Luckily, however, there were no incidents and we began to be able to fully relax.
Oxcard was making a good recovery. He still rode in the cart more often than not, with Oriwyn often joining him to minister to his wounds as best she could. It quickly became apparent that he knew more about treating injuries than Oriwyn, so her attempts quickly turned into lessons. Arcadia normally walked nearby, chatting pleasantly with Oxcard whenever he otherwise didn’t have anything to do - I had noticed she didn’t talk to the rest of the party as much, but given the circumstances I figured that her joy at saving Ox merited a little bit of single-minded focus.
It felt strange to lead the group with nothing really going on. We had too many injuries to really try to train, and we wanted to spend as much time as we could traveling to put some distance behind us just in case someone was following, so we barely acted like an adventuring party. In general, it felt more like we were a group of backpackers who had run into each other and decided to stick together rather than an adventuring party on a quest for future glory.
All in all, I couldn’t say I really minded it.
In the quiet times after we’d made camp but before I fell asleep, I would occasionally check Lorna’s pocket mirror. The first time I did, I was unsurprised to learn we had all leveled up - I was level six, Laran and Leor were level seven, Oriwyn was level eight, Arcadia was level five, and Oxcard was level six. In addition to that, I had increased in bond with everybody. After such a harrowing venture, it felt right.
About midway through the third day of travel, Alex called out to us all, suddenly excited.
“I thought this looked familiar! See the weird tree that looks like it was hit by lightning? And that pile of boulders over there that kind of looks like a bunny? If we take the side road we’ll find in about ten minutes, then we’ll get to YaDa’s!”
I had no idea what Alex was talking about, so I shot a look around to the rest of the party. They seemed equally as mystified, so I decided to take one for the team.
“Uh, YaDa’s? What is that?”
Alex slapped a hand to their heart as if they’d been offended.
“You don’t know of YaDa’s? It's the finest combination inn, general store, and bathhouse in all of Tal!”
I snorted with laughter at Alex’s mock indignation. The place certainly sounded interesting - even after only three days on the road, I could do with an inn, a general store, and a bathhouse. If they all happened to be in the same building, then that was all the better for it. I did have one question though.
“I think we’re interested, assuming it won’t cause us too much delay. That being said, why is someone trying to run a business out in the middle of nowhere? Sure we’re not too far from Tripit and we’re on a decently large road, but I can’t imagine that enough people pass through to make it fully worth their while.”
Alex just shrugged and smiled.
“The owners seem to do just fine for themselves! Maybe it’s because they tend to get a lot of repeat customers. I’m not the only one who looks forward to my path taking me by YaDa’s - in fact, I stop pretty much every time I’m going to or from Tripit!”
I nodded along as Alex continued to ramble about some of the amenities of YaDa’s. Everyone else seemed interested too, so it wasn’t much of a decision to declare we would stop in and rest the remainder of the day. Everyone’s mood got an immediate boost and we all moved faster - even the pack animals pulling the cart seemed excited. Soon enough we found a simple wooden sign next to a side road, which Alex directed us down.
The sign had three pictograms on it - a coin purse, a plate of food, and a steaming bath. As I looked at them, my brain started to work out what order I wanted to do the actions they represented in.
Oriwyn’s eyes were bright and wide open as we came down the path. Already, a building could be seen in the distance. It was large for how little else stood near it - a big, blocky building that matched what I thought an inn should look like was flanked by a smaller, blocky building and a large geodesic dome. I blinked a few times, startled by the shape. It looked like triangular panes of glass rested on a wooden substructure, making a shape that I always associated with retrofuturism. Leor looked interested too - maybe she had some interest in architecture?
As we approached, Alex rumbled their wagon to a halt.
“You six - sorry Brams, seven - go ahead and run in ahead of me. I have an understanding with the owners so I’m going to hitch Peggy and Gary up in the stables before I try to get settled. Someone should be working the front desk - introduce yourself, they’re friendly!”
We thanked Alex for their insight and made our way into the building. We entered into a slightly small space - it wasn’t cramped, but it definitely felt small for what I associated with the entryway for an inn. A few plush chairs were arranged around a fireplace on one wall and a desk stood at the far end. It was currently unoccupied, but I saw a small hanging bell and a hammer on an iron stand on the desk. Shrugging, I took point and walked up to the desk. I glanced around but couldn’t see anyone, so I picked up the hammer and tapped the bell. The resulting noise was surprisingly loud and the answer was almost instant.
“So sorry! Be with you in a second!” came a deep but feminine sounding voice. Sure enough, after a short time had passed, a door opened and a woman stepped through.
To call the woman tall felt almost like an understatement. It seemed like she needed to duck under the doorframe - my best guess is that she was six foot eight or taller. She was built in a way that suggested the Ghost of Christmas Present to me - red hair and all - and when she walked behind the desk it looked comically small before her. She appeared to be human, but I wondered if giants were a thing in Tal - if they were, she definitely looked the part.
“Welcome to YaDa’s!” she said, smiling brightly. She swept a hand up to herself by way of introduction. “My name is Ya, and Da is around elsewhere, and together we run YaDa’s! I don’t think I recognize you - is this your first time?”
Leor was the one who stepped up to answer, which surprised me. I shifted back a little to let her take point.
“Yes, this is our first time, though you came highly recommended by our associate Alex. I believe they should be joining us soon!”
Ya beamed behind the desk.
“Oh! Alex is a good sort - glad to see them back! Their favorite room is even open right now - unless they’d be staying with you?”
“We hadn’t discussed how we would be doing lodging arrangements, but I assume Alex may want some peace and quiet after having us unexpectedly tail along for a few days. What sort of accommodations are there?”
Ya ran a quick count on our number. “For six? We have suites that can take six, or you could do three rooms of two. Honestly, it’s cheaper if you’re all together, and we have a harder time filling the big rooms anyway.
It was at that moment that Brams began to try to scale Ya’s desk. With a scrabbling sound and some snorting, he made his presence known. Ya looked down, looked a little surprised, then reached over the desk and held out her arms. Brams gladly stopped scrabbling and flopped into the proffered embrace, so Ya lifted him and placed him on the desk.
“My my, aren’t you a strange one, little creature! Can’t say I’ve seen your like before…”
Brams made a snorting sound that seemed almost indignant and shook himself. His tail wiggled with the end of the shake, then he sat and stared up at Ya. There was a moment’s silence and Brams looked very intent - all of us leaned in a little, as it seemed like Brams was about to do something. A violent sneeze burst from his muzzle, making us all jump, and the moment was over. Ya smiled at him and tousled the hair on top of his head with her huge hands.
“Well, sorry for not including you in the count. I’m sure that the room will fit seven, though you may need to squeeze a little. Follow me!”
With that, Ya pulled a bulky key from a pocket in her pants. She bent down and unlocked a drawer in the desk, withdrawing a smaller key. As she handed it to Leor, she gave her some instructions.
“Now this key is enchanted. After we’ve opened your door, you’ll have ten minutes to make as many copies as you’ll need. Just take the key, leave it on an open spot of the table, and make sure nobody looks at it for about a minute. When you look back, there’ll be a second key on the table. Take the key and give it to someone - have them put it out of sight - and repeat it until you have what you need! When you’re done, stroke the first key and tell it thanks and it’ll stop duplicating itself.”
I chuckled - hotel key cards had nothing on what I’d just seen. Sure the whole system seemed a little convoluted, and there was a part of me that wanted to keep summoning keys for a few hours just to see how many I could make, but it still felt really cool. In a way, it felt like proper magic, like in a fairy tale.
It was amazing how quickly parts of Tal had become passé to me. I figured since I’d been living in Tal for a while, it was natural that I'd done my best to try and fit in, which would explain how I so quickly became inured to the magical wonders of the world. After all, it seemed like my life was going to continue on as it had been for the foreseeable future. Still, sometimes something small would hit me over the head with a sudden feeling that I was somewhere different from Earth.
Over time, that feeling had been less and less negative.
We followed Ya as she led us to our room. She had to slow a little, as Arcadia made it a point to walk in front of Oxcard and walk slowly so he wouldn’t try to keep up with the tall woman and possibly re-open his wounds. Despite the delay however, we made it to our rooms fine before too awful long.
Our lodgings were simple but spacious. Beds lined two of the walls, creating a corner for sleeping that stood opposed to a clear space with some tables, chairs, and what appeared to be a simple wood-fired stove. A stack of small firewood sat in a basket and thick quilts covered the bed, and overall the whole place gave off a very cozy feeling.
We wasted no time in thanking Ya and starting to get settled in. Arcadia, Oxcard, and Oriwyn took the three beds on one wall while Leor, Laran, and I took the remaining. Leor busied herself making keys, though had some trouble because Oriwyn kept trying to sneak a peek of the key when it split, causing the magic to not work. Eventually though, each of us had a copy - we even made a copy for Brams and tied it around his neck loosely with a piece of ribbon, figuring that it would be a good backup. Leor had an odd look on her face when she began to stroke the key and tell it thank you, which got the rest of us laughing. The key shivered in her hand and let out a contented sigh, which made Leor drop it. Oxcard started laughing so hard that he doubled over in pain, but there was no damage done and the mood stayed high. I decided I should address everyone and come up with something of a game plan.
“Well everyone, it looks like we have some R and R time on our hands! What do people want to do?”
What followed was a pleasantly lively discussion. Arcadia, Laran, and I really wanted to see about the bathhouse side of things, while Oriwyn and Leor argued that they were hungry. Oxcard stayed quiet for most of the deliberation, offering noncommittal answers if ever directly asked about anything, which I found a little strange but which I didn’t press on. The whole time, Brams ran laps around the room, flapping his wings as he jumped from bed to bed. I noticed he seemed to be getting just the littlest bit of a glide going as he leapt over the longer stretches - I would bring that up with Ori later. It also seemed like a positive development that the movement didn’t cause him pain, despite the healing scar on his wing.
Eventually, a plan was settled on. We would go to the general store to see if they had bathing clothes and something to eat. If they did, we would make our purchases then head to the bathhouse, which we assumed was the glass-encased dome structure. If we couldn’t find something that worked as a snack, we agreed we would get a proper meal before swimming. Our plan solidified, Oriwyn calmed Brams down enough so that he stopped running laps of the room, and we headed back to the front.
When we got to the store, we found someone we hadn’t seen before. By the look of her, she seemed to be Ya’s daughter - she hadn’t inherited her mother’s prodigious height entirely, but still stood roughly six feet tall. As we all walked in, she perked up immediately.
“Hello! My name is Yada, and I run the general store here! Have you ever visited one of our shops?”
So many things hit me at once I had trouble figuring out what to focus on first. The first thing I came to grips with was that this person’s name was likely a combination of her parents’ - it wasn’t that hard to imagine, but it still felt weird. The second was that there were multiple shops. Obviously the concept of a chain of stores wasn’t foreign to me, but they were a concept I thought I had left behind with Earth. Curiosity overtook me, so I decided to press for a little more information.
“No I can’t say I have - where are they?”
Yada puffed up behind the desk and looked proud of herself.
“Oh they’re around! Pick three out of the four cardinal directions from Tripit, and there you’ll find a branch of Yada’s General store. My siblings - Yadayada and Yadayadayada - run those two stores, but I was the one who started the whole thing and got this shop made! Mom and Dad really mostly care about the hospitality part of things, so I was free to make the business as I wanted it.”
Leor snorted and bluntly asked Yada a question that I had to admit had occurred to me too.
“Yada, Yadayada, and Yadayadayada? Good thing your parents didn’t have more kids or that would get unwieldy. Are they not very creative people?”
I may have phrased things a little more delicately, but I was still curious of the answer. Luckily Yada laughed it off and didn’t seem to take any offense.
“No, they’re good hosts but not the most imaginative when it comes to naming. We always joked it made it easy for people to remember who was the oldest - take the number of syllables and divide by two!”
Leor just raised her eyebrows but Arcadia burst out laughing. I don’t think I’d heard her laugh like that before. Oriwyn looked at her and slowly began to chuckle along, slowly crescendoing to full-blown laughter as well. I managed to keep a straight face until I glanced over at Laran, who looked utterly mystified. Ox was smiling - the first time I’d seen him do so in the short and intense time since I’d met him - and even Leor was giving a disdainful look, which was tantamount to a grin from her. When everyone calmed down, we thanked Yada for the introduction and got to the business of shopping.
There were sandwiches wrapped up in little paper bags, which we all bought one or two of. Oriwyn, Leor, and Oxcard immediately wolfed theirs down while Laran, Arcadia, and I went to a small table set off to the side and had a more leisurely time of things. As we ate, the other three began to look at the wares of the shop.
Oriwyn immediately found little baubles and spent a good while combing through a small chest of brooches. While she was doing that, Oxcard went to some shelves that had what looked like medical supplies. He came up to Arcadia with an armful and asked for some money, which she hurriedly fished out and gave him. Finally, Leor seemed to be focused on a small collection of clothes. She held up a garment and wandered over to a mirror to see how she looked in it. It didn’t take me long to figure out it was some sort of bathing suit.
I was really, really thankful that Tal had the concept of bathing suits. Part of me had been quietly dreading the prospect of skinny-dipping with five people who were barely more than strangers to me. The fact there was some reasonable expectation we would all be clothed was a relief.
After we finished our sandwiches, we all went to look at the bathing wear. Yada wandered over and started talking about things, going over what was popular where and who had suggested certain styles. I did what I normally did and grabbed the first pair of anything that reasonably looked like it would fit me, and it seemed Oxcard did the same. Arcadia was the next to choose, then Leor. Laran and Oriwyn were debating extensively amongst themselves, going over minute differences in material and cut that I wouldn’t have even thought to look at, so we left them to it and told them to meet us in the bathhouse. They agreed, so we set off.
When we entered the glass dome that hosted the baths, I saw that I had been right. A wooden frame created triangular ledges that held up glass panes. Some of them seemed to be missing from strategic places, creating a cross breeze. Still, the glass held in a large amount of steamy air, and we quickly picked out a large pool to claim as our own. There were only two other bathers, and they were off in a much smaller pool off to the side, so we had plenty of choice. We saw some booths off to the side and went to get changed.
As we gathered by the pool, my head idly studied what bathing suits we’d all chosen. I had gone with what was familiar - a pair of baggy trunks that had a cinch at the waist so they wouldn’t fall down. They didn’t have the weird inner netting that I was used to in place of underwear, which felt a bit strange and loose, but otherwise they were comfortable enough. Oxcard seemed to have chosen much the same as me, but where mine were dyed a green color, his seemed to be wholly undyed. I wondered if they had been the cheapest pair available - that might track with what little I knew about him and Arcadia.
Speaking of, Arcadia was wearing what looked like a sports bra and spanks. I’m sure there were women back home who would have killed for her sporty build, though given her life I’m sure she hadn’t come by it in a way that was in any way pleasant. The last to emerge was Leor, and I had to stop myself from laughing. She looked like a candy cane, wearing a red and white striped one-piece bathing suit that made me think of the old-timey Victorian bathing suits I saw guys wearing in movies and read about in history books. The lower part nearly came down to her knees, and given her beard and candy-cane coloring I got the impression of one of Santa’s elves on holiday. The mental image was doubly funny given that Leor was very definitely a dwarf, but I managed to hold myself together regardless.
We all slipped into the water - it was warm and inviting - and had just started to chat when we heard the bathhouse door open. We waved at Oriwyn and Laran as they entered, and they quickly went and got changed in the hutches we had vacated. It was with some curiosity that I watched for them to exit.
Oriwyn wore a loose, draped garment that seemed to be gathered at specific places to preserve her modesty - it looked vaguely Greek to me. I only had a few seconds to observe the cut though, because she immediately took a running start and jumped towards the deepest part of the pool. Brams immediately followed, offering a secondary splash nearly as large as Oriwyn’s as he splashed down. He began to paddle around the pool happily, having tucked his wings up and out of the way, while Oriwyn surfaced, shooting a cheesy grin at Leor - who she had splashed severely with her entrance - and took a place along the ledge at the edge.
When Laran came out, my face turned a little red. Now I wasn’t a prude, and over the years I had seen several men in very, very revealing swimsuits, but Laran’s suit was drawing my eyes in a way that I felt like they hadn’t been drawn since I was going through puberty. He wore what appeared to be folded fabric instead of trunks like Oxcard and I had found - some distant memory thought it looked vaguely Roman in Earth terms. It was a dark burgundy and not even that revealing, but something about seeing him in it brought back the bashfulness I had experienced when he’d run around the edge of the house shirtless the first time I met him. He seemed to be thinking the same way as I saw his cheeks darkened, but ignored his self-consciousness and walked over without comment to join us in the pool.
We all relaxed in the warm water, trading the occasional bits of small talk. After a while Alex walked in and we waved, but they seemed bent on going to a particular pool on the opposite side of the room. After a while of discussing nothing important, Arcadia cleared her throat to get our attention.
“Excuse me? I don’t want to be too formal or anything, but Ox and I have been talking about your offer and I figured we should share what we decided.”
My heart nearly froze in my chest. My curiosity on if they’d join us had been burning away at me for the whole trip so far, and it seemed like it was going to be answered. Of course we would survive without them, but with what all we’d been through I very much wanted them to accept. Also, part of me wondered if I felt that way because their refusal would mean our group wasn’t worth joining. I tried to push the sudden jumble of emotions down and focus on what she was saying.
“We talked it over and decided we’ll join you. I didn’t have a much better plan long term, and you’ve already proved you’re trustworthy. So, assuming you’ll still have us, we’d like to join.”
Arcadia looked a little nervous while Ox remained hard to read. I felt a sudden soaring in my heart, but Oriwyn beat me to accepting the offer.
“Yes! Of course! We never rescinded the offer after all, plus we work well together!”
Arcadia looked pleased, and I thought I saw the ghost of a smile on Oxcard’s face. Leor smiled too, while Laran suddenly shot to his feet.
“This calls for a proper celebration! Wait ‘ere!”
With that, he got out of the pool and raced off. In short order, he returned with two wine bottles and a few glasses. He eagerly began passing them out, Leor enthusiastically helping get things uncorked and poured. When we all had our glasses, Laran raised his in the air.
“A toast! To new allies an’ a new team! May we do well, do good, and do well for ourselves in so doin’!”
He said the words as if he’d heard them before - I wondered from whom for a moment but abandoned that train of thought quickly. Everyone readily agreed to his toast and raised their glasses, myself included, before taking hearty drinks of our wine. It was a sweet, almost citrusy flavor that bordered on too sweet for me, but its flavor cut through the steamy air of the bathhouse well. I enjoyed it and it seemed everyone else did too. As we lowered our glasses though, we all got quite a shock.
“Cheers! Now where’s my glass?”
The voice came from Brams, who was happily paddling in the center of the pool. Laran choked on his wine, shooting a little out of his nose. Leor just stopped and stared into her glass, looking for an explanation there. Oxcard and Arcadia looked at the rest of us, vaguely confused, but it was Oriwyn’s reaction I really wanted to see.
She sat on her ledge in the pool, a broad smile across her face. I could see a hint of surprise in her eyes, but still she flashed her smile to the rest of us.
“Why are you all acting so surprised? Did you think I was talking to Brams just for fun?”
Elsewhere: The captain of the river barge stood eagle-eyed at the front. It wasn’t like he needed to steer very much - just about anybody could control a riverboat when it was being pulled by horses on the bank - so his attention was much better spent keeping an eye out for threats. He looked to the side - the group of three mercenaries he had hired to accompany his boat and walk by the horses trotted along, weapons sheathed and chatting amicably. He couldn’t blame them really, given that they’d been going for a full day and a half since he’d picked them up without trouble. Still, he knew this stretch of the river and knew he should expect trouble. He scanned the gently rippling surface of the river again, a sudden feeling of discomfort settling over him. A disruption caught his eye, and he let out a cry. The bubbles that caused the disruption began to surface more violently, making the calm stream look like a pot of water at a roiling boil, and the captain cursed his luck. He’d been a fool to try and make his run when he did, but he felt like he’d had no choice. Now he was going to pay for that specific incautious decision - all he could hope was that he didn’t pay too dearly in either coin or life.
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After sitting, Markus realized that he would need to exchange his money for the local currency. He rushed back into the airport and found an exchange service. He traded nearly a thousand dollars for yen, receiving nearly 140 thousand yen, in bills and coins. Thanking the trader, he rushed back outside to wait for his bus.
As he was waiting, he spied a taxi nearby and wondered if it would be better. He walked over and knocked on the window.
“_I’m sorry, excuse me? How much to get to Rikyuan Kyoto Nishikyogoku?_”
The driver blinked twice and looked at this rude American. “_Nine thousand. No less._”
Markus slid into the back seat and fished out ten thousand yen, and handed it to the driver.
“Thank you, sir. Today is my first day in your country, and I would just like to get to my room and sleep. I have an important meeting tomorrow, and I’d like to be as refreshed as possible,_” While Markus’ Japanese wasn’t great, it _was passable, and better than most Americans.
The driver grunted an acknowledgement, and off they sped into the night. Along the way, Markus watched the lit streets for anything recognizable. Finding little beyond 7-11 gas stations and some obvious convenience stores, he quizzed the driver.
“_Excuse me? Where can I find a stylist? I’d like to look my best for my meeting._”
“_A stylist? For hair? You’re as bald as a baby. Or do you mean that mop on your face?_”
Markus looked sharply at the rearview mirror, only to see the smiling, mirthful eyes of the driver. He laughed softly. “_Yes, friend. I’d like to get this unruly mop tamed. Do you have any suggestions?_”
The driver was quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. “_One moment, please. I have to call him,_” he said as he pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.
“_Yes? Gen-kun? You want to make some money? Got an American here. Needs his beard taken care of professionally. Says he has an important business meeting tomorrow. Where? I dunno. Let me ask._” The driver spoke up to Markus. “_Hey, man. Where did you say this meeting was?_”
“_Uh…A place called Kitcho Arashiyama, I think. Why?_”
The driver let out a low whistle. “_Kitcho, huh? They must have some money. Hey! This offer will be amazing, man! You better take it. Not everyone can afford to eat there._”
“_Really? I think we are just meeting for tea, though. I don’t even know this man. Just got a letter out of the blue, and here I am. A lonely gaijin here in your amazingly beautiful country for the first, and probably last, time. I hope I’ve not been tricked. The gods have been merciless toward me lately,_” Markus replied.
“_Gen-kun? You hear all that? He’s going to Kitcho. Do him up right, and we might be taken care of, too! Okay. Okay. I’ll tell him. Bye, bro._”
Markus laughed softly. “_I’ll tell you what. If I land this job, or whatever it’s going to be, and it’s lucrative enough, I’ll call on you and your brother to drive me around and make sure I am as presentable as possible, and I’ll make sure you two are taken care of. How does that sound?_”
The driver looked up in the mirror, awe evident on his face. “_You would do that? A lowly cab driver like me and a hair stylist like my brother?_” he asked quietly.
“_Absolutely. I reward kindness with kindness my friend. I don’t have much right now, but if this goes well enough, I will take care of you and your brother._”
“You have a deal, American. What is your name?”
“Your English is pretty good. I am Markus Barton. And you are?”
“I am glad to meet you, Barton-san. I am Kimura Atsuki.”
“Thank you, Kimura-san.”
Atsuki grunted an acknowledgement and refocused on the road. In a few more minutes, they arrived at the small inn.
Markus got out, retrieving his bag from the back seat. Atsuki exited as well, taking a good look at this surprisingly kind, yet rude, American.
He saw a man, heavily built, with a bushy black beard that reached down to the middle of his chest. Broad shoulders that wouldn’t be out of place for a farmhand, but decidedly odd for a salaryman. A slightly too small t-shirt clung to his body, showing a bit of a beer belly, and most interesting of all, he seemed to be wearing a black skirt.
“_Barton-san? Why do you wear a woman’s skirt?_”
“_Hmm? Oh this? This isn’t a woman’s skirt. It’s called a kilt. It comes from the people of the British Isles. My family comes from that area, and once I tried it on, I was hooked. No pants for me ever again._”
“_Huh. You learn something new every day._”
“_Here is my contact information, Kimura-san. I will call on you should I take the offer. By the way, do you know of any decent restaurants or noodle shops in the area? I’m hungry._”
Atsuki laughed loudly. “_You were my last fare. I will wait, and then take my new friend out for dinner at a good place. Go. Check in, and I’ll see you back here._”
Markus smiled and nodded. He rushed inside and took care of business, being shown to a room on the ground floor. He deposited his bag inside, just past the genkan, locked the door, and returned to his new friend, hopping back in the taxi, to explore what Kyoto had to offer.
Atsuki took an appraising look at Markus. Nodding his head with a finality, he said, “_I am taking you to a good ramen-ya. You say you are hungry, and I say you will eat. Let’s go!_” He smiled and slapped the dashboard of his taxi, taking off into the night.
Atsuki and Markus chatted in a mish-mash of English and Japanese, getting to know each other as well as they could in the fifteen minute drive to the ramen-ya.
It turned out that Atsuki was recently divorced from his wife of four years and had no children. He and his brother, Gen, lived in a modest apartment not terribly far from the Rikyuan that Markus was staying at. He was an avid gamer, something of a shut-in, and had a collection of U.S coins.
“I am only missing the Arkansas _(he pronounced the final ‘S’), and the Marysland state quarters for 2022. I have the other years already. They are in mint condition and sealed in special bags so that they do not tarnish. Pretty neat, huh?_”
Markus gave him a lopsided grin. “_Have you ever met another American, Kimura-san?_” When Atsuki gave him a negative answer, Markus nodded. “_Very well. I shall help you some. I’m not really into coin collecting, but I think it’s pretty neat that you are. You’re the only person I know who is, if I’m honest. The state names are pronounced like this: Arr-can-saw and Maryland. There isn’t an ‘s’ in Maryland. I know it seems like there should be, but there isn’t. I can’t really tell you why Arkansas is said the way that it is, though. I don’t think I have either of those two quarters on me, though. Let me look._”
Markus dug around in his left pocket, pulling out the change there. He shuffled through the coins, not expecting to find anything larger than a dime, but came across a quarter. He unlocked his phone, using the screen to illuminate his findings. It was a 2022 quarter, but it was Hawai’i, not either of the ones Atsuki needed.
“_Nope. Just Hawai’i. Sorry, man._”
“_Bah. Thank you for looking, though. You’re a good man. I appreciate it very much. Ah. We are here. It may be just a little hole in the wall, but it happens to be one of my favorites. I apologize for the traffic. We would be here in half the time, had it not been bad,_” Atsuki said.
Markus smiled. “_Fifteen minutes is a short drive where I’m from. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just enjoy some ramen, yeah?_” he asked.
Atsuki nodded with a smile, and the pair walked in. Markus noticed that the shop was sparsely populated with people, and the gentleman behind the counter was relaxing with a book. Decidedly odd.
“_Yo, Komamura-san! Two bowls of tonkatsu with lots of chashu for me and my new friend, Barton-san! Firm, please. Thank you._”
Komamura grunted a reply and set about making the requested ramen, and the pair sat at the counter. Atsuki ordered a beer for both of them, and the two chatted and ate for quite some time.
At least until the shop began to get busy. When Atsuki noticed the line beginning to form outside, he paid the bill and thanked the chef.
Komamura glared at Markus for a moment, his face devoid of expression. “_Why did you bring a gaijin to my shop, punk?_”
“_This gaijin, my friend, has an interview tomorrow at Kitcho. He has promised to take care of my brother and I if he gets the job. Right, Barton-san?_” Atsuki shot back.
“_He is right, Komamura-san. If I do well, I will do what I can for the brothers. Kimura-san has been very helpful to me, and if his brother can tame this mop on my face, I’ll help him, too,_” Markus said, gazing softly at the older man.
Komamura grunted a reply and returned to his customers. As the pair were leaving, he shouted “_Good luck, Barton-san! You’re still a punk, Kimura-kun!_” and laughed loudly.
“_What was that about, Kimura-san?_” Markus asked as they got back in the car.
“_Ahhh… I might have stolen a few bowls in my younger days from old man Komamura-san. He never called the cops or anything. Just made me and my brother clean his shop when I did. He’s a good man, and I try to pay him back every time I come, but he never takes it. So, in return, I try to drive as much business to him that I can,_” Atsuki replied, somewhat embarrassed.
“_I see. Well, it is good that you are trying to correct your past wrongs. I’d say the old man has a fondness for you. You’re a good man, Kimura-san,_” Markus stated with finality.
“_Bah. I’m still a punk kid. I’m just lucky it was Komamura-san that I stole from. Other ramen-ya are said to be tied with our local gangs. I don’t ever want to step out of line again, so I stick with Komamura-san. He’s safe. The last time a gang tried to tangle with him, he sent them all running. He may not look like it now, but the old man used to be quite the fighter back in his younger days,_” Atsuki explained.
Markus nodded and yawned. He checked his phone. Good grief, it was already two in the morning. “_Kimura-san. It’s late, and I’ve been on a long flight. Plus I’ve my meeting tomorrow. I’m sorry to ask, but could you please take me back to my room?_” he asked, his face a mask of apology.
“_What? How late?_” Atsuki checked his watch, and saw the time. “_Oh shit. I should get home, too. My shift starts in four hours,_” Atsuki explained, heading back to Markus’ room.
The pair rode in relative silence for the remarkably shorter trip back. Markus exited the vehicle and turned to Atsuki. “_Thank you, Kimura-san. If tonight and tomorrow are all I have in Japan, You’ve made it all the richer. Be safe getting home,_” he said with a smile and a polite bow.
“_Let me know how it goes, yeah? I’ll send you a message so you have my number. Good luck, my friend!_” he called back, and drove off into the night.
Markus stumbled to his door, and went in. Shucking his shoes at the genkan, he stripped and fell into the surprisingly soft bed. He was asleep in moments.
Waking to his alarm always sucked. Markus reached out blindly and grabbed his phone. Shit, it was already noon. He checked his messages and saw a few from an unknown number. It was Atsuki. Apparently, he and his brother would be over in roughly forty-five minutes.
That gave Markus just enough time to shower and get dressed for his meeting. Hopefully. He scrambled for the shower, and got himself clean and dressed in thirty minutes. He was sitting there on the bed when he heard a knock at the door.
Opening the door, he saw the smiling face of Atsuki and a younger, much more shy man behind him.
“_Barton-san! I have brought my brother, Gen-kun and he will tame that mop on your face! Ha!_” Atsuki said jovially as he and his brother bowed respectfully and entered the small room.
“_I am so sorry, Barton-san. I speak no English. Forgive me,_” Gen said sorrowfully.
“_Think nothing of it, my friend. I understand you well enough. I only hope my Japanese is good enough for you,_” Markus replied with a soft smile on his face.
Gen nodded with a smile and set his bags down. He certainly carried a lot of product with him. Markus watched with interest as he set various amber-colored glass vials down, along with a bottle of yellowish oil. He also set out several tins with screw-on tops. Most interestingly, he had what looked like a spice shaker filled with coffee beans.
“_So, what do you have here?_” Markus asked the younger man.
“_I have various scented oils that I will blend for you to bring out your manly scent. It will be tailored specifically to you, Barton-san. No other may wear it and smell quite so nice,_” Gen explained.
“_Neat. So what is in the metal boxes?_”
“_Different lightly scented balms to help moisturize your “mop” of a beard. How do you want it styled?_” he asked.
“_I was thinking of a pair of braids, honestly. Or a single, thicker one if you think that would look better. I also brought some jewelry to put in it,_” Markus explained.
“_Show me._”
Markus fished in his bag and pulled out a small bag with a few metal beads in it. They all had different designs. Gen gently took it and selected a few after some moments of thought. \ \ “_These are what you will wear. Now be quiet. I need you still, calm and quiet for the next few minutes,_” Gen said to Markus.
Markus nodded, closing his eyes as Gen closed his own, centering himself.
“_I will drive you, Barton-san. You need not worry with me around!_”
“_Quiet, brother. I am concentrating._”
“Sorry.”
Gen sat still for several more minutes, then opened his eyes. He leaned in, sniffing Markus by his neck, behind his ears and even the top of his head. He lifted his arms and smelled his armpits, his back and his chest. Markus was certain he’d just been violated, but was too intrigued to say anything.
Wordlessly, Gen turned to his vials and opened three of them. Inhaling the aroma of the coffee first, he sniffed each vial in turn. Shaking his head, he closed one, and selected another. This pattern went on with periodic sniffs from the coffee until Gen had three vials in front of him. Taking an empty vial from another bag, he opened it. Wordlessly he dripped several droplets of the various scented oils into the empty vial, then filled it from the bottle of yellowish oil. He shook this concoction up, thoroughly mixing the blend.
Next, he opened each of the tins in turn, sniffing them and rejecting a few. In the end, he had two left, and proffered them to Markus.
“_Choose._”
Markus, confused, took first one, and then the other, smelling each. “_What does the oil smell like? Am I to pick one that compliments it?_” he asked.
“_No. They both do that. Which do you prefer?_” was the answer he received.
“_This one, then,_” Markus said, handing one to Gen.
Gen took the small tin and set it aside, and then concentrated on Markus’ beard. It was freshly cleaned and slightly damp. Gen took a towel and gently dried Markus’ face. Afterwards, he generously applied the oil to his hands and massaged it into Markus’ face. Markus recoiled slightly from the unusual scent, then gave a nod of approval.
Gen grinned. His gift had yet to let him down. He oiled his clients face, then massaged the balm into his hair. Such a lovely beard. Long, thick and curly. Just as it should be. Once his beard was tamed, he put a pair of braids in it, each hanging down from roughly the corners of his mouth. Once he was satisfied with their length and evenness, he slipped a barrel bead over each braid. They had a curious symbol on them, but his favorite were the pair of oni skulls the man had, that he slipped on under the barrel beads. These were surely the secret to his amazing looks and presence. To have a pair of oni looking after you was especially noteworthy. In his mind, at least.
Finishing his work, he handed Markus a mirror. Markus examined himself and smiled. “_This is perfect, my friend. Let’s get the final ties on them, and we can head out!_” Markus exclaimed as he looked at his phone. It was nearing three-thirty. How had two hours elapsed already?
Gen finished the work in front of him and nodded. “_I can do no more. I would surely be treading upon God’s territory if I tried. Get him to his meeting, Brother. I have a good feeling!_” Gen exclaimed.
Markus thanked the younger man and pressed a few bills into his hand. He rose, slipping on his new boots, and together with Atsuki, walked out to the car.
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After sitting, Markus realized that he would need to exchange his money for the local currency. He rushed back into the airport and found an exchange service. He traded nearly a thousand dollars for yen, receiving nearly 140 thousand yen, in bills and coins. Thanking the trader, he rushed back outside to wait for his bus.
As he was waiting, he spied a taxi nearby and wondered if it would be better. He walked over and knocked on the window.
“I’m sorry, excuse me? How much to get to Rikyuan Kyoto Nishikyogoku?”
The driver blinked twice and looked at this rude American. “Nine thousand. No less.”
Markus slid into the back seat and fished out ten thousand yen, and handed it to the driver.
“Thank you, sir. Today is my first day in your country, and I would just like to get to my room and sleep. I have an important meeting tomorrow, and I’d like to be as refreshed as possible,” While Markus’ Japanese wasn’t great, it was passable, and better than most Americans.
The driver grunted an acknowledgement, and off they sped into the night. Along the way, Markus watched the lit streets for anything recognizable. Finding little beyond 7-11 gas stations and some obvious convenience stores, he quizzed the driver.
“Excuse me? Where can I find a stylist? I’d like to look my best for my meeting.”
“A stylist? For hair? You’re as bald as a baby. Or do you mean that mop on your face?”
Markus looked sharply at the rearview mirror, only to see the smiling, mirthful eyes of the driver. He laughed softly. “Yes, friend. I’d like to get this unruly mop tamed. Do you have any suggestions?”
The driver was quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. “One moment, please. I have to call him,” he said as he pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.
“Yes? Gen-kun? You want to make some money? Got an American here. Needs his beard taken care of professionally. Says he has an important business meeting tomorrow. Where? I dunno. Let me ask.” The driver spoke up to Markus. “Hey, man. Where did you say this meeting was?”
“Uh…A place called Kitcho Arashiyama, I think. Why?”
The driver let out a low whistle. “Kitcho, huh? They must have some money. Hey! This offer will be amazing, man! You better take it. Not everyone can afford to eat there.”
“Really? I think we are just meeting for tea, though. I don’t even know this man. Just got a letter out of the blue, and here I am. A lonely gaijin here in your amazingly beautiful country for the first, and probably last, time. I hope I’ve not been tricked. The gods have been merciless toward me lately,” Markus replied.
“Gen-kun? You hear all that? He’s going to Kitcho. Do him up right, and we might be taken care of, too! Okay. Okay. I’ll tell him. Bye, bro.”
Markus laughed softly. “I’ll tell you what. If I land this job, or whatever it’s going to be, and it’s lucrative enough, I’ll call on you and your brother to drive me around and make sure I am as presentable as possible, and I’ll make sure you two are taken care of. How does that sound?”
The driver looked up in the mirror, awe evident on his face. “You would do that? A lowly cab driver like me and a hair stylist like my brother?” he asked quietly.
“Absolutely. I reward kindness with kindness my friend. I don’t have much right now, but if this goes well enough, I will take care of you and your brother.”
“You have a deal, American. What is your name?”
“Your English is pretty good. I am Markus Barton. And you are?”
“I am glad to meet you, Barton-san. I am Kimura Atsuki.”
“Thank you, Kimura-san.”
Atsuki grunted an acknowledgement and refocused on the road. In a few more minutes, they arrived at the small inn.
Markus got out, retrieving his bag from the back seat. Atsuki exited as well, taking a good look at this surprisingly kind, yet rude, American.
He saw a man, heavily built, with a bushy black beard that reached down to the middle of his chest. Broad shoulders that wouldn’t be out of place for a farmhand, but decidedly odd for a salaryman. A slightly too small t-shirt clung to his body, showing a bit of a beer belly, and most interesting of all, he seemed to be wearing a black skirt.
“Barton-san? Why do you wear a woman’s skirt?”
“Hmm? Oh this? This isn’t a woman’s skirt. It’s called a kilt. It comes from the people of the British Isles. My family comes from that area, and once I tried it on, I was hooked. No pants for me ever again.”
“Huh. You learn something new every day.”
“Here is my contact information, Kimura-san. I will call on you should I take the offer. By the way, do you know of any decent restaurants or noodle shops in the area? I’m hungry.”
Atsuki laughed loudly. “You were my last fare. I will wait, and then take my new friend out for dinner at a good place. Go. Check in, and I’ll see you back here.”
Markus smiled and nodded. He rushed inside and took care of business, being shown to a room on the ground floor. He deposited his bag inside, just past the genkan, locked the door, and returned to his new friend, hopping back in the taxi, to explore what Kyoto had to offer.
Atsuki took an appraising look at Markus. Nodding his head with a finality, he said, “I am taking you to a good ramen-ya. You say you are hungry, and I say you will eat. Let’s go!” He smiled and slapped the dashboard of his taxi, taking off into the night.
Atsuki and Markus chatted in a mish-mash of English and Japanese, getting to know each other as well as they could in the fifteen minute drive to the ramen-ya.
It turned out that Atsuki was recently divorced from his wife of four years and had no children. He and his brother, Gen, lived in a modest apartment not terribly far from the Rikyuan that Markus was staying at. He was an avid gamer, something of a shut-in, and had a collection of U.S coins.
“I am only missing the Arkansas (he pronounced the final ‘S’), and the Marysland state quarters for 2022. I have the other years already. They are in mint condition and sealed in special bags so that they do not tarnish. Pretty neat, huh?”
Markus gave him a lopsided grin. “Have you ever met another American, Kimura-san?” When Atsuki gave him a negative answer, Markus nodded. “Very well. I shall help you some. I’m not really into coin collecting, but I think it’s pretty neat that you are. You’re the only person I know who is, if I’m honest. The state names are pronounced like this: Arr-can-saw and Maryland. There isn’t an ‘s’ in Maryland. I know it seems like there should be, but there isn’t. I can’t really tell you why Arkansas is said the way that it is, though. I don’t think I have either of those two quarters on me, though. Let me look.”
Markus dug around in his left pocket, pulling out the change there. He shuffled through the coins, not expecting to find anything larger than a dime, but came across a quarter. He unlocked his phone, using the screen to illuminate his findings. It was a 2022 quarter, but it was Hawai’i, not either of the ones Atsuki needed.
“Nope. Just Hawai’i. Sorry, man.”
“Bah. Thank you for looking, though. You’re a good man. I appreciate it very much. Ah. We are here. It may be just a little hole in the wall, but it happens to be one of my favorites. I apologize for the traffic. We would be here in half the time, had it not been bad,” Atsuki said.
Markus smiled. “Fifteen minutes is a short drive where I’m from. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just enjoy some ramen, yeah?” he asked.
Atsuki nodded with a smile, and the pair walked in. Markus noticed that the shop was sparsely populated with people, and the gentleman behind the counter was relaxing with a book. Decidedly odd.
“Yo, Komamura-san! Two bowls of tonkatsu with lots of chashu for me and my new friend, Barton-san! Firm, please. Thank you.”
Komamura grunted a reply and set about making the requested ramen, and the pair sat at the counter. Atsuki ordered a beer for both of them, and the two chatted and ate for quite some time.
At least until the shop began to get busy. When Atsuki noticed the line beginning to form outside, he paid the bill and thanked the chef.
Komamura glared at Markus for a moment, his face devoid of expression. “Why did you bring a gaijin to my shop, punk?”
“This gaijin, my friend, has an interview tomorrow at Kitcho. He has promised to take care of my brother and I if he gets the job. Right, Barton-san?” Atsuki shot back.
“He is right, Komamura-san. If I do well, I will do what I can for the brothers. Kimura-san has been very helpful to me, and if his brother can tame this mop on my face, I’ll help him, too,” Markus said, gazing softly at the older man.
Komamura grunted a reply and returned to his customers. As the pair were leaving, he shouted “Good luck, Barton-san! You’re still a punk, Kimura-kun!” and laughed loudly.
“What was that about, Kimura-san?” Markus asked as they got back in the car.
“Ahhh… I might have stolen a few bowls in my younger days from old man Komamura-san. He never called the cops or anything. Just made me and my brother clean his shop when I did. He’s a good man, and I try to pay him back every time I come, but he never takes it. So, in return, I try to drive as much business to him that I can,” Atsuki replied, somewhat embarrassed.
“I see. Well, it is good that you are trying to correct your past wrongs. I’d say the old man has a fondness for you. You’re a good man, Kimura-san,” Markus stated with finality.
“Bah. I’m still a punk kid. I’m just lucky it was Komamura-san that I stole from. Other ramen-ya are said to be tied with our local gangs. I don’t ever want to step out of line again, so I stick with Komamura-san. He’s safe. The last time a gang tried to tangle with him, he sent them all running. He may not look like it now, but the old man used to be quite the fighter back in his younger days,” Atsuki explained.
Markus nodded and yawned. He checked his phone. Good grief, it was already two in the morning. “Kimura-san. It’s late, and I’ve been on a long flight. Plus I’ve my meeting tomorrow. I’m sorry to ask, but could you please take me back to my room?” he asked, his face a mask of apology.
“What? How late?” Atsuki checked his watch, and saw the time. “Oh shit. I should get home, too. My shift starts in four hours,” Atsuki explained, heading back to Markus’ room.
The pair rode in relative silence for the remarkably shorter trip back. Markus exited the vehicle and turned to Atsuki. “Thank you, Kimura-san. If tonight and tomorrow are all I have in Japan, You’ve made it all the richer. Be safe getting home,” he said with a smile and a polite bow.
“Let me know how it goes, yeah? I’ll send you a message so you have my number. Good luck, my friend!” he called back, and drove off into the night.
Markus stumbled to his door, and went in. Shucking his shoes at the genkan, he stripped and fell into the surprisingly soft bed. He was asleep in moments.
**********
Waking to his alarm always sucked. Markus reached out blindly and grabbed his phone. Shit, it was already noon. He checked his messages and saw a few from an unknown number. It was Atsuki. Apparently, he and his brother would be over in roughly forty-five minutes.
That gave Markus just enough time to shower and get dressed for his meeting. Hopefully. He scrambled for the shower, and got himself clean and dressed in thirty minutes. He was sitting there on the bed when he heard a knock at the door.
Opening the door, he saw the smiling face of Atsuki and a younger, much more shy man behind him.
“Barton-san! I have brought my brother, Gen-kun and he will tame that mop on your face! Ha!” Atsuki said jovially as he and his brother bowed respectfully and entered the small room.
“I am so sorry, Barton-san. I speak no English. Forgive me,” Gen said sorrowfully.
“Think nothing of it, my friend. I understand you well enough. I only hope my Japanese is good enough for you,” Markus replied with a soft smile on his face.
Gen nodded with a smile and set his bags down. He certainly carried a lot of product with him. Markus watched with interest as he set various amber-colored glass vials down, along with a bottle of yellowish oil. He also set out several tins with screw-on tops. Most interestingly, he had what looked like a spice shaker filled with coffee beans.
“So, what do you have here?” Markus asked the younger man.
“I have various scented oils that I will blend for you to bring out your manly scent. It will be tailored specifically to you, Barton-san. No other may wear it and smell quite so nice,” Gen explained.
“Neat. So what is in the metal boxes?”
“Different lightly scented balms to help moisturize your “mop” of a beard. How do you want it styled?” he asked.
“I was thinking of a pair of braids, honestly. Or a single, thicker one if you think that would look better. I also brought some jewelry to put in it,” Markus explained.
“Show me.”
Markus fished in his bag and pulled out a small bag with a few metal beads in it. They all had different designs. Gen gently took it and selected a few after some moments of thought. “These are what you will wear. Now be quiet. I need you still, calm and quiet for the next few minutes,” Gen said to Markus.
Markus nodded, closing his eyes as Gen closed his own, centering himself.
“I will drive you, Barton-san. You need not worry with me around!”
“Quiet, brother. I am concentrating.”
“Sorry.”
Gen sat still for several more minutes, then opened his eyes. He leaned in, sniffing Markus by his neck, behind his ears and even the top of his head. He lifted his arms and smelled his armpits, his back and his chest. Markus was certain he’d just been violated, but was too intrigued to say anything.
Wordlessly, Gen turned to his vials and opened three of them. Inhaling the aroma of the coffee first, he sniffed each vial in turn. Shaking his head, he closed one, and selected another. This pattern went on with periodic sniffs from the coffee until Gen had three vials in front of him. Taking an empty vial from another bag, he opened it. Wordlessly he dripped several droplets of the various scented oils into the empty vial, then filled it from the bottle of yellowish oil. He shook this concoction up, thoroughly mixing the blend.
Next, he opened each of the tins in turn, sniffing them and rejecting a few. In the end, he had two left, and proffered them to Markus.
“Choose.”
Markus, confused, took first one, and then the other, smelling each. “What does the oil smell like? Am I to pick one that compliments it?” he asked.
“No. They both do that. Which do you prefer?” was the answer he received.
“This one, then,” Markus said, handing one to Gen.
Gen took the small tin and set it aside, and then concentrated on Markus’ beard. It was freshly cleaned and slightly damp. Gen took a towel and gently dried Markus’ face. Afterwards, he generously applied the oil to his hands and massaged it into Markus’ face. Markus recoiled slightly from the unusual scent, then gave a nod of approval.
Gen grinned. His gift had yet to let him down. He oiled his clients face, then massaged the balm into his hair. Such a lovely beard. Long, thick and curly. Just as it should be. Once his beard was tamed, he put a pair of braids in it, each hanging down from roughly the corners of his mouth. Once he was satisfied with their length and evenness, he slipped a barrel bead over each braid. They had a curious symbol on them, but his favorite were the pair of oni skulls the man had, that he slipped on under the barrel beads. These were surely the secret to his amazing looks and presence. To have a pair of oni looking after you was especially noteworthy. In his mind, at least.
Finishing his work, he handed Markus a mirror. Markus examined himself and smiled. “This is perfect, my friend. Let’s get the final ties on them, and we can head out!” Markus exclaimed as he looked at his phone. It was nearing three-thirty. How had two hours elapsed already?
Gen finished the work in front of him and nodded. “I can do no more. I would surely be treading upon God’s territory if I tried. Get him to his meeting, Brother. I have a good feeling!” Gen exclaimed.
Markus thanked the younger man and pressed a few bills into his hand. He rose, slipping on his new boots, and together with Atsuki, walked out to the car.