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Welcome! This is the place for players of Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen (all platforms!) to advertise your pawn, discuss pawn mechanics and request rents in order to acquire that precious commodity, Rift Crystals.
https://www.pawnguild.xyz/
The Pawn Guild site serves a number of communities: here at reddit, Steam's pawn group, two Facebook groups and a Discord server called Dragon's Dogma Central. Once registered and your pawn(s) entered, this means more publicity for your pawn due to a wider audience!
The Practical Stuff:
You want to be active? Check into the Pawn Guild once a week, and your pawn's activity stars will be automatically restored in full to four once you use your Update screen. Go ahead and update as your pawn levels and/or change vocation, name, etc., that's now all under your control. Upload a picture file, you can request something or describe something about your pawn in Notes... and you're good to go!
Each Sunday, all pawns will be downed by one activity star. Once a pawn reaches 0 activity stars, it becomes invisible, however, if its creator returns later and reviews the pawn, using its Update will both make it visible again and active at four stars.
Each registered email 'account' will have the ability to list five pawns. If you have more than five, use a second email to create another set of five pawn slots-- and so on.
A note for Switch players: the way to find your pawn's individual ID code is to put up the Pause menu, use Status, then go to the second tab for the main pawn's profile. As long as you are online, your pawn's ID will be displayed.

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This post on one of her secret social media accounts from late last year is what finally prompted me to reach out and write this instead of just swallowing the pain and trying to keep up the charade like I always have to: ON MY BIRTHDAY, while spending literally every second with me, gifts, cake, movie, everything--"You know when you like someone and they start dating someone else and you're like excuse me what the fuck but then you remind yourself that you haven't even put yourself in the running and you're like okay it's okay this won't work out anyway and then two weeks later they stop talking and you're like I knew it but you still do nothing and then they date someone else and it happens all over again and again but then eventually there's one and it's been months and they still don't break up and you're like fuck what if they get married. is that just me."
I really don't want to be writing this post. This is something I've been dealing with and that has been destroying me from the inside out for 12 years now. I'm not even sure about what to say or how to process it and I hope that this is even the right place to do it. If it isn't, I'll happily delete/accept direction to another sub but for right now this is just all that I have and I need to hear someone else say something about this to me who I know isn't just telling another lie and has no reason to. I can say beforehand that I realize this is likely going to read as rambling and incoherent. My thoughts are going to be all over the place. I don't even know to what degree I'm going to sound paranoid or who knows what else. And all I can really say about that is a reminder that after all of those years of not even being regarded highly enough by this person to be told the truth even 10% of the time, I have a very, very difficult time with trusting much of anyone. I also very openly suffer with severe anxiety disorders and this had always made it much, much worse. When I think I could have fewer things to worry about, I'd be reminded that this woman who I once thought loved me made me feel this way every day of my life.
The relationship began with red flag after red flag after red flag. Online, but not on a dating app. I'm just not into that stuff and I wasn't looking to date anyone. I just developed a crush and we started to talk and well, I fell for it. At first she was sweet and seemed harmless enough and like another artsy social media girl and I was happy to see that after having been in long-term relationships with party girls instead. But pretty quickly she presented herself as this nymphomaniac who just can't get enough. Always info-dumped to me in our messages about her past exploits, what sorts of crazy sexual encounters she'd had, her insatiable sexual appetite, bragging about partners, wild locations they'd done it, so on and so forth. As soon as I gave any indication that this wasn't the kind of girl I happened to be into, she backpedaled (and has stuck to that story with me since) and told me that she made all of that stuff up. It was just for attention, she just wanted me to like her, she thought that's what guys like. That the stories she was telling were actually ripped straight from the life of one of her friends and that she's nothing like that, etc. There was always some kind of excuse for why she said or did something that I will only ever believe is what actually happened and she was giving me the edited versions of everything. I even remember her going on about how she was having a threesome with one of her many exes (or few exes, it's impossible to even know that truth from her) and that she backed out last minute as it was happening because she didn't want to do anything with the girl. But in one of her secret online social media lives (one she didn't know that I've known about for a long time), she bragged about how she had been seeing a girl for months (after dumping a guy who insulted her in some way).
But whenever we'd talk about any of these things, oh no that never happened. We haven't even gone over much, if any, of her secret online life material and aside from whatever she's picked up on from when she stalks my social media to see if I've said anything (or if I publicly talked to other women, etc, as if she has any right) that would indicate that I'm onto her in any way, I have no idea what she knows yet. Which, by the way, she denies doing. She opened her phone and my Twitter and another account were both open on her screen and she quickly closed them. We fought all night about how she swears that never happened and it wasn't possible, they weren't there, go ahead and look, etc. Any time I ever bring up anything that I know she lies about, she instantly gets extremely aggressive and digs deep into the "I already told you that wasn't true" defense. I find that if I bring up a story she'd made up every few years that details change, but even when she's called out on that she just digs in even deeper, if anything.
From the beginning, once we became a couple, she just wouldn't shake her online relationships. Could not give them up. I know that she loved the attention and the lifestyle but I don't know, I just didn't think someone could be that obsessed with it and would be willing to sabotage a relationship for it. The guys (and I would later come to find out girls as well as she now identifies online as bisexual, despite always denying it to me even though I was the one who first told her I thought she was bisexual based on very compelling context and also nevermind the fact that I'm a vocal and strong LGBTQ ally) from her past texting her. Constant conversation with one of her online flings who would talk crap about me to her and they'd mostly just laugh about me. Straight up maintaining text conversations with long-term ex-boyfriends and one night stands from college. Things she had going on with coworkers over the years, and all of these really bizarre things she'd get into with guys online who I don't even think necessarily knew she existed. Like she was in a relationship with them but they had likely never even spoken to her. But she'd message her friends about how into the guy she was, etc.
I'm having a hard time keeping everything organized because I'm shaking as I type this, honestly. My heart is beating in my throat. My anxiety is off the charts. I don't have any proof of her physically cheating on me and I probably never will unless she ever finally admits it after she leaves me and uses it as something to hurt me even more. For a time I was physically with her for so long that I guess the only moments she'd have to do that was while working or traveling to and from and while she likely did (especially since her pool of people doubled from just guys to guys and girls, which means that when I had fully let my guard down when she had been working at some places that were only women, there was a very strong likelihood of her doing things with them and I would have never even imagined). The other thing is I'm not really a jealous person. Despite everything that had already happened with her, I didn't feel jealous that she might be doing anything. I didn't think about it, I just wanted her to do her own thing and be happy and not blame me for missing out on whatever it is that she wanted to be doing that she enjoyed. But it's definitely all there as far as online relationships/flings, betrayal, lies, and so on. And she's the kind of person who's very obvious about it too because she does at least two things: 1) She always positions herself so that her phone screen cannot be seen. And 99% of the time I'm not even looking at it. Even when she tells me to look at her screen to see some funny video or whatever, I'm always afraid to do it and end up seeing a notification pop up or that she forgot to log out of whichever website, and then I just have to feel even more destroyed inside over that. Not to mention the fight that would lead to nothing (except more lies). 2) I generally fall asleep before her and that'll go on for months at a time at least. During that time she'll stay up for hours and get all of her "private" stuff done without fear of me seeing. And yeah, I've woken up before and she didn't notice that I did until it's a bit too late and I'll see her quickly put her phone away and pretend to be asleep, but besides that she's generally just had all of that time to talk to the guys/girls, post, etc. And she'll lie and be like, "I fell asleep like 10 minutes after you, it was so great." But then there will be timestamps on her secret social media posts that act as proof that she was lying there for hours posting them. She even confessed online that she woke up 4 hours early for work (from home) and hadn't actually gone to work, just "messed around online" instead.
The lies destroy me. There have been so, so many lies. They've turned me into an amateur detective and the thing is that I don't want to think like that! I have far, far too many problems of my own that I deal with every second of every day and her being an unfaithful liar was not something I had worked into my schedule as being one of them. It's exhausting. I just want to be able to trust that someone is doing what they say they're doing, feels what they say they feel, is who they say there are. It's what I give her 100% so I have to genuinely ask, is it wrong to want the same back? And the thing with her is that she lies so much that in 12 years I would estimate that roughly 75-80% of everything she's ever said to me was a lie. Anything about her thoughts and feelings is generally a lie and that's often very obvious or could be proven by her very blatantly contradicting herself with something or other.
And she doesn't just lie about all of the infidelity type stuff. Sure, those are the things that she'll work hardest to protect because that's her self-preservation at work, she doesn't want to be found out. I've given her so many free outs of our relationship over the years. So many times that I said we could part amicably and one day be friends or never speak again, whichever she preferred. But what would she always say? "No, I don't want anyone else, I want you!". She's the kind of person who will lie about mundane details about things that I wouldn't even think about. For example, she always used to walk around exclaiming how she couldn't have caffeine, that she'd only drink decaf coffee, etc. Then one day a bottle of high dosage caffeine pills fell out of her overnight bag that she'd bring to my house. "Oh I was just having such a hard time staying up, it's not a big deal". No, it isn't. The big deal is the secret. And somewhere around that same time it was revealed that she was either stopping for Dunkin' coffee every day before work (despite running so late that she was almost getting fired) and that she had this whole back and forth "is it my turn to buy the instant coffee and creamer?" with one of the girls she worked with. Why lie about something insane like that? Something so meaningless, something that I never would have even thought about being something someone would be sick enough to lie about. And once again, it's entirely about the lie, and she never really had an answer for that, just some ridiculous excuses to which I could only respond, "who cares if you're drinking coffee?!"
She used to be somewhat put together physically and then just stopped with makeup entirely, wore only the same baggy clothes every day, hair in a bun, gained a huge amount of weight, gave up on any regular personal hygiene. So I always knew something was up when she'd be like, "I'm gonna put makeup on today!" I learned that was essentially code for her disappearing into the bathroom for an hour because she was dressing up in emo girl clothing, doing the full makeup, fitting herself into the really ancient band t-shirts and pants and jewelry, etc, and taking tons of photos to post on the secret socials to present to/bait the guys and girls in the community who were into that/believed that's how she was every day. Whenever I'd see these photos, bam--there's my house very distinctly serving as the backdrop. My mirror she was using for the 2005 Myspace selfies. And please keep in mind, this is a woman in her 30s. And look, I'm a huge nerd and I think cosplay is awesome and so on and I believe that anyone should be able to dress up as anything that they want to dress up as. But it's the lies and the secret double lives that I don't agree with.
One of the biggest red flags for me that I ever saw when it came down to learning about her life via her secret social media accounts (remember, she would never talk to me about anything nor tell the truth and even if I presented her with hard evidence, screenshots, anything at all she'd double down and say it wasn't real, it never happened, you name it) I was always a ghost. I didn't exist. She's lived at my house for most of the past 12 years, yet everything she'd ever say about anything in the house she'd refer to as very emphatically hers and would mention how she lives alone. It was done in this very specific way that you could see that she was trying to present as being this version of herself that she was living out online and that included her being in her own place without anyone else, often capped off with "I'm all alone, cuddle me" sorts of tags. And any time she couldn't get out of mentioning another person being around, I would always be referred to as "someone"or I guess sometimes "a person". And always "they" for a pronoun if that part was necessary (I'm cisgender straight male for whatever that matters).
It's actually absurd just how much she lies to all of her online people, too, now that I think of it. There are lots of shows that I watch and she doesn't but then she'd jump on her socials and post a thousand photos of all the guys and girls in the show that she's "unhealthily in love and obsessed with and wants to marry" and she'd say things about how sad she is that the show is over or . But I'd always be "someone". "I was talking to someone about it" and then it would be something that the two of us had a long conversation about an hour before or the previous night or whatever. I was very, very clearly being edited out of her life to make sure that she was single and approachable to everyone online. And it worked very well for her (and continues to).
Recently I saw on one of her secret social medias that verbatim said, "love when I wake up covered in scratches even though I'm entirely alone". She sleeps in my bed with me inches away from her every night. I can't even remember the last time we slept apart or even went a day without being together. She talks about her furniture or this possession or that. All my stuff. And I don't mean that in a "this stuff is mine, don't touch" kind of possessive way, I'm just pointing out that to me in person she'll call the possessions "your stuff' to me, but online she pretends it's hers. Maybe I'm splitting hairs here but it's all part of the details that make all of this so much for me.
When I first found one of her various secret social medias about a year ago, I had no plans to say anything about it. For some reason early into us being together she permanently deleted all of social media accounts that I had ever been friends with her on, maybe more that I don't know about. She said she hated social media, everyone was fake, she didn't care to see any of those peoples' dumb lives, etc. Fair enough, I only keep my Facebook account to wish people happy birthday and remember that people I went to school with even still exist. I barely check it otherwise. I'm more into Reddit and Twitter for gaming news and sports and stuff like that. And Reddit is something that she heavily got into a few years ago, which at first was to stalk me because, shocker, I saw my post and comment history open on her phone. And I'm not doing anything wrong on here or anywhere else so what does it matter to me, I keep it all public and edit absolutely zero of what I say or do because I'm not doing anything wrong and if it makes her happy to stalk my social media, have fun. No qualms here. And she's always on Reddit but with the big annoying "create an account" stuff all over the screen and I always said to her, "Oh my gosh, why don't you just make an account? It's so much easier that way." Always said she didn't want one, that she didn't want or need social media and using it logged out was fine and easy. Okay, if that's what you like.
But I didn't mention that account she did make (along with a few of her others) to her or anyone else for a couple of reasons. She does have extremely serious mental issues and mostly everything that I saw of her posting on there whenever I'd look every month or two was page after page of her trying to fit in with all of the 19 year old girls who are obsessed on very unhealthy levels with these 40-something year old emo band members. Reposting all of their weird pictures of them in their prime making out with each other, being really strange, doing some disturbing stuff, etc, but that was that scene and just because I'm not into it doesn't mean I care if anyone else is on any level where I think they need to stop. So as far as I could tell, maybe it would just stay as that and what do I care if she does that? It doesn't matter one bit to me, the only part that matters about something like that to me at all is that it needs to be a secret from me. But so I figured she was feeling like she fit in with all of the other people like that (albeit all much younger than her) and hey, if that's what makes you happy and helps her vent all of the issues that she doesn't want to share with me (which did unfortunately later on in the account turn into her just straight up complaining about me specifically on there, as "someone", "a person", even more than just about her own feelings, even though I'm someone who always has an open door for you to air whatever problem you have out to me and we can talk about it for as long as you'd like--as long as you're truthful and thorough about it without keeping more secrets).
It was always EXTREMELY unsettling to see, though, because she doesn't talk like herself on there. Or maybe I should rephrase; she doesn't talk like the self that she's pretended to be around me for 12 years. Completely different vocabulary, style of speech, regional slang, and honestly speaking in a bunch of pretty gross ways that shocked me coming from her because with me she's very prude (I'll get to that). But even still, it was mostly "innocent" at least publicly (despite being a secret account that she admitted on there several times existed in secret because she didn't want family or anyone to find it and so she could just say and act however she wanted). But it did get more troubling over time. Instead of just the niche band stuff, it started to turn into her talking about her past and became a place to list the notches in her bedpost (accidental nod to one of the things she's unhealthy levels of obsessed with) and I don't know if she wanted to appear like some sexually liberated badass to all of the other girls on there or what but it got more and more intense as time went on. And you know what it reminded me of almost exactly? The person I first met over 12 years ago, except minus a lot of the graphic material only because the site doesn't allow it anymore. After that it was her suddenly being very open about how much she loves sleeping with women, heavily leaning into the bisexual identity, and so on. Look. I never once gave her any reason to think that she couldn't come out to me if she wanted to. Never once. And I'm not even now saying that she has to or should or even necessarily that she's wrong for not coming out. But I mentioned it earlier and it's true, there was some stuff that happened years back that led me to have a lightbulb moment about her being into women, and she was very against it. Mostly just laughed but also said that she's straight. And that's fine, especially if you have a hard time or don't want to admit it to someone. But it's when you remain in a relationship with me for 12 years with that secret that it becomes an issue for me. It's when you tell stories about your past doing things with other girls that you not only swore you'd never done but that you said you never would do, and yes that is in the context of something mentioned over the years about being brought into our own relationship. She was very opposed, both in a "I'm not into girls, so no" and "I don't want to be with anyone else, only you, so no) kind of way.
Those are the reasons that I feel betrayed. And it's not something that has made her life difficult. Regardless of how much she hates me, I've only ever been supportive of LGBT rights, have them as close friends, and so on. She knows about every vote I've cast, she sees the stickers I order, the causes I support, and so on. Her family is supportive. Not in a "we would still love you anyway" kind of way but in an openly encouraged kind of way. There is nothing at all that would suggest it's difficult for her. It was just a secret to keep from me because that's all she knows how to do and because it left me off guard about more than 50% of the world population that I didn't expect she'd be messing around with.
Onto the last parts, likely. For probably 11 or maybe more of the years we've been together, we really haven't been close, intimate, acted like a couple, any of that. She isn't physically or emotionally interested in me. Something that was always an issue from the start was how vocal she was about the whole being a nymphomaniac with other guys (and girls) thing but that we have an essentially nonexistent sex life and always have. She doesn't even speak a dirty word around me. When we watch TV or movies together and there's a sex scene, she acts disgusted but then you'll find the same scene posted as an obsessive amount of GIFs, images, quotes, and photos on her secret social media with captions about how much it turned her on, how much she wishes for that, where is her , etc. We were never really people who kissed a whole bunch but we haven't kissed basically at all in years. Anything that ever happens between us has to be initiated by me (and after so many years of it, I don't want to and it just makes me feel so awful about myself) and is always met with some form of very angry/annoyed, "Is it going to be quick? Hurry up!" She's never been open to doing anything beyond the bare minimum with me and even then it's like pulling teeth. We were in our 20s and we'd go weeks and weeks without even touching each other. But then if we got into a fight she'd try to end the fight with some kind of sexual advance, and to me that's just not normal and something is very wrong there. We haven't said "I love you" in more years than I can even remember. She was very into that for maybe like the first 2-3 months and then she needed to appear to everyone like she was a single girl who just happened to be around me so she wouldn't touch me or act like my girlfriend in any way, and I recall the final time she ever said those words it was that very telling "Love you" instead of what she used to be very emphatic about had to be "I love you", the full three words, to really have meaning.
I stopped saying it to her because of all of the lies and cheating and betrayal. I didn't feel it anymore, it made me feel like I was going to be sick if those words were even conjured up to my mouth. She didn't deserve to hear them for doing what she was doing to me. And that was just normalized so long ago that it really is what it is. That was never going to be fixed. Nor were the intimacy issues considering all that ever was was the exact same fight, down to the same words said, month after month and year after year, whenever enough time had passed and enough frustration had been pent up that everything just boiled over and it got vocal. I mentioned earlier that she gained a very large amount of weight and entirely stopped taking care of herself. That part sucked for both of us. But online she presents herself as something else so it doesn't really seem to affect much in her romantic/sexual interests. In person, I had to come to terms with being with a different person than who I had first met.
And I'm not body shaming. I try to be supportive about eating healthier and did it myself to give her the easy road to join me. Didn't want to , didn't care to. Not much else I can do there since I'm definitely not allowed to comment on that issue without being torn apart. But the point is that I still stayed. Years and years of her lying to me about everything, of her cheating on me, of her scrambling my brain to the point where I don't think I'll EVER be able to trust another person again, I've just stayed with her. Because what difference does it make? If I did meet someone else, they'd do the same thing to me. She showed me that it's all I'm worth. And I wasted the remaining good years that I had being with her, hoping somewhere that things would get better and that all of that time I put into very naively believing that I had gotten to know another human being on the profound sort of level that takes 12 years to go to...well, but that didn't actually happen, though. She just told me whatever suited her. That much is a fact. And I never really knew how to get out anyway because back when I was still trying to just break up with her and move on and have a chance to salvage my ability to love or trust anyone, she'd always fight so hard and do crazy things like camp out on my porch or finally go away for a few days but spend the entire time texting me, emailing me, messaging me on whatever she could find that I hadn't blocked her on to just make it easier on both of us. But she wouldn't leave. And then I wouldn't. And I allowed myself to stay in this situation and be damaged beyond repair. And I don't even know what to do.
There's a lot of evidence right now that suggests she's leaving me imminently (yes, to be clear we're still physically together and live together and spend 24/7 together, though clearly neither of us think of each other as significant others, which really sucks because, well...have you ever been in the same room with and shared a bed with someone who only ever lies to you about everything and you know it, but they don't know that you know? I'm sure and very sorry to say that many people here can probably answer "yes" to that question). Everything points to her taking off basically any minute because she finally picked up on the fact that I know about her secret lives. She deactivated at least one of them, one of the seemingly less important ones. And the really bad one I'm sure will "disappear" soon until she jumps ship, not entirely sure why it matters though considering I already have all of that saved and if she's leaving me anyway then what does she care if I can see her secret life anymore? I only ever looked at it because we were together and some part of me had wondered for so long if things would ever just be normal and dare I say better between us and I needed to know (yes, like passing the train wreck and opting to look instead of shield your eyes) over the course of the year-ish that I've seen that particular secret life if she was even capable of being faithful and honest or if she was going to go off the rails exactly like I anticipated she would. And she sure did. And of course I've been a mess about it--and how could I not, even if I hated her guts this is still finding out even more about how someone I've spent so much of my life with for so many years--just doesn't care about me or what she does to me and will happily keep cheating, lying, doing whatever she want so long as she has what she wants and is in control of how everything goes. She needs to keep the secrets, dictate what is fact and what's fiction, and by what I know is coming also be the one to finally leave. I think all along she just stayed with me because I was the one trying to leave her and someone like her can't have that. She needs to be the one doing the dumping, needs to be the victim who had to leave this awful person and get as far away as she can. And she'll get her way with that because I just don't have it in me. But given the fact that I've been a mess, and I am around her 24/7, all I've really known how to do is be quiet. Flip over and face the other way. Bury myself in Reddit and Discord and scroll through pages and pages of guides about how to create the best character in whatever new video game I'll start just to fill the silence in my room and have something to think about other than the fact that I'm not good enough even for a really, really bad person to care about me even a little bit.
It's weird to me that someone with such sociopath/antisocial traits thinks that they're such genius masterminds. That they're invulnerable to ever being found out. That their victims haven't just already known for a long time and are too tired and broken to even bother saying something else about it. I've known for a long time now, about all of this newer stuff but about so many things with her, some that I've spoken about and some that I haven't, but it's very clear that she thinks she was just doing this without any consequence all along. Well not to her, of course not. She only cares about self-preservation in the sense that as long as she has things the way that she wants them (currently that means free room and board, espresso drinks, fast and reliable Wi-Fi, a place to do her work, gifts, and honestly I don't even know what if anything else she feels she gets from being with me at this point or how long it's just been that or less, and I guess avoiding the short-term "sting" for someone like her to have to actually get up and move out and maybe for an hour or two feel something that resembles "sad" about the end of an extremely long relationship).
People like her just don't see. I'm the male so I have to just keep my emotions about it all inside. And if I didn't, what would it matter? She'd just deny it all. She'd lie until I was too tired to fight about it anymore and just said, "Okay fine, let's just move on and change the subject". I have to wait until I'm in the bathroom to cry. I don't have any secret social media accounts to vent about any of it on. I don't even have friends whom I'd talk to about this kind of thing because honestly we're older and it's messy. They'd all say why the hell didn't you just get out years ago? Just like every single person has told me over the years. And I'd tell them I don't know.
And now that I've spent like two hours typing, that last paragraph only just now reminded me that she's going to be reading this. Sometimes I forget that everything I'm ever posting is open in a private browser tab on her phone somewhere. Normally, I don't really mind. I had a really long-winded question about the best character build in a video game? By all means, read away. You'll be bored by it just like how you're bored by anything I ever have to say about anything that I'm really interested in to you. Because I'm not one of those emo boys (or girls) online. Because I'm not whoever or whatever you wanted.
But I guess it most of all doesn't matter because I know she's leaving. Words spoken far too much these days, but it is what it is.
I'm really sorry about how long all of this is. I'm really sorry if this is hard to follow or if my thoughts are too scattered or whatever the issue. It's really difficult to write a first and last time In Memorium about a relationship where I've been nothing but lied to, cheated on, and had secrets kept from me for 12 years. So I guess at least I won't be writing about this again.
​
TL;DR: There is no TL;DR. This is just too long. It's too much. The TL;DR would be a novella and it's just too much for me to do. I'm not offended if you can't or don't want to devote the time to read this. Or if you have trouble following. Or if you don't like me and think I'm a bad person. It's okay. I'd love to hear what anyone has to say about it, sure, but in many ways this is just as much for myself. A final chapter laid to rest.

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Hi all,
The task I have is to deliver a php page with the following requirement:

1. Connect to Instagram thru the API
2. Loop through a list of usernames that's provided
3. Return their real name and latest posted image

I created a Facebook Developer account and added an Instagram Basic Display. To obtain the access token, I added my Instagram account ID.
The results of my code displays only my images. I appreciate any help!
link to code
Thanks!

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In Sharp Entertainment’s latest prod-uction, the only show with more questionable excuses for humanity than an Underground Toddler Fight Club, 90-Day Fiance: The Other Way, we see our protagonists fighting their loved ones, will they win, or will it be a one-legged toddler at an ass-kicking contest? It’s what happens when you get caught with drugs while shooting a Shriners Commercial. No forgiveness!
Kris and Jeymi
Kris is being framed, her ex-boyfriend was sending old pictures to Jeymi, and after a turn of events that totally happened she, no one believes her, Veronica doesn’t, if you’re bisexual and your name starts with the letter Kris raise your hand, you’re the, oh, your mom’s here, how convenient. How many sides are there to this story, does Kris have any evidence to support hers? This isn’t fine.
What does their Zoey think about all this? Mine thinks these Pita Chips look delicious. Debbie thinks that Kris is getting a bad rap, Oussama has no idea what is going on, how much is he getting paid to sit there? Does this count as a job? He was told this was an episode of “Modern Family”, worst version of Jay and Gloria ever.
Nicole and Mahmoud
Oh look, it’s dumpster fire number, are they worse? Ahmed is here, someone ask him, he’s a real feminist, and the Egyptian Dr. Phil, I love how they’re all getting nicknames just now, when’s lunch? I thought that “A Marriage Story” was longer.
Daniele decides to make this about her, and her problems, because she is alo present, how will Nicole handle all this drama? What is the Chinese Girl’s name? Helen the Oriental Female? That’s not it but, is oriental racist? It does sound like Mahmoud was acting inappropriately, serious “To Catch a Predator” vibes.
Gabe tells Mahmoud that he’s so scummy, Isabel told him so, Nicole should get a divorce. And he isn’t wrong, that we can all agree on. Like how we never say The Civil War’s name outloud, oh shit, Ahmed isn’t a feminist. Ousamma, hey, Oussama is talking, look at him go.
Gabe and Isabel
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, sorry, that was my microwave- why did Monica dress for the Oscars? Was she told this was a Flavor of Love Elimination and she was New York? Did she shit on the floor? No that was Something, she might spit on Monica though, no that was, she’s not going to win but launch her career out of this. Did you know that New York has a show on VH1? I still google her, and Luther Vandross.
Gabe and Monica talk out their issues, Monica wasn’t pulling a Brittani and pretending to be unavailable, Gabe, Gabe is not falling for this. He is a smart man. Is Monica a serial killer? She is almost getting away with this? What was her role in this wedding? I’m going to go call my brother racial slurs and confuse him.
It is now time for the intermission, go get popcorn, go get some nachos, Jen says Rishi no more lady taco, your mom said I was old, I have grown cold, I won’t be coming around, Did Daniele bring her license plate with her so she can return it? She is in town. There are also slurpees, they all taste like herpes- how long is this intermission? I have a bladder condition- raccoon parade!
The cast can totally overhear Jen and Rishi talking, and talk shit about them, which is a real shame, theta are missing a great raccoon- it’s over, we were just getting to the dumpster float!
You can talk this out later in public Rishi and Jen, the raccoons have tubas!
Rishi can’t make any promises, but he says he is try- the Raccoons are performing “Kansas City” from Oklahoma! And they are going on another break, they really, no, it’s cool, Jen gave her phone number to Julian, more twirling, faster! Jen did an okay job doing her highlights at home, look at that money piece that is a completely different color.
Daniele and Yohan
The break is over, the raccoons are having a drunken orgy/after-party, this is fine, Daniele and Yohan also still have issues, who has 4 thumbs, 7 holes and don’t trust each other? Tim and Veronica are back, they have 4 thumbs, 7 holes and trust each other. They’re like Siamese twins that used to have sex with each other. Now one of them just watches.
What is my dog barking at? Damn backyard ghosts, also, damn Daniele- she was the bad guy! You don't bring an ex around your newlywed husband, respect! Yohan claps like I did when I found out that my drunk uncle was getting a divorce, on the inside, where are more Cannolis former aunt-in-law? You were too good for him.
Daniele and Yohan have two different viewpoints about exes, and friends, and the Panama Canal, probably, it’s what Gino calls Jasmine’s vagina- that shit is about to be a virgin again. Shawb does an informal poll, and asks the experts, Tim and Veronica, who are like the old guys from the muppets but hot.
Shawn Robinson summons Taylen, ruiner of Yohan’s birthday party, and is seriously bringing back the 90s, and pictures of himself- in Daniele’s home? That- is it a gallery? Does she have all the pictures of her exes and are they ranked by penis size, how large is this wall? Did she also consider girth and thrust speed? Bonus points if you can hit the spot daddy, I am not a horny narcissist. What is my son doing up there?
Daniele says it was in a drawer, with other photos, every photo that she has ever taken in her entire life- that she would never put on OnlyFans. For free, here’s me at my 18th birthday party, selling essential oils to pay for my college tuition and statement earrings.
Yohan is staying with Daniele until their lease is up, and then, adios, I am a quitter! The cast is very disappointed, but want to hear other secrets fellow cast members? I give her money for things and doesn’t tell you that, I, there is evidence for this, that we don’t have time for, I’m going to divorce this puta and marry that lesbian in the pink blazer over there, nope, no therapy for me. Taylen thinks Yohan just has to get over it and calm down. This is fixable, in a spinoff that I could be a side character on, poppin’ up like Dracula all over the DR.
The Tell-All ends on a note, Oussama has a poetic vision, of what, I have no idea, either way he looks like a corpse or a mug shot, like Debbie- she’s not wrong, he talked about as much as one. Nicole is going to stand up for helrself, she’s not enabling Mahmoud’s insecurity anymore, they can create their own culture, as a couple, like two yogurts humping each other, and that, is a poetic vision, that is strange wonderful.
Is Nicole Strawberry and Mahmoud te Bannana? What if they’re both mixed berries? That- were they in the parade?
I give this episode ⅘ stars, the highlight was, figuring out who the bad guy was, Debbie’s advice was once again on point, but seriously who, I’m confused, can I go murder people? That is the Purge alarm or my neighbor shooting a cannon. Don’t ask where I live, there aren’t any houses for sale. If you figure it out though I do have a lot of wine left over from my birthday festivities, the code word is raccoon, and do a little dumpster dance.
Bonus points for dressing up, If you bawk like Not David Murphey I’ll know that you’re from the FBI. Anyway, another season starts next week and the promos have been peak meme editing, the producers really- which one of the new people do you think is going to prison?