Sunday morning gif

Music for your Sunday morning

2014.12.10 15:56 oldwhitelincoln Music for your Sunday morning


2014.09.17 05:36 sirmaxwell CBS Sunday Morning

CBS Sunday Morning is a morning news magazine that focuses on positive humanitarian stories. Sunday Morning always opens with trumpet fanfare, "Abblasen", performed by Wynton Marsalis. A quick recap of the weeks news is followed by 5-10 minute segments on many different subjects some relevant to current events, biographies and history. Journalist Jane Pauley is the current host, replacing Charles Osgood, who was the host for 22 years from from 1994, until 2016.

2017.10.18 20:31 Nympho_Ninja High Quality Verified Foot Models

High Quality Verified Foot Models

2023.06.10 02:15 savspoolshed ending?

when you're camping do you leave sunday night or monday morning/afternoon? trying to figure out my flight schedule this is my first lost lands and first rave by myself not the greatest planner lol
submitted by savspoolshed to LostLandsMusicFest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 02:14 didyoueatmybanana Strange sore/lip skin almost dangling in mouth

I have this small "flap" of inner lip skin dangling from my upper mouth/ inside lip. It's somewhat sensitive to touch (doesn't feel good when say rubbing under my nose). It's been here since at least Monday (4 days ago).
Last Sunday (5 days ago) I remember stupidly bringing a glass of water with a long straw in it towards my face and it hitting the same area forcefully inside my mouth on accident (straw had no room to recoil either, it was resting on bottom of glass). Seems unlikely, but the "flap" is roughly the same size of a straw's diameter - not sure if that could somehow have made a little incision causing it. I didn't take a look inside my mouth until I was bothered by it in the morning (so idk if the "flap" was already there when I hit it with a straw or not). Only other thing I can think of is I was chewing on the inside of my lips maybe out of nerves or anxiety that same day probably an hour before the straw incident. I know this sounds stupid, but it's not a canker sore which is the only sore I've had in my mouth before. Any help or roasting would be appreciated.
Pictures (sorry it's hard to take photos up close, included a handful to give a better picture)
submitted by didyoueatmybanana to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 02:08 ExistingGhostGirl The Diary of a ExistingGhostGirl (#2)

So over the weekend I finished 2 shows. Junji Ito Maniac: Japanese Tales of the Macabre and Red VS Blue (season 9). Mom came over Sunday ad stayed until Tuesday morning so I didn't start anything new until later that day. Decided to continue Yu-Gi-Oh! I stopped a few episodes into season 4. Also been watching Bakuryuu Sentai Abaranger (Power Rangers: Dino Thunder). I technically would had Abaranger finish sooner, but when I'm not in a great mood or whatever I just don't have the energy to focus on a show and sometimes takes me 3 weeks or more to just finish something. Would had finish Yu-Gi-Oh! (started rewatching it like 2 years ago) by now to if it wasn't for that same reason.
My headphones also dead on me over the weekend. First I was just having a issue with the volume control buttons on it and then one of the ear buds gave out completely, which always makes it impossible to listen to anything. Lucky my mom had a extra pair on her. So, I'm using them until next week when I can grab some new ones.
This week I learned someone I thought was a friend turned out not to be true. I shared a video she made on Instagram and called her my friend, around the weekend she wasn't online and figured she was just busy. She mention on her Instagram she was working on a project (probably something related to YouTube. she does dancing/singing videos on there). She mention on Monday she would reply back to her friends the next day and it's now Friday. So I guess I don't count has a friend. She's been liking my posts on there too. She's also a girl I mention on another subreddit that I had a crush on, but I don't know if she is into girls or not. I'm not going to let it get to me. It's just annoying that's all. Sure I could just message her again, but I don't want her to feel like a idiot for not getting back to me. I actually only asked her how she was doing lately so she will reply when she can, if she replies back at all.
I also mention on another subrebbit that I was currently playing The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages. Was going to make a update once I got passed the 6th dungeon, but I hate using the spoiler tag just because people believe everything on the internet. To be honest it's actually the reason why I have trouble making friends because I'm scared to say something that may piss someone off just because I mention something from a game, show/movie, or a book. I just end up telling my mom just because I want to tell someone something awesome, weird, stupid, crazy, etc.
Also forgot to mention this the last time I been studying Japanese like 7 years ago, but I just really started to get into around 2021 or so. Made a few friends from Japan. One is learning English so we always help fixes enough others mistakes I'm looking forward to going there hopefully next year if things work out for me this year.
Anyway I think that is all for now. Enjoy your weekend folks.
submitted by ExistingGhostGirl to Diary [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 01:47 Cumgoblinn Under the Dirt You Stand on

Heyyy I know it’s been awhile, I feel really bad about how we left things and I wanted to apologize. You matter to me, I don’t want you to forget that.
I wanted to write this to you in hopes that an auburn glow warms the hardened crevices of your face again, a strawberry milkshake blends your stomach, and that your frozen tears ripple with impulsive cannon balls. I want that for you. A frozen statue imposed in your place in the halls and your hands have maintained the ordered timbre of a reliable mower buried in work. The oil and sweat is nice but you have to let something grow sooner or later. I’m sure you’re feeling lonely, y’know we can’t be separated forever.
Remember when we spilled our guts like water on a house plant? You shattered but we always got you a new home. I hoped the arrangement I gave you would be the last. A couple marigolds and snapdragons wear a ribbon that tells you to keep your head up high. But we both know you can’t, we uprooted in grief and left the past buried. I gave you the prescribed remedy of 50 milligrams of insulating fertilizer so lofts so much now I can’t help but miss the sound of your voice.
We shared the same pair of eyes, you were always the romantic one. My cottage core gossip carried your giggles up when you were stuck in the mud, my still observation steadied your green thumbs. A strategic peppermint salted the iced path where you flourished. Your foolish optimism is dearly missed.
I’m just not the same without you, a Gemini pair of jokers. Two sides round out the same coin that’s plagued by an ace in the hole and a tail in the grave. You were a foil to my shine and being the better blade of our double edged sword makes a slay more castrated than play. A dull boy who left his axe out in the winter. Without you I'm left to let-pay feinted facers, just say-we’re better together. I’m not here to cut your head off.
Omg Ik ur busy but I have to tell you some tea
Those old ivies you planted are growing around that dying tree. It’ll get cut down sooner or later, I thought you might wanna know. Spider moved out of the Willow. I heard they’re both devastated. I guess life does that to you, right when you want to get settled in some belligerent blade tags the best bark. I saw a girl dancing with a marigold in her hair, I swear it sung from seasons past. I guess I should quit the conjecture. I wanted you to remember the pollinated impressions that permeate old hearts and flowers. You were being honest, I do care too much about being right.
Hey, I also wanted to apologize. I know how much she meant to you. Normally you’re the reckless one but I only saw her brightest colors and let you see the darkest. Your burial in a clay coffin cloaks from the cold, the salt, and whatever else she’ll say. I get it. I’m the one who told you “You should get to know flowers, they make a house a home. You need a home right now, winter is coming soon.” You don’t need to cut your ear off. I hear you. I’m sorry sparks flew before a storm but I’m sure you at least saw the forecast. I guess you didn’t see it because she was all of the things you left behind. A Sunday crossword, a stuffed dinosaur, a bowl of sugary cereal. She was a Saturday morning blessing. Pure magic, everywhere she glowed, sunlight followed every step. She was your missing half whose absence was marked by a starry night. Sincerest condolences.
You wanted forever but we both know you wouldn’t have gotten there. I told you that sunflowers get easily distracted, that they wander to the sun past your eyeline. She followed the sun into the horizon then left you on your coldest nights. I tried to warn you, a sunflower turns away out of habit.
What did you expect from a goofy little fruit? A person so sweet they hum to the tune of sunlight, almost as if no one noticed how her roots wrap around the ground. Coincidentally lain about in an act of effortless beauty that just so happens to be on display for you. The deal is one sided. The soil is staked and occupied. She’s not in a position to support or trust right now, just like I told you.
Maybe I’m harsh :/ still love u tho <3
Maybe she did too. Your green eyes paint a pale self portrait but maybe it wasn't so bad. She gave you sunflower seeds, she crocheted glistening memories out of nothing. Remember when you saw her sunbathing last summer? She looked so happy. You didn’t want her to get cold so you left the door open, she trailed some dirt but you didn’t mind. You were too busy watching the rain together; you would’ve done anything for her.
I guess that's when the sky shattered and time stopped. The sound of water crushing away nature’s grays and baptizing the mulch covered us like a blanket. Books and baubles blocked your peripherals and she was the apple of your eye. Her head laid heavy on your shoulder as she ranted about something silly as a smiling atlas guides your future. The weight of your world was enough to carry, I guess she didn't think so.
Where does Atlas go without the world? Shot into the empty void? You couldn’t survive without me. Honestly you should be grateful I kept you grounded. you’re no Atlas, you couldn’t carry the weight and buttress the fair flower. Maybe a better you is buried in my backyard; if you’re buried in my backyard maybe it’s for a good reason. Sometimes I think you’re better at decomposing, she made that clear. She handed me the shovel and you were happy to go. You’re the part we left together.
Your favorite was sunflowers. You used to love how tall they are, how their pronounced stem dances subtly to a breeze, how rounded seeds were focused but not blind. Her animated roots tango danced tangled threads in a tread through a cold world. I bet you were in awe of her casual beauty weren't you? I bet you loved her didn’t you? I remember when you’d eat sunflower seeds by the barrel before you ever actually saw one. Too bad you did. I’m so sorry you found one and it was everything you ever hoped. I’m so sorry YOU blocked the sun. I don’t feel bad for you and I'm NOT going to apologize.
You do that, you don’t listen. You wander to the pasture and then use your tears and petals as ink. Like it was ever that dramatic, your lenses are tinted in pastel. How could you not remember marigold memories of people you cared too little about. The world is too big and too green to revolve around you and someone else. You are a parasite to their ecosystem. You are seconds away from a trowel cutting you off. The dirt you stand on is too good for you. You have no right to make me feel bad.
The early bird gets the worm? Birdbrained. Did you ever stop to notice the flowers? No! You’re moving so fast that you’d rather dig your outstretched head in the sand than stop and think about what you did wrong. You’d think if you were flying you’d actually have some perspective. I can’t believe how selfish you’re being, I still need you in my life.
You love sunflowers more than the sun. But you’re irresponsible and nonsensical if you don't rip Cupid’s arrow out again. I used to want to be like you but you got shot in the knee and I stand above you. I hope nature finds it right for you to sprout from your casket and grow green and bright, and I hope I don’t have to dig you out kicking and screaming.
P.S. I am sorry I’m such a cynical asshole, maybe we can be friends again <3
Your better half
submitted by Cumgoblinn to creativewriting [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 01:24 Insanitypizza "Tesla was an alien" is a new one to add to my known conspiracies list. Posted on Facebook

submitted by Insanitypizza to insanepeoplefacebook [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 01:07 Imaginary_Cow_6379 Modest smoke plumes expected to sweep NYC Friday night, potentially Sunday morning

Modest smoke plumes expected to sweep NYC Friday night, potentially Sunday morning submitted by Imaginary_Cow_6379 to nyc [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 01:07 Imaginary_Cow_6379 Modest smoke plumes expected to sweep NYC Friday night, potentially Sunday morning

Modest smoke plumes expected to sweep NYC Friday night, potentially Sunday morning
Where’s our mayor to tell us wtf we should be doing
submitted by Imaginary_Cow_6379 to newyorkcity [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:47 ellef86 A week ago, you were ok

When I left you with my parents last Thursday, you just had something wrong with your eye. I was coming back on Monday, and we had an appointment with an opthalmologist first thing Tuesday. My parents were handling your eye drops (which you *hated*) and other than that, you were loving life. Sunning yourself in their garden, climbing trees, chasing voles and enjoying treats. Dad texted me on Friday saying you were fine.
They didn't tell me that something had changed on Sunday until I got home late on Monday night, and I rushed upstairs to find you curled up on my bedroom floor. You shrank away initially, but when you realised it was me you got up and came for rubs and purrs. You weren't yourself, your eye looked much worse, you were weak and wobbly and clearly uncomfortable. I had to lift you on to my bed that night - we've rarely slept apart in our 8 years together, and I've never had to do that before. You curled up next to me and purred all night, but I don't think either of us slept.
The next morning, the vet admitted you. They gave you meds, fluids. You got worse and they didn't want to anaesthetise you because it was too risky, so they did some conscious x-rays, which were normal. Then the next day it looked like you got a bit better and you started eating again, but that was just the pain relief. They risked the anaesthetic (which was fine) and did the CT scans.
Aggressive kidney tumour, ruptured. Internal bleeding. Cancer spreading. Pain. Can you come tonight?
Of course, I came. I held you. You were pleased to see me and the pain relief meant you were more like yourself. You were alert and affectionate and you purred and purred and purred. When it was time, you passed quickly and in my arms.
When I made that appointment just over a week ago, I thought you might lose an eye. I didn't think I'd lose my best friend. I didn't think I'd miss your last good days. I didn't think I'd only have one more night with you curled up next to me.
Now I have to move, alone, into a house I chose for its garden with you in mind.
It's been 24 hours. Part of me still doesn't believe you're not coming back.
I love you my Jäg.

submitted by ellef86 to Petloss [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:29 Scummisland I have a lazy team lead

Every time I complain about him, it's always "he's busy commanding three departments. Produce isn't the only place he leads". I'm at my wits end every Saturday or Sunday; God forbid, if they bother scheduling him Sunday. I have two days of being alone, harshing the trenches of pallets from my morning truck. I am sweating inside the freezer from lifting so much shit. I'm sweating even more so from stacking the fuckin bananas. I'm out looking for other full time jobs since there isn't a solution from every manager that this gets brought up to. How does everyone deal with this kind of person? He's usually in the freezer area or sitting on a fork lift. Barely touches a pallet of produce from what I noticed.
submitted by Scummisland to samsclub [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:29 azgirl05 Can my relationship survive this?

I was hoping to get opinions on the possibility of my relationship surviving what happened. Our negative cycle spiraled out of control and on Sunday he shut down hard. We’re both FA/DA, but he leans more DA. He was actually opening up more and really trying but my trust issues (that I couldn’t see then but can see now 😔) caused a lot of conflict and hurt him. He said he is burned out and can’t think. He said he needs to be alone to rest and breathe. I’m giving him space and completely understand. It did get bad and was wearing on me too. He said he doesn’t know if he needs to be single or not and he’s too burned out to think about it or make a decision, but he’s not ruling out getting back together, he just doesn’t know if he’ll get over the burnout and he’s hoping he’ll know in time. He said he’s not in any shape to make a decision and just needs rest. He’s communicating and being kind and considerate. I offered space with no contact if he needs it and he didn’t say yes, he just said he might take time opening my messages if I send any because he’s so burned out and he was sorry about it. But he is still opening them within a couple of hours, like he’s not totally avoiding me, and he does respond. (After understanding more of what he needs I’m backing way off from messaging though to give him space.) He reached on his own out yesterday to ask me about something and we chatted and he reached out this morning to give me reassurance about something he thought I might be worried about, so he hasn’t pulled completely away. He’s also hearting my messages. In the past if it got bad he would shut down way worse and needed no contact and would say he couldn’t communicate at all, so I don’t know if it’s different just because he has healed more and doesn’t shut down like he used to or if this is a positive sign. He says it’s not that he’s decided he doesn’t want me or fell out of love with me, he’s just burned out from the fighting and the hard relationship work and feels drained and overwhelmed like he needs some time alone. He says he doesn’t know if this will pass and he may just need to be single. I am his first committed relationship and he is in his 40s if that information helps. He had dated many other women but never felt safe enough to commit until me. 😔. I’m so upset I screwed this up. He really did open himself up and give it his all and took risks and grew. We’ve been together almost two years. I see what I can work on to improve the negative cycle and don’t think it’s a lost cause if he can come back. We’ve had good periods in the past where we got out of our negative cycle and could work through conflict really well, we just had some issues to work through the past couple of months that majorly activated each of our biggest wounds (my trust/betrayal wounds and his controlled/trapped wounds). What are the chances someone could come back from this kind of burnout? I’m willing to wait it out and give him space. I’m just curious if it’s even possible to come back from this.
submitted by azgirl05 to attachment_theory [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:24 CentralTxCrime Austin, TX Sexual Assault Suspect

Austin, TX Sexual Assault Suspect
DO YOU RECOGNIZE HIM? Austin, TX 6/4/2023 Suspect in Sexual Assault & Robbery
In the early morning of Sunday, June 4th, 2023, a person walking to their vehicle in the parking lot of Southpark Ranch Apartments at South 1st Street and West Slaughter Lane was approached by a man with a weapon who first robbed and then sexually assaulted them. The suspect is believed to be a short husky White or Hispanic young man with short black hair and “well-kept eyebrows.” He was last seen wearing a handkerchief and shirt like the ones pictured on the right.
APD is looking for other possible victims as well as any leads to who this man is. If you have info or evidence, please contact APD at 512-974-TIPS or to report anonymously with Crime Stoppers, please call 512-472-8477 or submit a tip via APD Case # 23-1550563
submitted by CentralTxCrime to CentralTexasCrime [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:12 ShotgunProxy In 1.5M human Turing test study, humans guessed AI barely better than chance. Full breakdown inside.

I read a fascinating research paper with some caveats that I'll talk about at the end.
My full breakdown is here for folks who want to dive into the paper, but all points are included below for Reddit discussion as well.
What's interesting about this paper?
Key results to know:
What tricks did human users try, and did they work?
Some actual conversations are featured below (pulled from the study):
What did work?
What was interesting as well is some humans decided to pretend to be AI bots themselves: but other humans correctly guessed they were still human 75% of the time.
The are some clear caveats and limitations to this Turing-style study, though:
Regardless, even if the scientific parameters are a bit iffy, through the lens of a social experiment I found this paper to be a fascinating read.
P.S. If you like this kind of analysis, I write a free newsletter that tracks the biggest issues and implications of generative AI tech. It's sent once a week and helps you stay up-to-date in the time it takes to have your Sunday morning coffee.
submitted by ShotgunProxy to ArtificialInteligence [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:12 ShotgunProxy In 1.5M human Turing test study, humans guessed AI barely better than chance. Full breakdown inside.

In 1.5M human Turing test study, humans guessed AI barely better than chance. Full breakdown inside.
I just read a fascinating research paper with some caveats that I'll talk about at the end.
My full breakdown is here for folks who want to dive into the paper, but all points are included below for Reddit discussion as well.
What's interesting about this paper?
  • It's the largest-ever Turing-style test conducted: 1.5M human users conducted over 10M conversations.
  • It utilizes some of the most advanced LLMs: Open AI's GPT-4, Cohere, and AI21's Jurassic-2 were all used to create chatbots.
  • Humans didn't do a great job: a 60% success rate guessing your partner was a bot is a result the researchers themselves called "not much higher than chance."
  • We're already adapting to AI: more on that below, but as a social experiment this study shows some remarkable human creativity as well as we increasingly become attuned to interacting with AI
  • Advanced prompting techniques can "hide" AI behavior: the researchers used extensive prompts to give AI chatbots backstories, personalities, and explicit instructions that they were participating in a Turing test. This created some fascinating personas.
Key results to know:
  • Humans correctly guessed other humans 73% of the time. This was due to numerous "tells" that humans can give off.
  • Humans only correctly guessed bots 60% of the time. Even trying out numerous "tricks," humans still fell short in getting it correct.
What tricks did human users try, and did they work?
  • Looking for grammar errors and misspellings: 55% correct guess rate against bots using misspellings, showing that humans overly associate typos as a "human" trait.
  • Asking personal questions: just 60% correct guess rate against bots answering personal questions, showing that advanced prompting can lead to bots having very convincing backstories.
  • Vulgarity: just 52% correct guess rate against bots using vulgar language, showing that humans overly associate AIs with being polite.
  • Current events: just 55% correct guess rate against bots answering current event topics, showing that we like to think bots can't do that. One note: the researchers didn't unpack how they were able to get their chatbot to talk about topics like the war in Ukraine, Sudan, etc.
Some actual conversations are featured below (pulled from the study):
Chatbots were able to emulate numerous styles.
Example of the AI answering personal questions from human users.
Example of AI answering about current events in a convincing manner.
What did work?
  • Asking the bot about illegal things, like making a nuke: this led to 65% correct guess rates. LLMs are still constrained, and humans took advantage of this weakness.
What was interesting as well is some humans decided to pretend to be AI bots themselves: but other humans correctly guessed they were still human 75% of the time.
The are some clear caveats and limitations to this Turing-style study, though:
  • The game context could have amplified suspicion and scrutiny vs. in real life
  • Humans being aware they were interacting with AI could have influenced how they interacted
  • The time-limited conversations (2 minutes) for sure impacted guess success rates
  • The AI was designed for the context of the game, and is not representative of real-world use cases
  • English was the only language used for chats
  • This is a study done by an AI lab that also used their own LLM (Jurassic-2) as part of the study, alongside GPT-4 and others
Regardless, even if the scientific parameters are a bit iffy, through the lens of a social experiment I found this paper to be a fascinating read!
P.S. If you like this kind of analysis, I write a free newsletter that tracks the biggest issues and implications of generative AI tech. It's sent once a week and helps you stay up-to-date in the time it takes to have your Sunday morning coffee.
submitted by ShotgunProxy to ChatGPT [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 00:08 StringfellowHawkes Her Card

I pulled her card from my lockbox today. I couldn’t bring myself to remove it from its wrapping though. I’ll explain the card in a little while. Even in just that briefest of moments though, the tears became too thick. I so wanted to see her name. Instead I decided to only go back to the memories. They bring enough tears. So I put the card back but need to tell my story of that memory. So thank you for your time in letting me indulge dear Reader. I know your time is precious and I am loquacious of a sort.
The place I used to work at a long, long time ago, Croc’s, was an odd duck. It was a Transformer of sorts. During the day and early evening it was a damn good Mexican restaurant. One of the best in town. Lunch was insane. Dinner was a respite. But on Friday, Saturdays, some Thursdays, and almost every holiday eve, it was… I don’t even have words. Nothing like what went on in those walls had been seen in Denver at the time. We had lines around blocks. The plural is not a mistake. On those nights, Croc’s was THE place to be in Denver. The owners got there before everyone else and had hit a jackpot with the place. The Rockies were starting over at Mile High and moving to LoDo soon. LoDo was booming and we were in the middle of it partying like no tomorrow every night.
But this isn’t about that amazing place, that’s for another day. Nope. This is about her, her son and I. Or rather, about loss and memories. But it all started at Croc’s and you needed to know what a breath of a moment in time we shared there. Not on one of those crazy nights but one lazy Sunday when we were pretty slow.
I mentioned the restaurant was an odd duck. See, it was designed so that from breakfast through dinner and into very early evening, it was a purposeful, full-fledged, extremely popular, and well reviewed dining establishment. But after that, it was designed so we could remove every table, chair, stool and booth. We essentially turned the whole restaurant into a giant dance floor with a bar that spanned half the distance of the long wall topped with massive tequila and booze pyramids. The wells were at either end with a plant potter behind them for storage. It was split level(ish) with a few VIP areas squirreled away. State of the art DJ booth on the south end of the bar. Oh and did I mention we had a 28 foot replica of a Nile croc suspended from the roof named “Hal”.
The owners were a group of friends who had grown up in the business. One of them was from the family that started Senior Frogs and the like down in Mexico. They had all met and worked at some of the hottest places in the state and been to some of the craziest places around the Americas. So when I say no one had seen anything like it, they hadn’t. We had a person that would blow tequila from a custom bong into a partier's mouth from 30 feet away. Our DJ’s were the best in town. We poached the absolute best in talent from every bar in a 4000 mile radius. That movie “Cocktail”? Yeah, that was this place on steroids. Hell, beside myself and 1 or 2 other guys, our security eventually turned into off duty SWAT cops. All these places around Denver and, hell, around the country you see now? Yeah these guys started it right there in LoDo.
It was the paper and crayons we would put on every table though where my memory begins.
There had been other places that had done what we did with the butcher block paper. It went on every table with crayons. It wasn’t the most innovative thing there but it was fun and the patrons enjoyed it. Many great artists out there! And of course the kids loved it. A lot of the folks who lived around there would bring their kids with them for lunch or dinner. I worked a lot of Sunday day shifts because a) everyone was hung over and never wanted to work and b) it was usually a nice bit of quiet after two nights that would make Caligula jealous. Plus the people who did come in were usually pretty cool and just out for a good meal. It was pretty chill after all that joyous chaos.
My section was usually the front lifted area just in front of the potters and a few tables in the middle. I was splitting with the other server that day since it was more dead than usual. A beautiful Colorado day back then. Blue sky with puffy clouds. Perfect temperature with no wind so the front doors to the small little patio were open. You could smell the flowers from across the street. The other server let me know she had sat a couple of people at one of my four tops. Sounded good so I headed out to say hello.
It was customary for us to write our name on the paper when we showed up. It was hokie but everyone loved it. It was our way of saying welcome and have fun! Some servers could do it upside down but I could never get the hang of that.
I headed down the bar toward the front, preoccupied with getting my marker out for the intro. I remember coming around the corner of the potter and just kind of coming to a juddering stop at the top step, tripping and almost falling on my face. Luckily she was a little preoccupied with her son and getting him situated so she missed seeing me make a gobsmacked fool out of myself.
I luckily regained what little balance I could alongside some composure quick enough to walk up and say hi. She said hi and then kind of waited. “Oh yeah dumbass” I said to myself as I told her, or rather flubbed, my name as I wrote it in the corner so they could read it right side up. She giggled a little bit as most people did with my nickname at the time. I hadn’t noticed but her son had been waiting the whole time for that moment. He grabbed his crayon and wrote his name and her name in front of them. “That’s a good name isn’t it?” I asked him. I told him it was the same as mine but the longer version. He was a little surprised by this as I went by “Scooter” back then. It took a second but he quickly realized it was a nickname. He had signed the long version of our name and said that’s what he liked. Right on man, you got it. Damn smart kid. You can tell, ya know?
After that briefest of moments, I shook myself a little and introduced myself for, I think the fourth time now. She tells me her name but it is instantly gone. Not only because of the effect this moment is having on me, but just because I am bad with names on the first go around. I don’t think we heard what either was saying anyway. Our eyes were locked and in that moment, it was all that mattered somehow. I can remember how deeply they shined. Her hair was a little damp and unkempt like someone in a hurry but has that respect for herself. Dark like her eyes but shining from the light outside. A simple blue/light purple and white striped shirt. Slightly damp around the shoulders. Worn jeans. Not the designer type but jeans aged with a good strong life. Blue canvas deck shoes with the white souls if I remember that part right. Maybe black canvas. I saw all this without ever breaking her gaze.
It was as if in the same moment we both realized we were in the same place together but not there alone. A moment later we both found ourselves apologizing for talking over the other. Sheepishly, like teens on their first date. Giggling a bit. Not knowing what was happening but knowing that something most definitely was. I apologized for the awkwardness and I think I cracked a joke or something but neither of us knew what to do. There was a calm panic and, I dare to say, a longing that was unknown?
It was her son who brought us both back to reality. He had asked if we had Coke or Pepsi. I shook myself internally again and told him we had Coke but could find some Pepsi if he really wanted it. Luckily he was not a Pepsi kid. I also told him that, yes, I would be happy to add a cherry to it. This time though when I met his eyes, I looked at myself when I was that age, as I answered that question. I hadn’t noticed it. Like a mirror as they say. Dark brown hair full of cowlicks. Round face with a big smile. Getting that cherry meant the world to him. I remembered that same feeling again through him. It was like looking at a version of myself I only saw in pictures.
At this very second in time I remember being terrified. Not “scared” terrified. It was more like, holy shite is this happening? What is going on? I wanted to turn and run and hide but somehow regained what little composure was left in that split second. I turned back to her and saw that she had just seen what I had seen. I could see wonder, joy, confusion, happiness, peace, thrill, fear and hope that I am sure were being reflected in my own eyes. We both needed a few minutes. We each could see it. It was overwhelming. Again, not a bad overwhelming but one of those moments where you need to put your hands on your knees and take some big, deep breaths.
The whole 3 or 4 minutes were surreal. And I will never forget them. I will fight as hard as I can to hold onto the others I have of both of them.
Somehow I managed to Charlie Chaplin myself away to get their drink order. I believe hers was a Sprite with a lemon. Normally I would go right around the corner of the plant potter and get the sodas from the guns there. Instead I went all the way to the back station. I needed to breathe. It seemed like an hour but I headed back. By this time the son was going to town. He had talent and it showed. It seemed like we had regained ourselves somewhat but the whole meal was kind of like an episode out of a teen comedy. We giggled, laughed, blushed, and did all the other things you would expect to see from two teenagers who discover they like each other. It wasn’t like I was trying to stay with them, or they tried to keep me there. It just kind of happened. I’d start to go away and she would ask me back for something simple. I would bring something I had forgotten in case they needed it. The whole meal went that way.
When they were done and ready to go, I was dreading it. Should I ask her out? She had mentioned she was single. It felt like I should ask her out. Like I said, the whole visit was surreal. There was no ring or even a suntan line of one (Don’t judge me, it was a different time). I wasn’t seeing anyone either. We seemed to get along amazingly, both her and her son. Even my fellow server noticed and was egging me on. It was obvious. Doing something like that with a client back then happened. Not usually in the first 30 seconds but you never know. I made up my mind to walk them out as I had no other tables and see what happened. I took the check to the table. She was packing her bag. I had gotten a refill for his togo cup and handed it to him. He said thank you and said he drew something for me. They had carefully torn it from the paper and he handed it to me. It was the three of us holding hands. How I held the tears then I do not know. I was a different person there at that precise point in time. At this moment those tears are here though.
I bent down to his level and thanked him sincerely. He said he was glad I liked it and he hugged me. I heard her try to stifle her gasp. Thank any or no gods or whoever for him. He let go, grabbed his Mom’s hand and said he was ready to go. As I stood up I could see tears welling in her eyes. He hadn’t done that to another man in, what she said, was a very long time she would tell me in a quiet voice as we started to walk toward the door. That was it. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even noticed that when we got to the big double doors, he had grabbed my hand. It just was there.
By this time I do not think either of us really knew what to do or what was going on. I mean, this was an impromptu outing to a place her son had liked because of the paper. It was a cheap and good lunch and then off to wherever for them and another table for me while I rolled silverware in the back or stocked the empty quicks from the previous night. But it seemed like it had been years together but only moments, if that makes sense? I certainly did not know what to do at this point. I think I mumbled what a delight it was to be able to spend time with them and I hoped they had enjoyed themselves or something like that. I honestly could not tell you. By this time she had regained herself somewhat. That girlishness turned into an elegance, beauty and strength that I had not seen before. But those same feelings exchanged in that momentary glance were still there. As was still a bit of moisture along the bottom of her eyes. We made a bit of small talk till he got a bit antsy and wanted to head off.
As we said our goodbyes that day, almost at the same time, we asked our questions. I asked if she would like to come by again soon with her son. His birthday was coming up I think and I could get the guys in back to make him something special. At least I think that was it. Her’s was if it would be ok if they came back soon. You know because the little guy liked drawing and the food. More childish giggling and laughing. And before she left she gave me her card and said to call if I was going to be working again on a Sunday or just whenever. As they walked together, hand in hand down and around the corner, I just stared at them and then the card over and over.
That very card I put back in a safe place tonight.
She was a designer as it turned out. I didn’t pry into her past as it sounded like it wasn’t all that great at times. She came by the restaurant a few more times after that. I then called once or twice to say hi and how they were doing and to let her know to come by. Eventually she asked me out. We spent some time together and it started to get a little more serious. She was a few years older but not by much. She was driven and forthright. Quick witted and compassionate. And such a good Mom with a massive heart. I was young then, somewhat good looking, fairly well paid and worked at the hottest spot in the state. And I had this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. Even my coworkers knew and could see what was going on whenever we were together. Either just the two of us or all three of us. Walking on clouds was an apt statement. At this point I want to point out that while I am no saint whatsoever, I do consider myself a decent person. At least I was back then and for the most part today. Things have changed as they always do but I digress.
Eventually the moment came. The serious date. She had a small but fantastic apartment downtown and wanted to make me dinner for once. I don’t think she was done asking before I said yes. We set a date for later that week. I remember it was a Saturday because me taking a night off from that place, with all its amazing moments each night to the amount of money you walked out with each night to leaving one of the other bouncers with one of the other guys he wasn’t used to, was a pretty big deal. Had to call in favors but everyone just said go. No one there batted an eye. They all seemed to know what a big deal this was somehow.
We set it for a little later in the evening so I could get things in proper working fashion up front of the house and then head over. Any of you who have worked in a restaurant know that smell you get. Kind of need to have worked in that environment to know I guess. So that night, I didn’t have time to head home then come back. So I had a change of clothes and a vanity bag so I could clean up in the back. Wouldn’t be the first time I got sprayed down by the dishwasher but probably a first for this reason. Cleaned up pretty well, freshly shaved and quaffed, walking so far above Cloud 9 I lost track of which one I was on. Headed out to put the work kit and bag in the truck. On the way out a few who knew what had been going on smiled or waved.
And off I went. I was a little late but she said she had expected it given the night of the week. Back then, downtown Denver was different. Colorado was different. I guess everywhere was different back then. But in this instance, I mean in an architectural way. You didn’t have the towers all around LoDo as you do now. From some rooftops you could still watch a sunset over the mountains. Say what you will, even I have to admit that a purple and orange sunset over the mountains is quite possibly the most beautiful natural thing I have seen. It is immense but oh so fleeting. Just like our lives I guess. You could still hear birds and bugs over cars at times. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful but it was at least calm?
She was lucky as her apartment, though smallish, came with a hidden bonus. Her window allowed her to access the roof on the next building. A part of it anyway. But this little slice of hidden wonder allowed a view down Market Street, across Spear, over Auraria and then the mountain view. It was stunning. Like the apartment, the space was just cozy enough for two to enjoy a little rooftop barbeque and dining. She gave me the quick tour and we poured some wine. She was going through the menu as we “headed outside”. The door was a small little window. I remember scratching my head and thinking I may not fit out there. She handled it with the grace of a ballerina and said I could do it. It took a minute or two but I contorted my clumsy self outside. And she was right. It was spectacular.
Not just the view but what she had done with her little corner of peace. She had talked with the building owner who agreed that she could use this space as he didn't even know about it. It was like something out of a commercial today. A nice little seating couch type niche. Well built trellis with some small Christmas lights for effect. A little brick grilling area with a hibachi going. I can still smell it. The table with candles and dinnerware. Decking. I was taken aback. The way it was situated insulated her from the sounds down below. You could hear them but it was almost like distant white noise. It was just peaceful. I remember remarking about this. She said she discovered it by accident when her son thought it might be a good play area.
Dinner was wonderful. The night went on. There wasn’t a sense of time. Just us there in that little part of the universe that was only hers. To this day I do not think I felt that safe before anywhere nor since. Someone was letting me into one of their most sacred spots. Literally and figuratively. I felt privileged. Almost as though I was treading somewhere I shouldn’t be. I think that thought was my downfall however. Don’t worry dear Reader, you will understand all that very soon. We watched that sunset. It was perfect. The right contrast of colors. Just the right amount of clouds to change those colors ever so slightly. A reminder of how something can change for the simplest of reasons.
As night grew darker it started to get cold. The goosebumps we were feeling on each other's skin holding hands and looking at the stars weren’t just from feelings. It was getting cool so we moved inside. After safely dousing the grill and making sure the coals were in their proper place, we cleaned up. Since it was easier, I stayed outside and handed them into the house to her. We figured it would be safer for the dishes. Giggled some more as we came to realize more and more things about each other at the same time. Finally the outside was clear. I stood outside for another minute to take in what was happening. I think that is then that little bit of fear weeded its way in without my realizing it. This was as close to perfect as I could ever dream I thought.
After squeezing back inside, assisted again but ok with that, we cleaned up the dishes and opened another bottle of wine. The inside was just as cozy. At some point she had lit some more candles and had some soft music going. Light jazz if I remember. Not loud at all. Again, there, just outside the periphery. Sitting on the couch I can feel her sitting next to me. We are close. Two people holding each other wanting to believe but not sure if this is real. There was almost a vibration. The constant goosebumps were not because of the cold anymore. Once we were both comfortable and we just talked. For hours and hours. There were the intimate moments but nothing scandalous. A tenuous kiss from one to the other.
We talked about what two people talk about who truly want to know the other. I believe we asked as many honest questions of ourselves as we did of the other. We really, truly, wholly wanted to know each other. And that is what we did. The more we talked the more comfortable we felt. Each of us had our scars that were not easily revealed. Nor did we reveal all of them that night and guarded them well. But we each wanted to know if the other was someone we could trust with those deepest places that we all hide in the darkest parts of our soul.
We talked a little about her son’s father but not in depth. It was easy to see that was one of the scars. We talked about her son. Why she was so astonished that first day. My heart wrenches this very moment dear Reader upon remembering that. Her hopes for him. His likes and his dislikes. Some of the stories parents tell others to embarrass their children later in life. We talked about what futures there could be not for us but for him and his world. He really was an amazing kid and I am sure has grown up to be someone she can be proud of. Time did not exist that night. Feelings and thoughts were exchanged that did not need to be said. We just knew each other that night.
We never did finish the second bottle if memory serves, we talked, laughed and sat together in peaceful comfort and gave no care about anything else. But tomorrow was coming as it always does and we had to leave each other. I remember the closeness as we held each other. The pressure of two bodies at that singular moment in time. That one instant that feels as though it could last through infinity. When two become one and feel the safety, love, compassion, trust and sameness that is rarely, if ever experienced.
Pardon me dear Reader but must ask a moment to compose myself. We are getting close to the end of my tale so also ask for just a bit more of your time. I know how so very precious it is. Thank you for allowing me to continue.
I do not know how long we held each other. To this day I wish it had been so much longer however. I do remember leaving. Working where I did, I was sadly but actively very familiar with many different levels and types of inebriation. That feeling that morning however was something that surpassed all that I had experienced in my life. I had never felt like this. I knew that the sun was starting to come up as I parked my car. I knew that I got through the door, downstairs and then fell asleep. I wasn’t drunk. It was pure. A pure love, happiness, joy and trust I had never felt from someone else. This feeling was so powerful it had knocked me for a loop that I just was not ready for.
I awoke later that day, thankful I didn’t have to work. It was late in the afternoon and I felt like I had been hit by a bus but didn’t care. I believe that the night before we both had excised many things that we had held inside for so long. I could (and can) still remember the whole night if not the words. I felt like one does after you give everything physically possible to something and have nothing left to give. But it felt right. Regardless of the ending, I do believe that, even though brief, that night, two people who had needed to find each other did. I think they needed to know that there was at least one person who understood, even if they hadn’t needed to actually say anything.
Now dear Reader I must ask you to remember that part about fear. Given my early life and life up to that point and to this day, I do find it very hard to trust. So this was something I had to confront. And so I started to. Instead of seeing what she saw in me, I saw the things I thought were ugly. I got scared that those scars would be peeled away and she would be repulsed. And these thoughts and fears grew. We still saw each other and talked for a while after that night. But my fear took over quickly. Before I knew it I had driven her away. There was no maliciousness about it. The thoughts that had ruled my life for so long before her and then after her, to this day, always got to the same thing. If you let her in, she will leave because of who you are. It was idiotic but it was ingrained at this point. I eventually told her I didn’t think it was going to work out. The truth was that I was scared. Scared to let her in. I hated myself for not being honest with her. She would have understood. Probably more than any other.
After that, I went on with my life as a young person does in that atmosphere. I saw her one time after that final talk. She waved as she and her son sat in a section away from mine. I waved back and remembered going out back and beating the hell out of our cooler there. I was so mad at myself then. While the anger passed as life threw one thing at me after another as it does until I find myself here today writing this, the pain of losing her has never healed. Nor do I want it to. That pain also brings memories that I so rarely experience anymore. I buried it for a long, long, long time but recently I find myself thinking about her and her son more and more. What would have been?
For you see dear Reader, that moment was my perfect chance. Not long ago in my life I was diagnosed with cancer. I eventually beat it but it has long since ruined my life. But that is not why I tell this tale. I ask for no sympathy. My life is where I am supposed to be. I have come to peace with that. To an extent I guess anyway. The reason it was my perfect chance is this. I was also diagnosed with a genetic defect which essentially makes me a cancer producer with no natural way to fight it. My mothers father died of colon and pancreatic cancer. My Mother has beaten 5 different bouts of cancer. I have been tested and confirmed. So if I had had a child, I would more than likely have passed that to them. After listening to what my mother watched her father go through. After watching my own Mother fight this monster 5 times and win each time. After all that I was horrified to learn that I could have passed this monster to someone I would have loved with all my heart.
I never married and never had a child. For most of my life I regretted that most of all to the point of shame. I am the last person in my familial lineage that will ever carry my name. My line dies with me. For the longest time that has been a great burden. However, after the geneticist confirmed me and a great deal of internal contemplation, with the aid of hindsight, part of me is glad that I never had a wife and child who would have to go through the horrors I have heard about, watched and gone through first hand and personally. That at least brings me a modicum of inner peace. Do not be fooled ever though. This monster is evil. It takes everything from all but the luckiest.
And I had my moment of perfect chance. Even though I did not know it at the time, I had an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with two someones who I truly believe to this day, loved me. Even if for so very briefly. I gave up the chance to be able to be a husband and care for someone I believe I loved and loved me. I had a chance to be the father I wanted to be without passing on my monster. To see a child grow into their best self. I get angry at times that I did this. Not necessarily my own selfish needs. I am also mad that this person trusted me and I couldn’t do the same in the end. That I let a child down who for his own reasons let me in when he shut others out. That we could have been the family we could have been. And I ran because I was scared. I can never forgive myself for doing that to them. This may sound selfish and perhaps it is but it is my history.
And now dear Reader we come to the end of my tale. Where it all began.
Her card.
I think you will understand why I put it away instead of taking it out after this. I mentioned that she was a designer. Her card is exquisite. I don’t need to see it to describe it. There is a silver cord ribbon wrapped around a waxed paper tied in a bow. It sparkles silver but is brittle after all the years. I can slide the card out carefully but don’t want to take a chance of damaging it. My hands aren’t the best anymore. The writing on the card is done with a most excellent penmanship in purple over white with black. The backing is white with the black used as border highlighting with purple as the border and main color. There is a bit of sparkle in one of the purples but not a garish amount. Just enough to catch the eye. The back is similar with details of her work at the time as well as some contact information. I don’t know if she did this on all of them, but there was a scent of her perfume that accompanied it for a while. It, like much else, has faded.
We all have a place to keep our most precious items. This one rarely leaves that place for me.
So in the really bad times dear Reader, I try to look at that card. I say try because it is very painful to try to do so. Today was one of those days and I wanted to share it. In the end I couldn’t get past the tears to look at it so returned it to its safety. Not really because of the pain. Believe me, the pain is there in vast amounts. But because of that first moment. I needed to remember what that feeling was like. I needed to remember what it is to look in another's eyes and see the whole universe and all its infinite possibilities. Some regrets, regardless of time, will always follow you. Be honest about that with yourself dear Reader. Today I needed to remember her and him. I needed that acceptance. That peace. That joy, That trust. That love.
This time however I needed to commit this to our history so that perhaps at least one other will read it and maybe it will impact somehow. This is not meant to be a moralistic tale. It is just a tale of love lost. A life that could have been different. I hope, dear Reader, that your life is filled with wonder and love. Do not miss a single chance in your life because of fear. Be cautious but be open. Your world is massive but also miniscule. The chances don’t happen often anymore so grab them and hold onto them when you can. Try to think of all possibilities and look through others' eyes. But most importantly. If you do find your perfect moment, do not let it go dear Reader. It may never come again.
That is the end of my tale. I thank you so much dear Reader. As I have said many times, your time is precious and I have taken enough. Safe journeys to you my friend.
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2023.06.10 00:06 Inevitable_Drink6256 Any advice, please!

It’s been almost 4 months since my almost 7 year relationship with the girl I love ended.
I’m trying everything, literally everything. Therapy, journaling, reading, self help audiobooks, work, working out, music, friends, getting out of my comfort zone. I went to church for the first time since I was a child, I jumped out of a plane last week and I’m doing it again Sunday morning.
The depression has hit me so hard. The weight of it all makes me see no way out. I can’t live like this for years. It’s changing me. I literally have not had one decent day, not one day when I don’t wake up panic crying, not one day when I’m thankful to be alive in four months.
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! I’ve exhausted my friends and family by constantly crying to them. I have never been so sad in my life. I lost so much. I am losing my will to live.
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2023.06.09 23:59 Goldengirl1977 My dad

My dad passed away on Sunday morning after having fought myelodysplastic syndrome, which had progressed to acute leukemia a couple of months ago. He went through a new chemo regimen back in April, for which his doctor wanted him to be in the hospital for three weeks, and then ended up having to go back about two days later for a staph infection on his skin.
After another hospital stay, he went home, but ended up going back a third time a week or so later for a C Diff infection, which we suspect he got because he had been pumped so full of antibiotics the last time and was kept on a heavy dose at home for far longer than he should have been. The infectious disease Dr said he should go off them much sooner, but his oncologist said to keep taking them and never gave a stopping date. We are so angry and wish we had gone with the infectious disease Dr's recommendation instead.
I am so sad and angry for hell my dad went through the last week or two before he died. It shouldn't have happened. I'm also angry because his cancer was caused by radiation he received for a prior diagnosis of prostate cancer. He could've had it treated by surgery or taken a watch and wait approach, but I believe felt pressured into doing the radiation by the Dr and also because several of his friends had done it. No one ever told him doing the radiation could result in a much worse diagnosis.
My mom died 15 1/2 years ago from brain cancer - just bad luck, according to her Drs. - and I've never gotten over it. The one thing that kept me going more than anything was my dad. He and I live(d) in the same house and not having him here with me is absolutely terrifying and makes me so depressed. I have our dog, but I need my dad here, too.
I don't know what to do with myself. I can't seem to focus on anything. I've not felt like cooking because I don't have my dad to cook for now and because I am exhausted. I alternate between crying and just feeling flat, empty, numb and like I'm walking around aimlessly. I want to run away, but I don't know where I want to run to. And at the same time, I don want to leave my home and go anywhere or do anything.
What makes it worse is that I don't have a husband or children to lean on and really no close friends. I have a brother and sister, but they have their own homes, my brother has his own family and my sister and I don't always get along.
I don't know how I am ever going to get along without my dad. Being this lonely and scared and sad is the worst feeling in the world. 😞

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2023.06.09 23:42 limasjj IVF meds (refrigerated)

I have left over Gonal F & Cetrotide & Omnitrope & couple other meds message me Local pick up only!!! No shipping!
Located in Los Angeles Area
I am flying out for retrieval Sunday morning
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2023.06.09 23:07 Haunted_Tales_Pod [HORROR ANTHOLOGY] Haunted Tales Episode 60 - "Clarissa" Collab with "We live!" OUT NOW!

Episode 60 is a special one, we collabed with "We Live!", an early-morning radio show in a post-apocalyptic zombie-infested world!
Our Episode is a prequel to the segment we recorded for theirs, so please check out both and follow Clarissa on her journey trough a post apocalyptic landscape crawling with "shamblers".
Will she find the answers she seeks?
Haunted Tales Episode 60 - Clarissa
We Live! Episode 2 - The Edge of Gory
Haunted Tales is a weekly horror anthology podcast, every Sunday brings a new episode written by author Robert and narrated/acted by his wife Melissa!
Our Episodes feature a wide variety of themes, from ghosts and monsters to murder, insanity, curses and more!
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2023.06.09 22:52 bravethelion4 Gwen Stefani - "Sunday Morning" Live 2021

Gwen Stefani - submitted by bravethelion4 to livemusic [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 22:51 Boostershot-Barney Time to move on

While typing this the break up is still quite fresh, but after nearly four years my Fiancée and I have gone our separate ways, its a very bitter feeling as it didn't even come down to us falling out of love for one another, it sadly came down to distance and timing. We got together in September 2019, she was visiting her family for a week as even though she is from my country originally (UK), she moved to the Netherlands several years ago, our bond was almost immediately like that of iron, as comfortable as we both were on our own, when we got together it was like magic.
Sadly she had to return home with her son, but we decided to make our relationship official even if we were unable to see each other every day. It was difficult but we both believed we could make it work. We managed to see each other several times before COVID hit and then it would be well over a year before we would see each other face to face once again. This period of time was hard, the pandemic did put a strain on our relationship but we still managed to get through it, I will always remember seeing her for the first time after 13 months, I did let a tear or two drop but I did my best to "man up" and keep my composure.
As in every relationship we did have our downs but the ups far outweighed them, and we thought we would be able to break our way through any barrier that got in the way of what we had together. Due to her having a son with her former partner over in the Netherlands she had to fight to try and move back home to be with me, this unfortunately was denied by the courts who ruled that the child should remain in that country as the mother has a home there and so does the father. (More too it but feel I should share the nitty gritty as its not my place.)
Because of this we decided that I would move over to be her in the Netherlands, and in March of 2022 I did just that, I sold everything I had to my name, boxed up only the important parts and got what I needed shipped over. Finally being able to top it off with the happiest day of my life, the day I got down on my knee and asked for her to marry me, to which she said yes.
Unfortunately we were a little naive as the big bad Brexit had happened making what we thought was going to be a simple move into something far beyond that. We were unable to obtain a visa for myself to stay and after three months of trying I needed to return back home. However we refused to be beat by that, we used the time to try and apply for a residential visa under her income, she even took on a second job specifically so she could reach the income requirement goal. (She is the primary care of her child and has him through the weekdays, so is unable to have a full time job, only a weekend one as that is when the child goes to his fathers.) So we applied for the visa when I moved back in November of last year believing that this time we would be able to remain as a family. Sadly the visa was denied, the world and picture perfect idea of our little family we had came crumbling down as we felt that we were never going to be allowed to remain together.
I moved back to my own country once again in February of this year and for the last four months we have been trying to hold it together, but if I am honest the pain of failure mixed with no answer to our plight in site started to get too much for the both of us. I am ashamed to admit it, but my communication to her started to dwindle, not from lack of love, she has always been my everything, but I felt that this was a hurdle we were never going to be able to get over, where I used to call her every day when I got home to tell her about what went on in work, the past two to three months, I kept promising to call as I got in through the door and just never did, I have been trying to find the reason as to why I didn't call as much as I used too but I am unable to find the answer yet.
Finally she had realized we had drifted a little too far from one another and last Saturday she called me in the morning and we decided to end it. Me being the stupid moron I am then fell into a dark pit and refused to end things with her, the past five days I have been nothing more than a monster. Where she just wanted space from me to come to terms with what has happened, I was desperately trying to win her back in any way I could think, I over stepped her boundaries and even frightened her with the way I was acting. Looking at it now, I was being manipulative, not letting her deal with the break up her own way because I was refusing to believe it was over. This is something I never thought I could possibly do, but the pain and suffering of loosing her felt too hard to handle. I have tried to apologize but she now wont speak to me, which if I am being honest, I understand.
I would like to say I have finally come to my senses and snapped out of it today, I was appalled by my own actions as I watched a small video I had sent her on Sunday of myself crying, begging for her to talk to me. I am desperately upset but it is time to let her go and move on, I have not messaged her since Wednesday and fear that may be the final time we speak, as heart retching as it is to admit, she will always hold a place in my heart, and I will always love her and the beautiful woman that she is.
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2023.06.09 22:40 beloved377 The Order of Vespers

Christ is risen!
While we Christians are called to "pray continuously" (1 Th. 5:16-18), there are few times of day that are more fitting for "the lifting up of our hands" (cf. Ps. 140:2 LXX) than the evening, as reflected by the universal tradition of evening and morning prayer. I have found the praying of the Church's evening service, which the layman may offer, to be of incalculable benefit, but I have also heard that many do not know the order of the service as set for the reader, and I know for a fact that it is difficult to find the rule and instruction on how to use it online. Thus, in case one wishes to know the rules of the service so that they might not have to pray it with a computer using, here is the order!
The Psalms are numbered slightly differently in the Hebrew and the Greek; I give the Greek numbering first and the Hebrew second in parentheses. Translations are pulled from many sources, from Fr. Lash to various Orthodox sources and the 1662 BCP.


The Opening:
Through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us. Glory to you, O God, glory to you. Heavenly King...
The Trisagon [Holy God... (x3), Glory... both now..., All-holy Trinity..., Lord, have mercy (x3), Glory... both now..., Our Father..., Through the prayers...) Lord, have mercy. (x12) Glory... both now.
Come, let us worship the King, our God. Come, let us worship Christ, the King, our God. Come, let us worship Christ Himself, the King, our God.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Psalm 103 (104) Refrain: (The sun knew the hour of its setting. / You made darkness, and it was night. / How your works have been magnified, O Lord! In wisdom You have made them all.)
Glory. Both now. Alleluia. [This is an abbreviation for: Glory... both now... Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia; glory to You, O God. (x3)] Lord have mercy. (x12) Through the prayers...
Psalter Reading:
One kathisma of the Psalter (that is, one-twentieth) of the Psalter is read. Each kathisma is divided into three stases (sg. stasis). After the first two stases, pray
Glory. Both now. Alleluia. Lord, have mercy. (x3) Glory... both now...
After the third stasis, simply pray "Glory. Both now. Alleluia."
The appointed readings are below. I use Roman numerals for the numbering of the kathismata and stases to keep it less cluttered. The Psalms are labeled with the evening of the calendar day (which begins at midnight), not the liturgical day (which begins at sundown); thus, "Saturday" means "Saturday evening" not "Friday evening."
Day Kathisma Stases
Sunday - -
Monday VI: 37-45, (38-46) I: 37-39 (38-40); II: 40-42 (41-43); III: 43-45 (44-46)
Tuesday IX: 64-69 (65-70) I: 64-66 (65-67); II: 67 (68); III: 68-69 (69-70)
Wednesday XII: 85-90 (86-91) I: 85-87 (86-88); II: 88 (89); III: 89-90 (90-91)
Thursday XV: 105-108 (106-109) I: 105 (106); II: 106 (107); III: 107-108 (108-109)
Friday XVIII: 119-133 (120-134) I: 119-123 (120-124); II:124-128 (125-129); III: 129-133 (130-134)
Saturday I: 1-8 (1-8) I: 1-3 (1-3); II: 4-6 (4-6); III: 7-8 (7-8)
Note that Sunday has no appointed kathisma and that there is no distinction between the Hebrew and Greek Psalms for the first kathisma. If you cannot pray the full kathisma, pray a single stasis, and work your way up!
Lord, I Have Cried:
Ps. 140 (141), 141 (142), 129 (130), and 116 (117). Glory... both now...
In the full service, daily hymns are chanted between the last ten, eight, or six verses (the number depends on the importance of the day's celebration!) However, since the hymns for the single cycle rotate on an eight-week cycle, I can't provide them all here. Interested readers should purchase a copy of St. Ignatius Orthodox Press's Anthologion or a copy of the Octoechos, the book containing the hymns.
Phos Hilaron (O Gladsome Light):
O Gladsome Light of the holy glory of the Immortal Father, heavenly, holy, blessed Jesus Christ. Now we have come to the setting of the sun and behold the evening light, we praise God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. For it is right at all times to worship You with voices of praise, O Son of God and Giver of Life, therefore all the world glorifies You.
Evening Prokeimenon:
Like the Psalms, these cycle through a weekly reading.
On Saturday evenings alone:
Lord, have mercy. (x40) Through the prayers...
The Evening Prayer:
O Lord, keep us this evening without sin. Blessed are you, O Lord, God of our fathers, and praised and glorified is your name to the ages. Amen. O Lord, let your mercy be upon us for we have set our hope in you. Blessed are you, O Lord, teach me your commandments. Blessed are you, Master, grant me understanding of your commandments. Blessed are you, Holy One, enlighten me with your commandments. Lord, your mercy is forever; do not despise the works of your hands. To you is due praise, to you is due song, to you is due glory, to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen.
Lord, have mercy. (x12) Through the prayers...
The Aposticha:
Usually, these miscellaneous verses are sung with hymns from the Octoechos between them, including one before the first verse. Again, I only provide the verses. Furthermore, on Friday, the verses are variable; I suppose one could either skip it or pray the Sunday–Thursday verses.
Nunc dimmitis (The Song of Simeon, the God-receiver):
Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace according to thy word. For mine eyes have seen thy salvation, Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people; To be a light to lighten the Gentiles and to be the glory of thy people Israel.
This is the "ending hymn" of the day. It's a lot of material, specifically for Sunday, but one may sing the Troparion of the day here, found here:,%20Daily%20Antiphons/Daily%20Troparia%20and%20Kontakia.pdf
The Closing:
Lord, have mercy. (x40) Through the prayers... May the Lord God strengthen the holy and pure faith of devout and Orthodox Christians, with His holy Church, to the ages of ages. Greater in honor than the cherubim and beyond compare more glorious than the seraphim, truly the Theotokos, we magnify you. Glory... both now... Lord, have mercy. (x3) Through the prayers...
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2023.06.09 22:37 Dsg1695 Am I overreacting or right to think it’s odd my mom is ok going a long time without talking to me?

This past weekend, my mom’s bf was acting like an ignorant dick & I wasn’t having it. He was being very reactive & acting ghetto, I was beyond irked I put my foot down. He’s been on good behavior for the past few yrs , is “reformed” & thought this behavior was a thing of the past. We all went out for bfast Sunday & had a bad experience at a diner so we left after no service after being seated for a while. We all get back in the car & everyone is throwing out their preferences & I had to be the bigger person saying everyone has to come to an agreement. He cursed under his breath, I said there’s no fucking need to act up, it’s just breakfast for crying out loud, the vibe is off & I’m not having it right now.
My mom picks somewhere hastily & we settle there, I sat at the far end of the table & didn’t talk for the whole time bc he pissed me off really bad. My mom right when we’re getting ready to leave asks if I’m ok bc I seem grumpy. I roll my eyes & and am like are you freaking joking right now I’m not the one that’s been acting up this whole time I’m simply reacting & you’re asking the wrong person. She takes a breath, says something about being positive & her bf says “exactly”. I couldn’t believe it, when we leave I storm off to the car, when we get home she & her bf spend the rest of the day out on the porch talking. In between that time she asks if I’m okay, I get defensive again & bring up his shitty behavior. Then maybe after an hr she comes back, says that she finally gets why I reacted the way I did & apparently she & him talked about it while they were out there.
She & I weren’t talking for a few months before, saying she really doesn’t want that again & worries that’ll be the case bc of this new friction in the house now. Since Sunday she hasn’t really talked to me(we all live together), she said hi Monday, I replied kind of dryly & left it at that. Tues morning, I walk by & normally she’d say good morning but doesn’t talk to me. I only confronted her with internet issues & she writes me a check for money she borrowed. I don’t get why I’m the one that is not being communicated with while her bf is the issue imo & they’re talking like nothing ever happened.
I just think about the times when I was younger, her bf was a dick, did shitty things & they never went long without talking. My mom & I on the other hand, the longest we’ve gone without talking was a yr. When we’d go months without talking, it’s normally something petty that caused it & I don’t feel like she made an active effort to reconcile (even if I caused it). She’d reach out for my bday or maybe follow up after a few months/send a text🙄. But when we communicate she’s loving, I wonder how’d she’d act if she & my brothers fought. I feel like it might be best if my mother & I are civil moving fwd/very surface level & if that means moving out so be it.
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