Thought I’d share this as a bit of a sliver of hope for people.
I was making myself a protein shake this morning for breakfast (yep, they taste like a cup full of chalky disappointment, I know…) I’ve been trying my best to take care of myself now that I’ve finally separated from my exwbpd. I slowly put on 20kg (45lb) while I was with him because I was so miserable and food was my comfort. I was a healthy weight when we met, but slowly over time he wore me down and by the time we broke up I was sad, exhausted, unfit, and self medicating with junk food. He used to mock me about my weight while we were together, and it made me feel so bad about myself. Since we broke up I’m actually prioritising myself, not him - I’ve joined a gym, am eating lots of fruits and veggies, sleeping more, etc… and it feels so good to be finally treating myself well.
Anyway, so I’m in the kitchen making myself the protein shake and just as I’m about to put the lid on the shaker, I accidentally knock it with my wrist and it spills everywhere. Full shake spilt, liquid and powder aaaaall over the floor and kitchen bench.
And I just sort of look at it and go “damn, that’s a shame”, and then get a cloth, wipe it up and go make myself a new shake.
That’s it.
And it was remarkable. Because even 6 months ago, if I had done that, I would have burst into tears and had a mini panic attack when I spilled the shake - not because I cared about the actual spill, but because in the past, any time I made a mistake, any time I accidentally knocked something over, or made a mess, my exwbpd would be there with a big smug grin on his face, telling me that I’m clumsy, or that I’m careless, or accusing me of deliberately knocking something over trying to break things.
It was impossible for me to make a mistake or do something by accident without him making a big deal about it. Any time I accidentally did something, it was yet another reason why he hated me, another reason why he was better than me, another reason for him to excuse his bad behaviour ”See… this is why I do all those shitty things, because you’re not perfect”
And when he did this, I would cry, because it hurt so much. This man, who I loved, and who was supposed to love me, instead used every available opportunity to put me down, to point out all my faults, to justify his abuse. I would cry because I couldn’t cope with yet another episode of him judging me and telling me how much I sucked, and how I was the worst thing to ever happen to him… so I would have literally stood there, crying over spilled milk. Even if he wasn’t there to see it happen, I still would have cried, because I used to repeat to myself the toxic things he used to tell me.
But today I didn’t. And it wasn’t even a conscious thing. I just shrugged it off cleaned it up and went on with my morning.
Sometimes it’s too easy to beat ourselves up. We tell ourselves that we’re not healing fast enough, that we should be better than we are today, that we’re not good enough. It’s too easy to bully ourselves the way that our pwbpd’s did - instead of celebrating our victories, no matter how small, we keep focusing on all the big things we still want to change.
But we are healing. Slowly, subtly. It’s not always the big obvious stuff. Sometimes it’s the protein shake and not some huge earth shattering revelation, and that’s okay.
I wish all you folks the healing that you so sorely deserve, and may spilled milk not cause you any tears.

Introduction: When it comes to fashion, it's easy for guys to feel overwhelmed or unsure of what looks good on them. However, the truth is that with a little guidance and confidence, any guy can pull off great outfits that suit their style and personality. In this blog post, we'll explore four versatile outfits that can work for any guy, regardless of body type or fashion experience. These outfits are timeless, easy to put together, and sure to make a lasting impression.
1. Classic Casual: The Timeless Combination
For a timeless yet effortless look, nothing beats the classic casual outfit. Start with a well-fitting pair of dark jeans or chinos, as they are incredibly versatile. Pair them with a crisp white button-down shirt, which can be worn tucked or untucked, depending on the occasion. Add a casual touch by layering with a neutral-colored crew-neck sweater or a denim jacket. Complete the look with clean white sneakers or brown leather boots for a polished finish. This ensemble exudes confidence and can be easily adapted for both day and night outings.
2. Business Casual: Polished and Professional
The business casual outfit strikes the perfect balance between formal and relaxed, making it suitable for various occasions, from work to social events. Begin with tailored trousers in a neutral shade, such as charcoal gray or navy blue. Pair them with a well-fitted dress shirt in a complementary color, and consider adding a blazer for a more refined touch. Experiment with different textures and patterns, such as a subtle check or pinstripe, to add interest to your outfit. Polish off the look with leather dress shoes or loafers and a coordinating belt. This ensemble showcases professionalism while allowing you to express your personal style.
3. Smart Casual: Effortlessly Stylish
For a stylish and versatile outfit that's perfect for date nights or casual events, opt for a smart casual look. Start with a pair of slim-fit chinos or dark-colored jeans. Pair them with a tailored shirt or a fitted polo shirt in a complementary color. Layer with a well-fitted bomber jacket or a tailored blazer, depending on the occasion. Add a touch of personality with a statement belt or a patterned pocket square. Finish the ensemble with suede desert boots or clean white sneakers. The smart casual outfit allows you to showcase your style while maintaining a relaxed yet sophisticated appearance.
4. Weekend Warrior: Relaxed and Comfortable
When it's time to unwind and embrace a laid-back weekend vibe, the weekend warrior outfit has you covered. Begin with a pair of well-fitting jeans or chino shorts, depending on the weather. Pair them with a comfortable T-shirt in a solid color or with a subtle print. Layer with a lightweight, unbuttoned shirt for a touch of style and versatility. For footwear, opt for casual sneakers, boat shoes, or sandals, depending on the occasion and your personal preference. This outfit exudes a relaxed and comfortable vibe while maintaining a sense of style and confidence.
Conclusion: Fashion should be an enjoyable and accessible means of self-expression for everyone, regardless of gender. By incorporating these four versatile outfits into your wardrobe, you'll have a solid foundation for any occasion. Remember, confidence is key when it comes to pulling off any outfit. Don't be afraid to experiment with different colors, patterns, and accessories to add your unique touch. With a little bit of effort and a willingness to explore your personal style, you'll be amazed at how easily you can pull off these timeless and stylish looks. So go ahead, embrace your inner fashionista and make a lasting impression!

Header Pic : https://imgur.com/y5Z0AxE.jpg
Proof Gallery

NEW! VAULT 111 DOOR ::: 2+t.oz .999 Fine Silver Pour!

VAULT DOOR - BACK ::: Weighing in at 2+ troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver, this is a great and BEEFY little pocket carry! It was 100% modelled by me and these things look great stacked! Asking $80.00 each
Fallout Proof pic : https://imgur.com/njuCO5g.jpg

PIP-BOY!

5+t.oz PIP-BOY - BACK - The 5t.oz and the 2t.oz PIP-BOY ::: Available in TWO SIZES - Either a 5+t.oz or a 2+t.oz this is one of my coolest pours ever. I really had fun making this work and I hope you enjoy owning it as much as I enjoy making it! 5+t.oz Pip-Boy ::: $200.00 each and 2+t.oz Pip-Boy ::: $80.00 each

SNIPER PIN

SNIPER PIN - BACK ::: Here's another highly requested pour! This is the SNIPER PIN and this was another fun pour to make. Pure .999 Fine Silver, weighing 2+t.oz, and a very unique and interesting piece ::: $80.00 each

NUKA COLA STACKER CAPS

NUKA COLA STACKER CAPS! - BACK - STACKED ::: By HUGELY popular demand ... This took me quite a while to figure out - this is a SEAMLESS pour with a concave underside tailor made for stacking. Trust me when I say from a technical standpoint this was a tricky pour to figure out, but here we are! This is PART TWO of the Fallout collection and these 2+t.oz .999 Fine Stackers are $70.00 each!

PLATINUM CHIPS (Made of pure SILVER)

FALLOUT - "Platinum" Chip ::: Made in .999 Fine SILVER (not platinum!) this is a GREAT little 1+t.oz coin for ANY fans of the franchise! These are solid antiqued to make them seem like they've been through some stuff! $35.00 each

END OF THE WORLD COMBO

How about a COMBO consisting of a 2+t.oz Pip-Boy ($80) and a NEW 2+t.oz Vault Door ($80) and a 2+t.oz Nuka Cap ($70) and a 1+t.oz "Platinum" Chip ($35) ... A total of $265 bundled all together for a flat $250.00?

ZELDA POURS!!! Because there's been some wild breathing about this franchise lately!

Hylian Shields ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. These STACK, too! ::: $75.00 each
Master Sword ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. Epic! ::: $90.00 each
RUPEES ::: Fantastic little RUPEES made of pure .999 Fine Silver! Each weighs 1+t.oz and are all made by hand! They are just $35.00 each!
Savior of Hyrule COMBO - Alternate Pic ::: Includes one of my .999 Fine Silver Master Swords and one Hylian Shield, as well as a GOLD PLATED NES/SNES/N64 Zelda Cart of your choosing and ONE Rupee (I know two are shown... sigh) ... That's SEVEN+ total Troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver and includes the stand for display! Each Savior of Hyrule Combo can be yours for just $250.00 each!
MASTER Combo ::: Includes a Master Sword and a Hylian Shield, along with the display base, for just $160.00 each!

MAIN GALLERY STUFF!

MAIN GALLERY : https://imgur.com/a/Xd6teFt

POCKET CARRIES

NES Controllers ::: This is a GREAT 2+t.oz pour! I really tried to capture every little detail! Asking $70.00 each!
FUCK YOU PAY ME ::: The ORIGINAL FYPM pocket carry from Glass Panther! Weighing 1 troy ounce this is perfect for making decisions, or helping other people make the right decision! $35.00 each
2 Ounce Silver Pot Leaf ::: These are GREAT and everybody loves them! Two troy ounces of beefy .999 Fine Silver and these make an absolutely GREAT gift! These are $70.00 each
GAMEBOY HANDHELD - BACK ::: Finally got around to fixing my pattern mold ... Now you get ALL the detail! This is a chunky little guy weighing in at 3.5 troy ounces, give or take a couple grams and is .999 Fine Silver ::: Asking $125.00!

ANVILS

Here's a SIDE BY SIDE comparison between the TWO ounce and the TEN ounce Anvil : https://imgur.com/hpftwOj.jpg
I have been hesitant to offer the TEN ounce anvils for sale because they are SO BIG that I have to stretch my skills to the absolute limit to make them. They are BIG, BEEFY, and truly impressive. The 2+t.oz version is priced at $90.00 each and the 10+t.oz version is $350.00.

PANTHER SPECIALTIES

CHARIZARD CARDS : VIDEO ::: 4.6+ Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver, FULLY detailed and absolutely beautiful! This card is full scale and absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Each card ships with a Serial Numbered Certificate of Authenticity! $250.00 each!
THE PANTHER PIZZA - Gallery ::: 2 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver that has been poured and designed in such a way as to make it possible to break it into individual 1/4 ounce slices! The full pie measures 55mm wide (a little over 2 inches) and is juuuust over 2 troy ounces. PIC - VIDEO of me Breaking One Apart ::: Each pie comes in a 55mm Airtite capsule! ::: These are $100.00 each
MEGALODON TOOTH ::: Beautifully antiqued and exquisitely detailed! This .999 FINE SILVER tooth weighs over 100 grams (over 3 troy ounces) and is definitely a conversation starter! ::: $125.00 each
GRENADE ::: Shown BLACKENED, but also available as BRIGHT SILVER ::: $80.00 each
SCORPIONS ::: Living in Tucson you get used to these little guys running around! They weigh between 22 and 25 grams each and can be bought in BRIGHT SILVER, Blackened, or Gold Plated! $45.00 each! These are a limited item because they are quite difficult to make!
NES Carts - SNES Carts - N64 Carts - GAMEBOY Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $70.00 each (add $5 for gold plating or blackening)
TNG COMMS BADGE ::: The surprise hit from a couple weeks back - I didn't expect how popular these would be! These beefy little beauties are made with 2 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver and are then electroplated with 24k gold. I then buff the gold off strategically and you are left with this absolutely GORGEOUS collectible! Get yours now for $90.00 each!
Bat'Leth - Back ::: OKAY OKAY I get it! You guys love the Bat'Leth so I'm not going to get rid of it!!! Originally slated for discontinuation, it is back for good! Weighing in just over 1+t.oz go ahead and get yours now for $50.00 each!

MINI and FULL SIZED CHESS SETS!

Chess sets are BACK next Friday, 6/16/23!!!

PAYMENT / SHIPPING

EVERYTHING SHIPS FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! USA CUSTOMERS ONLY!
I take ZELLE / VENMO / CASHAPP and BULLION TRADE ... but Zelle is strongly preferred
This was posted at 5:47 pm Arizona Time on 6/9/23!

I'm so used to Electra (golden albino female about 11" long) being in her main 40g breeder tank that has a chiller attached in my classroom with a fluval 407 and spray bar attached no problem... for the summertime and breaks I want to take her home with me (so i don't have to go back to my classroom to worry). I can only max out at a 20g long in my apartment and know its small but its better than living in a container in my tub. I chose to do a mini set up at home but unsure if the fluval 207 is just not able to keep up with her bioload... or the fact that the fish i kept in here in the time being didnt have a big enough bioload to support hers since its a bewer setup? I'm dealing with a major ammonia spike and nitrite... I emailed Seachem to help me dose prime to help bond the spike until beneficial bacteria catches up... i dont want a lot of "stuff" like additional sponge filter and all that in the tank since its already small for her in (my opinion) I did buy an eco- bio block to be an eye sore of a space for additional bacteria growth? Just was wondering if I should change the filter to the fluval 307 instead of this 207 to accommodate more bacteria... or is it too soon (possibly still establishing) and I should just keep monitoring water levels?... I thought the tank was cycled but it spiked after adding her (assuming bigger bioload) i also added fritz turbostart 700 to help out... idk. I dont want this to be an issue for other holiday breaks... my goal is to have an established tank to make the transition easy and i was planning to keep minnows in it during off season.. i just dont think i had enough (first summer break since owning her) i did buy this random eco- bio block and it said to soak for a day in treated water... which i am... just unsure what it really does beyond water clarification... can more nitrifying bacteria take over and help her bioload? Class tabk is easy to maintain at 62 degrees with the chiller ( 40g breeder)... home i bought a $40 fan that helps keep it steady at 63.4 degrees (20g long).
Also... do I really need to wait 24 hours for this eco block to soak? Been soaking for a few hours in dechlorinated water and looks tbe same. In the tank i use bottled spring water since I live in AZ and don't like the really hard residue it leaves behind if that matters.

Basically, you’d play a whole bunch of mini campaigns for 10-20 Jedi who survived Order 66. Ranging from easy (Kanan running away from Depa dying, featuring Clone force 99) to extremely hard (ahsoka fighting a whole ship of clones)
Adding Obi Wan on Utapau would be cool, and maybe even the boss fights from ROTS.
We never got to see how exactly Cere and Trilla got captured.
Ycould also add Jedi that became inquisitors like the grand inquisitor and Masana Tide in a sort of Nazi Zombies survival-type thing where you always get captured at the end, but try to max out the score.
They could do a main campaign without it being as extensive as the campaigns of the past two Jedi games, introducing a new Jedi or explaining how one like Quinlan survived.

So I've noticed a bit of a pattern since I've started questioning my gender explicitly. The dysphoria will slowly ramp up until it gets bad...and then it quickly backs down to be replaced with numbness and anxiety over anything gender-related.
The thing is, when dysphoria is high it's incredibly easy to accept and embrace the fact that I'm trans. My feelings are in tune with it, and the dysphoria (along with accompanying euphoria and gender envy) just act as confirmation. And during these times I would literally do anything to be a woman (even prayed about it once despite not being religious...figured it was worth a try)
But when that all stops, when the dysphoria goes away and the numbness comes back in full swing an opposite dynamic comes into play. Suddenly I feel like a man, and thinking about anything gender related only creates anxiety. I start to feel like to transition would be a mistake, that I shouldn't attempt it, that there's some inherit "male" property to me that would make transition a disaster. I feel like it would be easier to do nothing. But despite this, these "phases" feel awful, and I kinda prefer the dysphoric phases in some ways because it's far less straining and far more consistent. It's messed up but I even start hating that I don't hate my body.
Because I don't want to be a man, I want to be a girl, and every time I start feeling like this it feels like this dream is being stolen from me, like I'm being crammed into a male identity against my will. I start thinking about how I'd hate to never get to experience life as a girl, how that side of the human experience seems unattainable, and I feel dread at the idea.
I know dysphoria isn't the sole determiner of being trans or not, but for some reason my brain keeps thinking that "no dysphoria" = "being totally fine as a guy". Anyone else deal with this? What does it look like?

Hi guys! I (M24) am writing this post because I have been depressed lately about a very specific topic of what’s going on in my life atm. I have been very depressed lately due to the fact that I feel as if I cant vocalize and speak to others in the way for which I would like too. I know I am not a professional speaker or nothing but it feels like as if everyone I see and everyone around me is able to have fun and enjoyable conversations and I am just sitting in the back like I wish I could do that. I don’t know it’s kinda hard to explain my issue. I can’t fully easily explain my thoughts when I speak to others. I got diagnosed with bipolar 1 about 2 years ago and ever since I’ve been in a long lasting battle with trying to get back like my older self and I feel like the main thing that’s holding me back from that is my speech and the way I talk. I have tried to get into touch with a speech pathologist in the mean time to help me out with my issue but it seems like all the ones around me specialize in kids therapies. I don’t know maybe I’ll find one soon who can help me with my problem but long story short I have a speaking issue where I tend to also mumble a lot due to me just not knowing what to say so I mumble words a lot and my thought patterns can’t keep up with what others are saying sometimes so it affects my communication. All of this has taken a hit at my confidence and makes it hard for me to get out of bed every morning because it doesn’t seem like their is an easy fix or a fix at all for that matter about this. Any replies are helpful guys!

You may have noticed that up on entering a hallway you've already entered, that sometimes a trap or a combat will spawn in your way. Some famous YouTubers in this space have recommended leaving Curios unopened in order to block the spawns.
But what if this wasn't a downside, but an upside?
How often have you had a team that cleared the dungeon and all the combats, but still had some life in them? Maybe you won so hard that you still had extra camps available. You would want to spawn more combats to get more gold and heirlooms that week.
Maybe it's the opposite - your team is at low health or high stress, but they were doing really well for most of the dungeon - they just got unlucky, or fought a mini boss or something. With a stress healer on the team, fighting additional combats can help you bring stress down within the dungeon, saving you from having to lose your hero for a week in stress treatment and having to pay extra money.
This guide is what I've learned through experience with this playstyle, and some of the things I figured out because I couldn't find them online, and I don't know how to look through the code.
(I assume that you already know how to stall combats, this is just about dungeon stalling).
HOW DO I SPAWN COMBATS?
Mechanically, the way to do this is very simple. From any room, simply click on any neighboring room as if you were going to walk towards it, but then just press up or click on the door to go back into the room. This will not increase stress or reduce torch light, but each time you exit and enter the room there's a chance for traps combats and hunger checks to spawn. You have to do this a few times for it to happen, but you can keep spawning multiple in the same hallway.
Each of these items takes up a tile, although hunger checks are invisible, they do prevent a combat from spawning on top of them.
One key thing to note is that there's a two-hallway grace period on hunger checks, but this seems to check if you have gone the length of an entire hallway, not simply entering and exiting the door.
This grace period simply makes you ignore hunger checks when they appear, and not prevent them from spawning. It will still be there when you come back. What this means is that if you have spent a lot of time going in and out of the door on the same hallway, with no traps or combat spawning, the hallway might be completely filled with hunger checks that you can't even trigger because of the grace period. This does mean it can be quite tricky to go fully infinite as all available spawning spaces will be filled with food checks.
(An aside on the curio trick)
I have found some people saying online that the common advice about not opening the Curios doesn't work because an open curio will block a spawning space as well. This is not correct, an opened Curio will be overwritten by any of these three. It's a very easy to see this, so I don't know how anyone thought otherwise.
But the tactic overall might be wrong for a different reason. I've not been able to confirm if the odds of getting a spawn increase based on how many open tiles there are. My intuition is that I don't really see a difference in how long it takes to get a spawn in a long hallway or a short hallway.
Additionally, food check spawns are not based on the length of the hallway according to the wiki. There are no numbers for the percentages of traps and enemy spawning unfortunately.
TEAM BUILDING AND LOCATION
The team building on this is pretty flexible. The key thing is that you need to have enough combats in which the expected amount of stress that you gain will be negative, and enough combats that the expected amount of health that you gain will be positive.
So at minimum you need a stress healer and a regular healer right? To go "infinite", yes. But sometimes just getting a few more combats or traps is all you need/want.
Aside from that, there's a lot of ways to team build in order to go infinite. Too many to go over here entirety.
There are no crucial heroes. You don't need a Vestal and a Jester. I don't use Vestal often, and until yesterday I hadn't used a Jester in months (though he is good at stress healing). It's not a question of which heroes to bring, but about the team as a whole.
The most singularly impactful hero for this is Antiquarian. If you really want to go "infinite" and get the maximum possible money from every run, she is somewhat crucial.
Antiquarian increasing stack size is nice, but she's really there for the minor antiques, which are worth 10k per stack. I think that's the highest in the game. Without an aquarian, you probably shouldn't bother farming up gems to replace your gold stacks - just leave when your stress is zero and your inventory is full.
One thing to keep in mind is that you don't necessarily need to heal and stress heal on every encounter, but that on average you are losing stress and gaining health, and not the opposite.
This is where location comes in. Of course different locations have different enemies and different enemy compositions. Locations that have disease casters can be quite dangerous for the strategy because you can't cure those aside from camping. You may want to prioritize killing them over stress casters even. Stalling against a size 2 enemy can also be very powerful, so knowing which one spawn where, and bringing heroes that can stall against those enemies for a long time is very important.
Traps are also an important consideration. They have different effects between regions. For some of them, you can just treat them like an unfavorable fight - guaranteed stress damage or health damage. But regional traps can inflict a dot or a debuff, which can be hard or dangerous to remove. And those ones especially, you definitely want to have someone with high trap disarm chance in your team build, or bring the map.
TORCH LIGHT AND FOOD
While you are farming these extra combats, you are eventually going to wonder what you're going to do when your food or your torches run out.
And for some teams, this means it's time to go back to the Hamlet.
Missing a hunger check can inflict a lot of stress and damage (20% of max, before stress modifiers), and if your team can handle this and heal it up - then you can keep going even after your food is gone, and use the extra slots for more loot. One strategy you can use is that you can save your food and intentionally not eat on earlier hunger checks when your team is in top shape, and only use your food when it would be dangerous to take another hunger check. Is it worth using the fasting trinkets? In my opinion no. In that case just have a team which can heal up the stress and damage.
Being low torch can also be quite dangerous: + 50% stress taken, plus 12.5 monster accuracy, plus 30% monster damage at max. Keep in mind you can't be surprised by the spawn encounters because they are showing up on the map. Except the shambler, but we'll get to that.
If you know your team won't be able to handle low torch, and you'll need to go back to the Hamlet once your torches run out, you should consider avoiding occultist's stun and -torch camp skills, and consider running a Crusader or a musketeer, who can each increase torch light using their stress reduction skill. In these teams, torch light is as much of a resource as health or stress.
Even for teams that are okay at low torch, you may want to consider Crusader or musketeer to avoid being at zero torch. This is because the penalties for being at low torch are much less bad than zero torch: 35% bonus stress, 10 accuracy, 17% bonus damage.
If your team is highly position dependent - something you can definitely exploit because there is no fear of being surprised for these bonus encounters - you will definitely want one of these and want to stay off of zero torch, because the Shambler can still spawn.
On top of that, having these torch generating heroes can save you inventory space for more loot.
CONCLUSION
If you made it this far, hope this guide was helpful or informative. Welcome to the slowest and most tedious way of playing darkest dungeon.

If you haven't, I'm here to ward you off!
I picked up one of their .018" strips and started making a hook with it. I use a mini bench grinder, Dremel, and metal files to make my picks.
The stuff won't chip! And if you're not careful will make any stone you might use unusable. It's so soft, it just gums them up. My files fared a little better but only because I kept brushing them every 4 or 5 passes.
I think their main demo is jewelry makers as a softer steel would probably be more desirable.
If you have used them, what was your experience? Od love to find out that I jus got a bad cut since these are SO easy to pick up from my local ACE jus two blocks from where I live.

TLDR: I know I'm coming from a place where I never really felt accepted, and now that I have friends, I'm constantly finding myself struggling to keep up with them and my own life. I just need some tips on how to balance things or how to maybe let go of things I'm trying too hard to hold onto
Just wanted to ask for some advice, I sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in keeping up with my social connections and I truly don't know how to stop that feeling and get back to a place where maintaining these connections feel joyful again and not like an obligation that always chasing me.
Just some background, I grew up a pretty quiet person. My reservedness definitely peaked in middle school since I went to a different school than my friends. Eventually, I was able to make friends on my own, and one in particular became my best friend, which at the time meant the world to me because before then, I did not have someone like that. She meant a lot to me because I finally was able to do things I saw other people do with their friends. It kinda felt like a privilege to have her as a friend. Unfortunately, she was a bit of a difficult person to be friends with. Honestly, we had a bit of a codependent relationship where I ended up being servile, but it was a mutual situation since she had someone there to "meet" her needs and i got to have a close friend. This dynamic continued and got drastically worse as we continued into high school. She would say things to me in middle school suggesting our dynamic was like the movies where the cool kid befriends the lame kid and changed them for the better aka i was a charity case. By high school, it turned into her more outrightly demeaning me by saying a lot of things, from my body to my personality, that ate away at my confidence. Despite all this, I clung even tighter to our relationship in high school because once again, I did not have a large community of people that transferred from my middle school to our high school. Even though my friend made it seem like no one else would like me outside of her, I did try talking to new people from time to time once I was able to hype myself up for it. And through trying to reach out to people beyond folks my friend knew, I was able to make a new friend, which immediately my best friend began putting down and demeaning.
To add to the plot, my best friend and I began dating the summer before our junior year, which turned out as great as you'd imagine it to be. We ended up breaking up since the people around us, primarily her friends, made a group chat to question her and her treatment of me since she had gotten confident enough to berate me in public and talk very negatively behind my back. I found out years later that she would tell people that I'm a waste of space and worthless as a person. After our break up, she vowed never to talk to me again because I got her friends to betray her, which of course, I did not do.
Fast forwarding, after a lot of time sulking and honestly feeling the most alone I've ever felt, I tried reaching out to a few new people and managed to make a few friends on my own and forming deeper friendships with the people who were friendly to me during my tumultuous relationship. This began to create the start of some semblance of confidence and I'm still super loyal to these friends to this day. Moving into college, I really wanted to ditch the quiet act and be someone new. This definitely did not happen, but I did still attempt to reach out to others and even put effort into making plans and setting up mini events to hang with people, which I got to practice the summer before with my high school friends. In due time, even though I still felt like an inherent weirdo and super awkward, I made friends that accepted me as me and even developed a new relationship or two, slowly adding to my confidence that I might be worth a damn even though I was still in the process of learning how speak up and stand up for myself.
During the pandemic, I made it a point to keep in contact with my friends from HS and college despite time changes and how far apart we were. I took that shit very seriously, partly because I was bored and partly, because my friends gave me an escape from my homelife in some ways. My home life in gen is pretty fine, but I struggle to being myself at home which is why I moved away for college to give myself the opportunity to find out who i was on my own terms. I would have my weeks planned out with calls to various people after zoom classes and sent gifts to folks whenever my spirit called or I found out someone was sick or was going through a rough time. While all this is great, I did partly run myself into the ground trying to ensure i was on top of things in my relationships.
This gets me to this year or maybe the past two years where this feeling has increased. I'm honestly talking less to my friends than before due to changes in my life and theirs, which makes me feel guilty despite the fact that I know these relationships are two way streets and they can reach out to me too. Also, I've moved back home again and I'm back in the position where I'm trying to balance my relationship with my mom and her desires, but on top of that, my partner, my family friends, friends from HS and college, and work connections. Somewhere in this, I'm also trying to connect w/ myself and figure out where I want to be and where I want to go. Honestly, writing this long ass post (sorry for its length) is a part of my process of getting to know myself a bit better.
I'm just really struggling with this constant guilt at not reaching out to my friends or responding to messages, the compulsive need to be in contact with them and know the happenings of their lives, and trying to find myself without sacrificing the bonds and relationships that helped to build me into who i am today. I'm just constantly trying to stay on top of things and failing to. Any tips or flaws in my thought patterns would be really helpful. Thanks for reading everything!!!

Picture & Timestamp
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BNIB Shirogorov F95 Blade Show Edition. T Pattern Gen 4 - Grey and Yellow anodized titanium handle with M390 blade.
Video of Shiro F95
From media release - "Shirogorov Knives has built a special F95 T designated for the upcoming 2023 Blade Show! This knife features a striking Grey/Yellow anodized Titanium handle that designates the colors of the Blade Show logo and includes a special matching lanyard bead. Other features include an M390 Blade, and MRBS (multi row bearing system)."
These were offered at the 2023 Blade Show and the remaining examples were sold via a lottery. I won the lottery, but after receiving the knife have found the size of the knife doesn't suit me and I don't need another piece to just sit in my safe. I much prefer the size of the Shiro Neon.
This is BNIB, I took it out, flipped it open and put it back in the box for a day. The only other action it has seen is exactly what you see in the video. It's back in the box and will stay that way until it arrives to you!
Asking $1400 shipped to your door. Will entertain trades, especially for a Shiro Hatian or newest generation Quantum.
Feel free to throw something at me, the worst I can say is No Thanks! Please be clear with what your trade offer is relative to the overall deal. What are you offering - straight across or plus/minus X cash
Thank You!

What the best to create a random pattern for a front walkway? Currently following the rules of no 4 corners, no joints longer than 3 or 4’.
Stone sizes are: 24”x12” 24”x18” 24”x24” 24”x36”
Is there an easy way to start? Middle out?Should I be expected to make lots of cuts? Struggling to get started.

Sorry for the terrible picture. This is an Amazon micro chest rig and belt looking through a PVS-14 with the IR illuminator turned on. The micro rig is BDU pattern and the belt is OD green. Of course the anodizing peaking through glows like crazy but that’s an easy fix with rattle can.
I’m interested in what brands you guys using for similar IR compliant setups.
Don’t forget to check your gear!

Greetings. I've been playing the piano for 13 years now, staying from the age of 8-9 years old. I consider myself a good pianist, at least in the sense that I have a good enough technical ability and technique to play almost anything, and I also have a good/trained ear allowing me to spontaneously play anything. A decent grasp of Jazz theory and harmony concepts backs my skills up. However I'm very dissatisfied with my ability to improvise. Tons of theoretical knowledge seems to be useless when you can't apply it to make beautiful lines on the spot. I'm coming from a classical background, so I'm not able to "teach" myself and find methods to practice improvisation. What I noticed is that I improvise much better when I close my eyes. As if my hand was trying to play the patterns my eyes saw fit, and now it plays what my ears and my mind hear. However it's not easy to play accurately with your eyes closed. The issues I'm trying to tackle mainly are:
1) Practice methods to think faster: Given some time I can come up with great improvisations and convey what I hear more easily, but as soon as I have to think in faster tempo's I can't. My brain and ideas can't keep up. There's ton of practice tips for faster hands, but nothing for a faster mind. I know I want to ascend a scale with locked hands and drop 2 voicings, but I can't calculate the next notes fast enough to play them. Do I just practice that in all keys until it becomes second nature, or is there a way to exceecise my mind and make it think that fast too?
2) How to make my hands obey my hearing instead of my eyes: with my eyes open, I see the shape of a G altered dominant scale and my hands sloppily try to pick random notes knowing they should sound good based on theory. With my eyes closed, I hear what I want and my hand follows it almost effortlessly. I want to be able to do this with my eyes open too, because not everything can be executed on muscle memory alone.

Credit to u/bluefishcake for writing the original SSB story and building the sandbox for us to play in.
And a big thanks to the authors and their stories that inspired to get off my ass and put my fingers to keyboard. RandomTinkerer (City Slickers and Hayseeds), Punnynfunny (Denied Operations), CompassWithHat (Top Lasgun), Rhion-618 (Just One Drop), UncleCieling(Going Native), RobotStatic (Far Away), Kazevenikov (The Cryptid Chronicle), Also to the editor # Fan Beta Readers and KLiCkonthat .
As always comments, complaints, and suggestions are welcome.
This is a fair use notice. Any and all aspects of this may be used on and within this subreddit only, with attribution. All other uses are exclusive to the author.
/*******************************/
Nanorix took the news from the advocates in stride, better than Linda. They had spent the night mutually venting at the injustice of the situation while putting away bottles of gin. Max sounded almost broken by the news while Nora the optimist in the family, firmly held to the belief that things would work out. Rufus was, well, Rufus. Intuitively compassionate, which is why he was laying in the front seat of the truck with his head on Linda's lap as they drove up to Flagstaff.
Linda was trying to sleep off her hangover, her eyes closed but not asleep. Alila had been honest that the only reason Garquile was not tied up in this was that he had her direct protection as a territorial governess. Tommy did not have that level of security and without it, he was in more danger than Robert. From what Alila had said, elements in the Interior wanted Robert dead, other interested parties wanted him alive because of his potential. The situation was so bad the Planetary Governess had stepped in and ordered the house arrest of six high-ranking members of the Interior and let it be known that if anything happened to young Mr. Pierce they would die publicly.
Neither Alila nor the planetary governess knew why the Interior wanted Robert dead, she did. After she heard that the pod found the children and what was being done to them. Her lieutenant had completely lost it, she rounded everyone operating the orphanage and lined them against the wall, and had them shot. The Interior had come in and had done what they always did, cleaned up the mess, and protected those who were important and connected. Before the interior got there one of the girls found a large data server and they made copies. There were four full copies still on Earth and one that she knew was off-world, and she had one of them. It had been too dangerous to keep at home so she had setup a remote server that would once a week send out a heartbeat signal. There were major safety measures in place to prevent access.
She had managed to go to Flagstaff for brunch about once a month to establish a pattern of behavior. Those trips with Robert and sometimes Tommy had always been good, nothing special just good days. She and Linda would have brunch and she would trigger a download to her server buried under the barn. When they had spoken with Alila, Max, and Nora, Max had commented that if anybody could stack the deck and pull inside straight now was the time to do it. She did not tell Linda why they had to come, just that she needed to come up and check on something.
She and Linda had a quiet brunch on the patio of the restaurant to allow Rufus to join them. As they ate she triggered the data transfer. The data transfer would take at least thirty minutes to complete, so they would have a nice long brunch and talk about anything but the boys, she even took a couple of selfies of the two of them to cover what she was doing. Rufus camped out under the table but never relaxed, she was not sure if he sensed her unease or something else was going on that she could not see.
They stayed and chit-chatted until Linda finished her third cup of coffee. She did not want the third cup but they needed the extra time to let the data transfer complete, and by that time Linda's hangover had started to subside. The drive home was uneventful, but traffic was horrible due to the festival of colors going on, it was the 4th of July after all.
/*******************************/
Ishani was tired and hungry but had little interest in eating. She and Ensign Tha'xur had been up half the night working to translate the new equations that Robert had created yesterday, with a new understanding of how the translation needed to work. Thoughts of Robert consumed her mind, and she had to fight the urge to look over and watch him, the singular human male. His name seemed to roll off her tongue, lingering from her dreams the previous night as she drifted off to sleep. Those dreams had been far from innocent, filled with exotic and seductive images of him, even in his baggy exercise clothing.
Returning her attention to her food, Ishani shifted uncomfortably. She would need to change her underclothes if she continued dwelling on him like this. Taking another bite of the fruit, nut, and sauce mixture, she tried to enjoy it, but it did little to distract her from watching him. He moved slowly, almost as if dancing, though she couldn't grasp the purpose behind his movements. Ensign Tha'xur's timely arrival saved her from making an obvious fool of herself by staring at a boy nearly two years her junior. It always felt like she was the only one looking.
Ensign Tha'xur sat down with a tray of food and jokingly said, "Ground control to Crewwoman Vevreix, are you awake?" Ishani returned her gaze to her food and responded, "Yes, ma'am, I am awake, just..." Before she could finish her sentence, Ensign Tha'xur interrupted, "Distracted?"
Signing without looking up and absentmindedly playing with her food, Ishani replied, "Yes, ma'am, horribly. It's just... he's just one boy. I have enough common sense to know that there is no way I should even consider... why couldn't he be old, wrinkled, and fat..."
Ensign Tha'xur completed Ishani's thought, saying, "Instead, he's young, fit, and I would even go as far as to say he's attractive in a very unmasculine way, with that wounded, sad boy aura."
Looking up, Ishani was taken aback and asked, "What do you mean 'you could call him attractive'? Are you blind? I mean, he may be a little short, but other than that, he is..." She trailed off, unable to find the right words.
Smiling and taking a bite of her burrito, Ensign Tha'xur replied, "He is desirable, and deep down, I believe you could take away all his pain and sadness... but please don't go there." Shifting into a serious tone, she continued, "I overheard Cmdr Norroe and Lt Cmdr Ashix talking about him the day we arrived. What caught my attention was Cmdr Norroe mentioning his thousand-yard stare that is measured in miles. There are significant parts of his life that we don't have access to because they've been redacted by the interior."
Ishani looked over at Robert, who appeared to have finished his morning workout and was heading towards the mobile kitchen. She murmured, "No one is ever so lost in the deepest of caves that they cannot be found by the beating of their heart. There is always hope and always a way out."
Ensign Tha'xur wiped her face clean of the red sauce that had dripped from her burrito and commented, "You, Crewwoman, are an optimist."
"With all due respect, ma'am, have you looked?" Ishani responded quizzically.
With a wry smile En. Tha'xur replied smoothly "I am technically a married woman and my husband and kho wives are going to be here in three days. I am hoping that my leave request will be honored, we were supposed to go to Tel Aviv for 14 days." Frowning slightly with the last statement.
Ishani gave an understanding smile "Well, that explains why you are not interested. You know, if you want to get the time off then ask for help. What is the worst he can do to say no?"
En. Tha'xur almost laughed at that, "So what should I do ask him over here for you to ogle him and for me to get a chance to go on leave, I do not think he would like that, being that he is here under guard."
Ishani took another bite of her food, ‘alright girl put up or shut up’ she thought to herself, before standing. "Ma'am if you never ask for help you will never get any." This is not a good idea, turning to find Robert who was looking for an open table to eat at. "Robert, can you join us over here, please?" Blessed Nest mother, that sounded so bad she inwardly cringed.
/************************/
Robert had gotten his food-laden tray and was looking for an empty place to sit. It felt a little weird not having a personal shadow always with him. The petty officers had told him last night that he would be given some space and an opportunity to interact with the people here. "Go out, mingle, talk to people, that's a winning idea," he thought sarcastically. Yup, everything was normal again. Alone in a room full of people and completely clueless about how to do the most basic of things, like talking to anybody.
Now, the people he could talk to were a problem. Being the only male and the only human, he received looks. The looks could be categorized into three groups: lust, curiosity, and pity. Dealing with lust was easy; he just chose not to care, and thankfully, they were discreet about it for now. Pity, on the other hand, infuriated him because most of the time, it was fake. Whenever someone expressed their sympathy for all the things he had been through, he wanted to scream. At best, it was a polite social convention, and at worst, it was a selfish and internalized burden of guilt that had nothing to do with him.
Just as he spotted an empty table at the far end, somebody called out his name. "Can you join us over here, please?" Shit, it was Ishani, the one person in the whole damned place who had a very unsettling effect on him. She was the only one here who scared the shit out of him. Taking a breath to collect himself, he acknowledged her with a nod and proceeded to join her and the Ensign at their table.
He noticed that when he acknowledged her, she just beamed and got all bubbly. That was the best word for it. Her glowing tattoos seemed to brighten for just a moment before she sat down, leaving him to wonder what those tattoos looked like on the rest of her body. He made it to the table and sat down on autopilot while his mind indulged in a little fantastical daydream, leaving him noticeably flushed and uncomfortable in ways that only men could be.
Setting his tray and bottle of maple syrup down on the table and taking a seat, Robert tried to say thank you, but neither Ishani nor the Ensign had their translators running.
En. Tha'xur noticed him stop trying to use hand speak and realized that they had just messed up a little. "I am sorry, that was rude of us," she said as she tried to get her translation app up and running. Meanwhile, Ishani was no help; she was head down in her food, blushing and trying very hard not to be noticed. "There, we're set."
Robert was relieved when En. Tha'xur got her translation app running, so he wouldn't have to stare at Ishani across the round table from him. He returned his attention to En. Tha'xur. "I was trying to say thank you for asking me to join you, and it's okay. You at least figured it out."
Ishani looked up from her half-eaten food when En. Tha'xur's translator started speaking. Fuck, she thought, this is so embarrassing. Inviting a boy to come over and eat with you only to ignore him when he gets here. Idiot. Turning to face him, her brain failed as she smiled stupidly and took another bite. "Hungry?"
En. Tha'xur couldn't help but cringe. The situation unfolding before she seemed straight out of a cliché "coming of age" story, where a girl meets a boy and the universe seems to pause just for them. It reminded her of the sentimental videos her older brother and his friends would tear up over. Poor Ishani, the other girls around her would roast her mercilessly, yet she remained oblivious to the fact that she was being watched. En. Tha'xur couldn't decide if it was cute or tragic. Determined to intervene and save Ishani from herself, she spoke up, "Robert, the reason Crewwoman Vevreix invited you over is that I need your help."
"Hungry?" Robert was caught off guard by Ishani's question. Did she even understand what she was doing? He found her confusing, and he just wanted to finish his meal quickly and GTFO. En. Tha'xur was speaking, but he had missed what she said. He decided to play dumb and replied, "OK."
En. Tha'xur thought to herself, "This is good." She then explained, "Well, my husband and my three kho wives are going to be arriving on Earth in three days. I had scheduled a 14-day leave, but then I received an emergency assignment here, and I don't know if they will honor my leave request."
Robert had managed to pay enough attention to understand that she needed a favor. He had two basic choices: give a hard no and explain that the advocates wouldn't allow him to help until they gave the go-ahead, or try to answer her questions. His best option was to listen and see if he could offer some hints. "I am quite restricted by what my advocates have told me to do, but I will try to point you in the right direction."
Finally, Ishani managed to gather her thoughts and interjected, "See, I told you, all you need to do is ask."
En. Tha'xur rolled her eyes, silently expressing her frustration towards Ishani. She replied, "Thank you, can you help?"
Talking with his mouth full wasn't polite and attempting to gesture while eating proved to be a challenge. Robert sighed as he reluctantly set down his fork, his stomach growling in protest. "Yes, I will genuinely help you. And if you're wondering why," Robert paused, trying to understand his willingness to assist, "it's because you asked. Now, the big question is, do you even know what you want to ask?"
Ishani eagerly jumped in, unknowingly giving En. Tha'xur some time to formulate a proper question to ask. "Okay, if I can ask one too, please?"
Robert held up one finger as he obeyed the demands of his stomach and shoved a load of runny fried eggs and hash browns in his mouth. "Sure, since you saved me from eating alone." Robert swallowed hard after he finished speaking, realizing he had just unintentionally flirted with her. Thinking inwardly, "Shut up, dumb ass. You are going to get yourself in trouble."
Ishani sputtered like Joe Pesci for just a couple of seconds before getting to her real question. "Ok, ok, ok, ok." Pointing to the work area where the Charger was, she asked, "Why is the car so important? Why did you build it?"
Robert shoveled another load of eggs and hash browns into his mouth. "Why would a human boy on Earth, living in North America, want to build a fast car and one that could fly?" Pausing to inhale the bite of his eggs and hash browns, he continued, "Because it was fun, and it would have been cool to have a hotrod and be the only one to fly. Well, that would be a show-off, a little, and to have a shitload of fun flying around in it."
En. Tha'xur cluelessly responded, "What is a 'hotrod,' and why would a flying car be 'cool'? I guess that means good?"
Robert had to roll his head back before responding, to the idea of attempting to explain custom car and motorcycle cultures. "Humans like to personalize cars and other things as expressions of their personalities and rolling pieces of art in some cases. For a human boy to be able to build a car and go fast is a dream. Hotrods are the result of those builds."
Taking another break to move the French toast in front of him and pour on the maple syrup, he continued, "Back to the first part of your question, 'Why is it important?' Other than a personal attachment to the memories connected to it... it is not, in the grand scheme of things, it was a mistake. A very valuable mistake, it disproved one of my approaches to a bigger challenge."
En. Tha'xur and Crewwoman Vevreix just looked at each other and mouthed the same words, "It was a fucking mistake!!"
Robert tried to hide his smug satisfaction. Nobody ever considered just how much of his work was critical and applied to his big challenge. Ishani looked at Robert as he dug into his French toast. "If that was a mistake, what is the prize?" Robert just smiled and shrugged in response to the question. En. Tha'xur sat dejected, "Well, that did answer one of the big questions. The car is a stepping stone to the bigger thing."
Watching the Ensign sit dejected and look a little lost made Robert feel like a little shit. Flipping the bird to the bureaucratic machine that was the Imperium always felt like a "fuck yes," but trolling a person was different. She had asked him for help, and he had used it to be petty and spiteful. "You don't need to ask right now, and if you loan me your data slate, I will give you a couple of hints," he said, reaching out for the device.
En. Tha'xur handed over the data slate wordlessly. Robert opened a new document and wrote:
"If you have 'The Right Stuff,' you can connect the dots."
"Space-Time Gravity is not the same as Gravity Space-Time."
When he finished, he handed the data slate back to the ensign and returned to his food. En. Tha'xur picked up the data slate, read the hints, and found the first line to be of no use other than some devotional wisdom that would be preached in a temple. However, the second line held interesting possibilities. Grabbing the data slate, Ishani quickly scanned the text and handed it back to En. Tha'xur. "Thank you, I think we can work with this," she said. Turning to En. Tha'xur, she added, "Ma'am, I think we need to work in conference room 2 today. It has the other digital whiteboard, and I think we need the space."
En. Tha'xur picked up the data slate and looked right at Robert. "I don't get the first one. The second one could be applied in a dozen or more places."
Finishing his first piece of French toast, Robert tried to remember the order of the equations to point her in the right direction. "Show me my work from last night, and I will show you the one to work against. Don't try to finish it, just try to understand it."
En. Tha'xur handed the translated copy of Robert's work back to him, and he looked at it with a mixture of fascination and difficulty. It was strange to see his work presented so neatly, but it was also challenging to read. He had to mentally retranslate it to the original version he had written. Working through the problem brought his headache back in full force, making the surroundings too bright and diminishing his appetite. Robert tried to hide his discomfort, squinting his eyes and taking deep breaths.
Concerned, Ishani noticed his strained expression and asked, "Are you alright? You don't look well."
With a weak smile, Robert replied, "I shouldn't have done that. I usually take a couple of days off after my little flying trips. It's like working out too hard and feeling extremely sore the next day, then trying to work out again. Not fun."
En. Tha'xur felt uneasy knowing that Robert was enduring pain to help her. She thought of her father and how he would be disappointed in her. "Are you sure you don't need a doctor?" she asked, genuinely concerned.
"I'll be fine, I just need some sleep," Robert reassured them, pushing his plate of food away. "If either of you wants to finish this, go for it. At the very least, don't waste the bacon."
Ishani reached for the plate and admitted, "I've heard about bacon, but I'm a little afraid to try new foods. I don't want to be disappointed."
En. Tha'xur reached for a piece of bacon, saying, "I love bacon. I'll even taste-test it to make sure it's okay." She smiled at Ishani and took a bite.
Robert observed as En. Tha'xur's eyes widened in shock. Oops, he remembered that he had coated the bacon in maple syrup. However, she didn't spit it out, which was a good sign. His mom loved crispy bacon dipped in maple syrup. Sometimes, she would devour an entire package of bacon if there was maple syrup in the house, and then she would try to conceal the fact that a pound of bacon had disappeared. She would even do her dishes, a chore that was usually Robert's.
En. Tha'xur bit into the bacon, expecting a salty taste but experiencing the combination of sweet and salty. The flavor was incredible. She paused to savor the taste before chewing again. "You have to try this!" she exclaimed.
Ishani, with anticipation in her eyes, sniffed the remaining piece of bacon. "Here goes nothing." She cherished this moment, as it was the closest she had come to tasting her nest mother's nectar. Grabbing the plate, she declared, "I'm finishing this!" and devoured the last piece of French toast without bothering with utensils.
Despite his throbbing headache, Robert couldn't help but smile as he rose from the table. "Enjoy. I need some sleep."
/*******************************/
Tommy had to roll his eyes at Valenlina's latest attempt to "improve" his wardrobe with a purple satin shirt with a matching sea green scarf. No matter how many times Valenlina tried to have Tommy dress like a proper male, Tommy always simply said no. Early on in the dating, Valenlina had gotten so frustrated that she also broke up with him, not that she ever told him. Her father and kho mother Tearhart had stepped in and explained that she could not make a human be like a Shil. The Imperium still tried, and the Humans resisted more. There were several semi-celebrities on the data-net that advised Shil’vai women on dating human males and females. The most common rule for dating a human male is not to try and change them to be acceptable in your circle because they will resent you for it. You have attracted a human male for a reason, embrace it.
Their walk through downtown Prescott was a moment the Tommy did not have to think about the meeting tomorrow. Early this morning he and his mother had gotten almost an hour of one on one time with Advocate Roskin and she was able to explain in greater detail what was expected of him tomorrow and how things could go right or wrong. Withholding information was one of the worse things he could do. After the meeting, Valenlina noticed the additional stress in Tommy. It was so bad that physical affection had no effect. There was only one thing other than sex that could distraction, window shopping.
Their window shopping trip started as a serious attempt to make him presentable in Shil’vati society, ow her attempts to help him look more presentable were just something they did to have fun. In many ways, it was closer to foreplay now, as Tommy now attempts to have Valenlina dress like a human girl. Tommy did have one big win, a pair of 4-inch-high heels, he had said they improved the view coming and going. Her big win last year was a shirt and tie set for his tailored charcoal suit, he was finally willing to wear formal attire with a splash color.
Valenlina could see her best effort to pull Tommy out of what his mother called a 'funk' were not working. He was still not willing to talk to her about it, she could understand that he was pissed but his silence bothered her. While he had not pushed her away, he still felt distant. Last year's fireworks had been the warmup act for what had followed. She could never look at Mr. Scott's old Ford pickup without blushing just a little bit.
Tommy smiled with a wicked little smile, "Thinking dirty thoughts again I see." he said holding up a pair of women's cowboy boots in hot pink.
Playfully Valenlina put on her pouty face, "What would you wear with them?"
Taking his turn to think dirty thoughts and hoping to see her turn dark blue Tommy put on his most innocent face, "First this is a girl's color, and they would be for you, but what would I wear if you wanted me to try them on? Nothing?" Emphasizing the last word.
With a facade of indignation, "Why Mr. Sandoval, are you implying that the Governess's daughter would be involved in anything so uncouth as to make a respectable male present himself for inspection with only what the Goddess endowed him with?"
Tommy returned the boots to the display and stepped forward to steal a kiss."My Dear Miss Seskie, you know dammed well that you would take full advantage of that situation."
Returning the kiss, Valenlina smiled. "Yes, Mr. Sandoval I would." She bent down to whisper into his ear. "I think we both need to cool off or we will never make it to the fireworks show."
Tommy took her by the hand." Looks like I'll have to settle for mint chocolate chip ice cream."
Valenlina put on a hurt expression. "You are so cruel."
They left the window shopping and continued walking back to the courthouse square. The roads around the court were closed for three days for Frontier Days and the Festive of Colors. This opened the court square up for a giant art show and sales venue. This was the change for local artisans to show off their wares in the hopes of making one or selling to a noble patron and then getting follow-up commission work. The north side of the courthouse was dedicated to custom motorcycles and the east side was for classic custom cars. The west side, known as "Whiskey Row" is where the food vendors and their destination Jacksons Ice Cream was set up right in front of the Palace Restaurant and Saloon.
Turning the corner to walk up Whiskey Row Tommy could not help but feel he was being watched. Tommy had to keep Valenlina from heading off to go look at this or that. He had to remind her, that ice cream was first or he would have to give her a spanking. Valenlina would always retort with, "Promises, promises".
When they were getting their ice cream Valenlina nudged Tommy and told him to look across the street. Standing in front of a face painting booth was a short portly balding human male with a puggy round face. He wearing a well-made black suit, the only thing missing from the 1930s gangster getup was a fedora hat.
Taking their ice cream and heading off to a wood sculptor's booth Tommy kicked himself mentally for not seeing him earlier, he was the only person wearing a business suit. He should have stood out like a sore thumb, but he just seemed to blend in. The booth was impressive, boasting several pieces commissioned by various members of the nobility. Tommy ate his ice cream and kept an eye on the gangster while Valenlina inspected the various pieces and got sticker shock.
Tommy tried to get Valenlina's attention when the gangster entered the booth and proceeded to the cane rack. By the time Valenlina noticed, the gangster was already paying for the cane he had selected.
When the gangster finished his transaction, he turned to Tommy and Valenlina." Well if it isn't the young man of the hour, Thomas Sandoval. It's a pleasure to meet you. As well as you, Miss Seskie."
Flustered, Tommy stuttered out, "Who the fuck are you? Have you been watching me?"
The man smiled, but it felt unnerving, maybe a little malicious, too., "My name is Mr. Rojo and I watch everybody. It's my calling, but I will admit that you and your brother have piqued my interest. I go through life watching the world go by, I enjoy the shifting mosaic of peoples' lives, and how they interconnect. For example, the car that you and your brother build was a 69 or 70 I could not tell with what is out on the news media.”
Tommy waited to tell this to go pound sand, but he need to talk and tell Mr. Rojo what even he needed, Tommy forgot Valenlina was listening as he spoke.” It is a 69, why is that important?”
The gangster slowly dropped part of his smile as he replied, ”It is not important, it is merely a curiosity just like why not use the Confederate battle flag and why the name Valkirey?”
Eagerly Tommy responded, “The Betsy Ross over the Stars and Bars, because it is more appropriate at this time and the Shil’vati Imperium has no idea what it means, instead of erasing human history maybe the Shil’vati could try learning from it.” almost quoting Sean Connery about goose stopping morons and burning books. “ Now for Valkire over General Lee, that is easy, Valkire’s are sexy and cool. and General Lee would get us in trouble, just like the Stars and Bars.”
The gangster's smile was completely gone, and his expression and tone had changed to serious but neutral almost professorial, “But I have a simple question for you, and I'd greatly appreciate it if you would give me an honest answer, Thomas what is gravity?"
Thomas could not stop himself and replied without hesitation. "Gravity is a higher dimensional construct. When projected from a higher dimension it appears to be a force, but to use it as a dimensional construct the space-time gravity interpretation must be inverted to be the first-dimensional construct so that space-time gravity becomes gravitational space-time with an indeterminate number of dimensional constructs between gravity and space."
The gangster looked surprised, while Valenlina looked utterly confused. "Is that your brother Robert's words or yours?"
Thomas hesitated only slightly before he replied. "Mostly Robert's, I can't dream up the shit he does but once he explains it, I can see it. He uses me as a sounding board." Tommy suddenly realized what he was saying. "Who the fuck are you?"
The gangster took Tommy's hand to shake it. "Mr. Sandoval, I told you I am a watcher and now I get to watch you. Have a glorious life Mr. Sandoval" nodding to Valenlina, "and you too, Miss Seskie."
Tommy watched as the gangster walked out of the booth noting that nobody noticed his passing.
Valenlina had been too engrossed in Mr. Rojo and Tommy's conversation to say or do anything, but now that Mr. Rojo was no longer there she angrily turned to face Tommy."Thomas, you have some explaining to do!"
Tommy would not realize until much later, that the gangster had placed the cane in his has as he left.
/*******************************/
First:
Janissary: The Joy Ride Ch1 : Sexyspacebabes (reddit.com)
Previous:
Janissary: The Joy Ride Ch7 : Sexyspacebabes (reddit.com)
Next:
Chapter 8
Extra:
Janissary: The Son Of War : Sexyspacebabes (reddit.com)
Janissary: Vision from Zy'Verila : Sexyspacebabes (reddit.com)

This is my attempt to extract tips from this free stutter book (pdf version).
Intro:

• People who are not familiar with stammering have no idea what it is like to have a full-blown adult stammer. They think it is a small interruption of the speech flow, causing the speaker to feel vaguely inconvenienced and that sometimes it is done deliberately for effect. Little do they know (page 30)
• Lay opinions on the origin and treatment of stuttering abound. Many people believe that all stutterers are shy, or insecure or lacking in confidence and that this is the cause of stuttering (in fact these ‘causes’ are usually consequences of the disorder) (page 36)
• In spite of this ignorance it would seem that some people have benefited from lay methods. I (referring to the author of the book) have known a medical practitioner who overcame his stutter. He told me that he was cured by a teacher who believed in the sink-or-swim approach. This teacher forced him to speak out in class, to read aloud and to give speeches as often as possible, apparently on the assumption that this would make him less shy. He described this therapy as hell on earth, but it did cure his stutter. Similar cures, though few in number, do appear in the textbooks on stuttering. How can this be explained? It may be that the enforced public speaking improved the doctor’s confidence, thus lowering his tension levels below his threshold (see the chapter ‘A Possible Cause of Stuttering’ for details of this theory of stuttering). Consequently the stuttering reflex was not adequately activated and in time disappeared. This is not to say that forced speaking will benefit all stutterers. Forced public speaking may well be so traumatic as to increase tension and aggravate the stutter
• Due to the fact that stuttering is stress-related, natural recovery is usually difficult to achieve (page 40)
• A large part of stuttering consists of learned behaviour and conditioned responses. As a result treatment can become very complicated (page 42)
• Tension (which usually makes stuttering particularly bad) may serve as a distraction (page 48)
• A fluency technique can serve as a distraction, resulting in a temporary improvement in his speech – not necessarily due to the effectiveness of the technique, but because it distracts his attention from feared sounds. This feature complicates the extent to which the effectiveness of techniques can be proved. In other words, the lengths to which people will go to rid themselves of stuttering defy credibility (page 49)
• There is a lot of research on stuttering. The big question that nevertheless remained unanswered was: What exactly is the stutterer struggling against? (page 54)
• One eventually becomes very conscious of the air pressure in the mouth. High air pressure in the mouth indicates that airflow is inadequate (page 172)
• According to Schwartz there are two reflexes: hereditary (where tension results in contraction of the vocal cords) and learned (where contraction of the vocal cords results in struggle behaviour). (page 55). Tension is mostly learned, and the freeze response may be hereditary. (page 85) In my opinion: I disagree, I argue that the 'freeze response' of the laryngeal, respiratory and articulatory muscles are also learned behaviors and not hereditary. My hypothesis is that unhelpful beliefs/attitudes may have resulted in physical tension (or physical pain) which in my own experience is headache tension; inhibiting execution of motor movements (aka a speech block or silent block) is simply done to alleviate this physical tension in this hypothesis. The main question is then: How did this physical SUDDEN pain begin/manifest? What do you think? Answer: perhaps the sudden pain manifested from:
  • unhelpful reacting/thinking to pressure or anticipation
  • giving up on applying fluency laws (e.g., by blaming other factors or having no confidence to instruct to execute motor movements) and therefore feeling hopeless what to do as intervention
  • adopting an unhelpful attitude of relying on thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences when trying to unblock
  • linking self-esteem to speech performance
  • conclusion: I argue that above four reasons are merely excuses. I believe, if we reinforce these unhelpful beliefs/attitudes (such as blaming the freeze response on other factors), then it may eventually lead to the subconscious mind being riddled with conditioned stuttering responses. However, I hypothesize that this physical pain is mainly manifested from the unhelpful learned behavior: measuring air pressure during a speech block. In other words, I hypothesize that my stutter disorder was developed by replacing a helpful attitude ('deciding' or 'instructing' to execute motor movements) with an unhelpful attitude (measuring glottal air pressure to decide whether to initiate speech movements or not)
• Therapies focus more on the ‘stutter more fluently’ (or easier stuttering) approach in contrast with the ‘speak more fluently’ approach (page 56). In my opinion: it may be more effective to focus on (1) stress management, and (2) maintaining the forward flow of speech. Likely, if we avoid #2 (focusing on maintaining the forward flow of speech) when doing stress management, it may make us more sensitive to fluency (even though we become more tolerant against stuttering). In my opinon, completely replacing #2 with #1 is what led us to develop a stutter disorder to begin with
• Stuttering is a complex combination of psychological and physiological problems. It becomes very difficult to prove any particular theory of stuttering. (page 57) If I stuttered, I saw myself as a stutterer; if I saw myself as a stutterer, I stuttered. One problem perpetuated the other (page 69)
• Stress is known to affect people both psychologically and physically. It can cause muscular spasms in the back, shoulders or neck, often resulting in muscular pain. Some people develop ulcers, spastic colons or tension headaches. In my opinion: When I got past my 'stuttering anticipation', I entered my next stutter phase where I was able to feel headache tension. As explained here, I currently experience that I 'freeze' speech muscles (aka blocking) in order to reduce this pain; so an unhelpful (habitual) belief/attitude leads me to block (or to inhibit execution of motor movements)
• Types of stress affecting speech: (page 70)
  • situational stress
  • word or sound stress
  • authority figure stress
  • uncertainty stress
  • physical stress
  • speed stress
  • external stress
  • communicative stress
  • linguistic stress
  • speech stress
  • emotional stress
• Habits begin as spiderwebs, and become cables, such as conditioned speech fears, conditioned struggle behaviors, learned stress patterns, and self-image (page 108)
• Two causes of relapse: 1) the subconscious reaction of the self-image, and 2) failure to practise regularly and maintain the newly acquired fluency (page 164)
• A PWS has a subconscious image of himself as a stutterer. So, if the stuttering stops for long enough, it is as if the subconscious becomes ‘worried’; it receives a message that the status quo is changing. The subconscious then tries to restore the status quo by increasing base-level tension. This higher base-level tension has a twofold effect: renewed stuttering, plus a disruption of the newly acquired fluent behaviour. As a result the PWS resumes his stuttering and the subconscious is ‘reassured’. This subconscious reaction is often responsible for the many relapses demoralising us. So, change the subconscious in a more gradual manner, minimising psychologically-based relapses. Techniques are for example: visualisation, stress management, improving self-image, and minimising any subconscious reactions (page 165)
• Don’t be discouraged (in order to reduce stress)
• Tension is often the result of the body’s response to a real or perceived threat. Change can also be perceived as a threat. Change involves unfamiliarity and uncertainty, the underlying question being: ‘Will I be able to cope with the new situation?”
• Stress is relative
• Tension isn’t necessarily inherently harmful. Some amount of tension is normal. It provides the energy we need to tackle new challenges. Without it, life would be dreary and aimless. The goal should therefore be to control and not eliminate tension. So, identify the cause of stress (page 188)
• Most stress has been learned, and can therefore be unlearned. If you always get tense when in a shop (even when not speaking), you can try to weaken this conditioned response
• Self-image is the product of your perceptions of the way others react to you. For example, parents expressing their concern or disapproval directly, or indicating it with their body language. This may lead to intense shyness and feelings of inferiority and guilt, and may lower self-confidence, which is part of the self-image (208)
• A poor self-image can have a negative effect on one’s behaviour and achievements and set in motion a vicious circle. Psychologists report that the self-image affects virtually every aspect of life, and that many psychological and physiological problems have their origin in a poor self-image (209)
• One would expect that, should our fluency improve, the self-image would automatically follow and get better. However, that’s not at all a foregone conclusion (page 210)
• PWS may find it difficult to really come to terms with his new fluency achieved. If we speak fluently, we likely think: "But this isn’t me!". Resulting in not applying stress management, and then begin to stutter. Conclusion: it may be more effective to change your self-image, and rethink the old, negative stutterer’s self-image – and rather start working toward a positive self-image of yourself as a slow, but fluent, speaker (page 211)
• You are what you think (212)
• By seeing yourself as a ‘stutterer’, you may be perpetuating the stutter itself (215)
• Being positive reduces tension
• Critics leaning toward the ‘conditioning and learned behaviour’ explanation of stuttering have in fact pointed out that artificial stuttering could reinforce the stuttering (261)
• Reacting to stuttering in an emotional way increases tension
• Reasons why PWS may choose to stop practicing, after a relapse:
  • practicing takes too much time or effort
  • expected a miracle
  • stuttering was easier than the hard work required
  • did not find stuttering such a handicap
  • the psychological transition from stutterer to a more fluent speaker may have been too much (breaking away from the ‘stutterer’s mentality’ is a long-term process requiring a sense of purpose and willpower)
  • fear of freedom or fear of the unknown, such as "‘I’d rather stay here, in a world that I know. Yes, I stutter, but I can cope to some extent."

Tips:

• reduce and control stuttering and stress and reduce detrimental psychological and social consequences
• work on your sensitivity to stress, the strength of the vocal cord closures, and personal determination
• replace speech fears with ‘speaking confidence’ (the previously feared situations or words no longer cause tension) (page 99)
• stress-desensitise yourself in problematic speaking situations
• work on acceptance of and psychological adjustment to the defect. Don't wait on a miracle cure (page 100)
• set limited, well defined goals (it may be more realistic to aim at success in a particular problem area) (page 102)
• create a good self-image (If you want to become more fluent, first ask yourself a very basic question: Do you REALLY want to stop stuttering?) (page 110)
• openness about stuttering
• emotional self-control
• time, energy, motivation and perseverance (note, it’s not difficult to learn a new speech technique, even though it requires a lot of effort. The real challenge is to apply the technique in real-life speaking situations, when it is easy for your conditioned reflexes and fears to simply take over) (148)
• distract your attention away from the feared word (page 116)
• don't stare like a robot
• use a mirror to monitor your posture
• move your hands, head and eyes freely and naturally
• take note of how others use body language when they speak, and imitate it (page 117)
• low energy speech is soft, with minimal movement of speech motor movements
• knowing what to do and having the technique immediately available are two different things. Having the technique available means you have practised it sufficiently (page 121)
• reduce scanning
• reduce avoidances
• the mouth should be in a relaxed and neutral position
• apply variations to counter monotony (page 128)
• work on your word fear e.g., by reading pages with many B sounds (page 129)
• toughening exercise: goal is to resist speaking pressure. A friend peppers you with questions aimed at exerting as much pressure as possible. The answer should be a complete sentence. Your friend should occasionally interrupt you, so that you then stop immediately and pause briefly before answering
• role-playing exercise: you pretend to be in a restaurant, to place your order. Other role-playing could be ordering food from a busy hostess; explaining a problem to an impatient shop assistant; an interview with your boss; a conversation with a stranger who has lost his way; an argument with an aggressive traffic officer, policeman or neighbour; a conversation with a foreign customs official who hardly speaks English; a conversation at a noisy party – you want to introduce your wife or girlfriend to the others; testifying in court; apologising to your dentist for being late for your appointment, read an excerpt from a short play
• visualisation exercise: instead of ‘seeing’ yourself stutter, see yourself speaking slowly and in a relaxed manner. This prepares your subconscious. It should be as realistic as possible and as true to your life. Imagine feeling relaxed, confident in yourself and your speech, being in control, and satisfied (page 235)
• resist relapse (page 164)
• develop a fluency-enhancing lifestyle (page 169)
• your technique should not become an obsession – it should be part of a holistic approach
• guard against exaggerated speech control (because you may lose all spontaneity and merely increase your base-level tension)
• establish comfortable eye contact
• enter a contract (e.g., with your friend or yourself) to reinforce your strategy. This falls under an operant conditioning strategy (258)
• practice classical conditioning by applying association to learn helpful behaviors. Research found that both types of conditioning play an important role of stuttering behaviour. For example, if you practice where you usually have difficulty speaking, then in this way you may begin to associate your strategy with the 'classroom' or 'office' (258)
• don’t fight your way out of a block
• don’t go back to words that have already been said
• consider yourself a former stutterer to prevent relapse (page 180)
• change the stutterer within you (page 182)
• develop a positive and flexible attitude
• sometimes it is better to take a tolerant or fatalistic view of a situation, or to accept the problem, perhaps in terms of religious beliefs. Research has shown that deeply religious people are less susceptible to stress (189)
• when under stress, always ask yourself: Is this really important enough to worry about?
• try to establish what it is that you do wrong. Compare your stuttering behaviour with the normal pronunciation of sounds. You will notice that during stuttering you do far more than is required to pronounce that specific sound. Try to reduce those excessive activities (206)
• accept that you have the right to make mistakes and fail. Making mistakes is part of the learning process. Be gentle with yourself; be your own best friend. You also have the right to stutter, and the right to not stutter or apply stress management, you have the right to choose (229)
• grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to distinguish between the two.--- Traditional prayer (241)
• don't hate your stuttering, if you stutter. Instead identify the particular type of stress involved: word/sound stress, situation stress, etc
• acceptance doesn't mean resignation (241)
• don't overreact (243)
• unlearn secondary characteristics. Start by changing, delaying or weakening this secondary behaviour, rather than attempting to eliminate it all at once. You can also unlearn a learned stress response in a shop for example (259)
• work on your fears of the way others will react to your speech, fear of stuttering and fear of silences occurring in speech (Sheehan's approach) (261)
• you can try clinical hypnotherapy, where you are awake and in control to use this state of relaxation to access the subconscious and ‘reprogramme’ issues such as, shyness, stress, lack of confidence. Anti-stuttering hypnosis can assist PWS address the underlying stressors that contribute to stuttering (262)
• be your own speech therapist (290)

TL;DR summary:
In summary, this post discusses various insights and tips from a free stuttering book. It highlights the misconceptions about stuttering and explores the causes and treatment options. The book emphasizes the importance of stress management, maintaining a positive self-image, and setting achievable goals. It suggests techniques like stress desensitization, role-playing exercises, visualization, and classical conditioning to improve stuttering. Additionally, it also addresses relapses and the need for perseverance and commitment to the chosen strategies.
I hope you found these tips helpful! If you also want to write tips from stutter books, here are many free PDF ebooks about stuttering that you can read.